Latest news with #perfectionism
Yahoo
a day ago
- Health
- Yahoo
11 Signs Your Child Is Too Competitive and What To Do About It
Reviewed by Charissa Chamorro, PhD We've all heard the saying: 'A little competition never hurt anyone.' In fact, you likely see a touch of competitiveness in just about everyone, including yourself. But how does competitiveness apply to kids? Experts say while competition is a natural part of human makeup that drives people, including kids, to do their best, it also can morph into something unhealthy—especially if your child cannot tolerate losing and struggles every time they are faced with challenges. 'Our brains are wired to compete,' explains Christina Lee, MD, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Maryland. 'Competition can be a very positive drive to motivate you to do better and to learn to improve your performance. But the problem is in children who have underdeveloped brains and the inability to necessarily temper [emotions], impulsive competitiveness can spiral into the negative aspects like self-criticism or perfectionism.' Dr. Less says unhealthy competitiveness may start with getting upset over losing a board game. Then, as your child gets a little bit older, they may start obsessing over their grades, insisting on being first in line, and even refusing to try hard things because they are afraid to fail, she says. 'When someone's self-worth starts becoming contingent on winning, achievements, or out-performing other people, that's where it's really time to take a closer look,' says Dr. Lee. 'An unhealthy competitive mindset can ultimately crowd out enjoyment, curiosity, and the healthy risk-taking that is needed to explore—and all the positive benefits of competitiveness go out the window when it starts going down that path.' Understanding Competitive Behavior in Children Competitiveness in children is often overt, says Cynthia Vejar, PhD, LPC, LSC/PPS, NCC, associate professor and director of the CMHC/SC/TR Cert. Programs at Lebanon Valley College. Most kids haven't yet developed the nuanced mannerisms that allow them to conceal their competitiveness that adults typically acquire. 'While adults may be just as, if not more, competitive, they often hide it behind subtle behaviors, passive comments, or strategic social graces,' says Dr. Vejar. 'In contrast, children tend to express their competitiveness in more obvious ways, such as bragging, name-calling, or becoming hyper-emotional when they lose.' Their emotional regulation is still developing, so their reactions tend to be worn on 'their sleeves,' she says. This isn't necessarily negative, as it offers clear insight into their thoughts and emotions, but it also means you need to teach them how to handle both winning and losing, as well as developing grace, empathy, and perspective, she says. Here are some ways you might witness competitiveness in school, sports, and social interactions. School: According to Dr. Vejar, kids may strive for the highest grades, as well as seek approval from teachers. 'On the positive side, this can motivate hard work, but it can also lead to stress or perfectionism, as well as cheating behavior.' Sports: In sports, competition can be physical and aggressive, says Dr. Vejar. Kids may push themselves and their teammates, which can lead to burnout, resentment, and ultimately take the fun out of hobbies and activities, she says. Conversely, kids can move past their comfort levels and develop exceptional talent, she says. Social interactions: In peer groups, Dr. Vejar says competition shows up as trying to be the most popular, have the trendiest clothes and technology, and get the most attention. This can manifest in appearance, talent, and social status, she says. The Impact of Excessive Competitiveness While a little bit of competition can be healthy for kids, Dr. Lee says too much can create chronic stress that can lead to burnout, de-prioritizing collaboration, and even lying about their accomplishments. It also can steal their joy for activities they once loved—especially in sports and other similar activities. In fact, the American Academy Pediatrics reports that 70% of kids quit organized sports by age 13 because of performance pressure and the amount of unhealthy competition they experience, she says. 'Excessive pressure [and unhealthy competitiveness] raises the risk for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and sleep issues,' says Dr. Lee. 'It can sometimes even lead to substance misuse in adolescence.' Unhealthy competitiveness also can cause kids to disconnect from their core values and sense of self beyond the activity, adds Carla Allan, PhD, division chief of psychology for Phoenix Children's. 'Some may withdraw, freeze, or quit, while others may act out with intense, persistent anger towards peers, parents, coaches, or themselves—disrupting their overall quality of life,' says Dr. Allan. 