Latest news with #sextherapist
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
9 Things No One Tells You About Sex After 70
There's a lot of mystery surrounding sex in your 60s, 70s and beyond. Look online and you'll find countless threads where curious younger people ask if older people are having sex at all, and if they are having it, what it's like. 'What does it feel like?' others wonder. (Good, we imagine? It's still sex!) Related: The mystery surrounding sex in older age stems from a combination of factors, according to Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist and sex therapist in Beverly Hills, California. First, societal taboos and ageist attitudes have led to a marginalization of older adults' sexuality. No one wants to imagine people their grandparents' or parents' age having sex, so we cast out those thoughts. What we get as a result are limited discussions and representations of sex in later life; think of how few scenes we see of older people getting it on in movies and TV, and how often post-50 sex and Viagra are the butt of the joke for late-night comedians. We're all going to get older eventually (hopefully, anyway) but because we've stigmatized post-50 sex so much, we're ill-prepared for the realities of it, Chavez said. 'There's a lack of comprehensive sex education tailored to older age groups, leaving many individuals uninformed about the changes and challenges they may face regarding sexuality as they age,' she told HuffPost. 'This all leads to misconceptions and curiosity about what sexual experiences are like in later life,' she said. 'Overall, increased awareness, education, and open dialogue about sex and aging can help eliminate the mystery and promote healthier attitudes toward sexuality in older age groups.' The heartening reality is that those who are AARP-aged are still having, enjoying and desiring sex, even when they're not coupled up. Four out of 10 people ages 65-80 are still sexually active, according to a 2018 studyfrom the National Poll on Healthy Aging. And whether or not they have an active sex life, nearly two-thirds of older adults said they're interested in sex. More than half said sex is important to their quality of life, according to the same study. To shed some light on post-70 sex, we asked sex therapists and people over 70 to share some things people should know about sex in the golden years. See what they had to say below. Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length. Your need to feel desired doesn't just disappear. 'I can only speak for my wife and I, but I think one of the biggest things not talked about is the drive for sex and physical enjoyment ― to be desired, to be wanted, to have that feeling of giving and receiving the physical, as well as emotional release ― never goes away. When we're young, we don't want to believe that old, saggy humans still want sex. But we do. Physical attraction and satisfaction, communication and personal hygiene are still important, even in our 70s. 'There are certain things that have to be worked out, of course: erectile dysfunction, extreme dryness, pain and limited positions. But it's great to be alive at a time when science has solved some of these issues with easy solutions. Drugs and creams for both women and men, as well as physical exercises and therapies, make it possible to enjoy sex at this late stage. I understand that there are many people at this age who have debilitating diseases or physical limitations that make it very difficult or even undesirable to have sex. And I certainly respect that. But there are also many older people, older than us even, who still want and have sex. 'I think the biggest problem is the stigma of being old, with gray hair or bald, saggy breasts and butts, means that there's no longer a need for sex. When we were in our 50s, we thought that if we were alive in our 70s, we'd be done. To our pleasant surprise, it's just the opposite.' ― Frank, 76, who lives in the Texas panhandle and has been married for almost 53 years The frequency decreases but the quality often increases. 'I think the most surprising thing about sex after 70 for many folks is that it has the potential to be better than ever. Many of my clients in their 70s (and 80s!) report that while the frequency of sex generally declines with age, the quality improves. Sometimes this is related to so-called sexual dysfunction which leads them to discover new pathways to pleasure. For example, if penetration is painful or uncomfortable, they often learn to explore and enjoy full-body pleasure. Or if erectile issues arise, many folks finally discover that the hands, tongue, lips, toys and skin can lead to intense pleasure and orgasms in the absence of penile erections.' ― Jess O'Reilly, a sexologist and the host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast Erectile dysfunction doesn't need to end your sex life. 'I've dealt with ED for over 20 years. My wife could never orgasm with [penis in vagina] but now has at least two or three orgasms and often more. I guess you could call it advanced foreplay: I use my mouth, hands and leg to stimulate her. She then stimulates me until I'm finished.' ― Norm, 71, southeast Michigan Related: Aging may cause physical barriers, but there are workarounds. 