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Daily Mail
01-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
I've started throwing a cup of cold water over my husband every time he keeps to his lazy bathroom habits - I've been called 'bitter' but I'm tired of his excuses
A woman who began launching a cup of cold water over her husband as payback for his not switching the shower head has been criticised as 'bitter'. For 20 years, the unidentified woman has been asking her husband to switch the shower valve - the rod that sprays water from the shower head when up, and fills the bath from the tap when down. Most mornings, she steps in expecting the water to come from the tap and heat up there but, as she told the popular Reddit forum Am I The A**hole, she is instead met with a spray of freezing cold water. In an expletive-filled post, the woman wrote: 'For nearly twenty. f***ing. years. I have been asking him to push that down. Since I was literally a teenager, I have been asking him to push that f***ing thing down. 'At least twice a month I have a VERY unpleasant wakeup/cold shower, because I turn the water on, and I get a cold spray from the shower. And every f***ing time he's apologetic, and then a week or two later, it happens again. 'He will do better for a while, and then it slips in again. He is always telling me that he's working on it, and hasn't he been better about it lately. But somehow he's always working on it, always improving, but it never f***ing stops. 'Today I had just f***ing had it. I stepped into the shower, turned it on and had a very cold and rude awakening. 'I couldn't f***ing take it anymore. I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches with cold water, and walked out to where he was standing naked. He had just taken off his pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine. 'Without warning, while he was looking down, I held that plastic cup firmly in my hand and I jerked that mother***er in a 45 degree angle to get that cold water all over his torso and face.' The woman told her husband she was tired of listening to him 'congratulate himself for "getting better".' She continued: 'I told him that from now on, every time I'm taking a cold shower, so is he. 'That I refuse to be a second class citizen in my own home any longer, and if he refuses to make changes to treat me better, I will instead make changes to treat him worse, because I will not tolerate this any more. 'I'm going to continue to surprise-throw a cold cup of water on him every time I get a surprise cold shower. 'I'm tired of f***ing begging for basic f***ing respect and not getting it, with the implication that I have to f***ing put up with this forever. 'So, I know I'm probably an a**hole... but am I a justified a**hole?' Obviously at the end of her tether, the woman's post sparked furious debate and racked up over 10,000 comments. Many were arguing that she was justified in refusing to tolerate insensitive behaviour any longer, while others felt she could easily fix the issue herself. One person wrote: 'For nearly 20 years you could have learned to take two seconds to look at it yourself. This is a you problem, not him.' An apparent majority of commenters shared this view, questioning why the woman steps into the shower immediately. One comment read: 'I'm honestly scratching my head at getting into the shower before the water goes on. 'Even if it's coming out of the tub faucet hot, the initial shower water will be cold. Plus, who wants to stand there naked and cold waiting for the water to heat?' But others were sympathetic, arguing that her behaviour is not pure hysteria, but the culmination of decades of harboured frustration. A commenter said: 'Can we consider the possibility that, when someone has reached the level of throwing a cup of cold water in their spouse's face, that it's not about the one minor annoyance? 'The post is pretty clear here. This is not "my husband is a caring and supportive member of the household 99 per cent of the time, but has this one blind spot". 'This is "I have spent 20 years turning myself inside out to get this person to make baby steps in pulling his weight, and nothing ever gets better." 'She feels trapped and powerless, so she's behaving like a petty a**hole. She should have left long before she got to this point.' Even responders who empathise with the woman's situation are aghast at her unusual bathroom habit of standing in the tub while the water heats up. 'You get in the shower or the tub and then turn the water on?' asked one incredulous commenter. 'You don't run the water for a few seconds to let it warm up? This makes zero sense to me. 'In my over 40 years on this planet, I have never gotten into a shower or the tub and then turned the water on because I know 100 per cent of the time, the water will be ice cold. 'So, either I am standing in ice cold water in the tub because the diverter is down, or I am jumping out of the way because the diverter is up. 'All of this, literally ALL OF THIS could have been avoided if you simply turned the water on before you got in. I can't be the only person who finds this bizarre.'
Yahoo
22-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I can't stand my sister's husband. What can I do about him?
