Latest news with #moneyManagement
Forbes
3 days ago
- Business
- Forbes
The Charitable Assumption: A Better Default For Managing Money And Relationships
Stephen Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, tells a story that's as instructive as it is unsettling. On a New York subway, he noticed a man sitting quietly while his children wreaked havoc. Covey finally said, 'Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people.' The man replied, 'You're right. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago.' Are you making the charitable assumption? getty I share that feeling that likely just churned in your gut—because, if you're anything like me, you may have rarely corrected a parent for their apparent mismanagement of an unruly child, but you sure have turned around conspicuously, glared, or even mustered up a hopefully anonymous 'Shhhh!' Now please forgive yourself, because this is a well-documented tendency dubbed the fundamental attribution error, where we default to excusing our own mistakes by attributing them to external factors—while judging others' mistakes as reflections of their lacking character. Eeesh. The point, of course, is that we rarely don't know the story behind the story—and this blind spot makes us vulnerable to the mismanagement of our relationships, and especially our relationships where money is involved. Fortunately, we're offered an antidote to this poisonous bias, and I'll offer three practices that we can apply to retrain our hearts and minds that I hope will reduce your stress in life and lead to more effective money management. While this particular antidote has been discussed by philosophers and theologians for millennia, I learned this new phrase from the best-selling book, Unreasonable Hospitality, written by the world's top restauranteur, Will Guidara. Guidara was half of the guiding force, along with Chef Daniel Humm, that led Eleven Madison Park to become known as the best restaurant in the world by The World's 50 Best Restaurants. Part of their success, however, was Guidara's insistence that they not replicate the hostile work environment for which the restaurant business has become notorious. (See The Bear.) They developed a code that cultivated a cultish culture among the employees, helping EMP reach such lofty heights, and one of the core components is the charitable assumption, which Guidara defines simply as 'a reminder to assume the best of people, even when (or perhaps especially when) they weren't behaving particularly well.' As you might imagine, they only hire the best-of-the-best culinary and service staff at the world's best restaurant, so if one of those exceptional servers was late, unusually inhospitable, or underperforming, the charitable assumption insisted that there must be something circumstantial—not character-driven—that led to the anomalous behavior. Therefore, the question to said employee would be, 'Hey, is everything ok?' not 'What's wrong with you??' or worse yet, the gossipy, 'Can you believe they just did that?' which tends to fester like a disease, whether in an organization or a household. Speaking of household, let's turn our attention to three practices that can help us apply the charitable assumption in our lives, loves, homes, and finances: I think it's important to start with ourselves, because often times our tendency to blame others is actually rooted in self-flagellation. Eckhart Tolle says, 'Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.' And as much as I want to argue with this quote, I think he's on to something. It's exceedingly difficult to show grace to others when we can't—or won't—show it to ourselves. Fortunately, the management of our personal finances is ripe territory for learning this lesson—because it's not likely that a year, month, or even a week will expire without you making a financial mistake. In fact, money management is more an exercise in mistake management than an unachievable perfection—partly because the complexity of money today makes it virtually impossible to catch everything in real-time, and partly because there is much that is beyond our control…and even more that is beyond our consciousness. Carl Jung said, 'Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.' We've learned that much of what we do with money in adulthood is based on formative hard-wiring we endured before the age of 10. The financial advisor / psychotherapist trio of Rick Kahler, Ted Klontz, and Brad Klontz gave this phenomenon a helpful moniker—money scripts. These are often more feelings than thoughts that guide our behavior when we react to whatever stimuli we face. That wince you feel when your friend asks if you want to split the bill even though they racked up the apps and drinks while you were careful? The way you respond to a homeless person asking for money? The pride you feel when sporting a Louis Vuitton purse? These instantaneous responses are all money scripts. And it is through their exploration that we can identify, articulate, and, if desired, change them. Exploring our money scripts helps us extend a charitable assumption inward—to understand our own choices with compassion rather than criticism. If you want to live dangerously, talk to your spouse or partner about money. If you want to seriously risk your marriage, don't. Money mismanagement mangles marriages. And you already know why—because we often don't even know our own money scripts, much less our spouse's—so this becomes ground zero for the financial misapplication of the fundamental attribution error. If you want a crash course, check out the funnily named book, The Financial Wisdom of Ebeneezer Scrooge, a short collaboration of the trio mentioned previously, and please don't wait until the holidays to do it. But you don't have to learn anything else to be a student of your spouse. You used to grant them the charitable assumption—remember? Once infatuation set in in, early in your dating, no matter what story they told about their past, present, or aspirations for the future, they seemed somehow infallible. You can do it again. Set 60-90 minutes aside—without those rambunctious kids around and with your favorite deliberative beverage—and tell your personal