'Aging may cause physical changes that don't have to be barriers to having sex. Aging naturally causes changes in physical comfort and mobility such as arthritis, joint pain, or mobility limitations that can be addressed easily by using products such as pillows for support, trying different sexual positions that are less physically demanding, or incorporating lubricants to reduce discomfort which contribute to a more enjoyable and fulfilling sexual experience. Also, being open to experimenting and adapting to the changing needs of one's body can help older adults continue to engage in pleasurable sexual activities. In older age, sex is less performative and more adaptable to experiences providing pleasure and connection.' ― Chavez Sexual adventurousness and creativity expand with experience. 'Just because our bodies get worn out doesn't mean our minds do. Adventurousness and imagination expand with experience. I may be different from other people, but I find myself giving myself permission to explore and be interested in diverse activities even more than when I was younger. When you get toward the end of your life you realize the rules don't matter as much anymore, including in bed. No one is going to give you a disapproving glance and no one is going to discourage you from doing something you want to do and, really, who cares if they do?' ― David Daniel, a 70-something in Cedar Rapids, Iowa It can be painful, especially for women. 'The aging process has a tremendous impact on sexual functioning and satisfaction. In addition, as we age, we tend to have more medical issues and many medications can impact sexual function. As we age, we often experience changes in our sexual behavior, desire, what we find arousing, and overall sexual well-being. Some of the biological changes we experience as we age involve hormones: When women reach middle age, they experience menopause. This happens because the body stops producing estrogen. Some of the results of decreased estrogen production include vaginal dryness, decreased lubrication, and loss of elasticity in the vaginal tissues. This often leads to discomfort and even pain during intercourse. In some cases, there may be a decrease in nipple and clitoral sensitivity. The good news is, lube and longer-acting vaginal moisturizers can help.' ― Rachel Needle, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes Related: Sometimes, it's more about the emotional connection. 'Emotional connection and intimacy are a priority and sex becomes intentional and more of the experience they are having. It is less about the sexual scripts and acts of sex and more about the type of connection and closeness that can be gained from mutually enjoyable experiences together. The motivation for sex may be less about looking good, pleasing your partner only, feeling like an obligation or task, and being more intentional about feeling good together and enjoying the experience.' ― Chavez Sexual desire is 'supposed' to be spontaneous but it's not always that way, especially as we age. 'Some data suggests that very few women commonly experience sexual desire postmenopause. One study found that 24% never experience desire and 41% rarely experience desire postmenopause. But 91% experience arousal (and pleasure). What we can learn from this is that you don't have to experience spontaneous desire to enjoy sex; if you don't find yourself in the mood, you can put yourself in the mood — with fantasy, conversation, touch, and other forms of arousal.' ― O'Reilly It's all about managing your expectations. 'If you believe Reddit and other online forums, some folks make love several times a day. I've told the folks on Reddit that we make love every Friday. We tell anyone that wants to see us on Friday that we have a previous engagement. Our family knows that Friday is our chill day and never bothers us. Could we have sex more often? Maybe, but it's very exhausting and we talk about it all of the time to keep it exciting. It's Wednesday today, so it's Friday, eve, eve. Lots of hugging and kissing during the week, just to be close.' ― Norm Related... The Best Sex Positions For People Over 60, According To Sex Experts Sex Experts Say You're Missing Out On Lube. Here Are 8 Highly Rated Options. I Became A Huge OnlyFans Star At 56. Then Someone Outed Me To My Hometown.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
9 Things No One Tells You About Sex After 70
