Latest news with #selfcompassion
New York Times
2 days ago
- General
- New York Times
How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient. 'We can say, 'I made a mistake,' as opposed to saying, 'I am a mistake,'' said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. 'It's a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it's not about judging yourself positively, it's just about being helpful and kind to yourself.' What is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding toward yourself during difficult times — and recognizing that you aren't alone in your imperfections. It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr. Neff said. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique — flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation. What are the myths about self-compassion? One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Dr. Neff added. Another myth is that self-compassion is self-indulgent. But in reality, Dr. Neff said, it has been shown to reduce burnout and therefore allow us to better care for others. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, involves behaving in a way that is ultimately harmful — either to yourself or to others. Finally, self-compassion is sometimes confused with self-care, but it's not just about soothing, said Steven C. Hayes, a clinical psychologist and the creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which emphasizes the types of skills that are useful for building self-compassion, like living in the moment and focusing on values rather than imposed expectations. Self-compassion 'is the empowerment to be yourself, to feel what you're feeling, fully and without needless defense,' he said. How do you develop self-compassion? There are a number of ways to practice self-compassion: Say kind things to yourself every day. Think about how you show up for yourself throughout your day, Dr. Ness said. Are you supportive and encouraging? Or are you your own worst enemy? 'The vast majority of people are significantly more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,' Dr. Neff said. If you're prone to beating yourself up, she added, then try speaking to yourself kindly, just like you would to a good friend in the same situation. Take a compassion break. Tara Brach, a psychologist and the author of 'Radical Acceptance,' suggests the RAIN method: Recognize, allow, investigate and nurture. The idea here is to recognize the emotions you're having and then allow those feelings to exist without reflexively pushing them away. Next, investigate how your body is affected by your emotions — is there a hollowness in your stomach or a clenching in your chest? Take time to also explore the beliefs associated with those emotions — are you assuming that something is wrong with you? 'That is probably the biggest suffering that people have: 'I'm unlovable, I'm falling short, I should be doing more,'' Dr. Brach said. Then, nurture. What does the suffering part of you most need right now? Understanding? To be forgiven? A kind message? Put a hand over your heart or use another soothing touch that feels caring. Send a kind message inward: 'It's OK to feel this.' or 'You're doing the best that you can.' These tiny gestures can make a big difference. One small study of 135 undergraduates found that those who regularly spent 20 seconds a day placing their hands over their heart and belly while thinking kind thoughts like 'How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?' reported feeling less stressed and were found to have more compassion for themselves after a month. Pay it forward. By giving yourself compassion, you become better able to receive and offer compassionate care to others, Dr. Hayes said. 'Show them that they're not alone,' he added. 'We need people who are more self-compassionate and compassionate toward others.' Self-compassion might involve establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship or even turning your compassion outward — for example, volunteering for an important cause or attending a protest to try to bring about positive political or social change. In this sense, self-compassion can be fierce and strong: Think 'mama bear' energy. 'Part of caring for ourselves means trying to end harm on the societal level as well,' Dr. Neff said. 'It's bigger than just our individual selves.'
Entrepreneur
6 days ago
- Business
- Entrepreneur
Why Some Female Entrepreneurs Flourish While Others Burn Out
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own. You're reading Entrepreneur United Kingdom, an international franchise of Entrepreneur Media. Being a female founder and having worked with them for the last decade, I can safely say that we all frequently feel like we're failing, in business, life or both. As a founder coach, I frequently share the practice of self-compassion, whilst explaining that we're not alone and we're not the problem. Now I've also got the research to prove it. In our new report, "The True Cost of Female Entrepreneurship," Yvonne Biggins and I interviewed and surveyed nearly 250 female founders, from solo entrepreneurs to and scale-ups. The findings go far beyond the typical funding disparity headlines to reveal the true physical and mental toll of working in today's inequitable system. Although sobering, our first big discovery was so relatable and paradoxical, it made us smile. While 83% of female founders experience high stress, 78% suffer persistent anxiety, and 54% face burnout, we still wouldn't want to do anything else: 97% still enjoy their entrepreneurial journey, and 66% report high life satisfaction. The entrepreneurial journey is full of massive highs and lows. The female founder loves the autonomy, flexibility and purpose they get from being their own boss, and also finds the entrepreneurial journey incredibly challenging. The question isn't whether female entrepreneurship is hard – it's why some founders ride these waves better and flourish, while others barely survive. The Real Culprits Behind