Latest news with #psychotherapy
The Guardian
2 days ago
- Health
- The Guardian
Taking a break from your loved ones might be painful – but it's the only way to grow
You need a break. It is very important, from time to time, to take a break from your partner, from your work, from your children, from your exercise, from your screens, from alcohol and drugs and therapy and podcasts and crisps. We need time and space to rest; this is a crucial part of a better life. This much is obvious. But we need to take breaks for less obvious reasons too. As any patient of psychodynamic psychotherapy or psychoanalysis knows, come July, therapists are banging on about their August break. You tell them a dream about losing your child in the supermarket; they interpret this as you feeling like a lost child because of the break. You talk about feeling angry at a friend who cancelled plans; they suggest you are feeling angry and abandoned because of the break. It's outrageous and ridiculous – and most of the time, in my experience, absolutely true. I know this because I have fought off many of these kinds of interpretations over the years as a patient – and I still do sometimes. And I always try to understand the unconscious impact of my break as a therapist on my patients; because I know it cuts deep. Feeling left, excluded, disappointed, unwanted – nobody wants these emotions, but if you want to build a better life, you need to feel them, so they can find a home in your mind. Otherwise, this unwanted part of you ends up feeling abandoned and excluded twice over, and the emotions get locked down and stuck instead of understood and felt. When therapy is unboundaried and without breaks, the patient is robbed of this opportunity to grow. The break is part of the treatment. Deeper change is made possible by the therapist's absence and the patient's survival of it. It hurts – but at least we don't have to pay for that part. This is true of all relationships in life: separation is a prerequisite to growth. This came alive for me when I took my daughter to nursery for the first time. The pain and anxiety of leaving her felt almost unbearable for both of us – and that 'almost' is important. Actually, it was bearable, after a settling-in period in which she could begin to feel safe in the nursery in my presence, and grow the capacity to tolerate my absence for longer and longer periods. Thanks to her keyworker's sensitivity, understanding, care and hugs (for both of us), it was difficult and painful, but not a trauma. And, over time, my daughter has thrived in her sense of separateness, in having grown through a difficult experience, and in learning new things without me. In beginning to build her own life. For both our sakes, I had to let her go and learn to take breaks. Not only because I needed to rest. I also had to understand something about myself, which I think lies at the heart of a struggle that many of us experience. We don't want to believe the fact that we are not indispensable, that our loved ones can survive without us, that they can manage. The conviction of the necessity of our constant availability is so compelling, we don't believe life can go on when we aren't there. And that makes sense; that's how it often is at the beginning. As the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott said: 'There is no such thing as a baby' – meaning, the baby simply cannot exist in the absence of maternal care (not only, but usually, provided by the mother). But as time goes on, and as babies grow up, separation has to become possible, and a child has to come to exist in the absence of the mother. And the same is true of friendships and romantic relationships. Nothing kills a friendship or sex life like long-term and unflinching dependence on one another with no time apart. For some, there are practicalities that make a break impossible. Parents and carers with children with disabilities who need additional care, for example, can struggle to secure the right kind of support that might make it possible for them to take a break of any kind. But the absolute necessity of these breaks is recognised in law (by the Children Act 1989 and the Breaks for Carers of Disabled Children Regulations 2011). So while I do understand that of course there may be external reasons why someone may not be able to take a break, that may make it even more important to find a way to do so. External reasons are probably not the only thing stopping us. The belief in the necessity of our constant presence protects us, unconsciously, from our awareness of our own limitations, of our vulnerabilities and needs. It protects us from the experience I had recently, of putting my daughter to bed earlier than usual and thinking, 'What am I going to do with myself now?' and not knowing the answer. It can protect us from an empty feeling of not knowing ourselves, that we've been unconsciously filling up with all sorts of obligations and duties, which take us further away from what we truly need. So sometimes, in the interests of building a better life for you and your loved ones, taking a break really is the most important work you can do. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it. See you in September! Moya Sarner is an NHS psychotherapist and the author of When I Grow Up – Conversations With Adults in Search of Adulthood Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.
