Latest news with #sexuality
The Guardian
5 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
‘It's not just pleasure – it's resistance': portraits of people with their sex toys around the world
Most of us are taught to keep our sexual lives private. We're taught to hide our desires, and all too often, to be ashamed of them. Cultural instruction about sex tends to be very prescriptive. Sex happens in our bedrooms, behind closed doors, between a man and a woman. Sex is for procreation rather than pleasure. Sex is for marriage. Sex should only happen when you fall in love. If you're a woman, you should only have one sexual partner for the whole of your life. If you're a man, the sky's the limit. Certainly, some of these mores have shifted over time, relaxed a bit. But mostly, we're supposed to keep our sex lives to ourselves. And certainly, we aren't supposed to partake of anything that would strain the strictures of 'good taste', like say, pornography or sex toys. My Toys, a project from Italian photographer Gabriele Galimberti, is a frank celebration of the devices and accessories we use in our erotic lives. He photographed people, from around the world, with their collections of sex toys. It is a visual ode to pleasure, one that might be easy to dismiss or titter at given our general cultural discomfort with talking openly about sex and pleasure and what we do, what we use, how we enjoy our erotic lives. Our bodies can be lush sites of pleasure all on their own, but there is no shame in wanting, craving, seeking more. Toys give us access to that more. They afford us some control over our pleasure. They allow us to be expansive in our explorations of our bodies and the bodies of lovers. They allow us to test limits, to be voracious, even greedy with our sexual appetites. And why not? Galimberti's new work stands in stark contrast to a previous project, The Ameriguns, a series of photographs of Americans, from all walks of life, with their extensive gun collections. We know America has a gun problem, that there are more guns than people in the United States, that unfettered access to guns, no matter the consequence, is a core tenet of conservative ideology but still … to see the shocking abundance of weaponry laid out on a pool deck, or in a bedroom, or neatly organised in a room dedicated to firearms, is jarring. It is damning. It is terrifying. I was reminded of The Ameriguns, because there is far less cultural sanction toward such wanton displays of weaponry than toward overt displays of sexuality. My Toys is not prurient, but it is fascinating. The sheer range and quantity of toys on display is impressive and even educational. Each image in the series speaks to the diverse buffet of a healthy sex life – so much possibility in so many shapes and sizes. In the photos, the toys aren't actively being used. Instead, they are artfully arranged in a semicircle on a wood floor or in a neat row on a coffee table or on a kitchen counter or hanging from a large wall rack. The people allowing us these intimate moments look into the camera. Many of them have small but sly smiles, giving the impression that they know something delightful that we don't. I admire the unabashed confidence of the subjects, so willing to share with strangers a window into their sex lives, how they receive pleasure, how they give it. When you look at sex toys, it can feel kind of silly. Many look alien. You study them and wonder how, exactly, they're supposed to be used until, through trial and error, you figure it all out and, hopefully, enjoy the reward of your efforts. There is a pact many friends make, an entreaty, should something terrible happen to us, to rush to one another's homes, for the sole purpose of clearing out whatever cache of sex toys and other contraband we might have, before our families descend and go through our things. It's funny but also not, a reminder of the ambient anxiety many of us have around admitting that yes, we have sex, and yes, some of us use toys. That we care about what people might think about our erotic lives after we are dead and no longer able to feel shame or have to withstand judgment speaks to the way shame is intertwined with our sex lives. I don't really write about my own sex life. Perhaps, it is the Catholic in me. Or the fact that I teach college students. Or that I am shy. Or that I believe some things are better kept private, because they are intimate and sacred. My wife and I have toys, we enjoy them, though we aren't particularly organised about them. It's nice to have options. We don't have to limit ourselves. As consenting adults, we are free to explore the pleasures of one another without restraint (metaphorically) and with restraint (literally). As I have transitioned into middle age, I have become intensely bored by puritanical attitudes toward sex. The abnegation of pleasure, the valorisation of erotic austerity, hold no sway. To what end do we deny our desires? Who does our dissatisfaction really satisfy? But being sex-positive, libertine, open to the fullness of an erotic life is not apolitical. It does not happen in a vacuum. As Amia Srinivasan notes in The Right to Sex, 'the