Latest news with #mixedemotions
Forbes
05-08-2025
- General
- Forbes
2 Myths About How Romantic Love Affects Friendships, By A Psychologist
Many of us experience mixed emotions when our friends start dating or enter new romantic relationships. Even though you're happy for them, you may also feel resentful and undervalued as they start prioritizing their love lives. You miss the time you spent together and start worrying about losing out on such a close friendship. However, your friendships need not suffer as much as you think. New research published this June in Personal Relationships explains that the transition from singlehood to coupledom doesn't always push our friends away. Researchers conducted two studies: one assessed participants' perceptions of their best friendship before and after their friend entered a romantic relationship. The other evaluated their real-time friendships over a seven week period. Here are two key insights from the June 2025 study that contradict the popular notion that romantic relationships always derail friendships. 1. Your Negative Perception Of Your Friendship May Be Exaggerated Most of us place a great deal of importance on who we spend the rest of our lives with. Due to this, it's true that many people do treat their friends like placeholders until they find romantic love and companionship. In fact, research shows that people in more committed romantic relationship stages (or marriages) have fewer friends and are less likely to value the opinions of the ones who remain in their lives. So, it's no wonder we feel so uncertain and anxious about where our friendship stands when they're suddenly busier with their new partners. It's natural to find this perceived sense of distance hurtful. However, it appears that we overestimate the 'threat' romantic relationships really pose. The truth is, many of us anticipate greater disruption than what actually occurs. In the first study, participants were asked to recall specific best friendships that were impacted by romantic connections. They recalled feeling as though their friendships had gotten worse. They also stated feeling less close to their friend and experiencing more uncertainty. Researchers suggested the possibility of participants amplifying the changes they had experienced due to their cognitive bias of expecting the worst. This may have made them perceive small changes as major rifts. They explain that friends 'might nostalgically misremember the time before their best friend's new relationship as better than it was, embellishing how the friendship was in the past and exaggerating the impact of the friend's new romantic relationship on the friendship.' Just because your friend is preoccupied in a new relationship does not mean they have stopped caring for you or don't prioritize you still. Whether they allow their relationship to overpower their friendships is deeply personal to their ability to value and balance both, rather than an inevitable occurrence. 2. Your Perception May Differ From Reality In the second study, which tracked the real-time impact of friends entering romantic relationships, researchers found no major drop in how people felt about their friendships after their friends got into relationships. This finding differs from the first study, where participants remembered their friendships feeling weaker. This is because our memory may distort how we interpret changes in our relationships. 'There is the lived reality of what happens when one's friend enters a romantic relationship, and there is the recalled experience of what one thinks happened when one's friend entered a relationship. Our results suggest that these experiences may differ, perhaps because people nostalgically recall the time when their friend was single,' the researchers write. The study also found that your emotional response to a friend's new relationship may be shaped more by your attachment style than actual friendship changes. Feelings of uncertainty or lower emotional support from their friend were amplified if participants had more insecure attachment styles, which are characterized by a fear of abandonment, a need for reassurance and a difficulty trusting others to be consistent in their lives. As a result, individuals with these attachment styles may perceive their friend's relationship as a threat, even when it isn't. If you find that contact with a close friend (who has a partner) is slowing down, do not panic or jump to conclusions. Yes, your friendship requires effort, but effort is a two-way street. It is not your sole responsibility to keep trying to reconnect with them. If they value you as much as they used to, they will make it known. Even if your quantity of time together changes, it doesn't mean the quality will. Being a good friend means showing the other person some grace, and understanding that it takes time to attend to multiple connections in one's life. As the friend in a new relationship, intentional action and communication is everything. Let your friends know how much you value them, as they might need some reassurance, no matter how happy they are for you. Do you feel rooted in your social connections, regardless of whether they're in relationships? Take this science-backed test to find out: Social Connectedness Scale
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Your high school reunion doesn't need to be stressful. Here are 8 dos and don'ts from therapists to help you enjoy the night.
