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Asking Eric: Friends insist on inviting themselves over for pool parties
Asking Eric: Friends insist on inviting themselves over for pool parties

Washington Post

time27-05-2025

  • Lifestyle
  • Washington Post

Asking Eric: Friends insist on inviting themselves over for pool parties

Dear Eric: I own a nice home with a pool. I have friends that often call me to ask me if I want to go lay out in the backyard or sometimes, they'll just call and ask if they can come over to use the pool. My issue is when I have people over, I feel obligated to entertain. Even though I know I don't need to feel obligated, and they don't expect anything, I'm really getting increasingly uncomfortable with people inviting themselves over to my home.

People Are Sharing The Hardest Pills To Swallow About Emotional Maturity, And Honestly, Oof
People Are Sharing The Hardest Pills To Swallow About Emotional Maturity, And Honestly, Oof

Yahoo

time26-05-2025

  • General
  • Yahoo

People Are Sharing The Hardest Pills To Swallow About Emotional Maturity, And Honestly, Oof

We've all had to face that gut-punch moment when growth means letting go, or when healing feels lonelier than the pain we left behind. So when u/buoykym asked, "What's the hardest pill to swallow when it comes to emotional growth?" the answers came pouring in. From realizing that no one owes you closure, to learning that some people just won't change, here are 25 of the hardest truths people have had to face on the road to emotional growth — and the clarity they found along the way: 1."Nobody owes you anything — not a text back, not a smile, not closure, not loyalty, not even fair treatment. People are free to live their lives in whatever way brings them peace — just like you are. That truth can bring clarity, but it can also feel brutally lonely. Because we're not isolated beings. We're social creatures. We influence one another. We hurt, heal, and grow with — and because of — each other. And yet, some people never acknowledge the weight of what they've done. Not because they're malicious, but because, to them, it wasn't heavy. They didn't feel it the way you did. That's why healing can't be outsourced. You can't wait for someone to validate your pain or come back and fix what they broke. Healing is your job. And when you accept that — truly accept it — something shifts. You grow emotionally. You stop expecting others to carry your pain or rewrite your past." —u/buoykym 2."You will outgrow people you love (or loved), and you cannot help them grow if they are unwilling to put in the work and be honest about their emotional development. It will be hard to share your emotions because they can't understand, handle or support you the way you want and need them to. Eventually, it will feel like you're speaking different languages, and you'll wonder how you managed and survived that dynamic for so long. At some point, you realize you can't stay, because staying would hold you back from your own growth. Hoping they'll reach their potential is likely to hurt you. There's no guarantee they'll grow, and your staying may enable them. You can't save them — you have to save yourself. The most loving thing you can do is leave so you both can grow, but separately." —u/Psyducknomad 3."Some relationships are just what they are. Some are holistic and all-encompassing. Others are just about talking about the weather. If your boundaries are continually violated, that's something else. If there's a history, the old conditioning will create some friction at first. But over time, you'll figure out what's appropriate and what isn't in an updated paradigm. There may be circumstances where you have to end communication and move on for your own growth, but it also speaks to your growth and capacity to relate to the world if you can still revisit the valuable parts of the relationship — if they still exist. I think there's more nuance to consider when talking about saving yourself vs. saving them, which is an extreme polarity often pushed by social media." —u/algaeface 4."That I'm not fundamentally broken — or that the incessant shame I feel is not the definition of my worth as a person. It's hard to swallow that pill because, while I can accept it logically, 95% of my brain can't. It's like understanding what living under oppression is like from textbooks vs. living through it yourself." —u/throwawaydefeat 5."I'm working to let go of my shame. My therapist recently asked me a question I've been chewing on: 'Is your shame your friend?' I think it is. It's a friend I never leave feeling good, but I trust what it says because I believe it's showing me how to be better. Shame never leaves me joyful or energized, but it also never leaves me wondering what happened. It explains, in exact detail, what went wrong so I can avoid making the same mistake. Shame is the tough love I was raised to believe corrects bad behavior. What I'm struggling with is convincing myself that Shame has a skewed perspective — a narrative that says I need to be taught because I'm dumb or, worse, because I'm responsible for how others treat me. Shame may think it's protecting me from future abuse, but it's become the one who abuses me most. Good intentions don't outweigh the emotional harm