sex-positive gaze risks covering not only for misogyny, but for racism, ableism, transphobia, and every other oppressive system that makes its way into the bedroom through the seemingly innocuous mechanism of 'personal preference''. We want what we want, yes, but are we willing to interrogate why and what has influenced our desires? In some ways, sex toys liberate us from some of these questions. It is just us and, perhaps our partner(s) and a girthy length of silicone or strands of leather bound to a handle or metal nipple clamps dangling from a chain, and the possibilities of where our erotic imaginations lead us. In My Toys, we see some of what that looks like, a gorgeous atlas of abundant desire. It is a fantasy, though, to believe sex toys might free us from the ills of oppression. In some parts of the world, in some states within the US, the purchasing and/or owning of sex toys is verboten. In Thailand, they are considered obscene objects. Sex toys cannot be imported to the Maldives. They cannot be sold in Alabama, or Mississippi, and under Texas Penal Code 43.23 an adult can only legally own five or fewer sex toys. How the Lone Star state enforces that law, I couldn't tell you. It all comes down to control, but pleasure is one realm where few people will allow themselves to be controlled (nonconsensually). We must deny ourselves all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons, but pleasure, that is ours. We have every right to embrace our libidinal selves, licitly and illicitly, alone, or with strangers, or partners or others. It is how we can surrender to the whelm of desire. It is why, in the images here, we see the smirks, but we also see defiance. Put another way: for our fifth wedding anniversary this year, my wife Debbie gave me a piece of art from Joseph Beuys, a 3inx8in piece of paper with the word 'SURRENDER' in bold type. My cheeks immediately warmed because I knew the art was not just art. It was an offering. Bustie, 49, burlesque performer, and Tony, 60, Amsterdam, Netherlands Bustie: Sex has really changed for Tony and me as our bodies have changed. For me, it's perimenopause, and Tony has a spinal cord injury. Tony was active in the BDSM scene and I was always a really sexual person, so there has been a lot of grief. But it was nice to take the toys out for the photo. Some of them we hadn't used for a while – it was a bit of a sad moment. You think, where have you been? Tony has started to give some away to friends because they should be enjoyed – especially the beautiful leather ones. Bodies change over time. What feels good now might not feel good 10 years later. What's changed is which toys we play with. To wield a whip, you need to be able to stand, balance, have strength in your arm; it's quite a workout. And for me, sometimes with perimenopause, genitals respond differently, and vibrators feel more intense. So we're using different, gentler toys now, much more foreplay and much more lube. The root of the stigma is the patriarchy. A straight man who has a lot of sex isn't shamed about it, but everyone else is. Frida, 37, sex shop owner, Milan, Italy My first sex toy was horrible! I got it in my early 20s from a shop in Berlin – this terrible red, huge, too hard vibrator. I think I used it once and put it in a drawer. It was a bit of a wake-up call for me. I thought, maybe I have to be the person who brings higher-quality products to people. So 10 years ago I opened a shop called Wovo (which sounds like the Italian word for 'egg'). It could trivially be considered a sex shop, but I wanted it to be a point of connection for Milanese subcultures, where people don't have to feel as if they need to hide or justify themselves for having unconventional sexual preferences. It's a place where the topic is, first and foremost, normalised. We organise sex parties which have strict rules about consent and people as sexual subjects, not objects, and this also challenges a very rooted cultural idea about owning one's partner. Social media has done a great job on the normalisation of sex and masturbation, but also of the non-desire for sex. It's important to make all people feel included. I also think the influence of family in Italy means that we inherit a cultural legacy of fascism from our grandparents, which obviously limits sexual freedom and gender expression. Historically, we have not been a particularly rebellious country that fought for its rights; whereas in Spain, for example, the feminist struggle has made itself heard much more. Griffon, 45, artist and entrepreneur, New York, US (photographed in Austin, Texas) I grew up in the Oregon countryside before the internet was around to answer my questions, give me ideas, or offer something like Amazon to deliver what I needed at a moment's notice. I used to use all sorts of things: tampons before I even got my period, vegetables from the garden – once I sculpted a dildo out of duct tape. Looking back, I am amazed at how resourceful I was. Now I love to use the Hitachi Magic Wand with my partners, combined with a thrusting dildo if I'm playing alone. Where sex toys are winning in my life is that I actually orgasm. I'm amazed at how often