'In most cases, without intervention, children will gradually show more frequent and intense signs of dysregulated behavior. For example, a child who exhibits physical aggression often displays verbal aggression first.' As they get older they may even resort to cheating in order to win. And, if they are in sports, excessive competitiveness and a desire to be the best, can even lead to the use of performance enhancing drugs. Signs Your Child Is Too Competitive When kids are overly competitive, Dr. Lee says they may be reluctant to try new things or to undertake challenges, especially if they believe they might not succeed. They may fear failure and become withdrawn as a result. You also may see a lot of negative self-talk, self-criticism, extreme emotions after a loss, and an inability to recover from losses and failures, she says. Here are some other signs of excessive competitiveness that our experts say you may witness: Constant comparisons with peers Fear of failure or not being good enough Lack of collaboration or cooperation Acting out after losing a competition or failing a test Avoidance of competitions or sporting events Boastful behavior or bragging and putting down others Unable to be a team-player or share credit for winning Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations of self and others Pressure to constantly perform or present a perfect image Feelings of inadequacy or exclusion Alienating friends or being rejected by others The Role of Social Media While social media, like TikTok and Instagram, can provide a platform for connection, it can also encourage competitive behaviors, especially in teens, says Judy Krause, EdD, executive director of Early Childhood Programs at Pacific Oaks College. 'These platforms often foster a sense of competition,' says Dr. Krause. 'While online, teens compare themselves with others, wanting to be popular. Peer pressure leads them to participate in virtual trends, which can be harmful.' With social media, there's a built-in culture that emphasizes recognition, adds Dr. Vejar such as how many 'likes' one gets, how many friends they have, and the types of comments they get on a post. 'This can create pressure to constantly perform or present a perfect image, while also triggering feelings of inadequacy or exclusion such as FOMO [fear of missing out].'You can reduce these risks by setting time limits for screen time, encouraging real-world or offline friendships, and modeling healthy technology habits, says Dr. Vejar. 'The problem with social media is that it turns normal, every day life into a competition or a scoreboard,' adds Dr. Lee. 'It ends up perpetuating this idea that everyone's highlight reel is better…and there's a huge divide that makes kids feel terrible and fuels their anxiety. So, have open conversations with your kids about how social media is not real and is a very filtered version [of someone's life].' Strategies for Parents to Encourage Healthy Competition When it comes to competition, work with your kids to provide balance, says Dr. Krause. 'Rather than focusing on winning, concentrate on effort and accepting loss. Shift the focus to teamwork. Engage in conversations about feelings. Children are looking to [you] for support; be the model for finding the fun in the competition.' If you are constantly focusing on accomplishments and winning, Dr. Lee says that's going to make your child feel bad when they don't obtain that. Instead, shift your focus to progress like comparing how a child did in the past and how they do now. Dr. Lee says you can encourage healthy competition, instead. Here's how: Praise effort over outcome: 'Research shows that kids who are praised for their hard work and their effort actually go on to develop much stronger resilience, can recover better from setbacks, and learn to cope with disappointment or frustration, when they feel supported and loved regardless of whether they win or lose,' she says. Rotate sports and activities: Strive for a balance of competitive and non-competitive activities and avoid specializing in a sport too early, says Dr. Lee. 'The American Academy of Pediatrics against pigeon-holing them into being the sports player, gymnast, or cheerleader. Try different sports throughout the year and then take several months off from any single sport. You want your child to kind of figure out what they enjoy and what they would excel at doing. You also want to encourage teamwork and cooperation over winning.' Model healthy and positive attitudes toward competition: Achievements should be celebrated, says Dr. Lee. But they're also not representative of who your child is. 'Anybody can have a good or bad day, so it's important to teach children how to keep a healthy perspective. It's also important to encourage kids to prioritize rest and recovery. It's not an optional thing; it's essential and helps reduce burnout," she explains. Talk about what success means: So many young people think success is all about winning, says Dr. Lee. 'But if you teach your child that success might mean being a good person, being a good teammate, being supportive, trying something new, or doing something even when you know that you're going to fail you have redefined the term success and redefined the term winning. That can help build long-term confidence. Remind them that having fun is the goal: The reason why children start doing competitive things like sports is because they are fun, says Dr. Lee. 'So, remind them that having fun should be the goal, not winning. Also encourage them to try something new and not just focus on the things they are good at.' Read the original article on Parents Solve the daily Crossword
