Latest news with #relationshipAdvice
ABC News
22-05-2025
- Entertainment
- ABC News
Australian podcaster's viral clip sparks discussion about traditional gender norms
An Australian podcaster's desire for a partner who does not "complain" after work and instead offers "peace and love" to support his ambitions has sparked discussions about the resurgence of traditional gender norms. The viral clip from The Pocket with Chris Griffin, which has amassed more than 1.4 million views and attracted thousands of comments, shows the host saying he would not want his partner "working unless she wants to work" because he does not want to come home to "complaining". Instead, he says, he wants his partner's eyes to "light up with excitement" and he encourages "hot girl walks" so his partner can cultivate "feminine energy". "It's the peace and love that a man that's got a busy life [and] that's chasing his dreams needs when he's trying to wind down," he added. Experts say Griffin's view reflects a growing trend among young men to return to traditional gender norms. But, speaking to the ABC, Griffin suggested people who were rejecting these norms were going "against their biology". His views have sparked a backlash from viewers online. Among the critics is Kic CEO Laura Henshaw, who has addressed the clip on her social media accounts and the KICPOD podcast. Ms Henshaw told the ABC she was particularly concerned about how the video was packaged in an aspirational way, as if it was "a caring and loving message when it's actually not at all". She argued that the crescendo-building piano soundtrack, motivational framing and polished studio setting and editing masked harmful content. Some experts describe this kind of framing as "benevolent sexism". Social psychologists have defined benevolent sexism as attitudes toward women that appear positive or well-meaning on the surface but ultimately suggest that women are inferior to men, often by portraying them as fragile, less competent, or in need of protection. Deakin University psychology lecturer Beatrice Alba says benevolent sexism can take many forms, including: "Benevolent sexism is kind of like old-fashioned chivalry," Dr Alba told the ABC. "It's this belief that women and men are inherently different by nature — that women are softer and more emotional, more suited to nurturing roles, and that men are stronger and should protect and provide for women." The viral clip appears to echo this dynamic by casting men as providers who keep the finances "sorted", while women are expected to be emotional caretakers, offering "peace and love" to support her partner's ambitions. "Imagine wanting to work so hard so you can give your partner safety and freedom of choice, just to be labelled toxic and misogynistic. I don't agree," Griffin said in a response posted online. Speaking to the ABC, he rejected the idea that traditional gender norms were inherently unequal. "The problem lies with societal norms suggesting [traditional gender roles are] toxic, which creates confusion, resulting in people feeling the need to go against their biology," he said. He argued moving away from traditional gender roles was often praised as "progressive" but the label was misleading because there was "no substance behind that label to suggest it is actually beneficial for society". Research suggests that women exposed to benevolent sexism allow men to tell them what they can and cannot do, feel less competent, and increasingly accept hostile sexism. Dr Alba said benevolent sexism could be difficult to spot because it sounded "superficially positive … like men being generous towards women in wanting to care for them and to provide for them". Evita March, an associate professor at Federation University, agreed, saying benevolent sexism sought to foster dependence under the guise of support. "Viewing women in that benevolent way still reduces them to being objectified because they're perceived as unable to be this individual who takes care of themselves," Dr March said. In an Instagram comment directed at Laura Henshaw, Griffin defended his stance and said: "This isn't about control. It's about choice. If she wants to chase a career, I'll back her 100%. If she wants to stay home, I'll support that too. That's what freedom in a relationship should look like." Dr Alba said this applied a standard to women that was not typically applied to men. "Like why not just flip it around and say to this guy, well why don't you quit your job and stay at home and be happy?" "There's something inherently condescending about thinking that a woman is somehow less suited to [work] than a man … Don't you think I'm capable of being someone who has a challenging job and, just like you, when I come home from work, I want to debrief about the challenges I had?" she added. Though his video has faced a backlash online, Griffin's words echo a broader sentiment among young men. Research from the e61 Institute found that gen Z men were more likely to hold traditional gender beliefs than older men. On average, men aged 15-24 had a greater belief in traditional gender norms than men aged 25-34 and 35-44. At the same time, women of the same age are far less traditional, creating a noticeable divergence between young men and women. According to Dr March, the shift can be partly explained by disenfranchisement and a growing sense of confusion among young men about what it means to be a man. This uncertainty is driving many men to seek out the manosphere — a sprawling network of online men's communities that often blur the line between self-help and sexism. Griffin argued traditional masculine traits were being unfairly vilified. "Strength is called toxic, leadership is seen as oppressive, masculinity itself is treated like a problem to be fixed rather than a virtue to be honed," he told the ABC. A report by Movember found that young men who regularly engaged with content from masculinity influencers reported feeling far more positive than negative emotional outcomes. Forty-three per cent said the content made them feel motivated, while 44 per cent reported a stronger sense of purpose. But alongside these emotional benefits, the report revealed a troubling pattern in attitudes towards women: She also warned that the manosphere placed heavy and damaging expectations on men themselves. "What I really want to