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13 Phrases People Say When They're Secretly Over You
Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when it seems like someone might be pulling away. You start to notice the little things—or maybe the lack of them. If you're sensing a shift in someone's attitude toward you, it might be time to pay attention to the subtle cues people give off when they're ready to move on. Here are 13 phrases people might say when they're secretly over you. 1. 'I've Just Got So Much On Right Now.' People often use the "busy" excuse as a way to create distance without having to confront the real issue. It's a simple way to skirt around the awkward conversation about why they're not as interested anymore. When someone keeps saying they're too busy, yet you see them making time for other activities, it's a red flag. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, consistent communication is key to maintaining strong connections. So, when someone keeps defaulting to busyness, it might be time to evaluate how they prioritize their relationships. This phrase is often paired with other vague statements that imply a lack of time or energy. You might hear things like, 'I've got a lot on my plate right now,' or 'I'm swamped with work.' These generalities can be a way to shield themselves from having to share deeper feelings. It's worth noting if this pattern is consistent because, over time, it speaks volumes about their level of commitment. At the end of the day, everyone is busy, but people make time for what—or who—matters to them. 2. 'Let's Just See How Things Go.' When someone throws out this phrase, it's often a sign they're putting things on hold without making any concrete plans for the future. It's a casual way of saying they're not ready to invest more into the relationship. This non-committal attitude can leave you in a state of limbo, unsure of where you truly stand. Instead of being upfront about their feelings, they choose this middle ground that leaves both parties hanging. It's a strategy that keeps you around without the promise of anything more. Hearing 'let's just see how things go' could mean they're waiting for something better to come along. It's about keeping options open, which isn't fair if you're looking for more clarity. Relationships thrive on mutual understanding and shared goals, and vague expressions like this one can be a way to avoid making decisions. If you hear this repeatedly, it's worth having a conversation to seek clearer direction. Otherwise, you might end up waiting for something that never solidifies. 3. 'We Should Catch Up Sometime.' This phrase is one of those friendly yet non-specific suggestions that often never comes to fruition. It's easy to say but rarely followed by concrete plans, which can be frustrating. Psychologist Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne notes that genuine relationships require time and effort, not just vague gestures. When someone genuinely wants to maintain a connection, they make an effort to set a specific time and date. This phrase, however, often serves as a placeholder with little intention behind it. Instead of leading to an actual meet-up, 'we should catch up sometime' often becomes a conversation-ender. It's a way for someone to express interest in a non-committal way without having to follow through. If you notice this pattern, it might be a sign that their priorities have shifted away from you. Whether it's due to a change in interests or availability, it's important to recognize when lukewarm statements are a form of distancing. Holding onto these vague promises can lead to disappointment. 4. 'I'm Focused On Myself Right Now.' While self-focus is important, when someone uses this phrase, it can be a way to gently back away from a relationship. It's often said when they want to shift their energy elsewhere but don't want to hurt your feelings. This statement can be confusing because it's not necessarily negative; it just indicates a change in priorities. However, if their focus on themselves leaves no room for you, it's a clear sign the relationship isn't a priority. It's important to understand the difference between genuine self-care and a convenient excuse to exit. People might use this phrase when they're experiencing personal challenges or simply want to explore life on their own terms. It's a respectable desire, but the impact on the relationship can't be ignored. If you find that their focus on themselves leaves you consistently on the sidelines, it's worth addressing. Having an open conversation about what 'focused on myself' truly means can offer clarity. After all, relationships thrive on balance, and if your needs aren't being met, it might be time to reconsider. 5. 'I Didn't Get Your Message.' This is one of those excuses that can feel both frustrating and baffling. In today's connected world, missing a message seems almost impossible, yet this phrase is surprisingly common. According to communication expert Deborah Tannen, people often use this tactic to avoid uncomfortable conversations. It's an indirect way to express disinterest, as though by 'missing' your message, they've evaded the need to reply. If this is a recurring issue, it might be time to consider the real message behind the missed message. While everyone can overlook a message from time to time, repeated occurrences suggest a deeper issue. It might indicate that they're not prioritizing communication with you. When someone is genuinely invested, they make an effort to respond, even if it's just to say they're busy. If you notice this pattern, it's worth addressing how important communication is to both of you. Ignored messages can lead to feelings of neglect and frustration, neither of which are conducive to a healthy relationship. 6. 