There's a lot of mystery surrounding sex in your 60s, 70s and beyond. Look online and you'll find countless threads where curious younger people ask if older people are having sex at all, and if they are having it, what it's like. 'What does it feel like?' others wonder. (Good, we imagine? It's still sex!) Related: The mystery surrounding sex in older age stems from a combination of factors, according to Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist and sex therapist in Beverly Hills, California. First, societal taboos and ageist attitudes have led to a marginalization of older adults' sexuality. No one wants to imagine people their grandparents' or parents' age having sex, so we cast out those thoughts. What we get as a result are limited discussions and representations of sex in later life; think of how few scenes we see of older people getting it on in movies and TV, and how often post-50 sex and Viagra are the butt of the joke for late-night comedians. We're all going to get older eventually (hopefully, anyway) but because we've stigmatized post-50 sex so much, we're ill-prepared for the realities of it, Chavez said. 'There's a lack of comprehensive sex education tailored to older age groups, leaving many individuals uninformed about the changes and challenges they may face regarding sexuality as they age,' she told HuffPost. 'This all leads to misconceptions and curiosity about what sexual experiences are like in later life,' she said. 'Overall, increased awareness, education, and open dialogue about sex and aging can help eliminate the mystery and promote healthier attitudes toward sexuality in older age groups.' The heartening reality is that those who are AARP-aged are still having, enjoying and desiring sex, even when they're not coupled up. Four out of 10 people ages 65-80 are still sexually active, according to a 2018 studyfrom the National Poll on Healthy Aging. And whether or not they have an active sex life, nearly two-thirds of older adults said they're interested in sex. More than half said sex is important to their quality of life, according to the same study. To shed some light on post-70 sex, we asked sex therapists and people over 70 to share some things people should know about sex in the golden years. See what they had to say below. Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length. Your need to feel desired doesn't just disappear. 'I can only speak for my wife and I, but I think one of the biggest things not talked about is the drive for sex and physical enjoyment ― to be desired, to be wanted, to have that feeling of giving and receiving the physical, as well as emotional release ― never goes away. When we're young, we don't want to believe that old, saggy humans still want sex. But we do. Physical attraction and satisfaction, communication and personal hygiene are still important, even in our 70s. 'There are certain things that have to be worked out, of course: erectile dysfunction, extreme dryness, pain and limited positions. But it's great to be alive at a time when science has solved some of these issues with easy solutions. Drugs and creams for both women and men, as well as physical exercises and therapies, make it possible to enjoy sex at this late stage. I understand that there are many people at this age who have debilitating diseases or physical limitations that make it very difficult or even undesirable to have sex. And I certainly respect that. But there are also many older people, older than us even, who still want and have sex. 'I think the biggest problem is the stigma of being old, with gray hair or bald, saggy breasts and butts, means that there's no longer a need for sex. When we were in our 50s, we thought that if we were alive in our 70s, we'd be done. To our pleasant surprise, it's just the opposite.' ― Frank, 76, who lives in the Texas panhandle and has been married for almost 53 years The frequency decreases but the quality often increases. 'I think the most surprising thing about sex after 70 for many folks is that it has the potential to be better than ever. Many of my clients in their 70s (and 80s!) report that while the frequency of sex generally declines with age, the quality improves. Sometimes this is related to so-called sexual dysfunction which leads them to discover new pathways to pleasure. For example, if penetration is painful or uncomfortable, they often learn to explore and enjoy full-body pleasure. Or if erectile issues arise, many folks finally discover that the hands, tongue, lips, toys and skin can lead to intense pleasure and orgasms in the absence of penile erections.' ― Jess O'Reilly, a sexologist and the host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast Erectile dysfunction doesn't need to end your sex life. 'I've dealt with ED for over 20 years. My wife could never orgasm with [penis in vagina] but now has at least two or three orgasms and often more. I guess you could call it advanced foreplay: I use my mouth, hands and leg to stimulate her. She then stimulates me until I'm finished.' ― Norm, 71, southeast Michigan Related: Aging may cause physical barriers, but there are workarounds. 'Aging may cause physical changes that don't have to be barriers to having sex. Aging naturally causes changes in physical comfort and mobility such as arthritis, joint pain, or mobility limitations that can be addressed easily by using products such as pillows for support, trying different sexual positions that are less physically demanding, or incorporating lubricants to reduce discomfort which contribute to a more enjoyable and fulfilling sexual experience. Also, being open to experimenting and adapting to the changing needs of one's body can help older adults continue to engage in pleasurable sexual activities. In older age, sex is less performative and more adaptable to experiences providing pleasure and connection.' ― Chavez Sexual adventurousness and creativity expand with experience. 