Latest news with #siblings
Times
a day ago
- General
- Times
Dear Julia: I'm scared my siblings will lose our close bond over inheritance
Q. My siblings and I were always close, but since our parents started dividing assets and discussing inheritance, tensions have skyrocketed. I never thought we were this kind of family, and I'm scared we'll lose our bond. A. I am sorry you're going through this. Inheritance has a way of exposing fault lines even in the closest of families. This isn't just about money — it's about love, fairness, power and belonging. When these core needs feel threatened, emotions run high, close family members become foes and long-buried tensions can surface. What you're describing is extremely common, yet it's an area with surprisingly little psychological research or widely accepted guidance. In this intense and fraught topic, psychotherapy has been lax in offering helpful support. I want to help normalise the difficulties you face. Every family, regardless of wealth, will face these questions. There can be battles over money that shatter families and equally painful disputes about sentimental objects — a floral jug, a photograph album. I've known families who did not speak for decades because of a dispute about an old armchair. Your parents are responsible for holding the family together while they lead this discussion and share their assets. Perhaps they have not thought about it deeply and naively believe it will be straightforward. It is never straightforward unless it is dealt with sensitively. Your parents need to consider their legacy — what they want to be remembered for, what values they hope to pass down — as well as their 'stuff'. Ideally, their decisions should align with what matters most to you all, rather than inadvertently create division. Money is never just money. It often serves as a proxy for deeper, unspoken dynamics: • Love: Am I loved? Who is the favourite? • Power: Who gets to decide?• Control: Is money being used as manipulation?• Security: Will I survive without the money I believe is my right? • Legacy: Who will be loyal to my legacy? Will my legacy be what is remembered more than me? When these questions remain unspoken, resentment or fear can grow. Each family member may tell themselves a story that fits their feelings, ignoring other family members. Old childhood roles re-emerge — was one of you always the 'responsible one' and another the 'bad' sibling? These deeply ingrained narratives shape how you perceive what is 'fair' and who believes they have a right to make the decisions. Reflecting on how your family has historically related to money is essential. Was it openly discussed or shrouded in secrecy? Did previous generations experience financial scarcity, creating a mindset of precarity? Understanding these patterns won't provide instant solutions, but it will help you to see the context within which your beliefs have formed — it can help you to resist being pulled into knee-jerk reactions. Families tend to approach inheritance in one of four ways Equality: Assets are divided equally to preserve family unity. Reciprocity: Distribution is based on past contributions or needs. Egoism: Decisions are made with individual self-interest in mind, with little regard for family cohesion. Tradition: Rules have been passed down from the past, like primogeniture, where the cohesion of the estate overrides individual family members. There are no clear answers to this, but I suggest as a family, you think about these ideas: 1. Pause ongoing plans — talk together. Ask your parents and siblings to delay major decisions and invite open discussion. Transparency is crucial, as secrecy or sudden surprises tend to escalate conflict. It helps if parents can share their reasons and allow space for their children's perspectives to be heard. 2. Commit to honest conversations — this is easier said than done. These discussions aren't just about 'who gets what' but about what feels just and emotionally fair. The key is to ensure that no topic or feeling is off-limits — when people feel heard, it reduces the toxicity of underlying tensions. Be patient; this process takes time. 3. Agree on shared values — what does your family stand for? Do you prioritise fairness, tradition, or security? If you can align on your core values, they can act as a guiding principle for decisions. 4. Accept conflict but prioritise repair — disagreements are inevitable, but how you handle them will determine whether your relationships survive intact. Acknowledge when something feels unfair, name your feelings without blame, and work towards repair rather than retreat into silent resentment, or replay old fights. Be mindful of past family patterns — the roles that each act out. 5. Imagine your future — picture where you want your family to be in five or ten years. What does a 'good outcome' look like — not just financially, but emotionally? If the ultimate goal is to maintain close sibling bonds, then protect and prioritise those relationships over the assets. 6. Seek professional advice — inheritance disputes are rarely just financial; they are deeply psychological. A mediator or family therapist can help to navigate difficult conversations alongside financial advisers who can provide practical guidance. You may not want to spend the money on this now, but any money spent now will save you financially and psychologically . 7. Discuss the chattels — many fiercest battles are over objects with emotional value. If your parents are willing, discuss these now, while they can help to facilitate fairness. Some families take turns choosing items, while others use written agreements to avoid future disputes. • Read more advice from Julia Samuel on The Times These conversations will challenge you all, but they are also an opportunity. I've seen families torn apart over wealth, but I've also seen families who come through this process more robust as a unit, with a deeper love for one another. I believe that family bonds — being there for each other in times of crisis, celebration and day-to-day —are more protective than financial wealth. If you're lucky enough to inherit financial security, let it strengthen your relationships, not break them. I hope this helps, and I wish you and your family the best to find a resolution that works for everyone.
Daily Mail
3 days ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
DEAR JANE: Friends always joked about my abnormal appearance. Then my mother admitted the truth... it was worse than I could've imagined
Dear Jane, I'm 21 years old and don't have any siblings, but I'm very close with my parents.
