2 days ago
Even in my wildest pregnancy moments, I can't imagine twerking like Meghan
When I was a week overdue with my second child (ironically named Harry), I did sort of go mad. Not Meghan-twerking-in-a-hospital-room crazy, but bonkers nonetheless.
I went into labour with my first child, a daughter, a day before her due date, and remained in denial until my husband finally persuaded me to go to the maternity ward, eight centimetres dilated.
But with my son, my due date came and went, along with my sanity. My father, a retired GP, recalls me calling him day and night, demanding to know why, in his medical opinion, the baby hadn't arrived yet. It was undoubtedly the hardest seven days of all three pregnancies – including having to be induced with my third, another daughter.
So like many mothers, I watched Meghan and Harry's latest Instagram video with a mixture of genuine empathy and gobsmacked astonishment.
On one hand, I understand the sheer lunacy that can accompany being overdue. On the other, I'm not sure even in my wildest moments I would have chosen to 'twerk' my way through it. I mean, I'm not sure twerking would even feature on the bingo card of 'things you do while in labour': gas and air? Check. Epidural? Check. Lash out at husband? Check. Perform a sexy slut drop, while lip-syncing, to the camera? Probably not, no.
What's even more mind-boggling about the 80-odd second video – in which a very heavily pregnant Meghan, accessorising her black dress with a cannula, dances to a song called The Baby Momma Dance – is the fact the privacy-obsessed couple have released it.
Designed to celebrate their daughter Lilibet's fourth birthday on Wednesday, they captioned the footage, which also features the fifth in line to the throne performing Peter Crouch-esque robotics in a grey hoodie: 'Both of our children were a week past their due dates… so when spicy food, all that walking, and acupuncture didn't work – there was only one thing left to do!' (Harry only has a cameo role, natch.)
It came after Meghan also shared a series of intimate photos of Lilibet, writing: 'Happy birthday to our beautiful girl!
'Four years ago today, she came into our lives – and each day is brighter and better because of it. Thanks to all of those sending love and celebrating her special day!'
In one photo, mother and daughter have windswept hair with water behind them. In another, the Duchess cradles Lilibet – named after the late Queen's childhood nickname – as a newborn.
To echo the thoughts of anyone watching the latest Insta-update – what on earth is going on here?
I appreciate the Sussexes have always had a rather nuanced interpretation of privacy with the whole Oprah-induced 'infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me' thing. South Park's notorious episode celebrating their World Wide Privacy Tour of every available TV studio perfectly summed up the irony of a couple opining press intrusion while dishing every last piece of dirt on their nearest and dearest to anyone who would listen.
But the children were always supposed to be out of bounds. Lest we forget, the couple refused to tell anyone where they planned to give birth to Archie until the very last minute – forcing their PRs to scramble to inform the media hours after the event that he had, in fact, been born at that celebrity newborn haunt, The Portland.
That pregnancy, Meghan later revealed, was overshadowed by her mental health struggles, including suicidal thoughts, amid the 'stress and isolation' of being a member of the Royal family.
Now no one's quite as interested in their bodily functions, disclosure appears to be the new black – for Meghan at least.
While one can imagine Harry preferring to keep his personal space free from social media invaders (notwithstanding his propensity to constantly spill the beans about his daddy issues), the Duchess appears more than willing to let it all hang out these days.
Hence the behind-the-scenes cookery show, the endless podcasts, and the repeated public protestations about her business interests – including just this week revealing As Ever was being paused, before following up hours later with an Instagram post appearing to contradict that claim, announcing more products will arrive next month. Not to mention the bizarre briefings about Spencer surname swaps, which we now learn was allegedly because the couple feared the King was delaying the issuing of their children's passports over the use of their HRH titles.
Mother of all two-fingered salutes to trolls
You can take the actress out of the spotlight, but you can never quite take the spotlight off the actress. It isn't only queens of England that need to be seen to be believed, you know.
Meghan has insisted that she never reads the news or checks social media. Recollections may vary, however, after she persuaded Gwyneth Paltrow, of Hollywood and vaginal egg fame, to record a kooky clip for the kind of followers who are willing to pay a tenner for a jar of Montecito jam, following claims that there was a rift between the two. (You may recall that Meghan also once claimed to have not really heard of the Royal family, despite being photographed outside Buckingham Palace, aged 15.)
Mindful, perhaps, of the conspiracy theories still swirling online that she was never actually pregnant, it's hard not to see the latest video as the mother of all two-fingered salutes to those hurtful trolls. And the nasty media who continually mocked her for stroking her baby bump. An elephant never forgets.
It certainly brings new meaning to that anecdote in Spare about Kate allegedly taking great offence at Meghan discussing her ' hormones '.
