Latest news with #socialskills
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
The real reason everyone's so mad over the Gen Z stare
According to many Zoomers, concerning reports of a 'Gen Z stare' may be overblown. If it exists, they say, it's simply a response to the idiocy of their elders. Somehow, though, the concept — recently articulated on TikTok — gained instant recognition from millennials, Gen X, and boomers, who describe it as a blank, if not worried, look as a response to a direct question or interaction. Sometimes, it can be a lack of any greeting or reply from Zoomers in customer service specifically. Further reports point to a potentially related trend, where the group born between 1997 and 2012 don't say hi when they pick up the phone. Any sweeping generational generalization — the millennial 'failure to launch,' the Gen X 'slacker' mentality, boomers ruining everything — has a way of galvanizing old, would-be foes and bringing them together for a universal tut-tut moment. Now, it's a new generation's turn in the barrel, and we're hearing about their lack of bar tabs, their surprising interest in religion, their tendency to fall for online scams, and their love of baggy pants. Few things unite people as easily as a common point of complaint and judgment. But the 'stare' dogpile is also a reflection of the social skills we value and how we learned to value them; concerns that go beyond eye contact and active listening. In examining our hangups and the backlash, it becomes clear that the Gen Z stare is actually as much about Zoomers as it is the people who are frustrated by them. Does the Gen Z stare exist? The most difficult thing about the Gen Z stare is finding Zoomers who will actually admit — on record — to doing it. In speaking to a few Gen Z people, the main response I got was that they didn't believe that they or any of their friends were guilty of committing the Gen Z stare. Sam Delgado, a freelance journalist and former Vox fellow, does not relate to giving what she understands to be 'deadpan stare during conversations.' 'I was a little confused at first because I hadn't heard of it before or didn't immediately understand,' Delgado says. 'And while my other Gen Z friends aren't as chatty as I am, I've never seen any of them do this stare.' Kat Swank, a young person born in 1997 — the Gen Z cutoff — who says she does not fix upon people with a lightless gaze, was also skeptical. 'My TikTok For You Page is certainly telling me that it's real,' Swank tells Vox. 'But I don't think I've ever really encountered it, though.' Obviously, asking people whether they do an embarrassing thing is not going to elicit a rush of admissions. Psychology experts I spoke to said that while there's obviously no peer-reviewed research on the origins of the stare or its intent, they believe that at least some Gen Z starers are unaware that they're doing it. There's also reason to believe that the way young people look at older people now has plenty in common with past generations. Michael Poulin, an associate psychology professor at the University at Buffalo researches how people respond to adversity, and says that he's seen 'tons' of Gen Z stares. He's very familiar with the vacant gaze and felt its heavy void first hand. But he raises the point that part of being a college professor is looking around the room into a sea of young adults who would rather be somewhere else. Since Poulin has been teaching, and perhaps since time immemorial, students, regardless of generation, have given him that blinkless gaze. Poulin, who says he's seen stares from millennial students in the past, raises the point that the Gen Z stare might not be specific to Gen Z but rather a manifestation of the tradition of older adults complaining about the newest, youngest adults. It's not unlike the way some of our parents told us to look people in the eye and respond to them in full sentences, or the way some of us were reminded not to slouch at the dinner table, or to greet people with firm handshakes. Clearly, even in the distant past, some of us weren't making sufficient eye contact, were being too curt, slumped and ruining our posture, and doling out flimsy shakes to adults around us. 'To some degree, it's a comforting myth that all of us who are adults — who've gotten beyond the teens and 20s — that we tell ourselves that we were surely better than that,' Poulin says, asserting that older adult complaining about Gen Z probably have a few interactions in their younger years that were also complained about. 