Latest news with #perfectionism
Yahoo
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Tom Daley looks back: ‘My management said if I came out, I'd lose sponsorship'
Interactive Born in Plymouth in 1994, Tom Daley is Britain's most decorated diver. He was 13 when he made history as Britain's youngest competitor at the 2008 Olympics, and the following year became a world champion. He won gold at the Tokyo Olympics with his synchronised diving partner, Matty Lee, before retiring from diving in 2024. He is married to the screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, with whom he has two sons. The documentary, Tom Daley: 1.6 Seconds, is available to stream on Discovery+ from 1 June. Advertisement I used to be obsessed with wearing tea towels. I'd make sure the fabric was completely lined-up and tucked in neatly. If it was in the slightest bit ruffled or messy, I would get upset and rip it off and try it all over again. This was the beginning of my perfectionism – and possibly the first signs that I might not be 100% straight. My mum says that as a kid, I was very sweet but I knew what I wanted. What did I want? To do the best I could at anything that I tried. That is still my mentality today. If I'm going to try something and it doesn't work out perfectly, I don't have tantrums any more, but I do get frustrated. That's the thing about being an athlete: being good is not enough – you have to be the best. It's not something you can teach, but every athlete who gets to an Olympic level has that same drive. We know our flaws before anybody else can point them out. I was seven when I started diving. I loved the water but found swimming up and down a little bit boring – diving was much more fun. I started out jumping off the side of the pool, then tried the one-metre. The first time I tried the 10-metre platform I was eight years old. I remember crawling to the edge because I was too scared to walk – the board seemed to reduce in size with every step and suddenly looked like a tightrope. I was peering off into the water, thinking: 'There's no way I can jump off this.' But once I was in the air, there was no going back. It was a surreal and euphoric moment – freefalling for 1.6 seconds. As soon as it was over, I knew I wanted to do it again. My childhood was brilliant. I was always outdoors, and we used to go for weekends away in our caravan in Newquay. I felt very safe, loved and cared for. Because I was so happy with my family, I used to hate travelling for competitions – I would get so homesick. It was terrifying to be on the other side of the planet from your parents when you're 10 years old – especially when everyone else competing was much older. I can't imagine how painful it was for my parents to hear their son crying on the end of the phone. Advertisement Related: Jeff Goldblum looks back: 'My brother was an interesting dude. When he died it was terrible, monumental' My dad Rob was my biggest cheerleader. He would work all day, pick me up from school, take me to the pool and stay all evening until I finished training. He would be there for every competition. We were a team, and it was our dream together. He was great at teaching me about perspective: if I bombed out at a competition, he would say: 'You came 30th, but you're still the 30th best in the world.' When dad died [of a brain tumour in 2011], I went to training the next morning. I carried on competing without a proper break. Maybe it's a British thing, but me and my family wouldn't speak about his passing that much. It's as if we didn't want to upset anyone, or make them feel uncomfortable. I also felt that I had to be the strong one – the person who could support my family. It was only when I met my husband Lance, and he would ask why I didn't speak about my dad, that I allowed myself the space to grieve. And it still hits me now, especially when those major milestones happen. He missed me winning my first Olympic medal, my wedding, my first son's birth. Lance and I met at a dinner in 2013. We talked and talked until we both realised how similar our lives were. He had just lost his brother; I'd lost my dad. He had just won his Oscar; I had just won an Olympic medal. It was the first time I could complain about success to somebody who knew I wasn't really complaining about success. I was complaining about how to deal with what happens on the other side – the pressure and expectations. Knowing that nothing would ever compare to that feeling again. Advertisement I met Lance in March and came out