emphasise is that this manospherish rhetoric, including the idea that men must always be providers and supporters, puts enormous pressure on men," Dr March said. "When you talk about these potential negative aspects of the manosphere, some men are really reluctant to come to the party and admit that because they say, 'Well, no. It's really helped me.'" These conversations about the resurgence of traditional gender norms hit home for Ms Henshaw. She recalled how her mother took extended time off work to raise her and her sisters. After her parents separated, her mother faced the challenge of rebuilding her financial independence. "We have a fridge magnet that says, 'A man is not a financial plan,'" Ms Henshaw said. She said she was grateful to have grown up with that understanding because "there's no way I would be where I am now without it". Today, Ms Henshaw is the CEO of hugely successful business empire Kic and she has recently used her platform to raise awareness of how women can be at risk of financial abuse and vulnerability. "I just think if you haven't experienced it or seen it with someone within your life … how would you know that that could happen?" she said. Her family's experience is not an outlier. A KPMG report on the superannuation gap found that women aged 55-59 had, on average, 33 per cent less superannuation than men, while women aged 60-64 had 28 per cent less. Dr March explained that much of this gap was due to the time women took off work for caring responsibilities, a sacrifice that significantly reduced their superannuation. "Because they had a man who controlled the finances, they didn't have a career, they left the workforce," she said. "And so this very cohort of women who had men who were promising to take care of them are now left in our largest growing homeless cohort that we see in Australia."
ABC News
19-05-2025
- General
- ABC News
When is it OK to cut off your parents and go 'no contact'?
Have you ever considered cutting a family member off? It's called going "no contact" and social media is filled with stories from people who've done just that. But how do you know you're making the right choice? And can fractured relationships be saved? Guest: Bec Cushway, producer on Radio National's God Forbid program. ------ If you want to find out more about what it means to go 'no contact' or 'low contact' with family, read this ABC article, or listen to the God Forbid episode exploring the ethics of it all. If you're into complicated family dynamics, you might like our episode on why people are starting a family with sperm from a Facebook group. If you liked this episode, let us know at Family and domestic violence support services: 1800 RESPECT national helpline: 1800 737 732 Men's Referral Service: 1300 766 491 Lifeline (24-hour crisis line): 131 114 Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277
CNN
16-05-2025
- Health
- CNN
When going to bed angry at your partner is OK
Sign up for CNN's Sleep, But Better newsletter series. Our seven-part guide has helpful hints to achieve better sleep. Arguments often feel urgent no matter what's going on for some of the couples Dr. Samantha Rodman sees in her practice as a clinical psychologist in Potomac, Maryland. This desire to resolve a conflict before heading to bed is particularly common for clients who grew up in a house where family members fought nonstop, said Rodman, author of '52 E-Mails to Transform Your Marriage: How to Reignite Intimacy and Rebuild Your Relationship.' 'It doesn't really occur to you to just shelve it and go to sleep.' For others, the tendency is because of the age-old adage that you should never go to bed angry — which sometimes comes from 'the belief that unresolved anger can fester overnight, leading to deeper resentment,' said Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist in New York City, via email. 'Its wisdom is likely to be rooted in the idea that resolution to arguments is essential for maintaining harmony and preventing even more emotional distance,' Romanoff said. 'Historically, it's a call for connection and prioritizing the relationship over lingering negativity.' Others' resistance to dropping an argument for the night may stem from self-comparison or toxic positivity, Rodman said — which can lead you to think you should be able to quickly discuss things with your partner, apologize, resolve the issue and happily call it a night. There's also the concern — sometimes in hindsight — about what may happen if you let your partner go about their next day with that lingering resentment between you two or without having said I love you. All considered, never going to bed angry sounds like a good rule to live by. But it isn't always useful, Romanoff said. 'Its rigidity can overlook individual needs, rest and perspective,' Romanoff said. 'Applying this convention without discretion can actually be detrimental to your relationship.' Putting an argument on pause and going to sleep upset is a skill you can practice, Rodman said. Here's how to do it and still keep your relationship intact. Delaying sleep to resolve an argument can backfire for several reasons. When you're exhausted, you're less inhibited and thus have less control of your emotions, so you're more impulsive and likely to say or do things you don't mean and will later regret, experts said. Your problem-solving, listening and reasoning skills, which are all necessary for effective communication, can take a hit too, especially if you're really worked up. Those factors, as well as being under the influence, can further exacerbate the problem, Rodman said. A good night's rest, however, can completely reset the brain. Sleep 'reduces your brain's reactivity to negative stimuli — or perceived negative stimuli — helps process emotions and restores your ability to approach problems rationally,' Romanoff said. 'A well-rested brain is better equipped to engage in thoughtful, respectful communication.' Sometimes, what you were arguing about will no longer seem important the next day. For whatever concerns that remain, though, you'll be more able to express them in a way that's less emotional or defensive and, ultimately, better for the relationship. Except on the rare occasions when something important and relevant to the conflict is about to happen late at night, Romanoff said all arguments should wait until the next day. Let's say you want to go to sleep but are struggling because the issue feels urgent, you're lying awake ruminating while your partner is sleeping soundly, or you're worried something bad might happen. These feelings could stem from 'attachment panic,' Rodman said. That's the fear that your attachment figure or closest relationship, typically your parents in childhood or your partner in adulthood, isn't there for you or doesn't love you. 