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Forbes
a day ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Beliefs That Make You Vulnerable To Psychological Control — By A Psychologist
Some of the most enduring forms of manipulation don't rely on force. They take root quietly, through beliefs we never learned to question. These beliefs often form early, shaped by family dynamics, cultural expectations or past relationships that were either deeply disappointing or subtly dysfunctional. Over time, they harden into internal rules that feel like truth. Left unexamined, they become cracks in our psychological foundation, the very entry points where control and coercion can slip in. Many people who seek therapy aren't struggling because they lack insight. Often, they do sense that something feels off in their relationships. Perhaps a sense of vague discomfort or a gut instinct but find themselves stuck in patterns of over-accommodation, self-doubt or emotional disconnection. And beneath that stuckness is usually a belief system quietly working against them. Here are three such beliefs that can make you more vulnerable to psychological control — and what you can begin to believe instead, if you want to reclaim your autonomy. This belief turns boundaries into threats rather than tools for connection. It convinces you that asserting your needs will push people away. So, you trade honesty for harmony and authenticity for approval. You say yes when you mean no, tolerate discomfort silently, and in the process, shrink yourself to keep the peace. Manipulative or self-serving individuals often catch on to this quickly. They rely on your fear of abandonment to maintain control. When you attempt to assert yourself, they may respond with: These aren't random reactions. They function as a way of conditioning. You speak up and you're punished. Stay silent and things stay 'peaceful.' A 2014 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology helps understand why those with high attachment anxiety may struggle to set boundaries. In the face of conflict or criticism, they often express heightened emotional hurt to induce guilt in their partners. While this may momentarily preserve closeness and provide reassurance, it gradually erodes mutual well-being. Over time, their partners experience reduced relationship satisfaction — reinforcing a painful pattern: intimacy is preserved, but at the expense of authenticity. As this dynamic repeats, you start to associate losing yourself with keeping others. The relationship begins to feel more like captivity than connection. Often, this pattern takes root in childhood. If love or safety depended on compliance, or if expressing your needs led to conflict or rejection, you likely learned to suppress your truth to stay connected. However, as adaptive as this may have been in the past, in adulthood it translates to self-erasure. To outgrow this pattern: Remember, healthy relationships can handle your 'no.' In fact, they require it. If someone leaves when you assert yourself, they were never truly invested in your well-being. This belief often disguises itself as 'kindness.' Being the one who understands, helps and heals others can feel noble, even admirable. But when care becomes compulsion, and when support turns into self-sacrifice, the relationship begins to lose balance. You're no longer a partner, because now you are the fixer, the emotional buffer, the one who holds it all together for yourself and others. A 2013 study on unmitigated communion (UC) sheds light on this dynamic. Unmitigated Communion refers to the tendency to care for others at the expense of your own well-being. It's especially problematic when driven by self-oriented motives, such as the need to feel valued, needed or secure. The study found that people high on this tendency often tie their self-worth to how much they can do for others. The research shows that this dynamic is linked with shame, low self-esteem and anxious attachment — all of which keep you in overdrive while giving others room to take you for granted. Manipulative or emotionally immature individuals end up exploiting this belief with ease. They may offload their emotional pain to secure your attention and get you to invest your emotional labor, making their crisis your responsibility. And when change doesn't happen, or the emotional load gets heavier, you blame yourself — for not helping 'well enough' or working 'hard enough.' Often, this script begins in childhood. If you had to soothe a parent's mood, manage their distress or serve as the emotional adult in the room, you may have learned to equate being loved with being useful. And in adulthood, you unconsciously seek out people who allow you to stay in that role, even if it chips away at your sense of self. But support doesn't require self-abandonment. Love doesn't need to look like labor. The shift begins when you stop confusing care with responsibility. You're allowed to care about someone without carrying them. Support and responsibility are not the same thing. