3 days ago
The 31 most ridiculous car names of all time
Car names can mean different things in different countries. Take the example of the Toyota MR2: in France it was hurriedly rebadged as the 'MR' — pronounced 'em-air' — because the local sales guys pointed out that not many people would want to drive an 'em-air-deux' (as close to 'merde' as makes no difference).
Japan is infamous for its curious car names. Mitsubishi once came up with the altogether more palatable Minica Lettuce for one of its models, but while that's unquestionably inoffensive to UK ears, as a car name it's a little limp.
The same brand also called one of its cars the Starion, which many westerners (including Jeremy Clarkson) believed would have been Stallion had there not been some confusion between the letters L and R. Sadly this appears to be incorrect — original press materials indicate that Starion is a contraction of Star of Arion, with Arion being a horse from Greek mythology. Still, it's not the coolest of names and having to correct every person down the pub must have got tiresome for owners.
Silly car names aren't exclusive to Far Eastern carmakers, though. As we shall see, Ford, Austin, Vauxhall and more have all been guilty.
At the 2013 Frankfurt motor show Nissan added a new entry to the big book of bizarre car names: the Friend-Me. With its social network-inspired interior and specification, this concept vehicle previewed Nissan's vision of the future, and maybe it looks a bit like the forthcoming third-generation Leaf if it had melted in the sun. To be fair, it looked OK. However, the name reeked of desperation in the age of generation Facebook. Nissan's insistence that it be stylised Friend-ME made it sound whinier still.
Once you realise that the vehicle launched in 1995 and bearing this name is, at least in the UK, a camper van, its ludicrous name begins to make sense. Bongo drums around the campfire, making new friends… that kind of thing.
The name of a car, or the dress code for its driver? The Naked from 1999 was a strangely appealing little kei car with Jeep-like styling and, despite its tiny 658cc engine, four-wheel-drive as an option.
It's difficult to imagine a car with less charisma, no matter how much Mitsubishi wanted us to think otherwise in 1995.
For some people this MPV's name came close to describing the ownership experience.
It's a Fifties luxury car, rather than a follow-up to the 2000 Ridley Scott movie. Designed by Brooks Stevens, the man credited with encouraging planned obsolescence in products (remember when lightbulbs only lasted a couple of months? That was by design), the Gaylord Gladiator was his greatest achievement, looking utterly obsolete from the moment they took the covers off in 1955. As we know from the movie Meet the Fokkers, there's nothing funny about the name Gaylord, of course.
This was a hip car to own when it was introduced at the end of the 1960s. Come the 1970s and it gave party guests the wrong impression. The keys were usually to be found in a bowl by the door…
Named after the founder of the German carmaker Opel, Vauxhall's sister brand in Europe, the Adam was marked out for its many customisation options making it 'as individual as you are'. Sadly, with a name like that, regardless of your chosen colour combinations people always considered its owners a bit beige. The Vauxhall Adam was withdrawn from sale at the end of 2019.
Not the best choice during the 1930s and 1940s. By 1937 the name had become a little, shall we say, tarnished, and Studebaker abruptly changed it to Commander.
Don't get it wet, and definitely don't feed it after midnight.
It sounds like a loo break while trekking in China, but we're assured it's the name of a pick-up launched in 2010.
See above, but in Japan.
Nothing pleasant is associated with the word 'probe'.
Sadly this 1989 variant of the Minica wasn't followed up by the Mitsubishi Tomato and Mitsubishi Sesame Seed Bun. But it could have been worse…
Find something funny, Jenkins? Do share it with the entire class.
JK Rowling left Isuzu soon after.
Named after the best fish in the tank, perhaps.
New York, Paris, Hakusan. 'This time next year, Rodney-san,' etc.
Have a gander at this Polish military off-roader designed with a setsquare.
We'll put this 1982 model on the Z-list.
Any self-respecting child would instantly nickname it the Putrid.
Doesn't start when required, leaves a mess everywhere it goes, slams the doors shut.
'Princess' doesn't exactly denote thrusting executive saloon.
Fun fact: although the model name goes back to 1957, BL's wedge of 1975 (pictured) was only known as the Austin Princess in New Zealand. In all other markets it was marketed as the Morris, Austin or Wolseley 18-22 series from launch in March 1975, but in September that same year Leyland created a one-car sub-brand called Princess and the car was subsequently sold under that badge instead. By fun fact we mean, of course, utterly tiresome, anally retentive fact.
Laputa was the flying island in Gulliver's Travels. Unfortunately it is also a Spanish term for a lady of the night.
One look at the styling and the 2004 Rodius quickly becomes the Odious.
Named after the Thames as it flows through Oxford, the original home of Morris Motors. And Isis was an Egyptian goddess. Which is a perfectly lovely, non-terroristy name for a car… up until about 2014.
Designed to appeal to the American market, the 1949 Triumph Mayflower's styling and name certainly did connote a lumbering old ship.
No, you're immature. And predicting that would be the case, Isuzu gave it other names in markets outside Japan. We know it as the Trooper.
Known to UK buyers since its 2002 launch as the Honda Jazz, in other worldwide markets the small hatch was sold as the Honda Fit. Initially Honda had intended to call the Jazz the Fitta before realising that in Swedish that is slang for lady parts. It's also similar to other rude words in Spanish and Italian, so maybe changing the name was for the best.
Moco, in Spanish, refers to a dried snot. Best avoided in green.
You might thing this 2022 EV's name is pronounced 'Smart Number One', or simply 'Smart One'. But no, some German marketing executives really want us to say 'Smart Hashtag One'. More evidence that the definition of cool isn't universal.