'That's very evolutionarily motivated to try to get back to a state where you feel secure in the relationship,' Rodman added. In many of these cases, people feel the only way to manage their anxiety is to immediately try to repair things. But when you're worked up and tired, conversations with your partner won't go as well as when you're calm and rested. In fact, these conversations may even lead to a situation that heightens your anxiety. Regardless of why you just can't let it go, there are things you can do to settle down enough to get restful sleep. In some relationships, one person wants to discuss conflict more than the other, Rodman said. That person may worry that if the conversation doesn't happen right away, it never will — meaning the issue will never be resolved and the security and connection in the relationship will never be restored. That's why experts said it's critical for couples to commit to a time and place to follow up as soon as it's reasonably possible and when you're both in a better state of mind. Anticipating that things will be resolved soon can help calm you enough to sleep. Couples can also try to maintain any bedtime rituals that reinforce the foundation of the relationship, such as saying 'I love you,' cuddling or kissing each other good night, Romanoff said. Still engaging in these rituals communicates that your commitment to each other is more important than your current disagreement, offering reassurance without dismissing the conflict and balancing your immediate emotional security with the need for sleep, Romanoff said. Emotions are generally fleeting, but your commitment to, and care for, your partner likely aren't. You can even say all these things. If you're reading this tip and thinking, 'If I'm mad, there's no way I'm saying 'I love you,'' that stubbornness is part of what leads to frequent conflict, Romanoff said. 'The more you say, 'I can't learn new ways of engaging,' the less likely the relationship is to work out,' she added. 'In a healthy relationship, people are always learning new skills.' You don't have to do these things happily or romantically — a monotonous 'I love you' or a brief peck can still go a long way. It's not about denying your anger but about affirming the bond you share, Romanoff said. Self-regulating can also be important. You could try meditating, journaling, doing breathing exercises or distracting yourself by taking a quick shower or immersing your hands in cold water, Rodman said. Ask yourself, 'How can I handle things in a way that will make my future self proud? How can I care for myself as a parent would care for a child who's upset?' Learning how to soothe yourself 'is the real deep work that many people do with anxious attachment, especially in therapy,' Rodman said. Whenever you do have that follow-up conversation with your partner, remember that although arguments are inevitable, how you handle them defines your relationship and sometimes your sleep health, Romanoff said. 'Treat conflicts as opportunities to grow closer, not further apart,' Romanoff added. 'It's not about always maintaining a perfect relationship; it's about growing, learning and progressing through life together, even in the messy moments.'
The Sun
16-05-2025
- General
- The Sun
The toxic but common phrase that's guaranteed to eventually end your relationship, according to a psychologist
ROWS. Clashes. Conflict. Disputes. Whatever you call arguments, every relationship has them. But your fighting style could directly impact how successful your romance is, especially if you hurl a particularly common but toxic phrase into the mix, warns one psychologist. Many couples admitted to saying the statement, or had it directed at them, before their relationship broke down, according to relationship psychologist Dr Mark Travers. The expert often speaks to couples who are having unrelenting spats at home - and he finds that when he digs deeper, there is always a root cause. Arguments are most often linked to one partner comparing their relationship or life to someone else's, Dr Travers explained. 'There's one phrase I've seen come up in these exchanges that's more damaging than you think: 'Why can't you be more like [insert other person's name]?',' he wrote for CNBC Make It. This is what the psychologist calls the 'death-by-comparison' effect and it leads to 'irreparable insecurity issues' over time. He believes that it is an obvious indication that your relationship is in trouble, no matter how confident you are you could make it out of the bad patch. He said: 'The real message will always remain the same: 'You're not enough, and someone else - anyone else - could do a better job at being my partner'.' Dr Travers continued that it is important to communicate our needs in relationships = 'clearly, without shame or comparison'. And the more secure a person feels in their relationship, the more likely they are to communicate directly. He said: 'Relationships require the willingness to love each other as real, flawed, irreplaceable humans - not as comparisons to someone else.' Your sex life could also indicate that you're heading for divorce, another relationship expert told The Sun. Shockingly, nearly nine in 10 couples feel like they're not getting enough, according to a recent study. According to Kate Taylor, a relationship and sex expert, your sex life can be a powerful indicator of your overall relationship health. But how little is too little? And when does a dry spell become a red flag for your relationship and marriage? She said: 'If you're worried about your relationship, start by looking at your sex life. 'There are certain signs in the bedroom that suggest all is not well and a divorce may be on the horizon.' Among these is doing it less than once a month, never orgasming and sex feeling like a chore. Only getting heated between the sheets after 10pm is a bad sign too, Taylor warned.