caused by believing I deserve punishment for someone else's actions." "It's hard to let go of a coping mechanism that's been with me so long, I don't know who I am without it. That's the deepest part of me: I feel ashamed for every breath I take, every resource I use, every second I exist in someone else's reality. If I part ways with shame, who will stand between me and the pain of others' misdeeds? I know misdeeds are coming — always. Sometimes less often, but they come. What walls will protect me if I haven't steeled my heart against the pain of rejection or anger?" —u/OroraBorealis 6."That I'm not for everyone. As a people pleaser, everyone had to like me. My self-worth depended on external approval and validation. But for all the nice things I did, I always felt a little resentment growing. I didn't know what it was — or maybe I did and refused to admit it. Being 'nice' was the worst coping skill. It wasn't genuine. It came with strings attached: needing approval or acceptance. I've accepted that not everyone will like me, and that's OK. That small truth has been incredibly powerful. Being rejected and abandoned as a kid left me with a lot of self-esteem issues. But I now know that who I am is enough for the people who truly matter. For those who don't? I'm not for everyone — and that's OK." "I'm moving forward with a mindset of being kind rather than nice. Kindness, to me, has no strings. I try to be kind just for the sake of it. It's been hard to accept, and I've stumbled along the way. But it's important to give yourself grace. You're allowed to fail. As the saying goes: Fall down 10 times, get up 11." —u/OkWanKenobi 7."Time does not heal all wounds. Time without self-reflection and change may provide brief relief, but you'll end up in the same cycle unless you do the work. Growth is a discipline, not an instant result. That's why it's important to live in the moment and get the most out of life." —u/Aeon_acid-re_Flux 8."You're not as special as you think you are. People change, adapt to new environments and can completely forget about you — and that's OK. No one should be placed on a pedestal. People will do whatever they want. In growing emotionally, I've realized I don't linger on sad situations because I don't think anyone is that special. We move on. It just takes time. Maybe this doesn't make sense, but the reason we stay stuck in painful situations is because we refuse to let go and see things for what they are. We put people or situations on a pedestal too often." —u/wintertaeyeon Related: "The Damage Is Irreversible." Doctors And Nurses Are Revealing The "Small" Health Signs That People Should Never, Ever Ignore 9."After my long, difficult marriage ended, I was faced with two startling realizations. A) I got together with my ex-husband when I was 19. At 38, I realized I didn't know who I was. My adult life had revolved around him, and I had no identity outside of him. B) I left with nothing and no one to turn to. The biggest wake-up call was realizing that no one was coming to save me. I had let relationships degrade to the point where I was no one's priority. I was alone." "Thank god for therapy, lol. That realization knocked me out of my stupor. I was frozen for eight months, but getting an eviction notice was like a bucket of ice water. It was time to get up and take care of myself — because no one else would." —u/token_village_idiot 10."Losing everything in life shows you who really cares about you vs. who's just putting on a performance. I no longer accept fake apologies or questionable decisions. Small cracks in loyalty and integrity shouldn't be ignored or forgiven so easily. Someone quick to betray you once will do it again when things get tough." —u/LowDot187 11."Maybe not a pill to swallow — but more the realization that I was just a kid and it wasn't my fault. It's definitely my responsibility to heal, of course. But realizing my emotions were invalidated for the first time? That was hard." —u/DryWerewolf7579 12."Realizing my family will never be the loving people I hoped they'd become was devastating. I truly don't believe they would physically harm anyone, but their ignorance and underlying bigotry cause irreparable harm. I've come to the conclusion that I will always love them — but I don't like them as people. I keep my distance, not to hurt them, but because I can't live with their ignorance. And, honestly, the pain of longing hurts less than their bigotry. Maybe that's why I feel a growing fear of loneliness." "I've been open about this, but it's still hard to write or talk about. Honestly, it gets harder each time, because every time I open up, I relive the same painful feelings." —u/tsterbster Related: 21 "Fatal" Safety Mistakes People Make Every Day (And How To Avoid Them), According To First Responders 13."The more I grow, the smaller my dating pool becomes." —u/JohnMayerCd 14."I am not a victim. I'm responsible for myself and have worked hard to reach a place where I can make my own closure. No one owes me anything. I've outgrown manipulation and low blows. I deserve better and won't tolerate unfair treatment anymore. I'm allowed to take up space. I'm allowed to make mistakes. I'm accountable for myself — and that's the honest truth. I'm done feeling sorry for things that no longer serve me." —u/Rhyme_orange_ 15."The hardest emotional truth, in my opinion, is realizing you're miserable, hurt, stressed or anxious — and that something has to change. When you truly start to 'get to know yourself,' things become clearer. If you address issues one by one and stick with it, you start to realize: Yes, some bad things happen beyond your control. But if you stop blaming others — or companies or institutions — you also realize: 'I allowed that person to treat me this way.' 