men don't even care if we enjoy it. Coco, 30, clinical sexologist, Thailand Sex is not just pleasure – it's resistance. Every time I claim ownership of my desires, I reject the patriarchal script that says my body exists for male consumption. Society polices women's sexuality through slut-shaming, purity culture, and reproductive control – but my autonomy is my rebellion. Whether I embrace celibacy, casual sex, self-pleasure, or committed intimacy, the power lies in my decision. Sex toys are illegal here in Thailand; talking about them has become how I 'screen' people. If someone claims they're open-minded but then says legalising sex toys is 'morally debatable'? Out. After sharing my story, I realised how many people were waiting for someone to say out loud that it's OK to like sex. To have a body that doesn't fit some bullshit 'standard'. To unapologetically take up space in a world that tells us to be quiet, ashamed, and small. I do it because the second I did, people exhaled. Enkiny, 29, artist, Qingdao, China I don't see any difference between the topic of sex and something like food – I can say I like spicy or sweet flavours, and I can express my love for sex toys. However, with older generations like my parents', I would never talk about sex toys in front of them; it's still something they would find difficult to accept. In my art, I explore themes of self-awareness, including sexuality. That is a result of the social environment we live in. My German friends and I can discuss sex, and there's no embarrassment. On the other hand, in China, most people tend to avoid the topic. My ex-partner and I both believed that sex toys were an important part of enhancing our experiences. But when I was gifted a whip, that took me by surprise! Serena, 35, nurse, Florence, Italy For me, sex is a necessity. I crave it and think it's essential in my relationship above all. As a homosexual woman, toys take the pleasure of penetration to a higher level. In long-term relationships, they encourage you to discover yourself and your partner. Also when you imagine how to first use them, it's fun. At the moment, the curve dildo is my favourite, because of its shape and dimensions. There aren't many spaces where you can share thoughts about sexuality without being judged. I don't really care what others think of my personal life – it's called personal for a reason. By showing myself to the public, I'd like to encourage people to live freely. Nadia, 36, geophysicist, Kilamba, Angola For me, sex is a synonym of relaxation. It's a biological manifestation of the fact we were born to complement one another. This is my favourite toy, but for me they are mere curiosity – I can live without them. Enrica, 33, data visualisation manager, Milan, Italy Sometimes with my partner I felt blocked, and so initially I used sex toys alone to try to get back in touch with myself and my body. The sensations you get when you know your body are totally different. It unlocks pathways to emotional connection with a partner, and also creates a connection with yourself and with your body that you then carry into the rest of your life. I bought my first dildo about two years ago out of curiosity, during a Black Friday sale. After using it, I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner and why none of the people close to me had told me to do it. My favourite depends on my mood, but it's probably the clit sucker. Talking about sex feels normal for me, like I'm showing tools that should be part of everyone's lives. You don't have to work in the sex toy industry for it to be normalised; you can work in analytics and still chat with people about it. I think while there's still stigma, we are more able to create sex-positive spaces. When people see this picture of me, reactions are split between positivity and, 'You're crazy to expose yourself like this!' and 'Are they all yours?' Daniel, 30, PA to an MP, Berlin, Germany Sex for me means joy, personal freedom and emancipation. Sexuality constitutes an important part of me as a human being. I have a positive idea of sex and admire the variety of sexual experiences, be it random or intimate, sensitive, rough or whatever. I prefer casual human bodily contact over the use of sex toys, which I have barely used with other people. But I still see them as a vital part of my sex life. It's easy fun that is available 24/7. Many people use sex toys – they bring joy and pleasure. Why shouldn't I speak publicly about them? Carmen, 38, motion graphic designer, Barcelona, Spain Sex is a way to discover yourself, a way to try new things and see what we like and don't like – and that evolves and changes. Over the past five years, I went into a research phase around my sexuality, and sexuality in general – reading books, listening to podcasts and so on. Reading about sex toys and sex education made me want to test out new things. I realised that at times, particularly when I was young, I was doing things not for my own pleasure, but because in some way someone told me to. I bought my first sex toy in 2011 after watching a Sex and the City episode where they were talking about the Rabbit. Right now, my favourite one is ceramic; I love beautiful objects, so that's a factor when choosing one. I'm tired of society always wanting us to shut up about sex. People have kinks, women masturbate just as men do and no, not everyone likes the same things. There are still taboos around it but I hope that talking about sex, self-pleasure and kinks is getting more normalised. Jessica, 35, cartoonist, Amsterdam, Netherlands My introduction to the world of sex toys was nothing short of iconic. I grew up in Maryland in a strong matriarchal family. When I was about 18 my mom found out I was having sex, sat me down and said: 'When it comes to your pleasure, you can't always rely on men to get the job done.' Then, with a knowing smile, she handed me some cash. 