money stories to one another. Without judgement, listen and share, the most indelible memories you have of money growing up. Before the end of this exchange, you should begin to see your partner not as the miser or spendthrift you've come to label them, but as the collection of a lifetime of experiences and circumstances that have shaped them. If you want a template, my wife, Mika, and I recently had one of these conversations—unscripted and on camera—not because we are marriage experts, but simply because we were willing. I hope you find it helpful. And if you want an even simpler start, simply ask your spouse, 'What's one of your earliest memories about money?' And then listen curiously, not critically. OK, I've saved the hardest for last—because I know that even though you hit the like button, or even commented with a cute emoji, when your neighborhood acquaintance sent a slew of pictures from their recent trip to Ibiza, you were actually thinking, 'They can't really afford that!' And maybe they can't. Maybe they can't afford their house(s) or car(s) either—but maybe they can. Or maybe they're the person who just went through a tragic season in life and spent their life savings to splurge on a soul-filling adventure to remind themselves that there is beauty in the world. The soul-sucking danger of comparison is alive and well in 2025, and it really doesn't hurt whomever we're judging at all—it only hurts us. So, here's an idea: Let's try curiosity over condemnation. The best part about charity is that it doesn't actually require financial wealth. We tend to equate charity, generosity, and philanthropy as the sole domain of the ultra-wealthy. But my favorite author of all time—C. S. Lewis—offers us a simpler, more potent view of the virtue of charity: 'Charity means love,' Lewis says, but love 'does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people.' Of course, many of us never learn what Lewis insists we must. And I submit that no matter how rich, our lives are poorer for it. In those moments when we wallow in self-pity, blame those closest to us, or judge those with whom we interact, we turn what could be a lesson learned, a relationship deepened, or a curiosity satisfied into little more than the false god of self-righteousness—or worse yet, a general mistrust of everything and everyone (which social media and the news are happy to profitably stoke). On the other hand, the generous assumption isn't just a mindset, it's a multiplier of trust. It softens our inner critic, strengthens our closest relationships, and builds bridges where money so often builds walls.
CNET
4 days ago
- Business
- CNET
You Don't Have to Combine Finances if You Get Married. Experts Offer Tips to Make It Work
JGI/Managing finances may not be a first-date topic but it's important to establish early on how you both want to approach money. As a married couple, managing money requires even more communication and shared decision-making. These negotiations can potentially be a bit more fraught if you want to maintain financial independence from your spouse. Financial planner Uziel Gomez said many couples he's worked with start out approaching money differently and never decide on a clear plan. "Clients often arrive with a system for managing their finances separately, which may have developed more by default than by design," said Gomez, a certified financial planner and accredited financial counselor. Combining finances when you get married is not a foregone conclusion. In fact, if you and your partner each have your own money management methods that work for you individually, keeping finances separate can potentially help you divide your budget equitably. Managing your own money can also offer you each more financial independence, which can become especially important if the relationship ends for any reason. We asked financial planners and legal experts to weigh in with tips to help manage separate finances when you're married. Read more: More Couples Should Have the Money Talk. Here's Why (and How to Do It) Discuss WHY you're keeping separate finances Household money management might feel like a sensitive subject but avoiding these conversations could leave you unprepared to meet major financial or life goals together down the line. Discuss why you each want to manage money the way you do, and set clear guidelines for what you'll each be responsible for and how you'll make big financial decisions like buying property and saving for retirement. Consider the implications of income disparities A difference in income could potentially lead to tension if one partner is reluctant to ask the other for help so it's best to get ahead of it, Gomez said. An income disparity between spouses can create conflict in any marriage but it can be particularly challenging if you want to maintain separate finances. One spouse might take on the responsibility of paying household costs while the other shoulders other responsibilities. But ask yourself: What does that mean for your finances if the marriage ends? How does it affect the way you plan for the future? Can you build personal savings or a retirement account, even if you're not contributing to household expenses? Discuss these questions with your spouse to make sure you're on the same page, especially as your incomes evolve over the years. Keep a shared account (or more) for shared expenses Gomez recommended that couples keep some shared funds even if most expenses are separate. Feed money into a shared checking account to pay household bills so those can be automated or deducted electronically without added complications. He also noted that building a shared rainy day fund can help cover unexpected expenses or if one spouse is unable to pay their share. It's important to discuss early on what the shared accounts will cover. Some common expenses you may want to include: Mortgage or rent Property taxes HOA fees Homeowners insurance Utiltiies Home maintenance If you have a shared account, you can still build your own spending and savings accounts separate from your spouse. This not only lets you shop without the stress of shared decision-making, but it also helps you maintain financial independence if the relationship ends. And