'I could've set boundaries.' 'I could've spoken up or left that job.' This mindset builds self-understanding, boosts confidence, and helps you move forward — whatever 'forward' means to you." —u/pestman35 16."Most people walk around with a great deal of cognitive dissonance — and don't even realize it." —u/AGirlisNoOne83 17."I used to talk a lot. I'd argue, push back, and fight hard to prove I was right — just to feel heard. But losing someone you thought you'd never lose changes you. It takes a toll. After that, I stopped talking unnecessarily. I didn't have the energy to explain or defend myself. Now, when I'm tense or overwhelmed, I freeze. I go quiet. It's like my brain shuts down and says, 'Nothing you say will make this better.' And honestly? It's usually right. What changed everything for me was realizing I don't have to reply to everything. I don't need to explain myself unless it matters. When I stopped expecting responses — or offering them — I found peace. The world got quieter and kinder. Ironically, the people who were once upset by my silence often came back, realizing the issue wasn't me. Learning to speak only when it truly matters has been freeing." —u/ambuvjyn 18."I need to stop depending on others to help me. I need to depend on myself. I've started hugging myself — really hugging — and telling myself it's OK when I'm overwhelmed. And it feels like the hug I always needed." —u/Sensitive_Syrup1296 19."You are easily replaceable at work. And guess what? The work will continue — with or without you." —u/rainsmell555 20."The same people who were with you at the start of your healing journey won't be there at the end. I'm grateful I healed alone and realized that only I could save me." —u/weirdoinchains 21."That it cannot be any other way. The past is fixed, the future unknowable, and the present just is." —u/MrMashhead87 22."Some people will take everything you have if you let them. It took me years to accept that some people will see how little you have and still take it. These bloodsuckers will gaslight you, pretend they did nothing wrong, and watch your mental health deteriorate without caring. They'll even show up after you heal, just to try to scar you again and take what you've rebuilt. It's honestly fascinating how far some people will go to drain you. Setting firm boundaries and refusing second chances made a difference. But sticking to them — through the gaslighting, mental gymnastics, and manipulation — is still a challenge. At this point, these people feel like test subjects to me. Their greed, lack of empathy, and desperation should be studied. But at the root of it all? It's fear and insecurity." —u/funwearcore 23."Sometimes, even if you've been kind, respectful and genuine, people won't return that. I've come to realize kindness is often mistaken for weakness. Some people think they have integrity — but don't. They're quick to judge others but don't hold themselves to the same standard. Unhappy people often gossip and tear others down to feel better about themselves. It's tough, but sometimes it's better to be alone than to maintain friendships with inconsistent people. Trust is essential. If you can't trust someone, that relationship isn't healthy. When people are hot and cold, I don't pursue friendships. Reciprocity matters. If people treat you like an option, they're not worth your time or energy. This may sound obvious, but how often have we made excuses for someone's behavior when they were just showing us who they really are? Be kind to yourself first. Notice patterns — and believe them." "Anyone who puts you down to your face is absolutely doing worse behind your back." —u/PureCornsilk 24."Healing doesn't mean going back to who you were. It means building someone entirely new. Every day, you have to get up and put in the work to create that version of yourself." —u/growintheshade 25."Nobody is really thinking about you, making you feel a certain way, or co-creating your experiences. At the end of the day, month, year, or life, your reality is what you make of your sensory experience. Equanimity and peace are available in every next decision you make. Nothing else is required." —u/robin-incognito What's the hardest emotional truth you've had to face in your own growth? Maybe it was realizing you needed to walk away, or finally letting go of shame that never belonged to you in the first place. Whatever it is, let us know your thoughts or feelings in the comments below. Also in Goodful: 20 Wholesome Posts I Found On The Internet This Week That Are So Urgently Needed Right Now Also in Goodful: 19 "Garbage" Modern Trends People Refuse To Partake In Despite Their Popularity Also in Goodful: Medical Professionals Are Sharing "Mundane" Things That Actually Make So Many People Sick

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