3 days ago
- General
- Independent Singapore
‘I'm jealous my boyfriend still loves his fiancée even after she died 2 years ago' — Woman says she feels hurt her BF is not ‘over it'
SINGAPORE: 'I am feeling jealous of someone who is gone, and I hate that I feel that way,' a woman on Reddit admitted. 'It makes me feel selfish, but I also do not want to feel like I am sharing my partner, even with someone who is not here anymore,' she added.
Here's a love triangle, party of three — just that one of them is a ghost from the past. 'My boyfriend's fiancée died two years ago,' she wrote in the subreddit. 'She was hit by a car the same day he proposed [to her].'
The two have only been dating for two months, and while he told her he was 'over it' and ready to move on, a confession from him while he was drunk has been haunting her. 'He said, 'I wish I could have you both if I were dead or after death.'' Not exactly your standard 'I love you,' your partner would like to hear.
AIO My boyfriend said somethinf last night while drunk and I'm struggling with it.
byu/justasmallrini inAmIOverreacting
Her post has gone viral after sharing her complicated feelings about dating a man whose late fiancée died two years ago, on the same day he proposed to her, and as you might expect, the emotional baggage didn't come with a zipper. When grief and romance collide…
Grief is messy, and dating someone who's still grieving? That's a full-contact emotional sport.
The girlfriend says she didn't respond at the moment, but the comment has been living rent-free in her head ever since.
It's a vulnerable confession, but not an uncommon one. Grief doesn't disappear after the funeral; it evolves, and when it's a romantic partner who died — someone you planned a future with — that grief doesn't just sit quietly in the background.
'Sometimes I cannot shake the thought that if he could pick, it would be her and not me. That really hurts,' she said.
And really, can anyone blame her for feeling this way? Redditors react: Between ghosts and growth
Redditors, as they tend to do, lit up the comments section with surprising compassion, nuance, and the occasional reality check.
One user shared a haunting but enlightening perspective from a friend who married a widow:
'Even after almost 15 years of marriage to him, she still grieves and misses her husband… He told me that for their marriage to work, he simply had to accept that she had two husbands.'
Yes, you read that right. Two husbands. One alive, one remembered, and a partner who had to make peace with the past instead of competing with it.
Another commenter — who lost her own fiancé 15 years ago — echoed this theme:
'Jamie is able to understand that I can still love and miss Shanon without it diminishing my love for him even a little bit.'
For many, grief doesn't have a finish line, and love doesn't always come with an expiration date — not even in death. But is it fair to the new partner?
That's the million-dollar (or at least S$1.3 million) question. Is it fair to be with someone who still holds a candle for their late partner?
Some Redditors sympathised with the girlfriend's emotional conflict.
'Your feelings are also valid. It's not easy on you, either. Just try to keep in mind it's not a competition. It is possible for him to love her and you.'
Still, not everyone was on Team 'Stay and Be Sad.'
'Step away from him. Not just a break, but walk away… He may never get past this… Do you want to have questions in your mind for years and years?'
That escalated fast, but the point stands — not everyone is equipped to handle being the 'second love,' especially when the first never had the chance to end.
Others were more critical of the girlfriend's response, pointing out that the relationship is still very new.
'You're overstepping… This is a red flag on your end, not his… If he is not bringing this up regularly, and it was something he said when he was drunk, I'm sure he could have used some support.'
Basically, maybe don't make someone feel guilty for still loving the person they lost. Especially when that love didn't get closure — just a cruel twist of fate. To grieve or not to grieve — Is that even the question?
Another Redditor offered this gentle reminder: 'He never 'broke up' with her. Even though she's gone, it still feels like he's in a relationship with her.'
That sentiment may sound strange, but it's real for many who've lost a romantic partner.
It's not that they don't want to move forward. It's that part of their emotional heartstrings are still tangled up in what was — or what could've been.
So yes, it's possible to love two people. Yes, it's possible to feel jealous of someone no longer alive, and yes, the drunk brain may have spoken out of impulse, but that doesn't mean there isn't truth buried in it. Growth through honesty
After sitting with her thoughts (and thousands of internet comments), the girlfriend returned with an update — and it was refreshingly honest.
'I realised this is still really new and I have no idea what I'm doing, but I really like this guy enough to try and make it work, no matter what that entails.'
She admitted that she tends to spiral and overthink, and that the Reddit community helped her get out of her own head.
'I like how he makes me feel. Like I'm special, and I want to give that back to him.'
It's a beautiful pivot from jealousy to empathy — a reminder that relationships aren't just about getting picked. Sometimes they're about choosing to stay. What can we learn from them?
This story isn't just about a woman struggling with her boyfriend's grief. It's about how messy — and strangely beautiful — love can be after loss.
Whether you're dating someone grieving a late partner or you're the one grieving, here are three lessons worth carrying: Grief is not a rival. It's not something you defeat, replace, or compete with. It's something you walk alongside, gently. Jealousy is normal, but so is growth. You can feel insecure and still grow through it. The key is communication, not competition. Love can coexist. The heart isn't a zero-sum game. Just because someone loved deeply before doesn't mean they can't love again, differently, but still fully.
If love can survive death, maybe it can survive a little emotional turbulence, too.
After all, the girlfriend isn't jealous because she doesn't love her boyfriend — she's jealous because she wants to be the one he gives his whole heart to in return.
However, the bravest kind of love is learning to accept that he already did — and still has enough left to give her, as well.
In other news, one Singaporean woman, in a delightful twist of online matchmaking gone rogue, made a whimsical wishlist for the perfect husband.
Her heartfelt (and highly specific) plea began with a wistful sigh: 'Wouldn't it be nice if we could create our ideal husbands?'
You can read her full build-a-bae blueprint and the hilarious responses from Redditors over here: SG woman who describes her ideal hubby as having 'facial hair, fiercely loyal, responsive at first call, and cute' gets advice to 'visit SPCA as they have one available'