New York Times
6 days ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Escaping the Cycle of Perfectionism
Mollie Candib, a therapist in New York City, was seeing a client who was under enormous stress. He was an actor who went out for auditions, but the process made him more than a little anxious, she said; it paralyzed him with fear. Even if he achieved perfection, he couldn't control how others viewed him, Ms. Candib said. So she gave him a book, 'How to Be an Imperfectionist,' by Stephen Guise, hoping it would give him some perspective. 'I wanted to help him release the stress,' she said, 'so he could put his best foot forward.' Many of us 'think that perfectionism is here to help us,' Ms. Candib said. If we never make a mistake, we can save ourselves from scrutiny and ridicule. But striving to be perfect doesn't necessarily protect us; it can take a toll on our well-being. Researchers have linked it to chronic stress and insomnia. Books can be a useful way to start examining our need to do everything right. We spoke to therapists and researchers to find the best books for identifying perfectionist patterns — and beginning to loosen their grip. 'When Perfect Isn't Good Enough' by Martin M. Anthony and Dr. Richard P. Swinson This book, first published in 1998, is packed with strategies to help perfectionists cope with less-than-perfect circumstances. Ms. Candib says she appreciates the book's insightful questions that prompt the reader to visualize life beyond perfection. They're encouraged to explore what might change 'if fear were not in the driver's seat,' she said. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Yahoo
20-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
What Oldest Siblings Bring Up Most In Therapy
'Fiercely independent,' 'driven,' 'responsible' and 'caretakers' are words that are often used to describe oldest siblings. From a young age, firstborn children are tasked with watching out for their siblings while also being raised by first-time parents, which are experiences that show up in many ways, including in certain topics and beliefs that come out in therapy. What's more, there are no other children around when the oldest child is born, which means their role models are adults, their caregivers, according to Aparna Sagaram, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Space to Reflect in Philadelphia. Younger siblings, on the other hand, have their older siblings around and look at them as role models. 'Generally, they say younger siblings are more relaxed and more carefree — it's interesting because their role models [are] actually a child,' Sagaram said. Combined with the lived experiences oldest children have, this creates specific challenges that are often discussed in therapy. Below are some of the most common issues oldest siblings bring up in sessions: Struggles With Perfectionism With the oldest child, there is a lot of trial-and-error parenting — new parents are learning how to raise their firstborn and don't yet have the knowledge that they'll bring to raising their younger children, said Altheresa Clark, a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Inspire4Purpose in Florida. This may mean oldest children have to deal with extreme parenting styles, like a strict upbringing with lots of rules and expectations. 'So, how that translates to the oldest child, they now have to grow up and there are a lot of expectations. A lot of times [this creates a] Type A personality where they become perfectionists,' Clark said. Clark said she helps her oldest-sibling patients connect the dots and dismantle the perfectionist belief systems that have been with them for decades. 'We're helping them say, well, your parent was hard on you as the oldest child, which then translated as you had to be the best, you're a perfectionist, you're very self-critical.' It's important for oldest siblings to realize this connection to be easier on themselves when they don't meet their high expectations, she said. 'If they don't show up the way their parents enforced in them, they're very, very hard on themselves,' Clark said. Feelings Of Imposter Syndrome When you're very self-critical and constantly striving for more, it can be hard to ever feel like you're good enough, which can lead to imposter syndrome, according to Clark. When it comes to success or recognition, firstborn children may feel they 'don't deserve it because of this harsh self-critical analysis ... because of their strict upbringing or the expectations that their parents had [for] them,' Clark said. She added that she especially sees this in her high-achieving Black clients. Experiences With 'Parentification' According to Sagaram, many oldest children dealt with 'parentification' starting at a young age. This means they were given adult responsibilities to help their parents who either worked a lot, were emotionally unavailable or physically unavailable. 