'I'm Not Ready For Anything Serious.' This phrase is a straightforward way of saying they're not looking for a deeper connection. It's clear, yet it often leaves room for false hope if you're hoping for more. When someone says they're not ready for anything serious, it's a signal to reassess your own expectations. While casual relationships can be fulfilling, if you're looking for something more, this phrase should be a prompt to evaluate compatibility. It's about understanding where both parties stand and whether those positions align. People use this phrase to set boundaries without explicitly saying they're not interested in progressing things. It's honest, but it's important to take it at face value rather than trying to read between the lines. If you stay in the relationship, hoping they'll change their mind, you might face unnecessary disappointment. Accepting this statement can save you from investing in something that's not going to develop further. Open communication can help both parties understand what they're looking for moving forward. 7. 'You're Overthinking It.' This phrase can often dismiss your feelings and concerns, making you second-guess yourself. It's a way to deflect from the real issues by placing the responsibility back on you. According to Dr. Brene Brown, empathy is essential in meaningful conversations, and dismissive language like this often lacks that quality. When someone tells you you're overthinking, it can stifle important discussions and prevent resolution. It's crucial to recognize when your feelings are being invalidated in this way. Being told you're overthinking can make you doubt your instincts and intuition. While it's natural to analyze situations, being consistently labeled as overreacting can be damaging. It's important to express how this phrase makes you feel and to seek a more supportive dialogue. Relationships should be a space where both people can share their thoughts freely without fear of dismissal. If you frequently encounter this phrase, it might be time to evaluate the level of empathy in your relationship. 8. 'I'm Not In A Good Place Right Now.' This phrase can be a way of indicating that they're not emotionally available. It's a candid comment, often used as a defense to avoid deeper engagement. While everyone goes through rough patches, consistently hearing this phrase might suggest a lack of interest in growing the relationship. When someone says they're not in a good place, it's worth considering whether it's a temporary state or an ongoing pattern. Emotional availability is crucial for a thriving relationship, and it's important to assess if both parties are on the same page. Using this phrase can be a way to retract from emotional responsibilities without directly addressing them. It's not about rejecting you, but rather about where they see themselves in their personal journey. If there's no sign of progress or willingness to discuss how to move forward, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Acknowledging when someone isn't ready or able to invest emotionally can be crucial for your own well-being. It allows you to make informed decisions about where you want to go from here. 9. 'You Deserve Someone Better.' While this may seem like a compliment, it often signals an impending exit. It's a way of saying they don't want to be the one in the relationship, masked by an attempt at flattery. This phrase shifts the focus away from their desire to leave by implying they're thinking of your best interests. It can be confusing because it leaves you feeling both complimented and rejected simultaneously. Understanding this as a sign of their disengagement can provide clarity and help you make informed choices. People might use this phrase when they feel inadequate or when they simply want out. It's an indirect way to express a lack of desire to continue without appearing harsh. While the sentiment may be genuine, it's important to recognize it as a cue that they're pulling away. If someone truly believes you deserve better, it's worth considering that this might be their way of saying goodbye. This phrase is often a gentle letdown wrapped in seemingly considerate language. 10. 'I Don't Know What I Want.' Ambivalence in relationships can be frustrating and confusing. This phrase is often used when someone is uncertain about their feelings or the direction of the relationship. It indicates a lack of commitment and can leave you feeling stuck in uncertainty. While it's fair to be unsure at times, consistently hearing this phrase might suggest they're not ready to invest in the relationship. Understanding what you both want is crucial to moving forward or deciding to part ways. This phrase can often lead to a cycle of indecision, leaving you to wonder where you stand. Rather than providing clarity, it keeps things vague and unresolved. If you're consistently met with this uncertainty, it's worth having an open conversation about your expectations and desires. Ambiguity can be detrimental to building a strong foundation, and addressing it head-on can provide the answers you need. Open dialogue can help determine if there's potential for growth or if it's time to let go. 11. 'I'm Just Not Good At Relationships.' This phrase puts the responsibility on them and their perceived shortcomings. It's a way of acknowledging failure without taking actionable steps to change. While self-awareness can be positive, using it as an excuse to avoid working on the relationship isn't fair. When someone says this, it's worth questioning their willingness to grow and adapt. Relationships require effort and the ability to learn from mistakes, not just acceptance of perceived inadequacies. People might say this as a way to manage your expectations or to justify their behavior. It serves as a shield to any criticism about how they handle relationship dynamics. However, if you're looking for growth and improvement, this might not be what you want to hear. Understanding whether this is a genuine struggle or an excuse can help you decide how to proceed. It's about knowing when to support them and when to recognize that they might not be willing to change. 