to the media nine months later. I don't think I would ever have said anything about my private life unless I had met someone like Lance. Once we fell in love, I knew I couldn't keep it a secret. It was absolutely terrifying, posting the video on YouTube, because my management at the time had not been encouraging, and told me that I was going to lose my sponsorship. It was a scary thing to do, but once it was out there I was glad. It took all of the pressure off. I could be me for the first time. In 2024, I competed at the Paris Olympics, this time with my sons in tow. Being a dad was still my priority, so I had to deal with running on low sleep. I went to bed at 8 o'clock, because I didn't know how many times I'd be up in the night. I'd wake early for training but would make sure I was home to help Lance with bedtime. I always found it incredibly difficult to leave them for competitions, and I carried a sense of guilt with me. My husband is so supportive, and he's sacrificed a lot for me. But now I've retired, it's his moment. He's like: 'It's my turn to get my career back on track!' I have been an athlete for most of my life, so it's taking time to adjust to my new reality. I am so used to being disciplined that even if I'm out for dinner on a Saturday night, and someone asks if I'd like a glass of wine, it takes me a second to realise I am actually allowed to. Food is the same. When I was about to go to the 2012 Olympics, I was told by a coach that I needed to lose weight. After that, I had some issues with eating disorders. At the time it was something that men didn't really speak about, so I kept it to myself and felt very alone. Once I was able to get the proper nutritional support and learned more about what my body needed, and how to fuel it, then my recovery started to unfold. But in truth, that feedback still affects me today. I know how I can look, and how I did feel, at my peak. Now that I'm not training six hours a day, six days a week, I am never going to be in that same form. When I look at this photo, I think about how innocent I look. The boy in the photo has no sense of what society thinks is right or wrong. I could live and be happy and free. I am so glad my parents were the kind of people who celebrated whoever I was; an Olympian diver or a boy who liked to wear tea towels around his waist.
The Guardian
3 days ago
- Health
- The Guardian
Tom Daley looks back: ‘My management said if I came out, I'd lose sponsorship'
Born in Plymouth in 1994, Tom Daley is Britain's most decorated diver. He was 13 when he made history as Britain's youngest competitor at the 2008 Olympics, and the following year became a world champion. He won gold at the Tokyo Olympics with his synchronised diving partner, Matty Lee, before retiring from diving in 2024. He is married to the screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, with whom he has two sons. The documentary, Tom Daley: 1.6 Seconds, is available to stream on Discovery+ from 1 June. I used to be obsessed with wearing tea towels. I'd make sure the fabric was completely lined-up and tucked in neatly. If it was in the slightest bit ruffled or messy, I would get upset and rip it off and try it all over again. This was the beginning of my perfectionism – and possibly the first signs that I might not be 100% straight. My mum says that as a kid, I was very sweet but I knew what I wanted. What did I want? To do the best I could at anything that I tried. That is still my mentality today. If I'm going to try something and it doesn't work out perfectly, I don't have tantrums any more, but I do get frustrated. That's the thing about being an athlete: being good is not enough – you have to be the best. It's not something you can teach, but every athlete who gets to an Olympic level has that same drive. We know our flaws before anybody else can point them out. I was seven when I started diving. I loved the water but found swimming up and down a little bit boring – diving was much more fun. I started out jumping off the side of the pool, then tried the one-metre. The first time I tried the 10-metre platform I was eight years old. I remember crawling to the edge because I was too scared to walk – the board seemed to reduce in size with every step and suddenly looked like a tightrope. I was peering off into the water, thinking: 'There's no way I can jump off this.' But once I was in the air, there was no going back. It was a surreal and euphoric moment – freefalling for 1.6 seconds. As soon as it was over, I knew I