Female Founder Burnout As we explored the data, it quickly became evident why so many female founders are burning out. It's not just the "usual" entrepreneurial stress – it's a perfect storm of systemic disadvantages, compounded by biology and society. The odds are stacked so far against us, it's a wonder we do as well as we do. Financial anxiety emerged as the most extreme stressor in our research. Founders citing cash flow and fundraising challenges reported the highest stress intensity scores. This isn't surprising when you consider that male founders receive over 98% of every pound invested in UK startups. If you're strapped for cash, you're also going to be strapped for support, time, energy and headspace. It therefore makes perfect sense that a staggering 61% of female founders cite the overwhelm of "having too much to do and too little time" as their primary barrier to success. Why is this worse for women? Because all the odds are stacked against us. 75% of our respondents were aged between 35 - 54 years old. This both challenges the standard narrative that women drop out of entrepreneurship when they hit 35, and puts them squarely in the 'sandwich generation', charged with caring for both younger and elder generations. With research arguing that women typically shoulder 75% of unpaid domestic and caring responsibilities, it's clear we've got two high-stress full-time jobs, while being funded at 2% the rate. Add to this that 21% of our respondents said they're navigating the challenges of perimenopause or menopause, with its brain fog and sleep disruption, and 18% were managing ADHD (with 81.6% experiencing persistent anxiety), and you start to see why just working harder isn't the answer. The Positive Deviants: What flourishing founders Do Differently In our analysis, we discovered that despite facing identical challenges, some female entrepreneurs aren't just surviving, they're flourishing. We call them "positive deviants," because they've cracked the code on sustainable success. Here's the Best Practice Blueprint we discovered: 1. They Build Strategic Support Networks 66% of respondents reported being highly or extremely lonely. Thriving founders intentionally create a "resilience board" – investing in professional coaching, peer support, and mentorship. Our data shows that founders who are open about their challenges do better. 88% of founders with coaches report positive wellbeing impacts. High-openness entrepreneurs experienced better performance, lower stress, and significantly less loneliness. Top tip: Where can you find regular coaching, mentoring or peer support? 2. They prioritise health and fitness While struggling founders sacrifice exercise and sleep for "productivity," thrivers understand that wellbeing fuels optimum productivity. Founders prioritising health and fitness goals over financial ones showed lower stress and higher performance. Top tip: How can you increase your focus on health and fitness goals? What small steps can you take to eat better and moving more in the coming weeks? Just a 10-minute walk gives you more energy up to 2 hours later. 3. Nature as medicine Founders who regularly get into nature reported higher wellbeing and significantly lower loneliness levels, which correlates with higher business performance. Top tip: Can you have a quick walk in nature today? Harvard's John Ratey calls exercising in nature "exercise squared" - combining physical benefits with environmental restoration. 4. Joy as a business strategy Counterintuitively, founders who prioritise fun in their life goals report higher performance levels. Positive emotions make us feel, think and perform better, by increasing cognitive capacity, creativity and broadening our perspective. Regularly fully detaching from work also helps us stay resilient. Top tip: Plan some fun activities into your diary, thereby scheduling time for joy, as well as having something to positively anticipate. 5. They practice mindfulness and spirituality Founders who integrate mindfulness or spiritual practices into their lives (28% of our sample) experience lower stress levels. Top tip: Listen to Jeff Warren on the Calm App - he does a brilliant 'Mindfulness for beginners' 30-day programme, just 10 minutes a day. 6. They actively manage negative thought patterns The most resilient founders don't react by default; they respond with self-awareness. They've learned that how we interpret events – not the events themselves – determines our stress response and recovery speed. Top tip: Can you schedule in breathing space in your day, to give you time to reflect on how you are, and what you're thinking and feeling? The first step to managing your thought patterns is recognising what you're thinking and how it's making you feel. Key takeaways The "True Cost of Female Entrepreneurship" reveals that flourishing female entrepreneurs aren't superhuman, they're strategic. They've learned that sustainable success isn't about hustling harder; it's about understanding the connection between wellbeing, performance and resilience. The way they live and work reflects this. The best practice blueprint isn't rocket science, but it's not common practice either. In the face of challenge and fear, we're all conditioned to work harder, rather than smarter. My advice to founders? Look at the recommendations and determine which area in your life needs most attention. Take one small and intentional step to increase that area of your wellbeing first, then build from there. Adopt a growth mindset, using trial and error to work out your unique wellbeing and resilience levers. That said, it's important to remember that as women we can only 'optimise' our way out of systemic inequality so far. This report should be a call to action for the venture capital community, accelerators, and government bodies to address the structural and societal barriers that force women to constantly do more with less. If women can do so much with so little, imagine what we could achieve with equal support and funding.