Fox News
22-07-2025
- Health
- Fox News
Should you try hypnosis to stop drinking? Here's what the experts say
While some people may be skeptical of hypnosis, experts say it's a legitimate therapy that can help with a range of physical and mental challenges — including, possibly, alcohol use disorder. Clinical hypnosis has shown to be effective in the treatment of pain, anxiety, stress, cancer treatment side effects, phobias and habit control problems, such as smoking and weight control, according to past randomized controlled trials. "Hypnosis is the oldest Western form of psychotherapy, but it is underutilized," Dr. David Spiegel, associate chair of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine in California and a leading authority in the field of hypnosis, told Fox News Digital. Hypnosis is not itself considered a therapy. Rather, it enhances other treatments by inducing a state of increased concentration while reducing peripheral awareness, experts say. The practice aims to put people in a deep state of relaxation so they can learn more easily. Shawn Criswell, Ph.D., a mental counselor practicing in Oregon, defines it as "a gentle way of shifting people's focus to new ideas and perspectives that can help improve their lives." Added Criswell, "It does this in part by connecting them with their strengths and resources, empowering them in the process, and directly contradicting the old, tired myth that in hypnosis, you'll give up control of yourself." She co-authored, together with Michael Yapko, Ph.D, the latest edition of "Trancework: An Introduction to the Practice of Clinical Hypnosis." Past research suggests that hypnosis may alter brain activity related to attention and consciousness. "The brain activation patterns during hypnosis — such as for color, pain and sound — are similar to those observed during actual experiences," Dr. Ryan Sultan, attending physician at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital and director of the Mental Health Informatics Lab at Columbia University Irving Medical Center, told Fox News Digital. Some people may choose to practice self-hypnosis, which he described as the process of entering a trance-like state without the guidance of a hypnotist. Sultan compared it to entering a "controlled, simplified state" in which people may be more open to certain ideas and therapeutic suggestions. "I have had patients stop drinking by focusing on respecting and protecting their bodies." But the effects can be short-lived, he noted, and some individuals may find it difficult to maintain the hypnotic state without external cues. The treatment technique has been approved by the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association. To maximize its safety and effectiveness, Sultan recommended hypnosis by a qualified professional. Hypnosis may help support people with drinking problems by encouraging motivation, reducing cravings and helping to manage stress, according to Dr. Lama Bazzi, a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City. The expert emphasized, however, that hypnosis is not a standalone cure for problem drinking. Instead, it's part of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes focused cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychiatric support and targeted medications when necessary. "There is less evidence about alcohol problems, but I have had patients stop drinking by focusing on respecting and protecting their bodies," Spiegel noted. "One of my patients thought about that concept in hypnosis, and said, 'You mean, the body is the temple of the soul?'" he added. Hypnotherapy presents little risk, according to Spiegel. "The worst thing that can happen is that it may not always work," he told Fox News Digital. "It is best to seek care from a psychiatrist or psychologist with specialized training in clinical hypnosis." Possible mild side effects include dizziness and emotional release. There is also a risk of false memories if used for memory recall, Sultan cautioned. The therapy is also not recommended for people with severe mental illness, such as psychosis, experts say. Mayo Clinic also notes that side effects are uncommon, but that some people may experience anxiety, sleepiness, headache and nausea. "It is best to seek care from a psychiatrist or psychologist with specialized training in clinical hypnosis," Bazzi told Fox News Digital. "These professionals can objectively assess your susceptibility to hypnosis, determine whether it is an appropriate and potentially effective intervention for your specific concerns, and develop a comprehensive, multimodal treatment plan tailored to your needs," she added. For those seeking a hypnotist, experts recommend visiting the websites of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis or The International Society of Hypnosis, both of which offer directories of professionals who have expertise and often certification in the practice. Some 28 million Americans aged 18 and older are living with alcohol-use disorder, according to 2023 estimates from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health. For more Health articles, visit People may be drinking excessively if they consume enough alcohol in one sitting to raise their blood alcohol level to greater than 0.08, or if they drink more than a certain number of drinks in one week, experts say. This generally equates to women having four or more drinks or men consuming five or more drinks at once — or a weekly amount of eight or more drinks for women or 15 or more drinks for men, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Signs of an alcohol problem include experiencing a loss of control when drinking, continuing to drink despite adverse consequences, and experiencing compulsive cravings when not drinking – often referred to as the "three Cs." Those who think they may have an alcohol-dependence problem and are interested in seeking alternative therapies should contact their doctor for recommendations.