Yahoo
3 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
You And Your Siblings Might've Had Very Different Childhoods Despite Growing Up Together — Here's Why
Hearing your siblings describe their childhood can sometimes be a little jarring. You may even get the sense that you didn't grow up on the same planet, much less in the same house. 'Despite having shared early experiences, it's not uncommon for siblings to have experienced their childhood in a very different way,' said Genevieve von Lob, a clinical psychologist and author of 'Happy Parent, Happy Child.' It turns out this is normal ― and for a good reason. Below, experts break down this phenomenon. The family circumstances a child is born into often differ from when their younger sibling arrives. For example, economic changes may make siblings feel like their childhoods weren't the same. 'Significant changes in family financial status can impact differences in extracurricular activities, schooling, vacations, and other material aspects of childhood between siblings,' said Keneisha Sinclair-McBride, a clinical psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital in Massachusetts. 'These things are very tangible and can feel 'unfair,' even though they are often just a product of changes in circumstances.' Emotional shifts in parents can play a significant role as well. For example, siblings are often born at different phases in their parents' lives, so they might be treated differently. 'Parents may show up very differently for each of their children depending on where they are in their own lives, including their own mental health and stress levels, their significant partnership, support network, work and financial commitments, and whether they have more than one child,' von Lob said. She noted that parenting might feel overwhelming to someone highly sensitive, as their nervous systems become overstimulated more quickly. 'If they have more than one child, other stressors in their lives, or if they haven't had enough sleep and time alone to recharge their batteries, then they can become more drained, anxious, irritated and frazzled,' von Lob said. 'So differences in the way a child is parented can also be influenced by the temperament of the parent and where the parent is emotionally in their lives.' 'Siblings born years apart are quite literally born from parents who themselves are years apart from who they were during the earlier or later pregnancy,' noted Dr. Kevin Simon, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Boston Children's Hospital and chief behavioral health officer for the city of Boston. As parents get more experience raising children, they inevitably evolve in their caregiving style. 'Some parents are more unsure and cautious with their first child and more sure of themselves with subsequent siblings,' Sinclair-McBride said. 'This can make older and younger siblings' experiences different.' Parents may recognize that certain approaches they took with their first child weren't ideal and adjust accordingly. 'Maybe the older sibling was treated more harshly, but the parents readjusted their parenting style and were more compassionate with their parenting moving forward with a younger sibling,' said parenting educator Laura Linn Knight. 'An older sibling also may have experienced or witnessed more than the younger sibling, such as a divorce, so this can affect the way they see themselves in the family dynamic.' Birth order can also shape the way a child perceives and interacts with their parents. 'For example, the oldest child is often expected to take on more responsibilities and look after younger siblings, so may have different expectations placed on them,' von Lob said. 'In this way, they may have a very different experience of their childhood. Younger siblings may have a parent who feels more experienced and therefore may be more relaxed but may have less time to give that child than the firstborn.' 'All siblings are unique individuals ― including twins,' Sinclair-McBride said. 'Having their own personality styles, traits, and characteristics may cause siblings to interpret or experience the same situations or parenting differently. In turn, these differences may impact the way they are parented, connect to their parents and experience their family.' One child may share certain interests and personality traits with one or both parents, while another sibling has more of their own distinct personality and interests. So if one kid is passionate about that same sport or team their parent loves, they may forge a specific bond around that activity. 'Sometimes, a child's personality traits can bring out different sides of their parents, and parents may relate to a child's personality more than another child, which can be seen as favoritism,' Knight said. 'Because of personality traits of the child and parent, you find that parents respond differently to each child or enjoy spending more time with a child that is easier for them to communicate with and enjoy the company of. When we look at differences in personality, temperament, needs and interests of parents and children, it is easy to see that siblings will have their own unique experience.' Even parents with the best intentions don't respond to each child similarly. Factors like personality, past experiences and even societal expectations around gender roles can color each interaction. While some kids are more extroverted and crave attention, others can be more reserved and less open about what they want. 'The gender, personality, needs, mannerisms and behavior of each particular child can trigger parents in different ways, which can result in a sibling who is treated very differently to the other children,' von Lob said. She noted that a parent may find their strong-willed, highly sensitive child more demanding and difficult to manage than their laidback, easy-tempered child ― which can lead to very different interactions over those childhood years. 'Depending on the personality, temperament, and characteristics we're born with, our parents will respond to those differences,' said clinical psychologist and author Jenny Yip. 'Siblings are different individuals who will also respond to their parents differently.' She noted that no two individuals think the same way about a situation. Thus, siblings can have different emotional responses to similar experiences. This is true for how they feel during childhood and as adults looking back. 'It's just like eyewitness accounts,' Yip said. 