'So, having to take care of younger siblings, prepare their meals, put them to bed, watch them' are all examples of parentification, Sagaram said. What's tough about this, though, is in many cultures, helping your parents out is innate, Clark said. Especially in BIPOC communities where 'you are supposed to help your younger sibling — it's just expected of you to serve in those roles,' Clark added. Sagaram said children who are parentified grow into adults who aren't able to fully relax, constantly worry about other people and always feel like they have to be caretakers for their loved ones. And this shows up in both men and women, Sagaram said. Jealousy Toward Younger Siblings Sagaram said oldest siblings often feel like they had to pave the way for their younger siblings and can feel like their little sister or brother has it easier. For older siblings, both Sagaram and Clark noted, this can lead to feelings of jealousy or resentment. Oldest siblings may be jealous of the ease younger siblings feel around certain situations — like bad grades or breaking curfew — and may wish they got to experience life that way, too. In the end, it can feel like unfair treatment for the oldest sibling. Trouble Asking For Help 'Oldest siblings feel like they can't rely on others for support, or they feel like they have to have it all figured out on their own,' Sagaram said. This affects work, relationships and all parts of an eldest child's life, she said. 'When I'm working with oldest children, it's something we try to unlearn. Asking for help is OK; it doesn't mean you're weak in any way,' Sagaram noted. What's more, oldest siblings who outwardly seem to have a handle on their professional and personal lives have a hard time expressing when they are feeling down, Clark said. Oftentimes, when they do share their struggles, they are met with responses like 'but you make good money; why are you upset?' This further forces eldest children to hide any mental struggles. You Can't Change Your Birth Order, But You Can Treat Your Struggles 'Birth order is definitely something a lot of people talk about on social media, and it does play a role in how we are as people and especially the relationship with our parents,' Sagaram said, but 'it's definitely not the only factor.' If you have a strained relationship with people in your family and you want to blame your birth order, you can do that, but there are also ways to heal the relationship, she said. 'We can't change birth order. It's something that we were born into — to dwell on something like that can cause more harm,' Sagaram said. Regardless of your birth order, it's possible to have good and healthy relationships with your parents and your siblings, she said. If You're Struggling, Therapy Is A Tool For Healing 'I would definitely say if [you] are an oldest sibling and [you're] experiencing some of those things — being a perfectionist, imposter syndrome, feeling immense amounts of pressure to perform ... going to therapy is helpful,' Clark said. Therapy can help you deal with unhealed trauma, connect your behaviors to things in your childhood and uncover patterns in your life that need to change, she said. If you come from a family with broken bonds and toxic relationships, family therapy is an extra tool that can help improve your relationships with your loved ones, Clark added. If you need support, you can find mental health professionals through the American Psychiatric Association's search tool, on Psychology Today's database or through resources like Inclusive Therapists and Therapy for Black Girls. Related... Prince Harry Wants To Spill Family Tea And Reconcile. Is That Even Possible? The 6 Most Common Issues Introverts Bring Up In Therapy Is There A Best Time Of Day For Therapy? Here's What Therapists Say. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
25-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Lifelong Insecurities You're Carrying From Having Critical Parents
Growing up, we all have our fair share of family dynamics that have sculpted us into the individuals we are today. But if your parents leaned more on the critical side, those formative years might have left you with lingering insecurities that follow you into adulthood. Navigating life with a constant inner critic can feel like an uphill battle. Here are 15 lifelong insecurities that may resonate a little too well if you had critical parents. That relentless pursuit of perfection isn't just a quirky personality trait—it's a constant shadow looming over you. Your parents might've pointed out the 99% on your test rather than praising the A-grade. This unyielding expectation to always "do better" has left you in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction with your achievements. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, constantly seeking validation from others can lead to chronic feelings of inadequacy. The inner voice that scolds you for not being enough is never silenced. It questions every decision and accomplishment, leading you to seek external validation as a metric of self-worth. Even as an adult, you find yourself wondering if your achievements are truly deserving of praise. It's exhausting to live under the microscope of an upbringing that demanded impossible standards. Fear becomes a close companion when you're conditioned to view failure as catastrophic. Growing up, failure wasn't an option but rather an indictment of character, and that belief has lingered with you. This manifests as a paralyzing fear that prevents you from taking risks or trying new things. You're stuck in a loop, avoiding potential failures at all costs. The dread of falling short stifles your creativity and ambition. Opportunities slip through your fingers because you second-guess your abilities and potential for success. Even minor setbacks can trigger spiraling thoughts of defeat. It's a tiring cycle that keeps you from embracing life's full potential. With critical parents, you learned to question the sincerity of praise and affection. This skepticism often extends to relationships, where trusting others feels like stepping onto shaky ground. You question motives and brace yourself for criticism, even when it's not there. The Journal of Family Psychology found that parental criticism is linked to lower levels of trust and intimacy in adult relationships. This lack of trust isn't limited to romantic partners; it infiltrates friendships and work dynamics, too. Every compliment is met with suspicion, and every critique feels personal. You struggle to take feedback constructively, often perceiving it as an attack rather than guidance. It's a defensive mechanism that leaves you isolated in your fortress of doubt. The need for approval becomes an overwhelming drive when your childhood was filled with judgmental scrutiny. You're on a never-ending quest for others' validation to fill the void left by critical parents. This neediness affects how you interact with peers and colleagues, often making you go above and beyond to win their favor. It's like performing a never-ending juggling act to keep everyone happy. Unfortunately, this drive for approval can lead you to compromise your own needs and values. You might find yourself saying yes to things you don't want to do, just to avoid disapproval. The fear of letting others down becomes a guiding force, even at the expense of your well-being. It's a tug-of-war between wanting acceptance and losing yourself in the process. When praise felt conditional or insincere growing up, accepting compliments as an adult becomes an awkward ordeal. Compliments often feel like setups for future criticism, so you deflect them or downplay your achievements. This insecurity can make social interactions uncomfortable, as you struggle to accept the good without anticipating the bad. Dr. Christine Moutier's research indicates that people with a history of critical parenting might have a hard time internalizing positive feedback, leading to diminished self-esteem. Even when recognition is earned, you feel undeserving. Compliments bounce off you, leaving a residue of self-doubt rather than confidence. Instead of embracing the praise, you search for hidden motives or assume it's misplaced. This hinders your self-growth, as genuine recognition is lost in translation. It's as if every conversation is recorded, analyzed, and critiqued in your mind long after it's over. You dissect every word and gesture, convinced that you've said something wrong, thanks to a childhood filled with constant correction. This over-analysis turns simple interactions into mental marathons of self-doubt and anxiety. You're left exhausted, replaying scenarios in your head to catch what you might have missed. This overthinking becomes all-consuming, affecting your ability to relax and be present. Social situations become minefields of potential embarrassment or criticism. The idea of just letting things be feels foreign, as your mind races to connect invisible dots. It's a draining habit that keeps you on edge, even when there's no real reason to be. In the absence of nurturing and understanding, self-compassion becomes a concept that's difficult to grasp. Your internal dialogue mimics the critical voices of your past, leaving little room for kindness towards yourself. Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, found that individuals who lacked parental warmth tend to have lower self-compassion levels, making it challenging to forgive themselves for mistakes. This lack of self-kindness makes it hard to bounce back from setbacks. Instead of comforting yourself, you berate your mistakes and shortcomings. The harsh self-talk that was once external has become internalized, making it difficult to treat yourself with the understanding you readily offer others. It's a battle to find peace within when your harshest critic resides in your own mind. Growing up with a critical lens on yourself often translates into having the same lens on others. You may find yourself nitpicking at friends, partners, or colleagues, holding them to impossibly high standards. This cycle of criticism is a learned behavior that repeats itself, as you project your own insecurities onto those around you. You become the critic, perpetuating the cycle that kept you in its grip for so long. This habit strains relationships, as people feel judged and undervalued. It's challenging for you to accept imperfections in others when you struggle to accept them in yourself. Instead of fostering connection, your critical nature builds