The Guardian
18-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
The joy and satisfaction of accepting our ageing
I couldn't agree more with Moya Sarner (No, age isn't just a number – and the sooner we realise that, the happier we will be, 14 July). One of the article's key messages is that time and tide wait for no man – a phrase dating back to Chaucer in 1395, yet still resonant today. Sarner suggests that those who resist the natural passage of time often find less contentment than those who embrace life's stages with maturity and flexibility. It's a timely reminder that each chapter of life holds intrinsic value and that real growth isn't about clinging to youth but about evolving into deeper, more authentic versions of ourselves. The phrase 'age is just a number' might sound harmless enough, but as Sarner cautions, overreliance on such slogans can mean we miss out on the richness that comes with ageing and change. Resistance to emotional maturation and personal growth isn't just a gen Z or millennial problem – it spans all generations. As a trainee psychotherapist (and undergoing personal therapy myself), I've seen how powerful it is to root oneself in the present. The goal of psychotherapy isn't to discard the playfulness or idealism of youth but to integrate those qualities into a grounded adult self. No book, podcast or clever quote can shortcut the real work of growing up – emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. The actor Carrie Fisher once said: 'Youth and beauty are not accomplishments.' Yet in a culture fixated on self-curation, the celebration of youth and aesthetic perfection, that message often gets drowned out. Sarner's article is a welcome nudge back to reality and to responsibility. Perhaps, paradoxically, that is where true freedom MorrisDunmurry, Belfast Quantum physics apparently tells us that all time is here at once. But time for us flesh-and-bone creatures is intimately experienced as a journey of growth and ageing. I turned 70 recently, and a friend brightly assured me that 70 is the new 40. But at 40 I was raising two children; at 70 my children are raising their own. The maiden, the mother and the crone: at 70 I enclose them all, like rings in the tree. As Tom Waits sang in Take It With Me: 'Children are playing at the end of the day / Strangers are singing on our lawn / It's got to be more than flesh and bone / All that you've loved is all you own.' The work of growing up takes a lifetime, though, as TS Eliot observed: 'The moment of the rose and the moment of the yew tree / are of equal duration.' Cecilia Lenagh Port Macquarie, New South Wales, Australia I will be 82 this year – I spent the first 39 years of my life in England. The second 39 years in California. I came back to England four years ago. I feel no different. Of course there are certain things I can no longer do – like run up a hill or drink three pints of beer in one go – but that's just physical stuff. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually and politically I feel the same as I did 50 years ago. In your article you write about 'the devastating reality of the passing of time and the losses it brings'. I would suggest that this is simply a circle of the tree you currently find yourself in. Savour your memories, enjoy the present – and look forward to the future, however long or short it AshwellMawgan-in-Meneage, Cornwall Thank you for this insightful understanding of the thousand little losses one experiences as a mother when simultaneously celebrating the advent of independent adulthood for your child and equally mourning for, and aching with, the pain of missing those beautiful baby moments that defined life. The term 'empty nest' never quite encapsulates the full extent of the emotional depths, whereas her daughter's 'gooster' becoming her scooter resonates. I still miss the 'huggy bugs' who mysteriously and invisibly propelled my daughter (now 25) into the room for early morning cuddles, never to reappear after the age of CrownWivenhoe, Essex Have an opinion on anything you've read in the Guardian today? Please email us your letter and it will be considered for publication in our letters section.
News.com.au
11-07-2025
- News.com.au
Sex therapist of 45 years spills exactly why people cheat
People often believe cheating is solely caused by lust, a need for validation, or having a few too many drinks. However, renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel has revealed that after 45 years as a sex therapist, she believes there is one main reason why people stray in their relationships. Talking to The Telegraph, Perel attributes it to the 'deadness' of a relationship, which often indicates that a partner may start to develop wandering eyes. The 66-year-old author of the highly regarded book, Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, and the podcast, Where Should We Begin?, says that infidelity has been around since marriage was invented and people stray for many reasons. 'Sometimes those have to do with the relationship – sometimes it's rejection, betrayal, disconnection, or alienation. Loneliness is a big one,' she explains. 'Other times, the reasons are internal and have little to do with the relationship itself.' But she emphasises that the primary cause is the 'deadness,' which can occur when a couple's intimacy has 'smothered' their passion. Or it might be that their lack of presence has convinced their partner that they no longer care. She believes that the key to rekindling a relationship where someone is considering or has engaged in cheating is 'aliveness' – something that can be sparked by curiosity and a concept she calls 'differentiation'. 'It means exploration, discovery, active engagement with the unknown, and being alive. It's a good entry point,' she says. 'It's about opening yourself up to the possibility that you don't know your partner as well as you think,' she adds. 'Instead of settling into a cosy routine, why not have a conversation about something interesting beyond what we want from each other? 'Do you know how many people go out with friends, see their partner talking about a movie or band or experience, and then in the car or on the train, they ask 'Who is picking up Johnny tomorrow after school?' or 'Did you get the groceries?' From there, not wanting to have sex or feeling distant isn't far behind.' Perel also emphasises the importance of incorporating 'play' into your relationship. This can involve taking risks, sharing interesting stories, creating new rituals, or trying different foods. 'It's about giving your partner the chance to see you and themselves in a new light,' she explains. And when asked what sustains a long-term relationship, she stresses that not trying to change your partner is crucial. 'People often say 'I want what is important to me to be important to you too',' she notes. 'You can't make someone be exactly like you. You accept your differences and understand that someone can do something for you that means nothing to them, and you can do things for your partner even if you're not interested yourself. You don't have to change, but you should try to accommodate.'