wanted to do it again. My childhood was brilliant. I was always outdoors, and we used to go for weekends away in our caravan in Newquay. I felt very safe, loved and cared for. Because I was so happy with my family, I used to hate travelling for competitions – I would get so homesick. It was terrifying to be on the other side of the planet from your parents when you're 10 years old – especially when everyone else competing was much older. I can't imagine how painful it was for my parents to hear their son crying on the end of the phone. My dad Rob was my biggest cheerleader. He would work all day, pick me up from school, take me to the pool and stay all evening until I finished training. He would be there for every competition. We were a team, and it was our dream together. He was great at teaching me about perspective: if I bombed out at a competition, he would say: 'You came 30th, but you're still the 30th best in the world.' When dad died [of a brain tumour in 2011], I went to training the next morning. I carried on competing without a proper break. Maybe it's a British thing, but me and my family wouldn't speak about his passing that much. It's as if we didn't want to upset anyone, or make them feel uncomfortable. I also felt that I had to be the strong one – the person who could support my family. It was only when I met my husband Lance, and he would ask why I didn't speak about my dad, that I allowed myself the space to grieve. And it still hits me now, especially when those major milestones happen. He missed me winning my first Olympic medal, my wedding, my first son's birth. Lance and I met at a dinner in 2013. We talked and talked until we both realised how similar our lives were. He had just lost his brother; I'd lost my dad. He had just won his Oscar; I had just won an Olympic medal. It was the first time I could complain about success to somebody who knew I wasn't really complaining about success. I was complaining about how to deal with what happens on the other side – the pressure and expectations. Knowing that nothing would ever compare to that feeling again. I met Lance in March and came out to the media nine months later. I don't think I would ever have said anything about my private life unless I had met someone like Lance. Once we fell in love, I knew I couldn't keep it a secret. It was absolutely terrifying, posting the video on YouTube, because my management at the time had not been encouraging, and told me that I was going to lose my sponsorship. It was a scary thing to do, but once it was out there I was glad. It took all of the pressure off. I could be me for the first time. Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion In 2024, I competed at the Paris Olympics, this time with my sons in tow. Being a dad was still my priority, so I had to deal with running on low sleep. I went to bed at 8 o'clock, because I didn't know how many times I'd be up in the night. I'd wake early for training but would make sure I was home to help Lance with bedtime. I always found it incredibly difficult to leave them for competitions, and I carried a sense of guilt with me. My husband is so supportive, and he's sacrificed a lot for me. But now I've retired, it's his moment. He's like: 'It's my turn to get my career back on track!' I have been an athlete for most of my life, so it's taking time to adjust to my new reality. I am so used to being disciplined that even if I'm out for dinner on a Saturday night, and someone asks if I'd like a glass of wine, it takes me a second to realise I am actually allowed to. Food is the same. When I was about to go to the 2012 Olympics, I was told by a coach that I needed to lose weight. After that, I had some issues with eating disorders. At the time it was something that men didn't really speak about, so I kept it to myself and felt very alone. Once I was able to get the proper nutritional support and learned more about what my body needed, and how to fuel it, then my recovery started to unfold. But in truth, that feedback still affects me today. I know how I can look, and how I did feel, at my peak. Now that I'm not training six hours a day, six days a week, I am never going to be in that same form. When I look at this photo, I think about how innocent I look. The boy in the photo has no sense of what society thinks is right or wrong. I could live and be happy and free. I am so glad my parents were the kind of people who celebrated whoever I was; an Olympian diver or a boy who liked to wear tea towels around his waist.