walls that keep people at a distance. It's a learned defensiveness that pushes away the very support network you crave. Establishing boundaries is a daunting task when you've been conditioned to constantly seek approval. You have trouble saying no, fearing that it will lead to criticism or rejection. Your inclination to please others overrides your own needs, leaving you feeling depleted and resentful. Boundaries, to you, feel like acts of defiance rather than self-care. This lack of boundaries leads to burnout, as you take on more than you can handle. You struggle to prioritize your own well-being, fearing the consequences of standing your ground. It's a cycle that leaves you feeling unappreciated and overextended. Only by learning to assert your needs can you find the balance you desperately need. The constant anticipation of criticism breeds a pessimistic outlook on life. You brace yourself for failure and disappointment, convinced that things will go wrong. This expectation of the worst infects your decisions and relationships, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're unable to relax and enjoy moments of peace because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. This heightened sense of vigilance is exhausting, keeping you on high alert for signs of disaster. Joyful moments are clouded by the anticipation of backlash or negativity. The inability to embrace positivity leaves you stuck in a cycle of anxiety and dread. It's a taxing mindset that robs you of happiness and peace. When love was conditional on your performance or behavior, you learned to equate worthiness with perfection. This belief persists into adulthood, making it difficult to accept love from others. You question the sincerity of affection, convinced that it will be withdrawn when you make mistakes. Love, to you, is something to be earned, not freely given. This mindset leads to self-sabotage in relationships, as you push people away before they can reject you. You doubt your partner's intentions, waiting for the inevitable moment of disappointment. It's a lonely existence, as you struggle to believe that you are deserving of love just as you are. Only by challenging these ingrained beliefs can you begin to embrace genuine, unconditional love. Initiative feels risky when every move was scrutinized and criticized growing up. You hesitate to take charge, fearing negative outcomes and harsh judgments. This reluctance stifles your potential, as you hold back from opportunities that could lead to growth and fulfillment. You find yourself waiting for permission or approval that never comes. This fear of stepping up keeps you in the shadows, overshadowed by those more willing to take risks. You miss chances to showcase your talents and strengths, overshadowed by your own insecurities. It's a self-imposed barrier that limits your success and satisfaction. Only by challenging this fear can you break free from the constraints of your past. Decision-making becomes an agonizing process when you're haunted by the fear of choosing incorrectly. Every choice feels monumental, with the potential for criticism looming over you. This indecision leads to second-guessing and anxiety, as you weigh every possible outcome. You're paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes, leading to procrastination and missed opportunities. This hesitation extends to both minor and major life decisions, leaving you feeling stuck. The pressure to make the "right" choice becomes overwhelming, overshadowing the freedom of making mistakes and learning from them. It's a paralyzing fear that keeps you on the sidelines of your own life. Only by embracing the possibility of failure can you unlock the courage to make decisions confidently. Perfectionism can become a shield against criticism, a way to preemptively protect yourself from judgment. You strive for flawlessness in an attempt to avoid the harsh scrutiny you grew up with. This obsessive attention to detail and excellence comes at the cost of your mental health and well-being. It's a defense mechanism that leaves you perpetually exhausted and on edge. While aiming for perfection, you neglect the importance of mistakes and growth. The pressure to always excel leaves little room for self-compassion or understanding. It's a relentless pursuit that comes at the cost of your happiness and peace of mind. By redefining your relationship with perfection, you can begin to break free from its suffocating grip. Growing up with critical parents often means grappling with an unclear sense of self. Your identity was shaped by their expectations, making it difficult to understand who you truly are. This struggle leads to confusion and uncertainty in your values, beliefs, and goals. You find yourself questioning what you genuinely want versus what was imposed upon you. This lack of self-identity affects your confidence and decision-making. You may feel like a chameleon, constantly adapting to please others rather than staying true to yourself. It's a disorienting feeling, as you search for your own voice amidst the echoes of criticism. Only by exploring your authentic desires and values can you begin to forge a strong, independent identity.