'Here's some money for a vibrator.' So armed with her encouragement and the legendary Rabbit vibrator, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and took control of my own pleasure. It took me years to realise I could bring my partner into this process. Men often have a fear of sex toys because they think, 'But where am I in this?' Men grew up being told the goal is to perform and women were taught to fake orgasms and centre male pleasure. I still think a big problem is that many women don't know that their own pleasure is valid. Sex toys are a normal part of many people's lives, yet a lot of shame still surrounds them. I moved to the Netherlands a decade ago and found myself living in this 17-person university flat, heartbroken, unemployed and embarrassed about my life. So I decided to draw about it. That led to the creation of Vanillacooldance, my cartoon on a mission to break taboos about sexuality and relationships. By sharing my stories and the thousands I get back, we all collectively realise that we're not alone. Silence breeds shame. Alexis, 46, writer, Berlin, Germany Toys teach me to slow down and savour new pleasure paths. My ex-partner gifted me a toy for my 40th birthday. My clitoris was thrilled! Now I test them for the brand. I wish we were given toys as teenagers as part of public education, before we even had partnered sex. Because from a female perspective, I think we are overtly and subconsciously taught that we are here to give pleasure, to perform pleasure and to be receptive to this external force. And that creates a really messed-up feedback loop. If we were to give a young lady of maybe 16 a toy to start to explore her body, it would help de-stigmatise self-pleasure and agency. Can you imagine the dialogue that would open up around that? Hugo, 31, painter, and Tania, 34, performance artist and acrobat, Berlin, Germany Tania: Sex should be playful and exploratory, a way of showing love and affection to yourself and your partner. Toys are the perfect way to experience new sensations and intensify existing ones, and also to explore outside the gender roles of sex. I came out as queer not long ago and it was life-altering to realise that if I wanted a big and beautiful pink cock, I could have one. It has been a slow journey of self-discovery with my own desires and sexuality. Growing up femme-presenting and a people-pleaser, sex was more about the other person than my own experience of pleasure. My first toy was a little bullet vibrator that my roommate in college went to buy with me when one drunken night I told her I had never had an orgasm. It wasn't until I met Hugo that I really got into sex toys. I remember being a little overwhelmed and excited seeing his collection for the first time, and almost surprised that he had so many toys designed for female pleasure. I had never had a partner who was interested in pleasing me without reciprocal expectations. I grew up in a household that never discussed sex. I was born in Italy, where you don't even talk about tampons; then I went to Catholic school in Georgia, US. Our sex education was basically just showing all the diseases you could get – it stunted my sexuality. Living in Berlin, and with this relationship in particular, I felt excited and safe exploring my sexuality. Our connection has only deepened through the use of sex toys; they allow us to please each other in ways we never thought possible. Hugo: I'm a surrealist painter and include sex toys in my paintings. When I was growing up, there was an idea that sex toys were only for women or old people. Men can be scared of them. First, there's a bit of homophobia; then also the idea that if you introduce one into your relationship, you're admitting you're not enough for your woman. But toys bring a lot of pleasure and fun, especially in a couple situation. Gulim, 41, writer/content designer, Almaty, Kazakhstan I don't have a partner right now, so toys help me not to lose interest in sex. A close friend owns a sex shop and gave me my first one. I don't use it any more, but keep it as a souvenir. At the moment, my favourite is the Womanizer; I call it the Porsche of vibrators. In Kazakhstan, the topic of sex is taboo. When I published photos of myself in underwear on social networks, several people said overweight women should be ashamed to show themselves. I want to fight prejudices about overweight women. We are also beautiful, sexy, love sex and orgasms.