Forbes
23-05-2025
- Business
- Forbes
How Perfectionist Leaders Stifle Creativity
When do perfectionistic leaders undermine creativity? By Anna Carmella Ocampo, Assistant Professor of Organizational Behavior at Esade. A leader's perfectionistic demands can be a double-edged sword, either enhancing or diminishing their employees' performance. Take the case of Steve Jobs, who was commonly described as a tireless perfectionist. Some viewed his pursuit of perfection, marked by his unrealistically high standards, intolerance for mistakes, and insistence on working with only the best people, as the driving force behind Apple's success. Many condemned his rigid perfectionistic demands, as they often came with angry outbursts when others fell short of his expectations. These tendencies fueled misunderstandings and personal tirades, which heightened existing strategic disagreements with others that ultimately contributed to his dismissal. In his second stint as CEO, Jobs was still described as a relentless perfectionist who never compromised his work standards. This time, however, his perfectionism was accompanied by less anger and fewer temper tantrums. Andy Herzfeld, the lead designer of the original Macintosh operating system, believed that Jobs' perfectionism now inspired 'astounding effort and creativity from his people.' Perfectionism has become increasingly common in highly industrialized countries and is sometimes endorsed by modern organizations. The hypercompetitive economic landscape has driven leaders to adopt rigid performance evaluations, defining success primarily by the absence of mistakes or by outcompeting their colleagues. Hence, perfectionistic leaders have become notorious for refusing to make concessions even when presented with reasonably acceptable alternative solutions to a given problem. While the survival of organizations rests on employees' ability to innovate, perfectionistic leaders fail to acknowledge that creative output is an iterative process. They narrowly view mistakes as costly and unnecessary, preventing their employees from taking risks and thinking outside the box. When do perfectionistic leaders undermine creativity? To address this question, I collaborated with colleagues from universities in Canada, Australia, and China to conduct three research studies, published in 2025. The first study involved 229 working adults from the United States who recalled their experiences working with a perfectionistic leader who also frequently expressed anger. The second study was a controlled laboratory experiment conducted with 119 students from the Philippines, where they were instructed by perfectionistic leaders to generate creative ideas to revive a once-famous local band. Finally, in the third study, we surveyed 61 teams, comprising 61 actual leaders and 296 employees, working in a high-technology company in China. Collectively, we found consistent evidence that perfectionistic leaders who frequently express intense anger toward their employees hinder efforts that propel creativity. Perfectionistic expectations, expressed alongside anger, impede employees' sense of psychological safety in the workplace, where they fear ridicule and disrespect for exploring untested solutions to address problems. Although leaders' insistence on achieving perfection may be well-intentioned, the challenge lies in conveying their high standards in a constructive, yet possibly compassionate, manner. Scholars are still uncovering important questions about the antecedents and consequences of leader perfectionism. Our findings, along with research from related fields, provide guidance on how to reduce the downsides of perfectionism while harnessing its potential benefits. The pursuit of perfection is a contentious process. Too often, leaders may fall into the trap of placing perfectionistic demands on their employees. When their work is considered inadequate, a perfectionistic leader's anger can threaten psychological safety in the workplace. This discourages employees from exploring different and unconventional ideas that are crucial to creativity. Our findings serve as a cautionary note for leaders, emphasizing that perfectionism and anger can compromise employees' efforts and performance.
Forbes
16-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
High-Functioning, Low Joy: Why Women Are Overachieving On Empty
Have you been checking off milestones like items on a to-do list instead of taking time to celebrate your wins? Do you smile through gritted teeth? How many times have you burned yourself out working to get to the next level, to hit your next goal, only to find that the target keeps moving? Do you struggle to relax when you finally get a day off? Or have you ever woken up realizing you have no joy in your work but don't really know where to go from there? Read on for expert tips on identifying what's driving this pattern and what you can do to break free. Hidden depression and shame may be driving burnout. What drives us to stay in constant motion You likely didn't map out your future career with the intention of being constantly busy and exhausted, so how did you end up in this pattern? Amina AlTai is an executive coach and author of The Ambition Trap: How to stop chasing and Start living. She points to shame and perfectionism as factors in why we push ourselves to the limit and beyond. 