Fox News
10-07-2025
- Health
- Fox News
Should you try hypnosis to stop drinking? Here's what the experts say
While some people may be skeptical of hypnosis, experts say it's a legitimate therapy that can help with a range of physical and mental challenges — including, possibly, alcohol use disorder. Clinical hypnosis has shown to be effective in the treatment of pain, anxiety, stress, cancer treatment side effects, phobias and habit control problems, such as smoking and weight control, according to past randomized controlled trials. "Hypnosis is the oldest Western form of psychotherapy, but it is underutilized," Dr. David Spiegel, associate chair of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine in California and a leading authority in the field of hypnosis, told Fox News Digital. Hypnosis is not itself considered a therapy. Rather, it enhances other treatments by inducing a state of increased concentration while reducing peripheral awareness, experts say. The practice aims to put people in a deep state of relaxation so they can learn more easily. Shawn Criswell, Ph.D., a mental counselor practicing in Oregon, defines it as "a gentle way of shifting people's focus to new ideas and perspectives that can help improve their lives." Added Criswell, "It does this in part by connecting them with their strengths and resources, empowering them in the process, and directly contradicting the old, tired myth that in hypnosis, you'll give up control of yourself." He co-authored, together with Michael Yapko, Ph.D, the latest edition of "Trancework: An Introduction to the Practice of Clinical Hypnosis." Past research suggests that hypnosis may alter brain activity related to attention and consciousness. "The brain activation patterns during hypnosis — such as for color, pain and sound — are similar to those observed during actual experiences," Dr. Ryan Sultan, attending physician at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital and director of the Mental Health Informatics Lab at Columbia University Irving Medical Center, told Fox News Digital. Some people may choose to practice self-hypnosis, which he described as the process of entering a trance-like state without the guidance of a hypnotist. Sultan compared it to entering a "controlled, simplified state" in which people may be more open to certain ideas and therapeutic suggestions. "I have had patients stop drinking by focusing on respecting and protecting their bodies." But the effects can be short-lived, he noted, and some individuals may find it difficult to maintain the hypnotic state without external cues. The treatment technique has been approved by the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association. To maximize its safety and effectiveness, Sultan recommended hypnosis by a qualified professional. Hypnosis may help support people with drinking problems by encouraging motivation, reducing cravings and helping to manage stress, according to Dr. Lama Bazzi, a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City. The expert emphasized, however, that hypnosis is not a standalone cure for problem drinking. Instead, it's part of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes focused cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychiatric support and targeted medications when necessary. "There is less evidence about alcohol problems, but I have had patients stop drinking by focusing on respecting and protecting their bodies," Spiegel noted. "One of my patients thought about that concept in hypnosis, and said, 'You mean, the body is the temple of the soul?'" he added. Hypnotherapy presents little risk, according to Spiegel. "The worst thing that can happen is that it may not always work," he told Fox News Digital. "It is best to seek care from a psychiatrist or psychologist with specialized training in clinical hypnosis." Possible mild side effects include dizziness and emotional release. There is also a risk of false memories if used for memory recall, Sultan cautioned. The therapy is also not recommended for people with severe mental illness, such as psychosis, experts say. Mayo Clinic also notes that side effects are uncommon, but that some people may experience anxiety, sleepiness, headache and nausea. "It is best to seek care from a psychiatrist or psychologist with specialized training in clinical hypnosis," Bazzi told Fox News Digital. "These professionals can objectively assess your susceptibility to hypnosis, determine whether it is an appropriate and potentially effective intervention for your specific concerns, and develop a comprehensive, multimodal treatment plan tailored to your needs," she added. For those seeking a hypnotist, experts recommend visiting the websites of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis or The International Society of Hypnosis, both of which offer directories of professionals who have expertise and often certification in the practice. Some 28 million Americans aged 18 and older are living with alcohol-use disorder, according to 2023 estimates from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health. For more Health articles, visit People may be drinking excessively if they consume enough alcohol in one sitting to raise their blood alcohol level to greater than 0.08, or if they drink more than a certain number of drinks in one week, experts say. This generally equates to women having four or more drinks or men consuming five or more drinks at once — or a weekly amount of eight or more drinks for women or 15 or more drinks for men, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Signs of an alcohol problem include experiencing a loss of control when drinking, continuing to drink despite adverse consequences, and experiencing compulsive cravings when not drinking – often referred to as the "three Cs." Those who think they may have an alcohol-dependence problem and are interested in seeking alternative therapies should contact their doctor for recommendations.