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself in difficult moments: Prioritizing yourself doesn't make you cold or indifferent. It makes you emotionally mature. You can still be compassionate without abandoning yourself in the process. True support honors both people. It says, 'I believe in your capacity to grow, and I trust myself enough not to carry what isn't mine.' On the surface, this belief sounds virtuous. Kindness is, after all, a deeply valued trait in most cultures and families. But kindness without discernment often turns into passivity. You may find yourself over-apologizing, avoiding conflict, downplaying mistreatment or saying yes when you desperately want to say no, all to avoid being seen as rude, selfish or difficult. This constant performance of goodness isn't always about caring for others. Often, it's about earning approval or avoiding rejection. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that when people are kind to be liked, rather than from genuine care, they're more likely to experience anxiety, shame, depression and chronic stress. In such cases, kindness becomes a form of appeasement. Manipulative individuals quickly pick up on this tendency. They sense that you're more invested in being perceived as kind than in protecting yourself which makes it easier for them to exploit it. Your silence, patience and reluctance to set boundaries become the very tools they use to push past them. Over time, you begin to equate 'being kind' with 'being quiet.' You swallow your instincts, suppress your anger and confuse peacekeeping with inner peace. This pattern often begins in childhood environments where emotional expression is discouraged or punished. You might have been praised for being 'a good girl,' 'a nice boy' or 'so easy to raise' as long as you didn't cause a fuss. If asserting yourself led to criticism, you likely learned to equate safety with agreeability. Cultural or gendered conditioning can further reinforce this. In many societies, kindness, particularly for women and girls, is conflated with compliance. Over time, it stops being a value and becomes a survival mechanism. To outgrow this belief, you must learn to say no without guilt, disagree without hostility and walk away without apology when your boundaries are violated. Here are a few ways to reframe kindness: Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is say 'no' to protect your dignity. Boundaries, directness and even distance can be acts of deep kindness, especially when they help restore balance in a dynamic that's become one-sided or unsafe. Because the moment you choose self-respect over self-sacrifice, the grip of control weakens and you begin to live a life on your own terms. The way out of psychological control isn't aggression — it's clarity. It's noticing the beliefs that quietly govern your behavior and asking: 'Is this true? Is this mine?' Do you often experience a lack of control in your relationship? Take the science-backed Relationship Control Scale to find out.
Forbes
6 days ago
- Business
- Forbes
‘Imposter Syndrome': 4 Ways To Turn It Into A Career Asset
A body of literature focuses on how to tackle and overcome imposter syndrome, but now experts are ... More showing how you can harness this feeling into boosting your job performance. On a cold, January day, Margo was having an anxiety attack in my office, afraid she would fail in the highly competitive real estate job she had worked day and night for several years. The paradox was she had just received an award and a bonus for top million-dollar salesperson in her company. Yet, she believed it was only a matter of time before her incompetence was revealed and she would lose her job. Margo was suffering from imposter syndrome--the chronic fear of being exposed as a fraud and that others think you're more capable and competent than you are. 'At first, I felt good about it," Margo told me, 'but that only lasted for about twenty minutes. Then I realized it was a fluke, and I'll never be able to pull it off again. I feel like I've pulled the wool over everybody's eyes.' Margo isn't alone, and neither are you if you feel like an imposter. Some of the most accomplished personalities on the planet have struggled with self-doubt. Journalist Jeff Jarvis said, 'Like most other creatives, I struggle with self-sabotage, self-doubt and feeling like an impostor more often than not.' Arianna Huffington, founder of Thrive Global, has written about her experience with imposter syndrome."I was convinced that at any moment, the jig would be up, and I would be unmasked as a fraud," she remarks. "It didn't matter how much success I had achieved or how much positive feedback I received--the feeling persisted." And when Jane Fonda won her second Oscar, she told a talk show host she felt like a phony and feared the Academy would find out how talent-less she was and take the award back. Ryne Sherman of Hogan Assessments told me that approximately 75 to 85% of working adults report feelings of imposter syndrome. Even American author and poet Maya Angelou lamented,'I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.' Other well-known people like actor Tom Hanks and former First Lady Michelle