'You have 10 people who all saw the same thing, but depending on belief system, attitude, and values, they're going to interpret the same incident differently. Another example is like watching a movie. Everyone in the room watches the same movie, but what each person takes from it and relates to it is going to be different depending on your values, attitudes, and belief system. It's the same with siblings who share the same parents.' Siblings can disagree about shared experiences. For example, one may have been more affected by a particularly positive or traumatic event that they both lived through. Or they may simply have a different impression of whether something was positive or negative at all. 'One sibling may have loved the village they grew up in, but the other sibling found it stifling,' von Lob said. 'One sibling may have loved the camping holidays in the countryside, but the other sibling found it boring and remembers wanting to go abroad.' 'It is normal and expected for siblings to have different experiences with their parents,' Simon said. 'This is neither good nor bad in and of itself. It is a natural result of each sibling's unique personality, experiences, and perspective.' Indeed, the fact that you and your siblings grew up in the same home but had very different perceptions of your childhoods does not necessarily indicate a problem. 'Children do not have to be treated exactly the same at all times to be treated equitably,' Sinclair-McBride said. 'Because each individual is unique, they have unique needs and experiences. If those needs were met with love and support, slight differences in treatment do not have to be a cause for alarm for parents or siblings.' Still, the reality is that you and your siblings have different impressions of your childhood, and your parents may feel uncomfortable. That's where talking about it can help. 'Siblings need to recognize and respect each other's differences in how they perceive and relate to their parents,' Simon said. 'Siblings can learn to appreciate and value each other's perspectives, even if they disagree.' Although these differences are natural and understandable, processing them is still helpful. In addition, there might be some negative feelings that warrant addressing. 'If one or more siblings feel that there was unfair and unequal treatment in their childhoods, working through this together can be very beneficial to their relationships,' Sinclair-McBride said. 'Giving one's siblings grace to explain their experiences without judgment and defensiveness can help with perspective-taking and compassion. Trying to change other people's perceptions of their experiences is a futile exercise. Working through one's own experiences can be healing.' 24 Hilarious Comics About Sibling Relationships 35 Too-Real Tweets About The Things Siblings Fight Over 43 Photos Of Adopted Siblings That Show Family Is About Love, Not DNA
CTV News
3 days ago
- General
- CTV News
Search for missing Nova Scotia children resumes with over 75 volunteers
Watch Siblings Jack and Lilly Sullivan were reported missing on May 2. Police initially suspended the ground search for the siblings around two weeks ago.
Daily Mail
3 days ago
- General
- Daily Mail
FLOURISHING AFTER 50: Dad had a secret daughter for 49 years - now she's taking a share of everything including our family home
Dear Vanessa, I'm still reeling. My father died a few months ago at 82. We had a beautiful funeral - just as he would have wanted - and my siblings and I felt proud of the farewell we gave him. Then, everything changed. We were called in by the executor to discuss the will. That's when we were told there's a fourth beneficiary: a woman none of us knew. She's 49 years old, and she's our half-sister. It turns out Dad had an affair during his marriage to our mum, and this woman is the result. We had absolutely no idea. Mum passed away 10 years ago, and as far as we know, she never knew either. I can't stop thinking about how betrayed she would have felt. To make things worse, this half-sister has been left an equal share of Dad's estate. That includes part of the family home we grew up in - a place we assumed would stay in the family. She's now reached out and says she wants to connect. She's being polite, even gentle, but I feel completely torn. My brother is furious and wants to challenge the will. My sister doesn't want to talk about it at all. And I'm somewhere in between. I feel heartbroken, confused, protective of Mum's memory, and weirdly curious about this woman who shares our DNA. I don't know what to do. Do I fight? Do I accept her? And how do I stop this from changing the way I remember my dad? Blindsided Daughter. Dear Blindsided Daughter, What a devastating thing to uncover - and at the worst possible time. You've lost your father, and now you're mourning not just his death, but the version of him you thought you knew. Finding out about a secret sibling after a parent dies shakes your identity to the core. It's betrayal layered with grief and I can feel how much you're carrying. The anger, the confusion, the need to protect your mum's memory… all of it is valid. And yet, as hard as it is to accept, your half-sister didn't ask to be born into this. She had no control over what happened back then and may have lived her whole life wondering where she came from. Her timing might feel intrusive, but her existence doesn't erase your place in the family. It just complicates it, painfully. From a legal standpoint, if your father left a valid will and was of sound mind when he signed it, you may not be able to contest it successfully - especially if this woman has a legal claim as his biological child. But it's worth getting advice from an estate lawyer in your area before making any decisions. If you're unsure where to start, I offer a free referral service that can connect you with financial advisers and estate professionals who handle situations just like this. Emotionally, though? That's a different story. You get to choose how this unfolds. You don't have to welcome her with open arms. But you also don't need to turn this into a battle that leaves you more broken than the situation already has. This isn't just about the money - it's about legacy, fairness, and the stories we tell ourselves about our families. I believe having honest conversations about these things, even the hardest ones, is the only way to find peace. If the emotions become too tangled to talk through with others, try writing your dad a letter he'll never read. Say everything - the love, the pain, the betrayal. It's not about him hearing it. It's about you letting it go. You've been hit with a truth you didn't ask for. But how you move forward from here - that part is entirely yours to shape. Wishing you the best, Vanessa.