'Just because our bodies get worn out doesn't mean our minds do. Adventurousness and imagination expand with experience. I may be different from other people, but I find myself giving myself permission to explore and be interested in diverse activities even more than when I was younger. When you get toward the end of your life you realize the rules don't matter as much anymore, including in bed. No one is going to give you a disapproving glance and no one is going to discourage you from doing something you want to do and, really, who cares if they do?' ― David Daniel, a 70-something in Cedar Rapids, Iowa It can be painful, especially for women. 'The aging process has a tremendous impact on sexual functioning and satisfaction. In addition, as we age, we tend to have more medical issues and many medications can impact sexual function. As we age, we often experience changes in our sexual behavior, desire, what we find arousing, and overall sexual well-being. Some of the biological changes we experience as we age involve hormones: When women reach middle age, they experience menopause. This happens because the body stops producing estrogen. Some of the results of decreased estrogen production include vaginal dryness, decreased lubrication, and loss of elasticity in the vaginal tissues. This often leads to discomfort and even pain during intercourse. In some cases, there may be a decrease in nipple and clitoral sensitivity. The good news is, lube and longer-acting vaginal moisturizers can help.' ― Rachel Needle, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes Related: Sometimes, it's more about the emotional connection. 'Emotional connection and intimacy are a priority and sex becomes intentional and more of the experience they are having. It is less about the sexual scripts and acts of sex and more about the type of connection and closeness that can be gained from mutually enjoyable experiences together. The motivation for sex may be less about looking good, pleasing your partner only, feeling like an obligation or task, and being more intentional about feeling good together and enjoying the experience.' ― Chavez Sexual desire is 'supposed' to be spontaneous but it's not always that way, especially as we age. 'Some data suggests that very few women commonly experience sexual desire postmenopause. One study found that 24% never experience desire and 41% rarely experience desire postmenopause. But 91% experience arousal (and pleasure). What we can learn from this is that you don't have to experience spontaneous desire to enjoy sex; if you don't find yourself in the mood, you can put yourself in the mood — with fantasy, conversation, touch, and other forms of arousal.' ― O'Reilly It's all about managing your expectations. 'If you believe Reddit and other online forums, some folks make love several times a day. I've told the folks on Reddit that we make love every Friday. We tell anyone that wants to see us on Friday that we have a previous engagement. Our family knows that Friday is our chill day and never bothers us. Could we have sex more often? Maybe, but it's very exhausting and we talk about it all of the time to keep it exciting. It's Wednesday today, so it's Friday, eve, eve. Lots of hugging and kissing during the week, just to be close.' ― Norm Related... The Best Sex Positions For People Over 60, According To Sex Experts Sex Experts Say You're Missing Out On Lube. Here Are 8 Highly Rated Options. I Became A Huge OnlyFans Star At 56. Then Someone Outed Me To My the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
11-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Gavin & Stacey's Joanna Page swipes 'you guys are ruining my career move!' at stunned Loose Women panel as she talks quitting showbiz for VERY different job
Joanna Page talked quitting showbiz for a very different job to a stunned Loose Women panel. The Gavin & Stacey star, 48, appeared on Wednesday's instalment of the ITV show and sat down with Christine Lampard, 46, Grace Keeling, 25, Janet Street-Porter, 78 and Jane Moore, 63. 'I'm really intrigued about what I've heard, and it's the new career move. Something to do with a sex therapist?' Grace asked. Joanna opened up about her passion for speaking with people about their relationship woes. She said: 'I've always wanted to become a sex therapist, I've always wanted to train as a relationship counsellor because I'm interested in chatting to people and their relationships and listening to their problems and what's happened and how I can talk to them about it. From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new Showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. The Gavin & Stacey star, 48, appeared on Wednesday's instalment of the ITV show and sat down with Christine Lampard , 46, Grace Keeling, 25, Janet Street-Porter , 78 and Jane Moore , 63 'I imagine though that you guys are going to ruin this next career move of mine,' the actress added, laughing. Joanna admitted that she'd 'love' to go into the field and revealed she had already been putting her skills to use. 