Obama have also spoken publicly about feeling like an impostor. Imposter syndrome seems to afflict high-performing people and women more than men. Most people who feel like imposters report a nagging voice in their heads that clouds their vision from internalizing success, afraid they might slack off and ultimately flop. So the voice says you have to work harder. Distorted thoughts can make you feel like an impostor, as if you've been able to fool people that you're competent, even though you're not convinced yourself. You think if they knew the truth, you'd be discovered for the fake you are. Most people think of imposter syndrome as a problem to fix, and there's a body of literature on how to overcome or tackle imposter syndrome. But now experts are taking a second look, making a turnaround after research shows that it can be a competitive advantage, especially in leadership roles. Recently, in her Yale commencement address, Dame Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand, opened up about experiencing imposter syndrome—even while leading a nation through crisis. Her message was powerful: traits like self-doubt and sensitivity, often perceived as weaknesses, can be essential leadership strengths. 'Imposter syndrome is frequently associated with outcomes most people view as negative: low self-esteem, indecisiveness and fear,' according to Sherman, but he suggests that there are also four surprisingly positive benefits of experiencing imposter thoughts: 1. If you have thoughts of self-doubt or inadequacy, you're more likely to show up as more motivated and having a stronger work ethic than your peers. 'The psychodynamic theorist Alfred Adler noted that fear of failure significantly impacts an individual's motivation, though, as a therapist Adler tried to help his patients overcome fear of failure by developing self-worth,' he explains. 2. If you experience imposter syndrome, you're also likely to become more other-focused versus self-focused. 'When we doubt ourselves, we look to others for feedback about our performance and reassurance,' he points out. 'Such other-focus creates stronger awareness of the reputation we are creating in the eyes of others, rather than on our own self-proclaimed (and potentially wrong) identity." 3. Imposter syndrome is linked to increased interpersonal skill. 'Listening and being attuned to others' emotions is a quintessential feature of emotional intelligence and empathy,' Sherman states. 'Thus, those with imposter syndrome are often skilled at building relationships.' 4. If you have imposter syndrome, you're far less likely to fall into the traps of arrogance and overconfidence. Sherman emphasizes that leaders who are overconfident in their abilities often take on more than can be accomplished, fail to deliver on expectations, take on unnecessary risks and place the blame for failure on others. "Leaders who have some degree of self-doubt are more likely to be viewed as humble and responsible, even if their lack of self-confidence hampers their potential." Michael Sanger, director of assessment solutions for Leadership Development Worldwide at Hogan Assessments declares that imposter syndrome can actually improve your performance, if you're willing to re-frame your perspective. 'Imposter syndrome often signals your willingness to push boundaries because you're stretching yourself outside your comfort zone, so to try to appreciate this as your natural response,' he advises. Positive affirmations are antidotes to imposter syndrome that act as 'cognitive expanders' that help you see the truth about yourself and fuel your performance. They reduce your brain's tunnel vision, broadening your perspective so you can step back from a career challenge, see the big picture of your accomplishments and brainstorm a wide range of possibilities, solutions and opportunities. Another antidote, self-compassion, fuels your job performance and achievement and offsets the self-judgment of the imposter syndrome thoughts. When you're kind toward yourself and accept career letdowns with compassion, you deal only with the stressful experience, not the added negative feelings from your self-judgment that says you're a fraud.
Yahoo
31-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
How Rylan Galvan turned embarrassment into excellence, became Texas baseball star
Jitters danced through Rylan Galvan's legs as he dug into the batter's box. His body felt weighed down, heavy. And his mind frantically searched for an explanation there wasn't time to find. Former Texas baseball coach David Pierce had called upon Galvan for a pinch-hit at-bat with runners on the corners and one out in the 2023 Big 12 Tournament. The Longhorns were trailing Kansas 6-2 in the seventh inning. Advertisement Galvan — then a freshman — froze, his bat cemented to his right shoulder. He took three straight strikes before returning to the Texas dugout feeling 'as embarrassed (he'd) ever felt on a baseball field.' 'I didn't come through,' Galvan remembered earlier this month. 