I love my sister. But I can't stand her husband. He is an idiot who thinks he is better than other people and talks down to them. I am a man in my 50s and I used to visit my sister a lot, but now I would rather do something else. I try to hide it, but it must be clear I am not keen on him. They have been married for eight years and things are getting worse; he used to work and contribute, but now he doesn't even do that. What can I do? I want to support my sister while spending as little time as possible with her husband. This happens in lots of families, unfortunately. Unless one's parents split and remarry, it's usually only when siblings partner up that a new person (a stranger!) is brought into the family and the dynamics change. We all wish these new additions bring joy and harmony, but sadly often they do not. And then we're not only saddled with a person we don't like, who is now part of the family, but we're left looking at the person who brought them in and thinking, 'Really?' This can lead to all manner of unravelling of childhood feelings when it's a sibling. Unfortunately we can't control this, as people will insist on doing their own thing. You didn't tell me your sister's age (or about her previous partners and how you felt about them) but it sounds as if this dynamic is relatively new to you. Reading your letter I was left wondering about many things – the age gap between you and your sister, what your relationship was like before, how you were brought up. Sometimes it's easier to have feelings toward the in-laws than the person who brought them in My specialist this week, UKCP-registered psychotherapist Stephanie White, felt the same. Sorry for all the questions, but they may help you. We wondered if you were used to looking after your sister or being her protector? What did your brother-in-law change for you? 'Is there,' asks White, 'something familiar here? Does he remind you of a significant person from your early life?' This can be important because, while you may still find your brother-in-law annoying, the irritation may lessen if you realise he reminds you of someone else and is therefore being overly harshly judged. The fact that your brother-in-law doesn't work and 'doesn't contribute' also seems really pertinent here. No one likes a sponger – is that how you see him? 'Ultimately,' says White, 'your sister chose this man.' And maybe in her doing so you see parts of her you don't like and find it difficult to admit to? Maybe you have to come to a place where you love your sister but don't like her choices. Are you with someone? Does she like your partner? White suggests you try to see if there's any common ground with your brother-in-law. That may be hard given your feelings towards him, but it's worth a try. If not, 'try to manoeuvre time with your sister without him'. Related: I'm smitten, but does my boyfriend's dysfunctional family bode ill for our future? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri I've long come to the conclusion that sometimes it's easier to have feelings toward the in-law(s) than the person who brought them in. Problems presented as, for example, 'I don't get on with my mother-in-law' are often, when you scratch the surface, really about, 'I wish my husband would be more assertive.' That's worth thinking about. In therapy, it's said that people we don't like often remind us of people from our childhood, or even bits of ourselves that we don't like. And while I think that's true, I'm not a therapist so I can say that sometimes people are just plain annoying. In our own lives we can move away from these people, but when they are brought into the family by others, we are stuck with them. All you can do is try to work out just why you find your brother-in-law so annoying, which may help. And then do not reduce the time you spend with your sister, but don't spend any more time with him than necessary. If your sister asks, I find the very English phrase 'he's just not my cup of tea' works wonders. • Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here. • Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
The Guardian
22-06-2025
- General
- The Guardian
I can't stand my sister's husband. What can I do about him?
I love my sister. But I can't stand her husband. He is an idiot who thinks he is better than other people and talks down to them. I am a man in my 50s and I used to visit my sister a lot, but now I would rather do something else. I try to hide it, but it must be clear I am not keen on him. They have been married for eight years and things are getting worse; he used to work and contribute, but now he doesn't even do that. What can I do? I want to support my sister while spending as little time as possible with her husband. This happens in lots of families, unfortunately. Unless one's parents split and remarry, it's usually only when siblings partner up that a new person (a stranger!) is brought into the family and the dynamics change. We all wish these new additions bring joy and harmony, but sadly often they do not. And then we're not only saddled with a person we don't like, who is now part of the family, but we're left looking at the person who brought them in and thinking, 'Really?' This can lead to all manner of unravelling of childhood feelings when it's a sibling. Unfortunately we can't control this, as people will insist on doing their own thing. You didn't tell me your sister's age (or about her previous partners and how you felt about them) but it sounds as if this dynamic is relatively new to you. Reading your letter I was left wondering about many things – the age gap between you and your sister, what your relationship was like before, how you were brought up. My specialist this week, UKCP-registered psychotherapist Stephanie White, felt the same. Sorry for all the questions, but they may help you. We wondered if you were used to looking after your sister or being her protector? What did your brother-in-law change for you? 'Is there,' asks White, 'something familiar here? Does he remind you of a significant person from your early life?' This can be important because, while you may still find your brother-in-law annoying, the irritation may lessen if you realise he reminds you of someone else and is therefore being overly harshly judged. The fact that your brother-in-law doesn't work and 'doesn't contribute' also seems really pertinent here. No one likes a sponger – is that how you see him? 'Ultimately,' says White, 'your sister chose this man.' And maybe in her doing so you see parts of her you don't like and find it difficult to admit to? Maybe you have to come to a place where you love your sister but don't like her choices. Are you with someone? Does she like your partner? White suggests you try to see if there's any common ground with your brother-in-law. That may be hard given your feelings towards him, but it's worth a try. If not, 'try to manoeuvre time with your sister without him'. Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion I've long come to the conclusion that sometimes it's easier to have feelings toward the in-law(s) than the person who brought them in. Problems presented as, for example, 'I don't get on with my mother-in-law' are often, when you scratch the surface, really about, 'I wish my husband would be more assertive.' That's worth thinking about. In therapy, it's said that people we don't like often remind us of people from our childhood, or even bits of ourselves that we don't like. And while I think that's true, I'm not a therapist so I can say that sometimes people are just plain annoying. In our own lives we can move away from these people, but when they are brought into the family by others, we are stuck with them. All you can do is try to work out just why you find your brother-in-law so annoying, which may help. And then do not reduce the time you spend with your sister, but don't spend any more time with him than necessary. If your sister asks, I find the very English phrase 'he's just not my cup of tea' works wonders. Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here. Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