'This isn't the first generation to fail' at behaving like a responsive adult. Still, Poulin says, 'I would be willing to speculate that it may be a little worse for Gen Z,' noting that complaining about Gen Z en masse on social media is a sort of new phenomenon. Bemoaning how annoying young people are used to be kept in smaller social circles like after church or at soccer practices or lunches, but now it's all online, documented and magnified with the possibility of going viral. That's probably an issue millennials, at least, can relate to. The Gen Z stare isn't totally made up One of the reasons why Gen Z might not be totally aware of their stare might be the same reason older generations are so sensitive to it: an unavoidable difference in number and types of human interactions. Older adults have years or even decades of social experiences, most of which notably came before the pandemic lockdowns cut us off from one another and changed how we interact. Many also remember a pre-internet age of interaction, another sea change in the way that people relate to one another. For millennials and older, having learned the social skills to navigate a wider variety of in-person dealings, it can feel abrupt, even jarring, to encounter someone without them. While it's true that possibly every generation possesses social behavior that, in some way or another, irked previous ones, there may be factors at play as to why Gen Z's has manifested itself in a vacant glance. It all comes back to those two big shifts: the internet and the pandemic. 'It's sort of almost as though they're looking at me as though they're watching a TV show,' says Tara Well, a professor at Barnard College. Well's research is primarily in social perception, cognition, and self-awareness. Like Poulin, she has seen the Gen Z stare coming from some of her students. If your social interactions are largely dependent on scrolling through an endless amount of faces or staring into a lens, it might affect the way you interact with humans face-to-face. Well explained to me that the stare has made her think about the idea of 'self-objectification' a concept in psychology where people see themselves as an object or solely by their physical appearances, and begin to see other people as objects and images. 'We don't see them as dynamic people who are interacting with us, who are full of thoughts and emotions and living, breathing people,' Well tells Vox. 'If you see people as just ideas or images, you look at them like you're paging through an old magazine or scrolling on your phone.' It's not difficult to see a connection between social media and self-objectification. If your social interactions are largely dependent on scrolling through an endless amount of faces or staring into a lens, it might affect the way you interact with humans face-to-face. On social media everyone just bleeds into an endless swipe if they haven't captured your attention. On top of that, Gen Z is the first generation to grow up with fully built out iterations of Instagram, TikTok, and other social media platforms. They also have largely experienced so many customer-facing interactions — ordering a pizza, speaking to customer service rep, buying movie tickets — as automated. Of course, technological developments weren't the only thing happening during Gen Zers' time in high school and college. Many were also navigating those crucial years for social development during the pandemic, when life and school was shut down and held virtually. Swank, the millennial-Gen Z cusper, said that during her high school years, she had full access to Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram ('the old Instagram where you're putting the worst photo you've ever seen of yourself with a sepia filter'). At the time, she didn't yet have TikTok and those social media platforms hadn't unspooled their now-sophisticated algorithms into the apps. But her younger peers did. As a zillennial, she suspects she avoided the worst: access to TikTok combined with the pandemic. All that and 'your social life is all fully all online? I can only kind of imagine, like, where your social skills kind of go from there,' Swank says. 'Online, you can just stop engaging with someone, and you don't need to talk to them — I can totally see that bleeding into real life.' While many of us had our social lives affected by lockdowns (and all have access to social media), Gen Z is the only generation who didn't get to experience what adult social life felt like before it. Why the Gen Z stare is so off-putting Part of what Well studies is how humans react to each other. She looks into the small things, like how we modulate our voice when we talk to someone or how we react to small cues — the beginning of a smile, the small raise of an eyebrow, the end of a laugh, etc. These details help us decipher an interaction, to keep a good conversation going or end one that's run its course. The Gen Z stare seems like the antithesis to these things. The person giving the stare may not know or want to reciprocate these cues; they may not have the practice or knowledge to help their conversational partner. At the same time, the person they're staring at has nothing to work with. That may explain why people may find the stare so irksome, regardless of whether or not the starer's intention. 'People interpret it as social rejection,' Poulin, the professor at Buffalo, told me. 'There is nothing that, as social beings, humans hate more. There's nothing that stings more than rejection.' If there's any solace for those feeling the frustration, or for Gen Z tired out of the discourse, it's that there that younger generation will likely give up its signature stare. 'Gen Z will grow out of it because people are going to keep having in person interactions,' Poulin says, noting that it might not be at the same rate as older generations who grew up with face-to-face interactions. 'They will have more in person interactions, and they will experience consequences of engaging versus not engaging.' When they do, older generations will probably find something else to complain about. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