Fast Company
24-06-2025
- Business
- Fast Company
Why perfection is the fastest route to mediocrity
Most leaders wouldn't describe themselves as perfectionists. They see themselves as thoughtful decision-makers: committed to high standards, careful to avoid mistakes, and focused on doing things the right way. At first glance, it sounds like a sign of good leadership. But perfectionism often disguises itself as excellence, when in reality, it's something else entirely: hesitation, endless fine-tuning, and a deep reluctance to take action before every last variable is resolved. The leaders whose businesses are thriving aren't usually the ones who get everything right, or even try to. They're the ones who understand when something is ready to put out into the world—flaws and all—and who are willing to move forward without absolute certainty. Perfectionist leaders often believe they're raising the bar for their teams and organizations. But in practice, perfectionism tends to slow things down in ways that are easy to overlook at first, but significant over time. Here are just a few of the most common culprits. The 'Flawless But Forgettable' Problem There's a reason the most iconic brands, campaigns, and products aren't technically perfect. They often have a distinct voice, a strong point of view, or a sense of personality that makes them stand out. Perfectionism can strip away those details. In the effort to avoid criticism or error, leaders sometimes smooth over the very things that make an idea interesting, memorable, or emotionally resonant. What's left might be well-crafted and technically polished, sure, but it's also at risk of being generic. Customers don't remember flawless execution as much as they remember how something made them feel. When every unique edge is softened and made more palatable to the masses, you lose the spark that helps work connect on a deeper level. The 'Death By A Thousand Revisions' Problem One of the most frustrating effects of perfectionism is the way it turns forward movement into a holding pattern. Leaders delay launches, continue revising past the point of meaningful improvement, and hesitate to share work that's still evolving—often under the belief that it's not quite ready. But by the time it feels ready, the opportunity has often passed. Meanwhile, competitors who are willing to release, test, and iterate are already collecting feedback, making improvements, and gaining traction. Refining a plan can feel productive, but at some point, it becomes a way to avoid risk. And risk avoidance, while understandable, rarely leads to innovation. The 'Invisible Culture Killer' Problem Most perfectionist leaders don't intend to create a culture where people feel hesitant to speak up or take initiative. They believe they're encouraging high performance and attention to detail. But from the team's perspective, constant scrutiny can feel more like pressure than support. Eventually, they start to second guess themselves. They start to cover up their mistakes to avoid criticism. They start to think smaller because they know the big ideas never see the light of day. That's not exactly an environment that fosters growth or long-term success. The 'Fast Track To Burnout' Problem Last but not least, perfectionist leaders are exhausting to work for. Even when it comes from a good place, perfectionism is grueling to maintain. No one wants to revisit the same project, rewrite the same email, or stay up late double-checking work that was likely 'good enough' 10 drafts ago. Even high performers will start to burn out in that environment—not because they don't care, but because the constant pressure to get everything exactly right becomes too much. HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM PERFECTIONISM Contrary to popular belief, letting go of perfection doesn't mean letting go of quality. It means being clear about what actually moves the business forward and allowing some things to be less than perfect if it means creating momentum. Here's how to break free and start leading with momentum instead of hesitation. The 85% Rule Many successful leaders embrace a simple idea: If something is 85% of the way there, it's probably ready to move forward. That last 15%—the part spent tweaking, polishing, and fine-tuning—often has minimal impact on outcomes, but a significant cost in time and energy. Jeff Bezos popularized the concept of ' disagree and commit,' a way of keeping decisions moving even when not everyone is perfectly aligned. And at Netflix, Reed Hastings built a culture that encouraged risk-taking over excessive consensus-building. You're in good company if you want to follow their lead! Embracing Imperfection Perfection doesn't build trust—transparency does. The leaders who admit when they're wrong, adapt to new information, and model a mindset where learning is more important than being right will be rewarded with loyalty and commitment. When leaders make it clear that mistakes are part of growth, their teams become more willing to contribute ideas, take initiative, and own their work. That kind of culture drives innovation far more effectively than one focused on avoiding flaws. Taking Bold Action Making a mistake may feel like a risk, but you know what else is a risk? Blending in with everyone else. The leaders who go down in history aren't the ones who played it safe until every detail was perfect. They're the ones who made big bets, stood behind imperfect ideas, and had the courage to move before they felt completely ready. Perfectionism feels safe in the moment, but in the long run, it's just another way to stay small and avoid the discomfort that comes with meaningful growth and innovation. It's easy to fall into the habit of holding things back until they feel just right. But the longer you wait, the more the work loses its spark. The moment passes. And the version you were perfecting quietly slips behind what's needed now. Choosing to move forward even when something feels slightly unfinished isn't lowering your standards. It's trusting that clarity and improvement come through motion, not before it. In the race between done and perfect, done wins every time.