'Shame is the root of most of it. At the bottom of all of this is the feeling for most of us that we are unlovable, unworthy.' We get caught up in thinking that we can prove our worth via the quality of our work and by the volume how much we can do. 'Perfectionism is a survival tactic rooted in imposter syndrome for women and other historically excluded people. A lot of the times, the spaces that we want to be in, we look around and we don't always see people that look like us. We question our sense of belonging. What happens is when we question our sense of belonging, we tend to double down and work harder to prove to people that we deserve a seat at the table.' She also points to the fact that they have long been held to different standards than their male counterparts, rarely afforded the same grace when they do fail, amplifying the feeling that they're not allowed to make mistakes. 'Sometimes that impacts our ability to take risks as well,' adds AlTai, 'because we're so worried about a misstep and how it's going to look and what's going to happen to us that we often won't innovate as a result of that.' Hidden depression and trauma can also be factors that cause us to overwork and overdo. Dr. Judith Joseph is a Columbia-trained psychiatrist, NYU professor and author of High Functioning: Overcome your hidden depression and reclaim your joy. 'Many people don't realize that when they have painful experiences that shape the way that they see the world and the way that they interact in the world, that these are traumas.' Because we're conditioned to think of trauma as the 'big T' stuff, sometimes people overlook the negative experiences that still cause trauma and impact their view of themselves and the world around them. Even when people try to ignore the trauma or push it to the background, says Dr. Joseph, 'Over time, that trauma does sneak up in many different ways. It sneaks up in the choices that you make and the people that you love and the way that you view yourself.' This can bleed into workplace dynamics. And when depression is in the mix, this can take away from feeling joy and a sense of accomplishment, pushing you to just keep going, working towards the next milestone without taking a break to appreciate your achievements. Identifying the wounds driving your mindset and habits is a powerful step to take towards building healthier ones, she says. Noticing how that shame and perfectionism drive up is the first step towards making a shift away from those behaviors that put us on the track to burnout. Not feeling able to celebrate your wins is a common sign of burnout Signs of hidden depression and burnout Being aware of hidden depression and trauma and the patterns they contribute to and spotting them in yourself can be two different things. You could be going through the motions of a robust self-care practice, AlTai explains, doing yoga and stretching and red light therapy and sauna and ice baths and journaling and meditation and still feel burnt out. This is because you're not acknowledging the root causes of your burnout. Dr. Joseph says, 'Think about the millions of people in the world who have symptoms of depression, who are over-functioning, showing up for others, being the rock, being the parent, being the educator, being the entrepreneur and not breaking down. They don't acknowledge the distress or they just don't have the tools to express it, or they just 'weren't brought up that way.'' These are the people who often are neglected because they don't 'check the boxes,' in the traditional sense, for meeting treatment criteria, she explains. This is why noticing when you need help and advocating for yourself can be so powerful. Here are some signs to look for: AlTai adds, 'I think it's always important to understand where your baseline is so you can watch for changes and get a sense of what they mean for you.' Getting in touch with what really makes you happy-and what holds you back from that—is an important ... More step to reclaiming joy. First steps to reclaim joy in your work life Just as a reminder, the goal is not to be blissfully happy every moment of every day. If the line 'I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday' from Taylor Swift's 'I Can Do It With A Broken Heart' resonated with you, congrats! You have enough self-awareness to realize that faking joy and experiencing joy feel different. Chasing constant happiness as your goal can actually make you feel pretty bad about yourself when you fail to reach that impossible standard. AlTai explains, 'Our obsession with happiness is making us really miserable because in the West we are really obsessed with this notion of happiness. Whereas in eastern traditions, they're more concerned with contentment. And contentment, when it's translated from a lot of ancient texts, means unconditional wholeness. And so happiness by nature is meant to be transient. It's an emotion and emotions are meant to change all the time. They are energy in motion. We're not meant to be happy all the time. We're meant to feel happy, sad, angry, joyful, elated, bummed—out all the things.' Contentment, she says, is a more stable state from which we can navigate life's ups and downs, helping us feel more resilient. In her book, Dr. Joseph talks about 'the five V's,' which are validation, venting, values, vision and vitals, based on mindfulness research, positive psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy.' It's important to acknowledge and express how you feel and then look at how your current situation aligns (or doesn't) with your values. From there, she explains, you can take stock of various measures of joy in your life and then visualize the life you want so you can start focusing on the things you need to feel nourished and alive. She encourages identifying which one or two of these steps would be the place for you to start. 