'I'd love to do that, I've been in the house and I've had like delivery drivers coming round and they've dropped off a delivery and then James has gone 'Oh my gosh it's 20 minutes later, where is she?' and I've been in the back of a van talking to a driver,' she explained. Joanna added: 'And he's been like 'Well I don't know what to do in my relationship with my girlfriend, what do you think?' 'And James caught me in the back and was like 'Are you alright?'. I said 'Yeah I'll be out in a minute I'm just talking to him, and I was talking to him about his relationship with his girlfriend.' Last year, Joanna revealed she found filming the final day of Gavin and Stacey Christmas special 'traumatic' as she opened up about the 'emotional' last day on set. The last ever instalment aired in a 90-minute special on Christmas Day 2024 after fans of the show begged for an end to the story. T he Welsh actress, who portrays Stacey Shipman in the BAFTA-winning TV series, revealed filming the last-ever episode left her 'hysterically crying and laughing'. Joanna said: 'Being on set for the last time with everybody for the last day was traumatic. I knew I was going to cry as soon as I walked on set. 'I saw Steve's face, our first AD, and I just burst out crying. Then I saw Sophie Hebron, our second AD, and I burst out crying again. So then I went into my trailer and Julia Davis came in and sat with me, and I couldn't stop crying, because it just felt it was such a huge journey that was ending. 'So I found it very emotional but then in between that, hysterically funny, because the last scene we filmed was a funny one, so I just alternated between hysterically crying and hysterically laughing.' Recalling the final moments on set, she continued: 'Right at the very end, on our last bit of filming, I just got this sense of calm wash over me. 'I remember standing there and looking around at everybody and everybody's faces, and I just remember smiling quite calmly to myself and thinking 'wow, look where we've all come, look where we all are now'. 'I delivered my last lines, the way that I wanted to, and the way that I needed to, and then when they shouted, 'it's a wrap' and then they clapped all of us goodbye and I just hugged Mat, and we both stood there crying.' Loose Women airs weekdays from 12:30pm on ITV1 and is available to stream on ITVX.
Irish Times
18-05-2025
- Health
- Irish Times
‘I have vaginismus and I'm afraid I'll never find a man who doesn't pressure me'
Dear Roe, I am a straight woman in my late 20s, and I have diagnosed vaginismus. I have attended a few initial sessions with a qualified sex therapist, but have not gone as far as using dilators. I have tried and failed to have penetrative sex in the past, with men I was not in a committed relationship with, and have not been successful. I now have a better relationship with my body, having explored other paths to sexual satisfaction such as using vibrators, and am easily able to reach orgasm. But I still haven't been in a heterosexual relationship, and part of the reason is vaginismus. The partners with whom I attempted penetrative sex in college backed away once it became clear that sex was not straightforward. I am willing to have a mature conversation about my condition with a man I am dating if it looks like things are becoming serious, but I then feel a pressure to quickly train using the dilators purely because the man may have penetrative sex high on his list of crucial relationship markers, and this frustrates me. I need a partner with patience and understanding. I want to train on dilators for my own pleasure, but back away every time, partially because I feel I'm really only doing it to serve men's pleasure. I'm open-minded and would love your thoughts. Thank you for writing. What you've described is more common than most people realise, but because vaginismus is so rarely talked about openly, many women carry it quietly and with shame. Your self-awareness, reflection and act of sharing your experience here are already powerful acts of courage, so be proud of yourself – just by addressing this issue, you're making life less lonely for others going through the same experience. READ MORE Clinically, vaginismus is described as an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles when penetration is attempted. That's not wrong, but it's incomplete. This framing it puts all the focus on the vaginal muscle, as if that's the only part of your body that matters. But vaginismus is more than a muscle reflex – it's a whole-body, whole-person experience, and it often involves fear, pain, anticipation, and deep emotional responses that are shaped by personal history, relationships, and social messaging around sex. There are different types of vaginismus. Primary vaginismus is when a woman has never been able to tolerate vaginal penetration – not just sex, but things like tampons or gynaecological exams. For many women, it's not just discomfort; it's physically impossible. Then there's secondary vaginismus, where a woman has previously been able to experience penetration, but then experiences a change like a painful medical experience, a trauma, an