Latest news with #femalefriendship
News.com.au
24-05-2025
- General
- News.com.au
The ultimate way to deal with a toxic friendship
COMMENT As a high-performance coach and organisational psychologist, I've seen all kinds of workplace dynamics. But one of the most unsettling is successful women tearing down other women. It's corrosive, often subtle, and incredibly damaging. Ask women who've been on the receiving end of female bullying how it felt, and the response is often the same – 'sucker punched', 'blindsided' and 'sideswiped'. They never saw it coming. Toxic friendships, particularly between women, are more common than we realise. And here's the kicker – when female friendships go south, they often come with emotional complexities that make them harder to escape. That's because we're wired for connection. We expect kindness and camaraderie from other women. So, when betrayal creeps in, it feels worse than when it comes from, say, an acquaintance or even a romantic partner. The emotional toll runs deep because we don't expect it from another woman – we're sisters after all. So why is it that sisterhood can sour so quickly? Anthropologists and psychologists have long studied female relational aggression, and some research suggests that competition among women can be traced back to evolutionary instincts, territorial disputes, social hierarchy struggles, and even subtle forms of sabotage. Regardless of whether the toxicity stems from deep evolutionary instincts or just personal baggage, staying in a harmful friendship isn't recommended – it's harmful. If you've reached the point where the relationship is taking more than it's giving, it's time to step back. Here's how: • Acknowledge the reality – If a friendship consistently leaves you feeling stressed or drained, that's a sign it's no longer serving you. If it's a workplace situation don't explain what's happening away. Face what's going on. Identify the type of toxicity it is – are they being disrespectful or something more sinister like frequent and repetitive bullying? • Choose your approach – Some friendships require a direct break-up conversation. Others benefit from gradual distancing. If it's a workplace relationship gone wrong, approach it strategically – consult with a mentor, or if necessary, HR if safe to do so. • Set clear boundaries – If you decide to talk it out, be firm and honest: 'I don't feel our friendship is healthy for me anymore, and I need to step away.' At work it might not be so cut and dry, especially if it's a peer or your boss. I would advise getting support to come up with a strategy that maintains your sanity and doesn't end your career. Often when a woman outs another woman it is a career limiting move to call it out. Figure out how much support you will receive from your workplace and whether it is worth the risk. Maintain professionalism at all times. • Bury your guilt – Prioritising your peace isn't selfish. If leaving a toxic friendship means walking away from a job, a social circle, or an environment that no longer serves you, so be it. At work, it's the same deal but it needs to be managed differently. If you have to leave the organisation because you can't see a constructive way to remove yourself from the toxic colleague's firing line, get out before you lose your confidence and strength to pursue better professional opportunities. Ending a toxic friendship isn't an act of cruelty, it's an act of self-preservation. And when you finally step away, you create space for friendships that feel lighter, genuine, and mutually uplifting. So, here's your reminder. You get to decide the terms of your relationships. You hold the power. You write the script.
BBC News
19-05-2025
- General
- BBC News
'I felt isolated so I created a community for 38,000 Indian women'
It was early 2022, another dark day in London. Lovina Shenoy was new to the city, navigating her way through an unfamiliar and sometimes overwhelming environment."Back in India, you have your family, you have your school friends, you have your college friends, you have your entire support system, and you're in your comfort zone," the 39-year-old tells the BBC. "But when you come to a new country, you're suddenly just left off. You're just all by yourself."She had spent a decade in Dubai, surrounded by a largely expat-Indian community, and before that, lived in her birth city of Mumbai. Moving to London for her husband's new job was an exciting opportunity, but despite being in a city of more than 8.9 million people, it still felt was craving female friendships. She was happy to have the company of her husband and two children, but there was something missing. 'I've got my tribe' "Within a week of moving to London, I realised that the sun starts setting at around 14:00," Lovina jokes. "I thought, I'm going to end up being really lonely and depressed. I have no friends."So she posted an open message on her Facebook account: "Hey, I'm Lovina, I'm from Mumbai. I was in Dubai for a decade before I moved here. Is anyone free for a cup of coffee?"To her surprise, dozens of women replied saying they would love to meet quickly suggested a location in Wembley and was surprised to find more than 30 women turning up."I was shocked. I'm in a new country and 30 women I didn't know made the effort to join me for a cup of coffee," she says. "I thought, wow, I've got my tribe." Lovina is part of the largest immigrant group to the UK. According to the 2021-22 UK Census, an estimated 32% of all foreign-born residents in the UK came from five countries: Poland, Pakistan, Romania, Ireland and India. Indians made up the highest number of immigrants to the UK with 965,000 people, representing 9% of foreign-born that initial coffee get-together, Lovina started the Indian Women in London & UK (IWLUK) group on Facebook in March 2022. Shortly after, she started a number of WhatsApp groups according to specific-locations. In just over three years, there are more than 38,000 members on Facebook and 15,000 women across and the group's other three admins, Prableen Rupra, Disha Rawat and Nishi Gill, say that they recognised several challenges faced by migrant women in a new country so worked to tackle it. They say they established IWLUK to bridge the gap between expats and UK-born Indian women, with the aim of fostering connections through various social and business networking events. 'Confidence to branch out' The community organises several meetups a month, including walking clubs, brunch, Bollywood-themed parties, mothers meetups and career networking events. They say that the initiatives have not only deepened their friendships but also facilitated professional development, allowing entrepreneurs to connect. A member of the group, Anu Chandrasekar, says the community gave her the confidence to start her private career coaching business in 2025, after more than 20 years working in the corporate environment."The women definitely gave me the confidence to branch out," she says. Beyond professional and social development, the community has also offered meaningful support for women facing serious personal challenges. In one instance, a woman posted anonymously in the Facebook group, revealing that her husband had thrown her out of their home. Nishi saw the message and quickly made contact with the woman. She arranged support from Indian domestic violence specialists, and organised a safe place for the woman to stay."The group was her first port of call," says Nishi. "As an immigrant woman she didn't have the knowledge to approach national charities. But she knew about our group." Another woman directly benefitting from the knowledge of the community group is Priya Mahajan, from the IWLUK's Mum's Club, who moved to the UK in 2022 with her six-month-old daughter. She found herself unexpectedly overwhelmed when in a UK supermarket."I saw so many different types of milk. There was a green one. There was a blue one," Priya says."Where I'm from in India we have cow's milk and buffalo milk. There is no differentiation of skimmed, semi-skimmed, high fat, low fat. I was so confused." So she asked the group and they offered could have typed her questions into a search engine but she says she felt more comfortable asking other Indian women in a group."The group has filled in the roles of people in my life," says Priya. "I found a mother in somebody, a grandmother in somebody, a friend in someone." There has been some criticism though, including why the group does not include men. Lovina took this on board and started a secondary Facebook group called the Indian Professionals in London and UK, which is gender-inclusive. That group has more than 53,000 members."I created a group specifically for Indian women, not all women, because I have the specific knowledge about the cultural festivals in the Indian community, like Diwali," says Lovina."I am relatable for Indian women. I would know how to run a community for women of similar cultural background to me." Lovina's group could be part of a solution to tackle the serious impact loneliness has on physical and mental health, an issue that seems to be affecting people around the world after the Covid-19 pandemic halted economic and social activity. It has been reported that one in five people around the world may experience social World Health Organization has set up a special commission on social connection to gather findings for 2026, and the US Surgeon General has publicly called for loneliness to be treated as a public health members of IWLUK say that their community is an example of grassroots support, helping women reconnect when many feel distant from familiar environments."We are like the home away from home for the Indian women in the UK," says Lovina. "I think that's the biggest support system for us."