'In research,' she explains, 'when we measure happiness in science, we're measuring points of joy. We're adding up whether or not when you're with your loved ones, do you feel connected when you're eating your food, are you savoring it when you take a nap or do you feel rested? Those are the points of joy that are happiness. So think about joy as the experience and happiness as the idea. And when people chase the idea, they're still not happy. And then there's a huge reframe. So when you pour into your values every day and you're experiencing joy, that is what happiness is. It's now, it's not an elusive point in the future.' And while those vitals— the things that nourish your body and your brain—could be things like eating well, sleeping enough, and moving your body, she adds, some important ones that often get overlooked are our relationship with technology, our relationships with others and our work-life relationship. Your relationship to yourself is also of the utmost importance, says Dr. Joseph. 'You have to love yourself. If you are not taking care of yourself, people pick up on that. You are projecting that into the world.' Knowing where you struggle and taking proactive steps can help protect against future burnout. Preventing future burnout Building awareness of where your burnout-driving behaviors come from and taking steps to respond mindfully to your emotions can be very helpful in preventing future burnout. AlTai also likes to employ a tool called The Resentment Line. 'A lot of us live below the resentment line and we don't tell anybody where this line is. So the resentment line is exactly what it sounds like If we live below it, we are resentful. If we live above it, we're not resentful. And sometimes we live below the resentment line because we're letting people trespass all over our boundaries. Sometimes we're living below the resentment line because we're not making enough money. There's so many reasons that we could live below the resentment line, but all of that also exacerbates burnout.' She also encourages looking at how you're showing up in your work life (or personal life, if that's where you're struggling) and decide what you'd like to shift, moving forward. Draw some boundaries. 'Boundaries play such a big role. What are you willing to tolerate? What are you not willing to tolerate? What will you say yes to? What will you say no to? And know your trade-offs. So if you say yes to something and your plate's already full, it usually means you have to say no to something else.' If you struggle with low self-worth and are quick to beat up on yourself if you don't do something perfectly or are met with rejection, says Dr. Joseph, 'You should challenge that belief and say, no, I actually belong here and I did a great job and they should want me and I don't have to burn myself out to be here. And when you start to realize that all of these behaviors are tied to these past unresolved things that happened to you, and you make different decisions in life, then you have more control over whether or not you burn out. But many of us, we continue to run ourselves ragged because we don't know what the core is, why we do this in the first place. And so that's why I encourage people to understand the science of their happiness. When you understand what's making you unhappy, then you know how to protect what will make you happy, and you'll fight for that versus burning yourself out and running yourself ragged.'
Irish Times
08-05-2025
- Health
- Irish Times
The quest for perfection is doing you much more bad than good - here's why
Setting standards and aiming to succeed are healthy personality traits. They motivate a person to be persistent and meticulous in maintaining their personal beliefs and attitudes. Someone who works hard and showcases high performance in their professional endeavours may have perfectionist tendencies. It is often an admired trait, especially in people who reach their goals in a conscientious manner. It can bring feelings of self-worth and happiness. This is part of a series called Wellness Wisdom However, perfectionism can be an overwhelming and problematic mindset that leads to low confidence, fear of failure, negative self-talk and intense pressure to achieve outside of one's capabilities. It can lend itself to feelings of intense unhappiness. Self-criticism is associated with poor self-esteem, loss of control, lower mood, depression and anxiety. In some cases it is linked to obsessive and compulsive behaviours, as well as intrusive thoughts. READ MORE When someone strives beyond what is achievable, the motivating impulse that spurs them on can be counterproductive, crippling them into inaction and interfering with their quality of life. 