4 days ago
Women Are Sharing The Things In Dating They Simply Won't Put Up With Anymore, And Honestly, Good For Them
Dating can be complicated and messy, but with each experience, ideally, you learn what you want and don't want in a future relationship. In r/AskWomen, a Redditor asked, "What's something you used to put up with in dating that you would never tolerate now?" The lessons were fresh and insightful. Here's what people had to say:
1."The silent treatment."
—hhhaaaiii17
"No more begging to talk things through. Silence is also a message."
—ScoreBusy4259
2."Low emotional intelligence."
—plaid-blazer
3."The persecution complex. Every time I tried to talk through a conflict, he would implode with, 'So you think I'm a bad guy?' I will never tolerate that again. Either meet my concerns with equal concern as a partner or spill your insecurities to a therapist. I'm done comforting men who regularly hurt my feelings with their callousness."
—oldmanpuzzles
4."Lack of effort."
—gagirlpnw
5."Letting 'small' red flags of a person's character slide. When a guy makes snarky, sarcastic comments, or is passive-aggressive (whether to me or a server, etc.) I used to try to give them the benefit of the doubt, laugh it off, or ignore it. Only to find out later that the guy was holding back on those first few dates and is really an insecure, sarcastic asshole. Now, I have zero tolerance for that, and a red flag is a red flag no matter how small."
—glitterglamandguts
6."Having to beg and fight for his attention and time."
"In high school, I dated a lot of guys who would go days or weeks without texting or calling me, even on my birthday, or who I'd only see once a month. Then, I met my now-husband in college, and he was actively excited to spend time with me and talk to me. Sure, we have our own individual hobbies and spend time by ourselves, but we also genuinely enjoy being with each other."
—Belle0516
7."Poor financial or business decisions."
—themostresponsible
8."Never being willing to bend, and always doing things on his terms."
—Immediate-Pool-4391
9."Going through the list of lessons learned from every ex..."
"1. Cheating. Silent treatment.
2. Untreated mental illness. Shitty potential in-laws. Instability, both financially and emotionally. Bad housekeeping. Vaping. Poor boundary maintenance. Lack of friends outside of the relationship. He was a sweet guy and is a decent human being, but he had some serious issues that I was not equipped to handle. Never again.
3. Being an option, not a priority. Unbalanced effort and financial contributions. Weed. Bad oral hygiene. Schrodinger's jokes, especially at my expense.
4. Lack of responsibility for himself and his actions. Conspiracy theories. Questionable hygiene in general. Lack of ambition and direction.
5. Lack of commitment."
—EcuaGirl21
10."Binge drinking/constant drinking."
—copperandcrimson
11."Being criticized and judged for no good reason and having a competitive partner."
—liquidnight247
12."Someone who is really insecure. My last two exes were like this. One of them constantly asked if I liked him while the other flirted with every girl he could."
—babyangel21
13."Not being able to plan or make decisions. I used to date people like that. I was always the one deciding what to do, where we would go to eat. It's exhausting, and the 'I don't know, I don't care, you decide,' now gives me goosebumps. It should be shared."
—applecakeandunicorns
14."Pestering me for sex after I said no."
—Office_Warm
15."Situationships. If you don't like me enough to date me properly, then you don't like me enough."
—Playful-Refuse-3824
16."Anyone who raises their voice and acts aggressively towards me, regardless of the situation."
—Vivid_Economics_1462
17."Jealousy and insecurity, and a man not cleaning up after himself and living in a dirty place."
Manuel Milan / Getty Images, Vovashevchuk / Getty Images
—RedRose_812
18."Lack of self-awareness."
—eloav
19."Badly managed mental illness. I have my own problems, I don't need a partner who treats me like their mommy and therapist in one."
—PMmeBirdPics
20."Not being able to meet me halfway."
"Like, I am chill with emotional baggage. You're insecure? Have trust issues? Struggle to assert yourself? Aren't good at expressing your emotions? That's fine. I am more than willing to do things differently to help you and make you feel comfortable, because I care about you. But I'm not going to sit here and reassure you or support you over and over and over again while you continue to keep doing those behaviors. I expect you to meet me halfway and to actually work on those issues. I'm not going to sit here and be villainized just because you'd rather react instead of act."
—Sea_Client9991
21."I used to be so anxious when I was dating a new person. I used to stress over every single word I used in texts, and wonder if they thought I was annoying or that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't used to guys telling me they were interested, and I would feel like it was one-sided. My partner now made it clear from the get-go that he was interested in me, that he liked me, and that he wanted to get to know me and wanted to date me. There was never any confusion or worry. I never felt like I wasn't being too much or annoying."
—efairchild97
lastly, "Being treated like I was lucky to have them. Now, I know I'm the prize."
Any dating lessons or deal breakers to share? Let us know in the comments!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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