Vogue
6 days ago
- Entertainment
- Vogue
Avalon Is the Cult LA Musician Crafting Indie-Pop Bangers—and Building Her Own ‘High-Femme Fantasy' World
The end result? Six slick, stylish, and deliciously moody tracks that explore the shadowy corners of desire, fame, and sexuality. There's the wildly catchy opener 'Harder to Reach Than God,' on which she delivers a winking come-on to a lover, and the eerie, noirish 'Scream,' on which she sweetly sings about having a 'superstar' locked in the trunk of her car. A particular highlight is the scuzzy, electric guitar-led 'Forever,' with its lyrics charting a dangerous romance—mysterious snippets of which feel like they're being glimpsed through the shimmer of a hot, hazy day in Los Angeles—over swirling synths and a hyperactive, distorted beat. ('If you fucked me forever / in your denim and leather,' she sings, with a gentle growl. 'If you fucked me forever / don't you think I'd feel better?') The EP has quiet echoes of other artists who have both romanticized and subverted the clichés of California life—Courtney Love and Lana Del Rey both spring to mind—but Avalon's melting pot of sonic influences is altogether her own, with traces of grunge, '00s indie, and synth-pop all whizzed up into a silky, seductive package. Like most artists of her generation, however, Avalon doesn't worry about genre all that much. 'When I think about genre, I don't necessarily think of a sound, but more about the subcultures they sprang from,' she says. 'I think we're now living in a sort of post-subculture world because of the internet, and a lot of artists aren't really conforming to genre. I suppose I was really inspired by some of my contemporaries that just make music from the heart, as corny or trite as that might sound. I think that's the most important thing. I don't think about genre so much as I think about honesty.' Photo: Gaylord Studios Photo: Gaylord Studios This fluid approach to making music can be chalked up, at least in part, to Avalon's upbringing. She notes that her parents had her when they were 18 and 20, and when she was growing up in Santa Ana, they'd often take her to gigs, where she absorbed an eclectic range of sounds—new wave, post-punk, electroclash. By the time she was a teenager, she was already performing in punk bands. (She even co-founded the very first Death Grips fan club with her friend Jarrod.) Before long though, she wanted to strike out on her own. 'I'm a control freak,' she says with a laugh. 'I always knew that I needed to have full autonomy over the work and every aspect of the music I was making.' As a first-generation Chicana, equally central to her artistic identity is her Mexican heritage. 'I think the Chicano community is one of the driving forces of alternative and post-punk and goth music,' she says. 'A lot of those artists have been held up by Chicanos: Morrissey and the Smiths, the Cure, Depeche Mode. These are all bands that my uncles listen to. Even though they're from England, for some reason, their music just resonated with us—I think because it's so dramatic, it reminds us of Vicente [Fernández] or Luis Miguel. It's so passionate and romantic. I suppose that's how I feel about life too.'
Daily Mail
15-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Kavana reveals he was PAID for drug-fuelled sex amid addiction battle after 'exhausting' battle to hide his sexuality drove the 90s star to alcoholism
90s heartthrob Kavana has revealed that he was once paid for drug-fuelled sex after having an 'exhausting' battle to hide his sexuality during his pop career. In his new memoir, Anthony Kavanagh, who rose to fame under the name Kavana, has lifted the lid on the darker side of stardom with his explosive autobiography, Pop Scars, which is to be released on July 17. He found success at the age of just 16 years old with a series of hit singles such as I Can Make You Feel Good and Special Kind of Something in the late 1990s. But he has now revealed the personal cost of fame after he battled both alcohol and drug addiction which ended up leaving him homeless and admitted he 'needed to be locked up'. Kavana, who was born in Manchester, was signed to a record label in his teens and soon found himself partying with popstars and touring with Boyzone. However with a young female fanbase, the heartthrob was 'afraid' of having his sexuality outed as his fame deepened on him being 'straight' for his young teenage girl fans. While on one tour, Kavana had a secret relationship with Boyzone's Stephen Gately, who tragically died of an undiagnosed heart condition in 2009. Discussing hiding his sexuality, he told The Guardian: 'It was difficult and that's where alcohol came in as a comfort. 'It's crazy when I look back now, the time that we were in. It was a constant act and it was exhausting but you just got on with it because I was so lucky for this to happen to me'. Soon after touring, Kavana was dropped from his record label and his fame bubble popped causing him to turn to booze even more. The 90's star decided to move to the States to see if he could break America but jobs soon dried up and admitted he hit rock bottom after becoming lonely and turned to alcohol and crystal meth. Kavana said he became a 'loose cannon and got myself into situations' including waking up in a stranger's flat realising he had been paid for sex. In the memoir, Kavana described the reality of waking up in a stranger's apartment and the realisation he had been paid for the sex he couldn't remember. He also revealed that he had smoked crack in a skip in Hackney with a homeless woman he had just