Daily Mail
11-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- Daily Mail
I broke up with my boyfriend because he's a picky eater - I feel bad but it gave me too much of an ick
A woman has revealed that she is dumping her boyfriend over his 'picky' eating habits - after venting her frustrations over his limited palate of chicken fingers and mac and cheese. After going online to express her growing anxiety over his penchant for plain meals, she was eventually convinced to end things by commenters. Taking to the hugely popular Am I The A**hole forum on Reddit, the anonymous poster detailed her concerns about his lack of culinary adventurousness. His restricted diet was already becoming a burden, she said, and she feared it would only get worse with time. The post has since garnered more than 13,000 upvotes and some 2,300 comments, many from users with their own cautionary tales about dating so-called 'chicken finger men'. The woman, thought to be from the US, wrote: 'My boyfriend has tons of food restrictions and is picky in general. 'He basically can only eat chicken fingers, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, and pad Thai. 'I've never seen him eat a vegetable. We just started dating a few months ago and I love him, but I eat everything and am very laid back.' She went on to say that she was already feeling the pressure of planning her day around his eating preferences, especially while on holiday. 'Even if a restaurant does have chicken fingers or mac and cheese, it won't be the same as what we get at home and I just don't want to hear about it while I'm on vacation,' she said, before ending with the question: 'AITA? I feel bad.' Following a flood of replies - many urging her to rethink the relationship - the woman later returned to the thread to confirm her decision. 'EDIT: I am breaking up with him. After seeing a glimpse into my future via your responses, I realised I cannot do this and it will eventually wreck us. Thank you.' The comments were flooded with personal anecdotes and firm opinions about the practical toll of dating such a picky eater. 'Told myself NEVER again with the picky eaters after dating a chicken finger man lol,' one user wrote. 'Somehow it will always be you who is expected to plan the meals too. 'I understand not liking some things, but unless this is medical/allergies there's a point where this is just stuck up and annoying as a fully grown man.' Another commenter slammed the boyfriend's expectation to simply accommodate him. 'Think of all the important events that involve food - family gatherings, Christmas, weddings. Is he gonna sit there and complain about the food options? 'I'd be so embarrassed, unless it was because he has a medical condition.' Some took a more humorous approach to the bleak picture painted by the woman. 'It's only been a few months. Do you want chicky fingies and choky milk for anniversary dinners? Your wedding? Never traveling with your partner?' one person asked. 'For the love of God, please do end it,' another said bluntly. 'You deserve a relationship with an adult, not a toddler.' Echoing the sentiment, one said: 'Look ahead a few years and picture your table at your wedding. 'Think about the menu options your guests will have - or would he be eating chicken fingers and chocolate milk while everyone else is having steak or fish?' Some more optimistic commenters shared stories of partners who began as picky eaters but eventually made compromises. In some cases, people felt the picky eating habits weren't quite as big a dealbreaker. 'If he's be self-sufficient I wouldn't care about what he eats or doesn't eat (or what other people think about it,' one offered. 'If other people are that judgy that they take notice or offence I wouldn't want them as friends anyway). 'But he needs to find food options himself without complaining or expecting other people to do it for him like he's a child. He could even bring his own food (not to a restaurant obviously) or get something at a supermarket. Maybe skip dinner with OP because sitting there with just a coke watching her eat will be awkward. 'On the other hand you'll never have a nice dinner date with him ever. If that's something you like maybe it's just not a good compatibility even if he'd start doing all the other things. 'I personally hate eating out most times and are not very exited most other times about it, I wouldn't care about that. But if it's something you like as a couple self-care thing than that'll possibly grow resentment one day.' Still, the overwhelming majority was convinced the girlfriend should flee before the honeymoon stage starts to sour - and it would seem the poster herself was in agreement. In a follow-up comment she penned: 'Honestly, the level of irritation I am experiencing when people on here suggest I should just let him come and listen to his complaints are really making me realise I need to end things. 'I'm not that bothered by it now but low key, I think I would be embarrassed if other people knew he could only eat chicky fingies and choky milk and the thought of taking him to an event or a dinner with friends/family and having him eat like a toddler makes me already experience second hand embarrassment.' The post joins a growing genre of viral 'ick' stories that highlight how seemingly minor quirks - such as a partner's diet - can become deal-breakers.