'I didn't even give myself a chance. I didn't swing.' That at-bat encapsulated everything that plagued Galvan as a younger player: self-doubt, anxiety, an inability to control his body and his mind. To watch him swagger his way around the right-handed batter's box as a junior in 2025 is to witness a player who has conquered all of those obstacles. Rylan Galvin is learning a valuable lesson Galvan's journey over the mountain in his mind began serendipitously, less than 24 hours after the moment that embarrassed him so comprehensively in the Big 12 Tournament. Advertisement WHAT TO WATCH: Three questions facing Texas baseball after SEC tournament elimination He found his place next to former Longhorns infielder Mitchell Daly at breakfast the next morning, convinced that his teammates would judge him harshly for his failure. His own mind was granting him no leeway, after all. 'I just had to talk about it,' Galvan said. 'I had to say something. I looked to Mitch and I said, 'What do you think of that? That was terrible. Do you remember that?' He kind of just looked at me and he was just like, 'What are you talking about? What do you mean?' 'He didn't even remember it happened. I was making it out to be like, 'Oh my God, everybody saw that, everybody's going to look at me different.' And then that very next morning, not even 24 hours later, my teammates had already forgotten what had happened. And that's when I really realized that nothing's ever as bad as you make it out to be.' Advertisement Galvan finished his freshman season with a .226 batting average and .761 OPS in 22 starts. Those were numbers that threatened his confidence and nullified the natural swagger he emitted every time he put on a pair of cleats. 'I kind of looked myself in the mirror and it was just like I was a different person,' he said. Fans cheer after Texas catcher Rylan Galvan tags out a Cal Poly runner at the plate during the Longhorns' 7-0 win earlier this season. Galvan left to play in the California Collegiate League that summer, resolving to wipe his mind clean. There, he played regularly, posting subpar numbers but learning a lesson that helped unlock his star power. 'I don't necessarily have to feel the best to be able to go out there and just to play my best,' Galvan said. 'You know, in this game, you're never going to feel 100%. You're never going to feel like your swing's where you want it. But at the end of the day, you just have to go out there and compete with what you have. I really have a better understanding of just competing. Just, at the end of the day, when you step in that box, it's me versus the pitcher. Nothing matters. Just finding ways to pitch and compete.' Advertisement SOFTBALL: Texas softball took Clemson's best shot and persevered for another WCWS trip | Golden That approach, paired with Galvan's more developed understanding of how to regulate his emotions and his mentality, transformed him into one of the college game's best catchers. In 2024, he hit .287 with eight home runs and posted a .898 OPS. This season he's batting .295 and is leading the Longhorns in home runs (14) and OPS (1.064) on his way to first-team All-SEC recognition. Behind the plate, he leads a pitching staff that ranks fifth in the country and at the top of the SEC with a 3.56 ERA entering the NCAA Tournament. Rylan Galvan has played his best against the best. He has a team-leading 1.012 on-base plus slugging percentage in SEC play with 62 total bases in 29 games. "I've had some elite (catchers) in my time, and Rylan is right up there with all of them," UT coach Jim Schlossnagle said. 'The quarterback's got the ball in his hands all the time like the catcher has the ball in his hand all the time,' Texas coach Jim Schlossnagle said. 'I've had some elite ones in my time, and Rylan is right up there with all of them. There's never been a good baseball team without a good catcher, and there's never been a great baseball team without a great catcher.' Texas' Rylan Galvan: 'Go out there and be you' Great catchers don't fear the big moment. Galvan has learned to embrace them. Advertisement He's delivered for the Longhorns in key spots all season, most notably slugging a walk-off home run April 6 to help Texas secure a series sweep of Georgia. The legs that shook when he stepped into the box against Kansas two years ago now saunter and strut. When he takes a pitch, you'll often see him break out into a little shuffle. It's not intentional — it's almost involuntary, a way to express the confidence he's worked so hard to cultivate with breathwork and routine. 'It may look dumb or silly to other people,' Galvan said. 