7 days ago
What Your Birth Order Says About You (& Why It's Not Set in Stone)
Birth order may play a bigger role in shaping who you are than you even realize. From the stereotypical elder, middle, and youngest sibling traits to the unique qualifications that shake things up, birth order theory is just one way to explain what makes you, you! Explore the phenomenon and see how it lines up with you and your family's personalities.
Psychotherapist Alfred Adler was the first to propose a theory on how birth order impacted personality. Birth order theory suggests that birth order can affect the developing personality of a child. Eldest children, youngest children, middle children, and only children all fall into statistical groups with similar personality traits.
That's not to say that every child will display every trait (or even any trait) associated with their place in the birth order; only that there's a statistical correlation that seems to suggest the probability that a child's ranking in birth order may result in certain traits that are common to other children of the same ranking.
The sections below list characteristics of birth order that are often common to children of the same rank in birth order. It's important to note that these characteristics aren't set in stone and that just because your child falls into a certain rank in the birth order doesn't mean that he or she will display all, or even any, of the characteristics outlined.
The unique position of the only child in a household of adults often results in a number of common personality traits:
Close relationship with parents
Natural born leaders
Possess a high level of self-control
Communicate and get along well with adults
Can be demanding
Can be spoiled and self-absorbed
May feel a sense of "specialness"
May feel they are being treated unfairly if they don't get their own way
May be quite sensitive
Often mature and dependable
Often very private in nature
Likes being the center of attention
Will often "divide and conquer" parents in order to get what they want
May relate better to adults than peers
Famous only children include Robin Williams, Natalie Portman, Tipper Gore, Rudy Giuliani, Alan Greenspan, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Kareem-Abdul Jabbar.
The oldest child is the only child for a period of time and can often show similar traits to only children; however, being the oldest of a group of siblings also may bring about other personality traits including the following:
People pleasers
Natural leaders
High achievers
Conformist
Might be bossy or a know-it-all
Are often very organized and prompt
Might be overachievers
They may behave in a very authoritarian manner, especially towards younger siblings
May seek attention - in both positive and negative ways
Often controlling
May become compliant and nurturing
Famous first borns include Oprah Winfrey, Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather, and Arsenio Hall. More than half of the American presidents have been first born children.
Related:
Middle children generally display similar personality characteristics, although middle child traits are more likely to appear in children who are in the middle of three than in middle children of larger families.
Some middle child characteristics include the following:
Flexible
Easy-going
Independent
May be an excellent mediator or negotiator
May feel that life is unfair
May feel unloved or squeezed out by siblings
Can be highly adaptable
Often generous and sociable
May try to differentiate themselves from the eldest sibling through behaviors and interests
May perceive that the oldest and youngest child as the parents' "favorites"
Might be rebellious
Engage in attention-seeking behaviors
May be extremely competitive
Famous middle-born children include Donald Trump, Tim Allen, Rosie O'Donnell, and Julia Roberts.
The baby of the family is often looked on as a carefree and spoiled position in the family.
Characteristics of youngest children include:
Often silly or funny
Can display risk-taking behaviors
Are often creative
Can be very self-centered
Often feels inferior as if everyone else is bigger and more capable
Is highly competitive
Can become bored easily
Are usually friendly and outgoing with a terrific sense of humor
Expect others to care for them and take responsibility for them
Will often ally with the oldest sibling against the middle sibling (if three children)
Can be equal parts charming and manipulative
May be very idealistic
Famous youngest children include Howard Stern, Ralph Nadar, and Jay Leno.
There's psychological reasoning behind birth order and the different personality traits of siblings, but certain scenarios and situations could change these characteristics, including:
Gender can throw off the typical birth order structure if the first two children born are different genders. When this happens, they often both have the personality traits of the oldest child. As for a large family, if there is one boy (or one girl) in the family, that child will not be in their typical birth order role. Or if a family displays favoritism or places more value on one gender over another, the dynamic will be different as well.
If there are five or more years between siblings, the birth order role will not apply. Since the age between siblings is so great, it is considered a new start or 'new family' with a 'new firstborn'. When siblings are born one to two years apart, there may be more conflict and competition especially if they are the same gender. The ideal age difference between siblings tends to be three to four years. They are still close in age but can still have their own identity and interests.
The older sibling naturally tends to be domineering and bossy towards their younger siblings. But if they are close in age and the younger sibling eventually outgrows or outsmarts the older sibling, the dynamic can change.
When a younger sibling has a stronger, more confident disposition or temperament than their older sibling, this may throw off the birth order role.
If a younger sibling is an overachiever in school or excels exponentially in sports or music, they tend to get special, even priority treatment, and birth order tends to shift. Another scenario is a sibling who has a disability and needs special care. Often these situations will alter the birth order role as well.
The birth order role doesn't typically apply to twins. They have a special position in the family and tend to operate independently of the traditional birth order roles.
When families are blended due to remarriage, the sibling dynamic can be incredibly confusing and complicated depending on the ages of the children. It's not unusual for the children to need some time to establish themselves in their new family hierarchy.
From astrology to birth order, there are so many ways we can explain how we were quite literally born this way. While these characteristics might align with who you are, don't let them define you! Birth order might have had an influence on shaping you, but there's more to who you are then the position you were born in.
