Latest news with #relationshipdynamics
Forbes
2 days ago
- General
- Forbes
2 Ways To Rewrite Your Relationship Dynamics, By A Psychologist
Does your relationship feel stuck in a loop, where you've tried everything to fix certain issues, yet they keep resurfacing? If this sounds familiar, you might need to change where you're doing the 'fixing.' Your focus might be on the surface issues, which are merely the byproducts of deeper patterns that control your relationship dynamics. Many relationship patterns you may decide to start working on, like communicating better, spending more time together or setting boundaries, aren't necessarily where the work starts. The more insidious patterns may stem from the roles you and your partner may have slipped into over time. These can look like the moments you hold back, overextend or wait for the version of them you hope will show up. Rewriting your relationship simply means becoming aware of the invisible patterns shaping your connection and making the conscious choice to show up differently. The point here is to slowly change the unsaid script that runs your relationship by taking responsibility for your part in the pattern from a place of clarity. Here are two ways to rewrite your relationship dynamics to change the way you engage in the connection. In some relationships, the dynamic dictates that you're not attached to the person, but the emotional experience they evoke for you. You may be addicted to emotional states like chaos, rejection, control or longing. Emotional patterns that feel like 'home' because of the familiarity, despite the pain. In classic research published in The Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research, the authors conducted a conceptual and clinical review, combining key psychodynamic theories to develop a framework for understanding trauma reenactments. Research highlights that individuals who have experienced trauma often unconsciously 'reenact' aspects of their past, not out of choice, but as a psychological pattern driven by unmet emotional needs or unresolved pain. These reenactments are categorized into four broad types: This framework can offer insight into why you may unknowingly place yourself in roles or dynamics that echo your original trauma. For instance, someone who grew up neglected may continually find themselves in one-sided relationships, not because they want to suffer, but because that dynamic feels familiar to them or 'normal' to their nervous system. This shows that love, comfort and dysfunction often intertwine, making these patterns hard to spot. But here are a few ways you can begin untangling them: 1. Recognize the emotional roles you both repetitively play. One of you may become the 'fixer,' and the other the 'distancer,' for instance. Even arguments can start feeling repetitive as you play out the same dynamic each time. You can ask each other, 'Are we truly addressing the issue at hand, or are we caught in a cycle that's older than the problem itself?' 2. Recognize what you feel when things are calm. When things are calm, if you feel restless or disconnected, it may indicate unresolved issues. Ask yourself, 'Do I crave intensity to feel close, and does calm feel like something's missing?' 3. Recognize when small things trigger big reactions. A disproportionate reaction to an insignificant situation often reveals deeper insecurities or past wounds that get activated, rather the current situation. 4. Recognize if the relationship is thriving on uncertainty rather than stability. If emotional distance or unpredictability makes you feel more alive or invested, you need to understand that your attachment might be rooted in dysfunction. Together, ask each other, 'What does closeness mean for us — ease and emotional availability, or tension and chase?' 5. Recognize if you are bonded over pain or values. Being 'seen' through trauma can create a bond, but struggling to move beyond it may mean the relationship is stuck in old patterns. Ask each other, 'Are we here out of love and conscious choice, or just comfort in what we've survived together?' You might not immediately understand what's going on when you reflect, because deeper patterns are often difficult to spot. You may even need to seek professional support to work through them, which is completely normal. But recognizing these patterns is the first step in undoing dynamics that may be quietly dominating much of your relationship. That said, this change cannot come from just one of you. It needs willingness and awareness from both partners. Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. What matters more is how you and your partner handle it together. Each person has their own way of managing conflict, so you both must take the time to reflect on your own approaches. People usually view conflict from their own perspective, which that shapes how they respond to it. Interestingly, research also shows that the way you manage your emotions during conflict can change both your memory of what happened and your emotional experience. The study investigated two common ways of managing emotions during conflicts. Here's what the results suggested: The researchers also highlight that the difference in memory wasn't due to how much was said (conversation length) or how participants felt before the conversation started. The effects were specific to the individuals practicing these strategies, meaning each person's emotion regulation style influenced their memory. This matters because sound memories of relationship conflicts and discussions are important, as it helps both partners