The Guardian
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Anyone fancy a subwoofer massage? The show that shakes you senseless
'You know, 528Hz is supposed to be the love frequency,' says artist Evan Ifekoya, striking a metal wah-wah pipe tuned to exactly that pitch, a fraction above the C, one octave higher than middle C. 'It's supposed to be able to transform the body on a cellular level. And, OK, how can you really prove that?' they smile. 'But I can say, at least for myself, it has opened up a new level of awareness and self-compassion over the years.' We know music is powerful: we turn to songs to feel comforted, to boost our energy, to appreciate beauty and so much more. But what about the frequencies; the actual soundwaves vibrating the air, our eardrums and our bodies – how do they affect us? From promoting deep relaxation to the use of noise as a weapon, there is a wide range of claims, and evidence, for the impact of sound. It moves us emotionally and literally, a theme that's explored in a new exhibition at the Barbican in London called Feel the Sound. 'The idea that the world is made up of vibrations and frequencies is something we don't necessarily think about a lot of the time,' says Luke Kemp, head of creative programming at Barbican Immersive. 'The big idea is how sound is more than an audio experience. We can think of our whole body as a listening device,' he says. Take Jan St Werner's Vibraceptional Plate installation, which visitors can stand on and then explore the resonance of their own body, and a film by deaf percussionist Dame Evelyn Glennie discussing the rhythms inside us and how she experiences sound. There's a holographic choral experience, a playground of multisensory musical instruments, and for the finale, an installation in the Barbican's car park featuring souped-up cars with big sound systems; part sculpture, part dancefloor. Ifekoya's piece, called Resonant Frequencies, is an immersive soundscape using frequencies believed to be healing. Visitors will be able to sit or lie on a vibrating stage to hear and feel the sound, as well as see its effect on a pool of water at the centre of the room. As we chat, Ifekoya tells me about other supposedly powerful frequencies, such as 174Hz (roughly the F below middle C). 'This one reportedly works with the internal system, the organs, to regenerate and repair.' They show me a frequency board (a special type of circuit board) emitting an inaudible 7.83Hz, one of the frequencies produced by electromagnetic waves in the Earth's lower ionosphere. 'This is the frequency my home is grounded at,' says Ifekoya. Has it had a positive effect? 'My plants are thriving,' they laugh. Anyone who has found themselves next to the bass bins in a club will know the physical power of sound is real. 'You feel the low frequencies hitting and vibrating your body,' says electronic musician (with a PhD in computational biology) Max Cooper, who has plenty of experience seeing the visible effect of his music on crowds of clubbers when he plays around the world. In the piece Cooper has made for Feel the Sound, called Reflections of Being, visitors can get some of that subwoofer experience, 'the full body massage' as he puts it, without fear of hurting their ears, via tactile benches in the installation space which make no sound but shake instead. 'I'm a big fan of tactile sound,' Cooper says, pointing to a tactile transducer – or bass shaker – fixed to the back of his studio chair, which allows him to feel low-frequency vibrations. 'I do a lot of low frequency harmonies and when you play on a big sound system in a big venue, you feel that transfer directly into your body.' Cooper started the project by asking the public how they were feeling – the question was: 'What do you want to express that you feel you can't in every day life' – and then created music in response. The replies he got were 'beautiful, scary, intense, funny,' he says, and had a powerful effect on him. He felt a responsibility to do justice to the people who'd trusted him with their honesty. 'Because, you know, it's fine to talk about tactile benches, but ultimately it's the emotion that we can communicate that's important.' That intersection of science with sensation and emotions is exactly where multidisciplinary designer Robyn Landau works, translating academic insight from neuroscience into creative projects, often aimed at improving wellbeing. For the installation Your Inner Symphony, her company Kinda Studios has collaborated with designer Alex Jenkins from Nexus Studios to make the invisible inner workings of our bodies tangible. Visitors will go to a 'sensing station' and put their hand on a sensor to measure heart rate, heart rate variability and galvanic skin response (ie how much you're sweating). Then, once they've moved through the exhibition, they'll be able to test themselves again to see what's changed and their readings will be translated into images and sound. It's based on the idea that 'emotions live as physiological sensations inside of our bodies', says Landau. 'And these physiological changes are what shape our feelings.' It's very well documented, she says, that sound frequencies interact with our brainwaves, but researchers are now learning how frequencies interact with the way the body maps emotional responses. One study showed that we sense different emotions in specific parts of our bodies, and there is lots of research on entrainment – the way humans naturally sync up with rhythms in music, such as when our heart rates match a musical beat, or when we automatically tap our feet to one. The science on specific frequencies such as 528Hz is less established, Landau says. 'There is some evidence,' she says tentatively. 'Not all of it is clinically proven. But just because it's not proven doesn't always mean it's not true. Sometimes we don't have the tools to be able to measure it properly.' Most current research in that field is focused on largely inaudible, low frequency sound. 'This is where we feel stimulated from inside,' says Landau. 'There's lots of research to show that these low frequency vibrations can effectively make people more tolerant to pain.' She likens it to a cat's purr when it's relaxed. (Cats also sometimes purr when they're stressed to self-soothe – humans might try humming for the same effect.) There is a lot more to learn, but it's clear that our brains and bodies are constantly responding to the soundworld around us, whether we're aware of it or not. Sound 'drives a cascade of bodily sensations that shape the visceral feeling of being emotionally moved', says Landau. 'I hope that people can come away from the exhibition with a sense of awe about their own body,' she adds, 'and how magical a place it really is.' Feel the Sound is at the Barbican, London, from 22 May to 31 August