this doesn't necessarily mean divorce -- if the partner who always manages the money dies, it could create additional stress for the surviving spouse if they don't have control of the accounts or a credit history to help them rebuild their finances alone. If you do share an account, make sure you both have access to review expenses and contributions to avoid any unwelcome surprises (like insufficient funds). What to do if you have (or plan to have) children If you're raising children (or plan to) with your spouse, keeping finances separated will likely require some additional work. This might be a good time to set up one of those combined accounts we just mentioned. The account could let you both contribute to day-to-day expenses as well as medical care, day care and education costs. Some accounts, like a health savings account or 529 plan, can only be owned by one person. If you want to keep these separate for your children, you could each set up your own plan or have one plan that each partner contributes to. If you don't have children yet but both want to have them in the future, setting up a "family" account for future child-care expenses is a smart move. If either of you brings children from a previous relationship to the marriage, setting up a separate account for just their expenses will likely make sense, especially if the child's other parent is still involved. Agree on how you'll file taxes Financial experts tend to recommend filing taxes jointly if you're married because it gives you access to perks only available to married couples. But joint filing could be complicated if you want to maintain complete financial independence from your spouse. Speak with an accountant about the tax implications of filing jointly versus separately so you and your spouse can decide together what works best for you. However you plan to file, also ask about tax deductions or credits tied to various household expenses, like mortgage interest, energy credits and home office costs, and take those into consideration as you decide who will pay for what. Know who owns what under the law Even if you maintain separate finances and purchase assets individually, those assets might be shared property under state law. Assets (and debts) acquired by either spouse while married are considered to be "community property" in nine states: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin. "Clients often face challenges when they discover that accounts or assets they believed were separate are considered shared marital property," said Nicole Sodoma, a family and divorce attorney. That could mean your savings, retirement accounts, home, and other assets and property belong equally to both spouses, regardless of who paid for them or whose name is on the account. A few other states let spouses opt into treating assets as community property, so pay attention to that decision when you get married. Community property is usually split 50/50 in a divorce unless you come to a different agreement. If you live in a community property state, Sodoma suggested that putting assets in a trust might offer some protection. But that depends on state-specific laws so work with a financial advisor and an attorney to make plans that work for you. Keep lines of communication open Your financial situation will change over the course of your marriage so maintain an ongoing discussion about money. Sodoma recommended a regular family meeting to check in on financial responsibilities, goals and priorities. This type of meeting makes space for conversations about money and it lets you keep the rest of your time with your spouse free from financial stress or questions. "Open and honest communication is crucial in any marriage, particularly when it comes to managing separate finances," said Gomez. "Establishing clear expectations and defining the roles each partner will play is essential for building a strong foundation for their financial future together."
RNZ News
26-05-2025
- Business
- RNZ News
The Panel with Deborah Hart and Jeremy Elwood (Part 1)
money education 6:07 pm today Tonight on The Panel, Wallace Chapman is joined by panellists Deborah Hart and Jeremy Elwood. They discuss two new punishments - "mandatory money management" and "community work experience" - for those not meeting benefit obligations and the cost of school uniforms.
Yahoo
25-05-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
3 Lessons To Learn From Tony Robbins' Seminars That You Can Apply To Your Finances
Managing your finances is no small task. From living below your means, staying out of debt, saving and investing for your future and more, there's certainly a lot for us to do. However, money management has a lot to do with your beliefs, how your brain works and the momentum you can build for yourself. Be Aware: For You: Financial guru Tony Robbins preaches that you need to train yourself if you're looking to excel, which can also lead to growth and success when it comes to your finances. Here are three lessons from Tony Robbins' seminars and his book, 'Unleash the Power Within,' that can be applied to your finances. At one of Robbins' seminars, he explains that eliminating your limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering ones is a crucial step to take back control of your life. Otherwise, your situation probably won't change. 'You have to come up with a new belief or you'll stay in a lousy place,' explained Robbins. His overall philosophy highlights that our beliefs ultimately give us the power to take action or prevent us from acting, which is why replacing disempowering beliefs is so important. Once you can identify and work towards changing your limiting beliefs, goal setting and following through become the next steps. Trending Now: 'Anytime you make an important decision or you set an important goal, in that moment you want to do something to take action that commits you to follow through,' highlighted Robbins. You might tell yourself, 'I'll never be good with money,' or 'I'm just not meant to be wealthy.' Replacing these with empowering beliefs such as 'I can learn to manage money' and 'I can grow my wealth' lays the foundation for financial growth. In another of his seminar videos, Robbins posed an important question to a member of the audience: 'What if your focus on growth is the only thing limiting your growth?' Overthinking usually isn't effective. If you focus too much on growth, especially in an obsessive way, this in and of itself can ironically hold you back. Sometimes, the result you're striving for can become the barrier preventing you from success. By learning to reprogram your mind and challenging your existing beliefs, you can feel more relaxed, which may make it easier to make better decisions and take effective actions toward your financial goals. 