met and whom he trusts with his bank card to score more drugs - before adding that 'you should never give a stranger your pin code while high'. However with a young female fanbase, the heartthrob was 'afraid' of having his sexuality outed as his fame deepened on him being 'straight' He was forced to move home after seven years penniless and also lost his elderly parents home, which he had been paying the mortgage on. Kavana turned to drink once again as he saw the stars around him, including Ant and Dec and Billie Piper, reinventing themselves and become successful while he felt 'shame' and 'regret'. The ex pop star started hanging out with Amy Winehouse, who also had her own alcohol addiction, before she died age 27 in 2011 from accidental alcohol poisoning. Kavana's drink and drug problem drained his wallet and ultimately led to him 'secretly living in an old people's sheltered housing complex with his mother.' After attempting to go to rehab and AA meetings, Kavana was forced to sign up to the job center in Manchester and was scared of being recognised as 'the washed up popstar' causing him to relapse. However, following getting a large payout from a newspaper after they agreed to settle a defamation case he had long forgotten, Kavana went to a private rehab facility as he admitted 'I need to be locked up' as he thought alcohol was going to kill him. He is now three and half years sober and wrote his new memoir Pop Scars during the first year of sobriety and is using that as a reminder of where alcohol took him. Kavana noted to the publication how it is strange doing interviews again in a time where he can be open about his sexuality and mental health, 'we didn't talk about it back then'. The singer documented his 2022 entry into rehab after sadly relapsing a year earlier. In February 2022, he took to Twitter to apologise to his family for not being 'truthful' as he admitted that alcoholism had 'got a grip on him' in an emotional post. He spoke of his 'mental struggles', before signing off social media for the foreseeable future. The statement read: 'Today I go into rehab. Again. This illness of Alcoholism has got its grip. I'll be off social media for a while. 'To what family I have left, I'm sorry I wasn't truthful I've been going through a lot of mental struggles. Good news I'm going to get the help I need. 'My phone will be off for a while. Clint, Aunty Angela, Aunty Maria, Brad, I'm going to be OK and I love you all madly x.'
News.com.au
11-07-2025
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
Ricky Martin stormed off set after Billy Bush nearly outed him mid-interview: ‘You motherf**ker'
Ricky Martin was fuming when an American radio host questioned him about his sexuality in the early noughties. Billy Bush — who now regrets the intrusive question — revealed on Literally! With Rob Lowe on Thursday that he told the Latin music superstar at the time that eight people he spoke to in the lobby bar the night prior wanted to know 'if you're gay.' 'He stiffens up in the chair and he goes, 'What?' And I go, 'Oh boy,'' the reporter recalled. 'And he goes, 'You motherf**ker,' rips off his microphone.' Bush, now 53, claimed Martin, also now 53, added, 'You want your headline … You piece of garbage.' The Livin' La Vida Loca singer allegedly then walked off the set, leaving the entertainment reporter to say to himself, 'Oh sh*t,' while his producer also freaked out and said, 'This is terrible.' Bush, who had flown to Miami for the interview, claimed he got a call from his bosses in Los Angeles shortly after, and they reprimanded him for his line of questioning. 'I'm not in the business of hurting people. I am in the business of figuring out who I am and where I'm going. And you need to be able to make mistakes in life,' the Extra host told podcaster Rob Lowe, further reflecting on the incident. Bush said he immediately walked back into the interview location to apologise to Martin, and said, 'Ricky, I am so sorry for asking that question. I don't know what I was thinking. It was a cowboy question. It was inappropriate. I'm so sorry, and I promise you this will never see the light of day.' The Nobody Wants to Be Lonely singer then transparently told him, 'I've been struggling with this my whole life. There will be a time, there will be a place. It will not be here on this program while I'm promoting this album.' He continued, 'It is deeply personal to me. I appreciate you coming back in here. I forgive you.' Martin eventually came out as gay in 2010, approximately seven years after his interview with Bush. He announced on his website at the time that he was a 'fortunate homosexual man.' The She Bangs singer added, 'These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.' The revelation came after years of speculation about Martin's sexuality from fans and journalists, like Bush, who pried into the details about his personal life. The now-late Barbara Walters infamously asked the She's All I Ever Had singer about the 'rumours' in a sit-down for '20/20' in 2000, which the renowned news anchor later regretted. Martin has said that interview left him feeling 'violated' and with 'a little PTSD' because he wasn't ready to come out. Bush shared that, for his part, he was able to make amends with the Grammy winner two years after their uncomfortable exchange. 'He gave me a great big hug, and we had went through it and I learned a valuable lesson that day,' the Hot Mics with Billy Bush host said. 'Don't be an a**hole, don't be an idiot. You have to find nuance in this business, who people are, where you can go, where you can't.'