Forbes
20-05-2025
- Health
- Forbes
The Surprising Key To Safety Compliance: Self-Compassion
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM - JANUARY 25: James Laurie, aged 8, is assisted in his online work by his ... More mother Laurette as he continues home schooling, on January 25, 2021 in London, United Kingdom. Under current government policy, schools in England wouldn't open before the February half-term break at the earliest, but the prime minister has declined to commit to reopening them before Easter. (Photo by) Without safety policies, both life and livelihoods can hang in balance - along with the overall health of an organization. When it comes to safety, we often think of external measures – safety equipment, rules, regulations, and enforcement – as the primary drivers of compliance but in a paper published recently by myself and Dr. Hak Yoon Kim, we found that self-compassion can also act as a powerful internal resource that enhances safety compliance. In the workplace, how kind (or not critical) one is to themself is likely not the first place managers will jump to when thinking about how to improve safety processes at work. Yet, self-compassion restores self-regulatory resources, or more plainly: will power. And following rules - especially safety rules which don't always have an immediate payoff, is often an act that requires self-control . In a crisis, whether it's a global pandemic or a company-wide restructuring, following safety protocols can be even more paramount as even the smallest misstep may have amplified consequences. The stress of crisis situations can create additional pressure that makes taking shortcuts appealing, which means enacting safety protocols can require even more will power. Based on theories that argue that self-control is a limited resource that depletes over time, the more stressful accompanying a situation, the less likely people are to follow safety rules because when we're depleted – by stress, long hours, or personal challenges – our self-control can weaken, making it harder to adhere to guidelines. To better understand what individuals can do to uphold safety protocols despite the situation they find themselves in, my colleague and I collected data during the COVID-19 pandemic and sought to explore the inner resources people could draw from to enhance safety compliance. We narrowed in our study to focus on one population that was particularly depleted: working parents. During COVID-19, a report by McKinsey & Co. wrote: 'employed parents face higher numbers of and longer exposure to stressors from the multiple roles they play compared with non-parents, and they have less ability to access periods of recovery as a result'. In a sense, the pandemic offered ideal conditions to study safety compliance because as offices closed down and employees worked remotely, there was no supervising manager looking over one's shoulder to ensure safety protocols were upheld. This allowed us to examine the role of self-control with greater precision. Past research has found that healthy behaviours like sleep, exercise, and eating well can support self-control and so we wondered if a healthy relationship with oneself could also increase self-control and ultimately, safety compliance under the premise that being kind and understanding to oneself might provide the mental and emotional strength needed to follow safety protocols, even when stressed and overwhelmed. We analyzed data from 387 participants (55% women and 92% White, with an average age of 43.04 years). In terms of relationship status, 69% were married or living with a partner, and 31% were single (68% women; 32% men). Regarding family structure, 37% of participants had one child, 44% had two children, 34% had at least one child under the age of 6, and 34% had at least one child aged 6 to 15. We found that self-control capacity explained the relationship between self-compassion and safety compliance and interestingly, this relationship was stronger for men than for women. In other words, self-compassion was an even more powerful resource for men, than women. The study highlights the crucial link between self-compassion and self-control. Self-control, that inner ability to regulate our behaviour and stay on track, is a finite resource that gets worn down every time we do a task that is difficult, challenging, or that we have to do despite not really wanting to. This is where self-compassion comes in. Replenishing self-control is simple, but not easy. A great night of sleep, for example, is one of the most effective ways to replenish your resources but sleep - especially for working parents - can be tricker to catch than an invisible leprechaun. Self-compassion allows people to replenish self-control reserves just by making the choice to stop beating themselves up and instead, offering themselves the same kindness and understanding they would offer a friend who is struggling. Instead of harsh self-criticism, self-compassion encourages a recognition that everyone hurts sometimes and that imperfection is part of the human experience. Even though the pandemic has ended, many employees find themselves stressed, exhausted, and carrying out tasks they 'should' do, which leaves them in need of replenishing their willpower. In this context, self-compassion isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. Organizations that foster a culture of self-compassion can empower their employees to better navigate stress, maintain their well-being, and - perhaps boring but no less important - adhere to safety protocols. Practical Takeaways for Individuals and Organizations So, how can we apply these findings to our own lives and workplaces? By understanding the power of self-compassion to restore critical resources that help us accomplish our goals, we can create safer, healthier, and more resilient workplaces. This research reveals the surprising finding that sometimes the most effective safety tool is simply the kindness we offer ourselves.