'The best version of yourself is where there's ease,' explained Robbins. Once you begin to change the way you think, not only can you work towards personal growth, but you can make smarter and more strategic financial choices, too. Whether it's avoiding unnecessary debt or feeling more confident about managing your money, how you think about things can make the difference between financial success and failure. In a recent blog post from Niharikaa Kaur Sodhi on Substack, she outlines the steps to create unstoppable momentum after she attended one of Robbins' 'Unleash the Power Within' in-person seminars: Put yourself in a peak state of performance. Find your passion, since passion fuels your drive. Decide, commit and resolve to unleash your power. Take immediate and consistent action. Be S.M.A.R.T.: Execute Strategy, Measure results often, Assess whether what you're doing is giving you the emotional reward you want, Reinforce what works, and then last but not least, Take more action. These important guiding principles can be applied to your finances in more ways than one. For example, getting into the habit of paying down your credit card balance to zero every month or consistently saving $50 every week in a high-yield savings account builds positive financial momentum that can create financial security and stability for your life. More From GOBankingRates Warren Buffett: 10 Things Poor People Waste Money On The New Retirement Problem Boomers Are Facing This article originally appeared on 3 Lessons To Learn From Tony Robbins' Seminars That You Can Apply To Your Finances
Yahoo
25-05-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
3 Lessons To Learn From Tony Robbins' Seminars That You Can Apply To Your Finances
Managing your finances is no small task. From living below your means, staying out of debt, saving and investing for your future and more, there's certainly a lot for us to do. However, money management has a lot to do with your beliefs, how your brain works and the momentum you can build for yourself. Be Aware: For You: Financial guru Tony Robbins preaches that you need to train yourself if you're looking to excel, which can also lead to growth and success when it comes to your finances. Here are three lessons from Tony Robbins' seminars and his book, 'Unleash the Power Within,' that can be applied to your finances. At one of Robbins' seminars, he explains that eliminating your limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering ones is a crucial step to take back control of your life. Otherwise, your situation probably won't change. 'You have to come up with a new belief or you'll stay in a lousy place,' explained Robbins. His overall philosophy highlights that our beliefs ultimately give us the power to take action or prevent us from acting, which is why replacing disempowering beliefs is so important. Once you can identify and work towards changing your limiting beliefs, goal setting and following through become the next steps. Trending Now: 'Anytime you make an important decision or you set an important goal, in that moment you want to do something to take action that commits you to follow through,' highlighted Robbins. You might tell yourself, 'I'll never be good with money,' or 'I'm just not meant to be wealthy.' Replacing these with empowering beliefs such as 'I can learn to manage money' and 'I can grow my wealth' lays the foundation for financial growth. In another of his seminar videos, Robbins posed an important question to a member of the audience: 'What if your focus on growth is the only thing limiting your growth?' Overthinking usually isn't effective. If you focus too much on growth, especially in an obsessive way, this in and of itself can ironically hold you back. Sometimes, the result you're striving for can become the barrier preventing you from success. By learning to reprogram your mind and challenging your existing beliefs, you can feel more relaxed, which may make it easier to make better decisions and take effective actions toward your financial goals. 'The best version of yourself is where there's ease,' explained Robbins. Once you begin to change the way you think, not only can you work towards personal growth, but you can make smarter and more strategic financial choices, too. Whether it's avoiding unnecessary debt or feeling more confident about managing your money, how you think about things can make the difference between financial success and failure. In a recent blog post from Niharikaa Kaur Sodhi on Substack, she outlines the steps to create unstoppable momentum after she attended one of Robbins' 'Unleash the Power Within' in-person seminars: Put yourself in a peak state of performance. Find your passion, since passion fuels your drive. Decide, commit and resolve to unleash your power. Take immediate and consistent action. Be S.M.A.R.T.: Execute Strategy, Measure results often, Assess whether what you're doing is giving you the emotional reward you want, Reinforce what works, and then last but not least, Take more action. These important guiding principles can be applied to your finances in more ways than one. For example, getting into the habit of paying down your credit card balance to zero every month or consistently saving $50 every week in a high-yield savings account builds positive financial momentum that can create financial security and stability for your life. More From GOBankingRates Warren Buffett: 10 Things Poor People Waste Money On The New Retirement Problem Boomers Are Facing This article originally appeared on 3 Lessons To Learn From Tony Robbins' Seminars That You Can Apply To Your Finances
