10-08-2025
‘Singapore is first-world in everything but not first-world in behaviour' — SG journalist opines why S'poreans have 'lost' their warmth and kindness
SINGAPORE: When you think of Singapore, the image that often springs to mind is a glossy postcard of a world-class airport, futuristic skyline, Michelin-starred hawker stalls, and a passport so powerful it's practically a VIP pass to the planet. But dig beneath the sheen, and you might find a less flattering truth — a place that's first-world in infrastructure but sometimes… not quite in attitude.
This is not the rant of a grumpy expat or an anonymous keyboard warrior. It's actually the lived experience of The Edge journalist Douglas Toh, who has spent all of his 27 years on this island, mostly in the East. The man knows his Bedok from his Boon Keng: 'I had a blessed childhood and adolescence, thanks to my parents' efforts and the camaraderie of friends,' he wrote. 'But beyond the nostalgia overload and the business of growing up, I do think something has been lost,' he added.
That 'something' is harder to measure than GDP or PISA scores. It's the warmth in strangers' smiles, the instinct to give up your seat for others who need it more, the willingness to chat with the kopi auntie instead of scrolling through your phone. Somewhere between the KPIs and the kiasu-ism, Toh argues that though Singapore has polished its systems to perfection, it has risked buffing the empathy right out of daily life. A country that runs like clockwork… until kindness is required
From the time students are marched through morning assemblies in stiff uniforms, they are told that Singapore's smallness is a vulnerability to be compensated by being faster, smarter, and more efficient than everyone else. And it's worked: 'Singapore is the Lego set that never seems to run out of new pieces,' Toh says.
But perfection has its price. In a system that prizes performance, art becomes an 'enrichment class', risk is treated as liability, and kindness sometimes gets relegated to the 'optional' column. 'To fall behind is to be left behind,' he observes.
Take one recent example that left him — and many — shaking their heads: An Instagram post of a heavily pregnant woman standing in a packed MRT carriage, ignored by commuters with their eyes glued to their mobile phone screens or feigning sleep. Instead of outrage at the lack of courtesy, the comments section lit up with vitriol aimed at the woman herself.
'If she wants a seat so badly, take a car next time, la,' one wrote. 'It was your choice to get pregnant, not ours. We also need the rest,' wrote another.
Yes — word for word. And they weren't buried in shame at the bottom of the feed. They came with likes, the social media equivalent of nods of approval. Empathy, now available by appointment only
Toh stops short of accusing Singaporeans of outright heartlessness. Instead, he frames it as an exhaustion problem: 'Everyone is busy. Everyone is tired. We've grown wary of eye contact, allergic to small talk. Social interaction feels either transactional or passive-aggressive. Our empathy is scheduled.'
This resulted in a society where 'don't trouble others, don't get into trouble' has calcified into emotional reticence. It's a nation where the safest social move is to look down, keep walking, and hope the problem disappears into the crowd.
And yet, as Toh points out, Singapore's identity has never been fixed. It's always been a patchwork of accents, cuisines, and contradictions. Change is inevitable; favourite spots will vanish; old rituals will fade. But what's troubling is when the erosion happens not in buildings or traditions, but in the very way people treat one another. Looking inward for a reset
Singapore can boast all it wants about its gleaming towers or strong Singapore dollar. But, Toh asks, 'Is anyone truly more content, or dare I say, happier?'
If the answer is no — or even a hesitant maybe — then perhaps the next national project isn't another MRT line or billion-dollar park. It's a collective look inward. Not in search of another 'productivity hack', but for something gentler, slower, and more human.
Because, as Toh reminds us, 'A country is only as good as its people.' And no matter how polished the roads or how perfect the train schedules, a society that forgets kindness is like a phone at 1% battery — it might still work for now, but you're on borrowed time.
The original version of 'Singapore: First-world in everything but behaviour' by Douglas Toh was first published in The Edge SIngapore.