Forbes
14-05-2025
- Health
- Forbes
The ABCD Of Self-Talk: A Simple Method To Overcome Your Inner Critic
businesswoman with self doubt and negative self talk How do you say no—or let go—when your inner critic won't stop talking? That harsh self-talk in your head might sound like: 'Why didn't I try harder? What's wrong with me?' When things don't go as planned, negative self-talk often takes over, triggering anxiety and placing your nervous system in threat mode. Your body prepares to respond—fight, flight, or freeze—but instead of acting, you get stuck overthinking. That's where the ABCD of Self-Talk comes in. This internal spiral doesn't just drain your confidence—it hijacks your productivity. As a productivity expert I can testify that with many coachees, we start talking about time management and then we end up uncovering the negative self-talk. You waste time ruminating, second-guessing decisions, and revisiting tasks instead of completing them. Even simple priorities feel overwhelming when your brain is flooded with fear and self-judgment. To break that cycle, your mind needs a reset—from fear to clarity, from judgment to compassion, from spinning to acting. And what better time to reset than now? May is Mental Health Awareness Month—a powerful reminder apply the ABCD of self-talk with intention. I developed The ABCD of Self-Talk as a simple yet powerful method (and easy to remember even in crisis mode) that can help you move from self-criticism and mental chaos to taking a practical step. It blends awareness, breathwork, compassion, and forward movement so you can forgive yourself, reframe negative thoughts, and take meaningful action—even when things don't go as planned. Here are the four steps: The first step in transforming your self-talk is awareness. Recognize the negative or unhelpful thoughts that arise. Notice when you are being overly critical or harsh with yourself. These self-sabotaging thoughts often run on autopilot, but once you catch them, you can begin to create the space for choice—and change. Take a deep breath. This simple step helps interrupt the cycle of negative self-talk and gives you space to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Deep breathing helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, calming your mind and body, which can create more clarity and emotional control in moments of self-doubt or stress. It tells your brain, 'You're safe. You don't need to run. Let's slow down.' This pause gives you enough space to move from reactive to intentional thinking. Now that your mind is calmer, you can begin to challenge your negative thoughts with compassion. Ask yourself: Is this thought based on facts or assumptions? What would I say to a friend who was thinking this about themselves? We often hold ourselves to impossible standards—expecting perfection, immediate results, or constant strength. But you deserve the same kindness and empathy you would offer someone else. Reframe your thinking not with toxic positivity, but with grounded compassion. You can tell yourself, 'It's understandable that I feel this way right now.' Let that validation create space for perspective. Zoom out. Visualize your big picture and long-term goals. Are you still on track overall? How far have you already come? Remind yourself of past wins, strengths, and resilience. Progress isn't always linear, but you're moving forward—even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. At its core, negative self-talk is often your brain's way of trying to protect you—it's sounding the alarm to help you prepare, defend, or respond. But when no action follows, your mind keeps spinning, searching for resolution. That's why the spiral won't stop until you give it direction. Once you've reframed your thoughts with compassion, the next step is to take action. Define one small, practical step you can take—something achievable and clear. Break the task down if needed. Even the smallest action helps shift your brain from a state of overwhelm into a sense of agency. Just timeboxing a task like 'send an email' or 'review the program', or even a brain dump can feel like progress. The way you speak to yourself impacts how you feel, what you believe, and what you're able to do. When negative thoughts take over, you don't have to stay stuck. The ABCD of Self-Talk is your reset button—a way to pause, reflect, and move forward with clarity and compassion. The next time your inner critic shows up, remember to notice it (Awareness), breathe through it (Breath), speak kindly to yourself (Challenge with Compassion) and then take one small, powerful step (Do something about it).