injury, or even just one unexpectedly painful encounter that triggered a protective tightening of the muscles going forward. The body, trying to shield itself from more pain, responds by closing off. Both types of vaginismus are real, both are valid, and neither define your worth or your ability to have a full, intimate, loving life. .form-group {width:100% !important;} Some women who experience vaginismus have been deeply impacted by the cultural messaging they've experienced around sex. If you have been taught that penetrative sex is dangerous in some way – socially, emotionally or psychologically – it makes sense that the body would try to protect itself from it. And if your experience does resonate with vaginismus even without a formal exam, you deserve to be believed and supported. Some women have unfortunately reported having insensitive and upsetting interactions with doctors who either patronise them, pathologise them, or insist on invasive examinations, and this should never be the norm or tolerated. You know your body, and you deserve support. [ 'I got back with my partner after breaking up with him but I am still plagued by doubts' Opens in new window ] I know you know this on some level. What I hear in your letter is a woman who's caught in the tension between healing on her own terms and feeling pressure to make that healing palatable or convenient for potential partners. That's a hard place to be, especially in a culture that puts penetrative sex on a pedestal. It's great that you've taken the important step of seeing a qualified sex therapist, which shows commitment to healing. But remember to give yourself a lot of patience and grace. The early stages of therapy can be disorienting. You may not yet feel ready to begin physical tools like dilators, and that's okay. Therapy is not a race, and it's certainly not about 'fixing' you. It's about understanding yourself with more compassion and care. What's also wonderful is that you've found your own path to pleasure through solo exploration – which is sex! Masturbation, non-penetrative touching, orgasms – all of this is sex, and counts as sex when done with a partner too – as does oral sex, using sex toys and all the other things sex can entail apart from penile-vaginal penetration. Many women don't even orgasm from penetration, yet it's still held up as the ultimate goal – which is ridiculous and limiting. There's a whole world of sexual intimacy beyond penetration, and good partners – the ones worth your time – will understand that. They won't rush you or see vaginismus as a barrier to intimacy, because they'll know there are many ways to connect. You seem unsure that kind of partner exists. There's an urgency and pressure in your letter, driven by fear of not being accepted by a future partner who isn't even here yet. So it makes perfect sense that your body is hesitant. If you're using dilators just to make yourself more 'acceptable,' your body will resist – and rightly so. That's not failure; it's self-protection. Try shifting your focus. Instead of centring what a potential partner might want from you sexually, centre what you want in a partner generally. If dating feels daunting, that's understandable – especially if your past partners lacked empathy or put pressure on you. These past experiences deserve exploration and empathy in therapy. But it's also important to remember that not all men are like that. Enter dating expecting kindness, emotional intelligence, and respect as the baseline. Think of dating exploration and connection. Move slowly. Be discerning. Maintain boundaries. Notice who makes you feel safe, and comfortable, and like yourself. Assume you deserve to be treated well – and don't accept less. You might also find it helpful to connect with online vaginismus communities. They can reduce isolation, offer support, and show you what's possible. Many women with vaginismus are in loving, thriving relationships with supportive partners. For couples navigating this together, sex-positive couples therapy can be transformative. Seeing these stories may ease the pressure you're putting on yourself and help dismantle the belief that men will inevitably pressure you into penetrative sex – which, frankly, is the type of man no woman should be dating anyway. If you decide to have that conversation with a future partner, you're not revealing a flaw – you're sharing an important part of your story. The right person will see that as a strength. You get to say: 'Here's what I've learned about my body. Here's what I enjoy. Here's what I'm still working on.' And then you get to watch how they respond. That response will tell you a lot. If you share your story with someone and they back away, that's not a reflection of your worth. That's a filter. [ 'My ex blanks me at group events – and my family and friends make excuses for him' Opens in new window ] Whatever comes next – whether it's more therapy, dilators, dating, or just continuing to enjoy solo pleasure – know this: you are already doing the work. You're already enough. Your body deserves respect, and so do you. Give it yourself, and expect it from others. Wishing you the best of luck.