12. 'I Think We're On Different Pages.' This phrase is often used when people recognize a fundamental disconnect in their goals or values. It's a straightforward acknowledgment of differences that might be hard to reconcile. While it can be disappointing to hear, it's also an honest assessment of where things stand. Recognizing different priorities can lead to more productive conversations about whether compromise is possible. It's about understanding whether the differences can be bridged or if it's time to part ways amicably. When someone says this, it often means they've considered the compatibility of the relationship. It's an opportunity to evaluate whether your visions for the future align. While it might signal an end, it can also be a chance to address disparities and find common ground. If both parties are willing, this phrase can lead to a deeper understanding and potential growth. However, if it's a consistent theme, it might be time to accept that your paths are diverging. 13. 'I Need Some Space.' This phrase is often a request for time away from the relationship to gain clarity. It's not always a negative thing; sometimes, it's necessary for personal reflection. However, if you hear this frequently, it might indicate a deeper issue of avoidance. When someone consistently asks for space, it could be a sign they're struggling with the commitment required. Communication about what 'space' means and how long it's expected to last can help prevent misunderstandings. People request space for various reasons, from needing a break to reassessing their feelings. It's essential to respect this request while also setting boundaries for your own emotional well-being. Understanding the reasons behind their need for space can offer insight into their perspective. However, if the request for space becomes a recurring theme without resolution, it might be time to reassess the future of the relationship. Clear communication can help navigate these requests constructively. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
08-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
I just moved to Sydney from Italy and I'm deeply bothered by how everyone behaves here - is it just me?
A young woman who moved to Sydney from Milan has confessed that her everyday interactions are leaving her so confused and disheartened that she sometimes ends up in tears. In a now-viral Reddit post, the Italian woman who has lived Down Under for four months described how she feels 'people are annoyed with [her]' every time she goes about her day - and she's struggling to understand why. 'I recently moved to Sydney from Milan and I'm finding daily interactions pretty frustrating,' she wrote. 'I have a persistent feeling that people are annoyed with me, and I can't quite pinpoint why. Sometimes I even cry after just running errands because I don't understand what's going on.' The woman explained that although she's well-travelled and used to city life - having spent time in both Los Angeles and New York - Sydney's social cues feel completely alien. 'In [LA or NYC ] I could easily read people's expressions and intentions. Even if people were blunt or cold, I never took it personally. But here in Sydney, I'm completely lost,' she said. She wondered whether her Italian-American accent or her fashion choices - what she described as 'too Milan' - could be putting people off, but was at a loss to explain the disconnect. One social custom in particular has her feeling even more out of place: the casual 'how are you today?' greeting. 'In Italy, we don't really have this, and in LA it felt easy and natural,' she explained. 'But here, I often get what feels like an annoyed or stiff reaction. I never know how much warmth to put into my response, or if I'm doing something wrong.' She also suggested that Aussies seemed 'dissociated' in public settings - something many expats agreed with her on. 'I keep reading everywhere about how nice Australians are. That's true for my partner (who is from the suburbs, though), his family, and pretty much everyone I meet through him,' she said. 'But then he leaves for work, and I go run my errands, and everyone is... just as you said, dissociated.' Despite her growing unease, the woman shared that most people do seem to 'loosen up' slightly after a few minutes of conversation - a small glimmer of hope as she tries to integrate into her new home, where she lives with her Australian fiancé. The post struck a nerve, especially with expats and Australians who had lived abroad and returned home. 'I'm Australian but spent over a decade in the US - and I felt the exact same way coming home,' one person replied. 'Americans are conditioned for cheerfulness and extroversion. Australians can seem cold by comparison - but it's really just a cultural difference.' Others chimed in with practical advice: 'If you're enthusiastically asking strangers "How are you today?" in Sydney, people might think you're a charity fundraiser,' one user said bluntly. 'Try "How's it going?" instead. The more casual, the better,' a second advised. Another added, 'When Australians say "how are you", it's really just a long version of "hello". They're not actually asking for a full update on your life.' Aussies also warned that striking up casual conversation with strangers in the city can sometimes backfire. 'In Sydney, people often assume anyone trying to chat them up in public either wants something or is a bit unhinged. It's not personal.' But not everyone thought the issue was purely cultural. 'It's most likely your accent. For most Australians, an American accent is grating,' one sensationally claimed. Despite the mixed responses, many agreed the woman's experience touches on a deeper truth about adjusting to Australian social norms, particularly for those used to more outwardly expressive cultures.