'It's just me. A lot of people like it. I know everybody on my team does. The other team may not, but at the end of the day, I don't care. You can't worry about what other people think. Nothing's ever as bad as it seems. Just go out there and be you. "And when you're yourself and you're competing at your level, at a high level, that's going to put you in the best position to have success.' Advertisement When the Longhorns endured their first rough patch of the season, floundering at the plate as they lost five out of six SEC games to Arkansas and Florida, veteran first baseman Kimble Schuessler implored his teammates to adopt Galvan's uber-competitive approach. The batter's box shuffle was optional. The determination to battle was not. Texas pitcher Ruger Riojas hugs catcher Rylan Galvan before leaving the field during the April 25 Texas-Texas A&M game at UFCU Disch-Falk Field. "There's never been a good baseball team without a good catcher, and there's never been a great baseball team without a great catcher,' UT coach Jim Schlossnagle said. That's who Galvan always was, and what his reclaimed confidence has allowed him to become once again: a natural leader who can disseminate belief throughout his team with his actions. Just ask Adrian Alaniz, who coached Galvan at Sinton High School and won a national title as a Longhorn in 2005. Alaniz watched Galvan lead something approximating a pregame wrestling match to fire up his team en route to a state title in 2022. Advertisement 'Rylan was the guy who was there to get the whole entire team rocking and rolling,' Alaniz said last week. 'He'd say a few chants and then the guys would scream right behind him. Rylan started all of that stuff. So all the little shuffles and stuff like that that he's got going on, it doesn't surprise me that he's doing something funny and animated to give some boost, get some spark. That's just kind of the person he's been.' Texas' next game Texas vs. Houston Christian, NCAA regional first round, 1 p.m. Friday, UFCU Disch-Falk Field, ESPN+, 103.1 NCAA Austin regional Friday-Monday, UFCU Disch-Falk Field Advertisement Friday — (Game 1) Texas vs. Houston Christian, 1 p.m., ESPN+, 103.1; (2) Kansas State vs. UTSA, 6 p.m., ESPN+; Saturday — (3) Game 1 winner vs. Game 2 winner; (4) Game 1 loser vs. Game 2 loser; Sunday — (5) Game 4 winner vs. Game 3 loser; (6) Game 3 winner vs. Game 5 winner; Monday — (7, if needed) Game 6 rematch Reach Texas Insider David Eckert via email at deckert@ Follow the American-Statesman on Facebook and X for more. Your subscription makes work like this possible. Access all of our best content with this tremendous offer. Texas catcher Rylan Galvan celebrates a home run during the March 21 game against LSU at UFCU Disch-Falk Field. Galvan has become one of the team's on-field leaders both behind the plate, in the batter's box and in the locker room. This article originally appeared on Austin American-Statesman: Texas baseball: How Rylan Galvan turned embarrassment into excellence
Yahoo
25-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The 6 Most Overlooked Red Flags in a Relationship, According to a Psychologist
Red flags aren't just for unsafe waters at the beach. Psychologists share it's important to notice red flags in relationships as well—but some are easy to overlook."Red flags point to behavior that chips away at safety, connection or identity," explains ., a licensed psychologist. "Ignoring them doesn't make them go away—it often leads to emotional burnout, chronic self-doubt and cycles that repeat in future relationships."Yet, she says people may miss red flags if they grew up in families where only positive vibes were allowed or if love came with strings attached. However, even people who had solid childhoods can fall into traps of missing relationship warning signs. It's natural to want to stick around, hoping things will improve. Ironically, flagging issues is a more effective way to give your relationship a fighting chance."Noticing red flags doesn't mean jumping to conclusions or cutting off all relationships where you see red flags," she explains. "It means listening to your body's cues and paying attention to patterns that don't sit right and then addressing these issues with your partner."Dr. McGeehan helps people play detective by sharing the six most overlooked red flags in a relationship—and what to do These are the warning signs that people often miss. "Try not to laugh about this one," Dr. McGeehan says. While it may sound "typical," she stresses that nothing gets the alarm bells going in her head more quickly than a client in a long-term relationship with a guy who constantly puts his mother's preferences ahead of theirs. She says it's often a sign of "enmeshment," or a boundary-free relationship."The biggest relationship issues as a result of enmeshment include loyalty conflicts, avoidance of conflict and passive dependency, AKA putting the mental load on their partner," she explains. "It usually sounds like, 'I would love to come hang out with you like we planned, but my mom just asked if I would take her to lunch and she doesn't have anyone else, so I need to be there for her.'"Related: While we're on the subject of boundaries (or lack thereof), Dr. McGeehan says it's easy to laugh off a partner who uses your boundaries as joke material. However, she warns that teasing about limits, such as a need for alone time, is a flag that your partner may not be a stand-up main squeeze. "It seems playful at first, but it's actually a sign that they don't take your needs seriously," she reveals. "That in and of itself erodes trust. However, it also indicates that your partner doesn't have boundaries themselves. It's challenging to be healthy in a