'Usually, when we think of perfection, we see it as something free from mistakes or defects.' says Elaine Ní Mhórdha, a psychotherapeutic coach . 'This is unrealistic and when we strive for perfection, we focus on our perceived flaws, magnifying them. In a way, we punish ourselves for what we believe is a defect. This can be physical, mental and emotional.' Signs of perfectionist behaviour include being highly critical, having unrealistic standards, being pushed by a fear of failure, procrastinating out of fear, focusing on the goal rather than the journey and being unhappy when goals are not met. According to Ms Ní Mhórdha, guilt and shame can play a role in our quest for perfectionism. 'Sometimes we believe that if we can be perfect or seen to be perfect, then we will be validated and hold value,' she says. 'We will have worth. If we can somehow reach a state of perfect, we can release our negative views of ourselves and let go of past experiences. We believe that we will no longer face harsh judgment or criticism.' In reality, the quest for perfection is a never-ending treadmill as our standards continually shift and change, especially as external social and cultural influences, along with social media, unknowingly encourage unhealthy competition with others. This can all combine to leave us demanding even more from ourselves. These demands can be unrealistic or unattainable. 'Perfectionism is often evident with women who have always been classed as 'good girls',' says Ms Ní Mhórdha. 'The belief is that if we can exude perfection and be 'good', then everything will be okay around us and we will be safe and stable. 'This may have been how we coped when we were children. Sometimes our childhood experiences teach us that love is conditional and in order to achieve it, we have to be great.' Through a rose-tinted lens, we are shown different versions of perfection. Consistent online targeting through algorithms, disjointed messages and impossibly high standards messes with our understanding of what is achievable in life. 'Without being too philosophical, what is perfect?' says Ms Ní Mhórdha. 'Does it change or is it static? Whose view of perfect are we choosing – our own or someone else's? 'Pursuing an unattainable goal can result in perfectionists suffering from stress, anxiety and depression. They will constantly think they aren't good enough because they haven't met their impossible standard. Perfectionism is essentially a myth.' We need to understand that imperfection and mistakes make us human A perfectionist is likely to take greater risks that are counterproductive and unhealthy. They may overthink and obsessively focus on intrusive thoughts. They are unlikely to be flexible in the approach to their goal, while also obsessing about the small details and adopting negative, controlling behaviours. Ms Ní Mhórdha adds: 'When we feel inadequate and so far removed from what we believe is perfect, we become discouraged. The fear of not achieving perfection can lead to overthinking and excessive analysis. When we focus on every detail, we can struggle to make decisions or take action, resulting in procrastination.' She notes that action is the 'antidote to a lack of confidence'. However, perfectionism can lead to fear of failure, creating an anxious paralysis as our motivation decreases in a state of fear. 'We can become consumed with the idea that mistakes are terrible and somehow diminish our worth,' she says. 'We become trapped by our own perceived inadequacy and unable to try something new or pursue a dream.' While aiming for a level of perfection can help you achieve your goals in a manageable way, it can negatively affect you too. Avoiding perfectionism can be difficult, but it is not impossible. according to Ms Ní Mhórdha. She says: 'We need to understand that imperfection and mistakes make us human. We must shift our mindset from seeking flawlessness to valuing other aspects of our lives and embracing the sense of good enough.' She offers the following guidance in tackling perfectionism: Place a focus on learning opportunities. Mistakes are part of life. They are what make us human and each mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow. Be more realistic with goals. They need to be achievable rather than an impossible standard. Engage in self-care and self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and acceptance when you make a mistake. Identify your negative voice. Who do you hear in your mind when you feel inadequate or not good enough? By identifying that voice, you can learn more about the root of your quest for perfectionism. Challenge negative thoughts when they arise. Stop a negative thought in its tracks and ask yourself if it is true, if it is realistic and whether or not there is any evidence to support it. Remember that your thoughts aren't facts. Just because you think something you're doing isn't correct, this thought is not necessarily true. Focus on your strengths. Often, when we strive for perfectionism, we focus on our perceived flaws rather than our strengths, abilities, talents and successes. Work with a therapist to embrace imperfection. Reframing perfectionist thinking is very beneficial. Wellness Wisdom How to focus a distracted mind Learning from Ancient Wisdom How to overcome self-doubt Stop avoiding difficult emotions Avoiding the stress pile-on Learning to say 'no'