understand each other's perspectives and work through problems effectively. If suppression clouds the memory of what was said, conflicts may feel unresolved or more emotionally charged, which makes it harder to communicate and heal. To rewrite your relationship dynamic, it's essential to become aware of your emotional habits during conflict and make conscious efforts to move toward healthier approaches as a couple. Based on the research findings, here are some practical ways to better manage your emotions during conflict to enhance healthier communication in your relationship: Remember that the goal isn't to avoid conflicts but to come out of them feeling more understood, rather than more distant. Emotional awareness is what turns breakdowns into breakthroughs. Rewriting your relationship dynamic is less about quick fixes and more about slow and intentional shifts. Often, this deeper work brings up patterns that may be hard to untangle alone and that's where therapy, individually or as a couple, can become a powerful tool. Sometimes, growth means asking for support, so you don't keep carrying what was never yours to hold in the first place. Are you aware of how your conflict style impacts your relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Ineffective Arguing Inventory
Daily Mail
12-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE TLC's notorious polyamorous family in turmoil as member of foursome expresses desire to explore her sexuality
A polyamorous family is at risk of being torn apart after one member of the quadruple confessed that her needs aren't being met as a pansexual woman. In TLC's upcoming episode of Polyfamily, Taya Hartless opens up about her sexuality and her desire to explore with another woman. But as it stands, she is unable to meet that need because she is living as a closed quad with her husband of six years, Sean, and fellow married couple Alysia and Tyler Rodgers - and Alysia is straight. In an exclusive preview clip shared with Taya, 28, admits that she wants to start exploring her sexuality as a pansexual woman but is worried about how best to approach the situation. Speaking in her confessional, she says: 'So I consider myself pansexual and Alicia and I have fun together flirting back and forth, but she's straight. The way that our dynamic is and her sexuality, it's just doesn't line up. 'I love my family and I love my life, but I do feel like something is missing and that's a connection with a woman. 'It's the one need that I can't get met within the rules of our quad and it's something that I would like to explore.' Pansexuality is being attracted to people of all genders. TLC reality show Polyfamily follows two married couples, Alysia, 34, and Tyler, 35, and Sean, 46, and Taya. In this unconventional family set up, Tyler is dating Sean's wife, Taya, and Sean is dating Tyler's wife, Alysia. During a boat trip with the rest of the group, Taya attempts to start a conversation about her romantic interest in women. With a drink in hand, she tells them: 'I love girls a lot more when I'm drinking.' It comes after she has a birthday kiss with Sean and Tyler but is left hanging by Alysia. After Sean points out that Alysia robbed Taya of a kiss on her birthday, she then leans in for a peck on the lips. TLC's new reality series Polyfamily arrived last month and lays bare the the two couples' unconventional relationship. The quad moved in together in 2020 and the following year Alysia and Taya delivered children seven months apart. Speaking with Today in 2023, the couple detailed how they had gone from friends to lovers and then moving into a house together. Shortly after meeting, Sean and Taya were making the two-hour commute to see Alysia and Tyler. Growing tired of the long hours spent driving to see each other, they all decided to move into a new house together in 2020 and went from polyamory to 'polyfamory.' Tyler noted that both their children knew their mom 'had a boyfriend' and their dad 'had a girlfriend.' He added that him and Alysia told their kids they should treat Sean and Taya 'like parents.' The quad said then that genetics didn't matter because they are 'all equal parents to all of the children and it's not up for debate or discussion.' The quad lays bare their highs and lows of their relationship in TLC's Polyfamily The Oregon-based family have five children between them and have kept paternity secret And although strangers may question their lifestyle, Tyler noted that having 'four sets of adult hands to work on things' helps tremendously and added that it's 'very rare' to have that 'kind of help.' With four children already and another on the way, the quad is redefining what it means to be a family. Alysia and Tyler have been married for 11 years and came into the quad with two school-aged children of their own. Alysia gave birth to her third child after joining the quad. Meanwhile, Sean and Taya, welcomed her first baby after becoming a quad, and now are preparing to welcome their second child. With five kids in the picture, things do get a little bit complicated. For example, the quad has intentionally chosen not to find out who the father is to avoid jealousy and remain committed and equal parents – which they discover is much easier in theory than in practice. In previous scenes, Alysia has opened up about her family not being accepting of her relationship. 'My relationship with my dad is really strained when he doesn't recognize two of my partners as people that I'm in a relationship with and they're categorized just as friends and not considered to be family,' she said.