relationship with someone who is not healthy and isn't aware they have work to do." Dr. McGeehan explains that people often think confusion is a sign that things are on the right track, but chronic anxiety in a relationship isn't a good sign."Many people mistake anxiety for chemistry," she says. "If you're walking away from time together feeling unsure, overanalyzing what you said or [feeling] disconnected from yourself, that's a red flag."She stresses that healthy connections bring calm instead of confusion."A good way to test this one is to follow up about areas you have confusion on," Dr. McGeehan suggests. "For example, 'Hey, when you said you wanted exclusivity but didn't want to spend more time together, I felt confused. Can you tell me more about that?'"Related: Actions speak louder than words, and a lack of follow-through says a lot."Say-do correspondence is huge in relationships," Dr. McGeehan explains. "It's how we build trust and signals to our nervous system that we are safe... I always tell my clients to listen to behavior over words."She acknowledges that we're all human, so occasional lack of follow-through is normal. However, it's toxic when it becomes a trend, even if they have a list of excuses."The reality is that if someone wants to do something, they will do it," Dr. McGeehan points Dr. McGeehan often sees people mistake this flake for "independence" and "bad luck.""If someone has no long-standing connections or constantly paints themselves as the victim in past relationships, it usually points to a pattern of avoiding accountability or conflict resolution," she explains. "Remember, we move toward what feels familiar—not healthy. So, if you notice this pattern with someone, be ready to inherit all that baggage and work if you get into a serious relationship with them."She says it's doable, but it can come with a hefty price tag (and a willingness to couple's and individual therapy will be 100/10 necessary). Dr. McGeehan says you'll need to turn inward to come to terms with this one."You may say things like 'I'm probably overreacting' or 'They didn't mean it like that,'" she shares. "When you're constantly overriding your own instincts, you're signaling to your nervous system that your discomfort doesn't matter and the signals it sends aren't real. This creates a foundation of not trusting yourself within the relationship." Related: It's understandable to want to hit the road the moment you notice relationship red flags—and that might be the best course. However, Dr. McGeehan suggests taking a beat."You don't need to confront or walk away immediately," she explains. "Just noticing the pattern is powerful."She suggests reflecting on what your feelings and whether the behavior was genuinely a one-off or part of a pattern. Journaling or voice-noting your reaction is useful in helping you determine the latter."Over time, you will have data to reflect back on when you are trying to tell yourself, 'It doesn't happen that often, though,'" she says. "I statements" are clutch here because they keep conversations productive and reduce the need for one partner to get defensive."Instead of saying 'You're disrespectful,' try 'When you ignore what I ask for, I feel dismissed,'" Dr. McGeehan conversations can feel loaded and nerve-wracking, though. Therefore, she says it's "game-changing" to bring an outline of what you want to say, and explains that an outline might include: Writing out the behavior you observed The story you told yourself about it The emotions you felt The request for the future (if applicable) "Bring this written out on a sheet of paper and ask your partner not to interrupt," Dr. McGeehan suggests. "It can feel silly, but this is a grounding exercise in productive communication. Your partner may also want a sheet of paper to write down their thoughts or emotions as you are talking." Sometimes, you just can't get a read on your gut instinct."When you're too close to the dynamic, it's hard to see clearly," Dr. McGeehan shares. "Talk to a therapist, coach or friend who knows your history and can reflect back what's healthy and what's not."However, she shares it's important to go through step one (reflection) first."Even a paid professional cannot tell you what your experience is at the end of the day," she points out. "Good ones will reflect it back, but ultimately, you know your experience better than anyone else." Up Next:Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist The 6 Most Overlooked Red Flags in a Relationship, According to a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on May 25, 2025
Daily Mail
25-05-2025
- Politics
- Daily Mail
Britain CAN be great again - and here's how! JEREMY HUNT's vital new book where he insists: It's time to stop wallowing
Missed yesterday's part one in the Mail? Read it here It was that diplomat and global thinker Henry Kissinger, a great and inspirational friend of mine, who warned the biggest pitfall for any country is self-doubt. And yet that is what we as a nation are going through. We are suffering an epidemic of self-loathing, a massive decline in self-confidence and crippling disillusionment.