Irish Times
11-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Irish Times
Kevin Penrose: ‘You have guys playing Gaelic football who are too scared to come out. I want to give them courage'
I grew up in a place just outside Castlederg, Tyrone , called Aghyaran. I come from a family of four boys. We were, and are still, a very Gaelic football household. My father played and coached teams. My older brothers played county. The GAA has a lot of history. There are very traditional values. Growing up, you're just there to play football. People don't really talk about their problems. Going into my teenage years, you had toxic masculinity in the changing rooms. You're trying to find out who you are, and you're going up through these teams, and there's a sense that to stand out and be seen as one of the best footballers, you need to act a certain way around others. There was the impression that if I didn't take part in, for example, the 'gay' word being thrown around the changing room, I would be seen as weak. I didn't know I was gay until around 18 or 19. I started having an inkling around 16, 17, but I didn't really know. After my school years I went over to Liverpool for university, thinking that's my chance now to explore my sexuality. It was figured out away from Ireland. Kevin Penrose on an adventure I spent a lot of summers in the US, working at summer camps. Looking back, it was a great experience, but it was my way of coping by getting away. Every time I came home, there would be questions about whether I was coming back to football, but I knew myself I wouldn't be able to. Even though I was a good footballer, I was hiding my true self. READ MORE My love of travel goes back to those times in the US. I took my GoPro around, just to document it for friends and family. I posted on Instagram and whatnot. I didn't really explore Ireland that much, but [later] I started to think Ireland actually has so much beauty in the mountains and beaches I've never seen before. The hobby of [documenting] continued into the next couple of years. During Covid came the start of TikTok . I thought: I have such a backlog of footage and content of Ireland at this stage, why not just post it? My page sort of blew up. I started growing an audience. [ Róis: 'Moving away from Ireland shook me. Going away is essential' Opens in new window ] After Covid, I did just under eight months in Asia. I still carried on posting travel content, but I got to the stage where I didn't even enjoy that. I remember I was in Phuket in Thailand for about a week and there were four of five days where I didn't leave the hotel room. It was just me, myself and my thoughts. That's when I decided to ring home and come out. Looking back now, I wish it was in person, but I think once you're in that head space, you just need to get it off your chest. I told the family and friends and everything was great. I had a big following, so I thought I'd post a video about it. That took off as well. I came back to Ireland that September. I went back to football the next season. The first session back, I was like: what way is it going to go? We've a panel of 45-50 lads. I'm friends with all of them but I wouldn't have in-depth conversations with a lot of them. But everything was so normal. It was like okay, I'm just here to play football. I'm not feeling paranoid about how I should talk, how I should act. I don't have to sit in a corner any more. I can stand up and be a vital part of this team. Because I was running away for so long, I associated Ireland with how I felt at that time: just sad and lonely and anxious. In the three years since I came back, I've never felt how I felt 10 years ago. From the moment I stepped back in Ireland, I've been on a high. With the travel bits as well, I can see the beauty of Ireland and what it has to offer; I can take the time to do hiking and sea swims and the small things in life. If you appreciate what you have here, you notice that you don't have to fly halfway across the world to see a beautiful sunset or mountain. The GAA, that environment, my football club, used to be the place I dreaded going. Now, I look at it as one of my safest places I post a lot more personal stuff now, which I think captivates a new audience. I want to be the role model that I didn't have growing up. We didn't know about any openly gay GAA players at the time. It wasn't in the public eye, which, I think, is one of the reasons why I felt I couldn't really take part [in football, for a time]. That's why I'm happy to talk about it now – you have guys who are still in rural communities playing football but they're too scared to come out. I'm hoping the content I post will resonate and give them courage. I've never gone back into that mindset of: Ireland isn't for me. It flipped on its head. The GAA, that environment, my football club, used to be the place I dreaded going. Now, I look at it as one of my safest places, where I can be myself. In conversation with Niamh Donnelly. This interview is part of a series about well-known people's lives and relationships with Ireland. Follow Kevin's journey on TikTok @kevin_penrose_
