2 days ago
Burnt-Out Mom Leaves Family Vacation Early—and Sparks a Debate
Is this an unnecessary peace out, or protecting your peace?
While parental stress season lasts year-round, it can really kick into high gear during the summertime. The irony is, it's often due to the very thing that's supposed to give us a recharge: family vacation.
Even if you do plan the perfect trip six months in advance, the unpredictable is bound to happen—especially when young kids are in the picture. And it can cause a domino effect that sends everything spiraling.
But what if you could it? Tap out. Call the game. Pull the plug. Whatever cliche you want to use to say you're leaving vacation early, you as a parent actually do have that power.
One mom who was stressed out during a recent family trip with her in-laws shares how she remembered her "Eject Button" and pressed it hard.
Abort Mission
Kelly Hubbell, a 37-year-old mom of three (ages 6, 4, and 2), went on Instagram to explain how her family spends a few weeks at a lake house every summer with her husband's family. She writes that they love being there and spending time together, but it's "a lot to juggle." That's because they are traveling with young kids for over seven hours, including a flight, a car ride, and a ferry.
But on this year's trip, Hubbell says that she was sick, which of course, depletes the energy and patience meters quickly.
"Our youngest learned to crawl out of the pack + play. We were away from our usual routines. And after a 6-hour BBQ with three kids under six running in three different directions (in an extremely water safety hazard environment), I hit my limit," Hubble writes.
So they left and went back home, five days early (which was on day 12 of their trip).
In an interview with Today, Hubble says her husband "was disappointed and I know he felt guilty about it, but he understood.' Her in-laws? She says they're "taking it personally."
Despite this, says she has no regrets about the decision, writing in the Instagram caption, "Despite what mom guilt propaganda might tell you, you ARE allowed to protect your peace."
She adds that when one parent is running on empty (even during family vacation), everyone looses.
"The only way your family thrives is when you do. When you are rested. When you are supported. When you have a system that actually works."
Opinions Are Strong, but Mixed
As for the responses in the comments, they are, of course, full of very strong opinions about this mom's decision. Granted, full context is lacking; and we don't hear any other perspectives about the trip. But it didn't stop commenters from giving their two cents.
Many applaud Hubble for her agency:
"12 days is about 10 days longer than I can stay with anyone. Family or Friend. You did good mom!" empathizes one responder.
"On my way home now early from the same situation. Go us," writes another.
"You totally did the exact right thing. Self-care then family care! If you're exhausted, then everyone else is missing out on your best you," comments someone else.
But other commenters aren't so rosy about how it went down.
"You're the problem," writes one commenter, bluntly.
"You would never let your husband pull this stunt if it was your parents lake house," another assumes.
A commenter who isn't so definitive responds in part with, "I'm on the fence. I get why you left. But from the end result I'm assuming there was no game plan between you and your husband before you left."
Continue To Count the Cost
As parents and as adults, we're constantly counting the cost of our actions—even when we don't necessarily have options to weigh. While it can be a really hard for some of us to put ourselves first (mentally, physically, and emotionally), the cost of not doing so will eventually catch up with us.
This is especially true for those of us who feel obligated to please others. I can't say that's what this mom was feeling when on this trip, but she certainly didn't have enough in the emotional bank account to stay. So I can't blame her for wanting to leave.
However, I do wonder if there could've been a more cost-effective way to handle this with her husband, either before they arrived or before they left. Not knowing exactly how the conversation went down or what other options were on the table, it's tough to draw too many conclusions like those in the comments. Twelve days is a long time, though. Was the length of stay discussed between mom and dad? Did other family members offer to ease some of the burden? Was mom accepting of help?
These are answers we likely won't get. But having been in somewhat similar situations with my own family in the past, I can say there is often at least some compromises that can be made with good communication. Either way, it's absolutely true that self-care is important—for you and for your family. And getting there might require making a quick withdrawal.
Read the original article on Parents
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