Going to my 20-year high school reunion was a mixed bag. A therapist says it's valid to have mixed emotions about seeing people from your past. She recommends not comparing yourself to anyone else. I had the chance to relive being a teenager when I attended my 20-year high school reunion. It was like traveling back in time to when I felt most awkward and insecure. The guy I used to obsess over walked up to me twice and said hello to someone behind me, almost elbowing me in the head to shake their hand. Then, all the blood drained from my face when another classmate said they remembered me because my sister was the "popular one" with all the friends. It might seem like the night was a complete disaster. But that would be my anxiety talking and drowning out the many positive interactions I had with new and familiar faces, especially the ones who set down their drinks to embrace me with both arms. If you're anxious about seeing your former classmates, you're not alone. I received advice from therapists on approaching your high school reunion, including managing your expectations and avoiding assumptions about your old friends and rivals. Here are the dos and don'ts of attending your high school reunion. Reuniting with your classmates can bring up mixed emotions, from excitement and nostalgia to fear and dread. "It's completely normal and valid to have conflicting feelings about a reunion," Natalie Moore, a Los Angeles-based licensed marriage and family therapist, told Business Insider. You might associate high school with painful memories like being bullied or excluded from social gatherings. Taking time to notice your feelings can help build self-awareness, which in turn can lead to greater confidence and self-acceptance, she said. There's a lot of pressure to achieve milestones like getting married, having kids, owning a home, or having a fulfilling career. "As the reunion approaches, be mindful of the expectations and predictions that pop up in your mind," Moore said. Remember that everyone has their own path and timeline. "Even the person who appears to have it all together has their own quiet struggles that they're dealing with," she said. We tend to feel more confident when we plan ahead. Think about what makes you feel good so you can relax and be in the moment when you're at your reunion, Patrice Le Goy, a psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist, told BI. "For some people, it will be important to have accomplishments to share, and for others, it will be having that perfect outfit picked out," she said. You don't want to sound rehearsed, but it might help to have a script or a few life updates in mind, especially if you tend to overshare or get nervous in social settings. When a conversation stalls, it can be tempting to engage in gossip. "You may regret it if you use this time to speak badly about people you haven't seen in a long time, especially if it gets back to them," Le Goy said. As visual creatures, we tend to notice people's appearance, especially if they look different from how we remember them. "However, making comments about someone's body, even if you believe you're giving a compliment, can trigger people and make them feel self-conscious," Moore said. A crowded reunion may not be the best venue for deep conversations, but that shouldn't stop you from getting reacquainted. "It's much more fun to allow yourself to be surprised by how much your classmates have grown and changed over the years," Moore said. Consider your own evolution since high school. Your classmates have likely experienced similar transformations, and when you don't ask questions, you're more likely to judge people. If you haven't spoken to your classmates in a while, it's easy to make assumptions and create unfounded narratives about their lives. Perhaps you're speculating about why your prom date moved to another country or you're picturing yourself standing up to your high school bully at the reunion. "Social media only gives us a fraction of the full story," Le Goy said. "Try not to assume someone's marriage is on the rocks because of one cryptic post or, alternately, that someone's life is perfect because they seem so happy online or from stories that you hear from other people." Moore emphasized the importance of practicing curiosity rather than jumping to conclusions or reacting to past experiences. Try practicing the thought: I wonder if this individual will be there and how their personality has changed over the years. Another way to boost your confidence is to think about your purpose in going to the reunion. "If you are measuring your level of enjoyment based on whether you are the most successful or the most attractive, you will probably be disappointed," Le Goy said. Her advice is to think about how you want to feel at the end of the night whether it's being happy that you reconnected with friends or feeling relieved that you've gotten over your high school crush. "These are more helpful expectations than just wanting to be better than everyone else," she said. If you're enjoying reconnecting with someone, consider asking for their contact information and how they prefer to stay in touch, Moore said. "Some people love in-person hangouts while others find it more convenient to text or FaceTime," she added. Similar to asking someone on a date, the saying "no risk, no reward" applies here. "People's lives are so busy and even though the intention may be there to stay connected, often the follow-through is more difficult," Le Goy said. She suggests staying away from big declarations, like planning a trip together. "Stick with more accessible options like connecting on social media or starting a text chain which can build up to in person meet ups," she said. Whatever happens at your reunion, remember how far you've come since high school. Because of the way our brains are wired, our former classmates may loom large in our memories, but they don't define who we are today. Nandini Maharaj is a freelance writer covering health, wellness, identity, and relationships. She holds a master's degree in counseling and a doctorate in public health. Read the original article on Business Insider