5 days ago
- General
- Daily Mail
Why young people in customer service roles will give you the 'Gen Z stare'
Young service workers have come under fire for refusing to greet customers and instead giving them what's been dubbed 'the Gen Z stare'. Members of Generation Z, aged 13 to 28, struggle to make small talk in shops, restaurants and cafes and instead, they will 'stare' at the person and wait until they speak first, or even outright ignore something that has been said. They have been labelled emotionless' by Millennials, Gen X, and Baby Boomers who have banded together on social media to call the younger generation out on their 'poor social skills'. One critic wrote on X: 'The Gen Z stare is when I try to make friendly conversation with you and you look at me like you were born yesterday and don't have language capacity. Just emotionless and nothing going on in your head as far as social skills.' Another added: 'I deal with Gen Z all day and they're basically socially stunted automatons. You greet them and they say nothing. You ask them a question and they just stare at you. They're not human.' Even older Gen Zers in their mid-twenties have noticed the lack of communication skills in their own generation, with one writing: 'Why as a Gen Z do younger Gen Z look at me like I killed a puppy if I compliment their jacket? Or when I greet them when they come up to me at my job.' But Gen Z are now fighting back say that they become speechless and glare at others only when someone has asked a 'stupid question'. Efe Ahworegba, 19, made a viral TikTok video explaining the Gen Z stare. She said: 'Fair, a lot of Gen Z don't know how to talk to people. But a lot of older generations talk too much, too rudely and too proudly while being too stupid. You have to work in the food to fully grasp how stupid people can be. 'I've had a person get mad at me because their iced tea was too cold. I really don't know what these people want from me. Of course I'm going to start staring at you like you're dumb.' Sophie Louise Ashmore, from north west England, also struck back at the claims that Gen Z cannot communicate. The 22-year-old who works in a customer service role hit out at shoppers who aren't able to answer her questions properly: 'Gen Z stare but I asked you cash or card and you said "yep".' Similarly, TikToker Bella Mia wanted to put her 'two cents in' about the Gen Z stare and said that she understands why the younger generation stays mute in awkward situations. She said: 'How can you not expect people to look at you like the way we do when you ask questions like this.' Bella then recalled a conversation of a past customer who asked for an 'extra hot Americano', despite her saying she 'cannot boil water past boiling point'. She ended the video by saying: 'How do you not expect me to look at you like a d***head when you ask me stupid questions?' Going viral: Over the past weeks, social media users of all ages have turned to Instagram, TikTok and X to talk about 'the Gen Z stare' Olivia Wrighty also involved herself in the debate and said on her social media account: 'Gen Z stare because working in UK retail and hospitality is literal hell and I am just trying to pay my bills without throwing hands at the stupidity of the general public. Sometimes we've just got to say it in our heads.' An X user speculated whether Millennials were actually the reason behind the Gen Z stare. They wrote: 'Is the Gen Z stare thing just Millennials ageing into complaining that young retail and hospitality workers don't treat them like royalty?' Someone then responded: 'I think we're so used to this dynamic we're missing what the new era of tech meditation has actually done to face to face communication.' American psychologist Jean Twenge, also believes Gen Z's changing social behaviors are down to them spending more time online and less time honing their communication skills. She told the New York Times: 'Social skills take thousands and thousands of hours to develop and adolescence is a critical period for developing social skills. 'And Gen Z has spent much less time with their peers in person during that critical stage.'
Daily Mail
5 days ago
- General
- Daily Mail
Beware the 'Gen Z stare'! Why young people are refusing to greet you or make small talk in customer service roles
Young service workers are infuriating customers by refusing to greet or make small talk while serving them, and instead giving them what's been dubbed 'the Gen Z stare'. Members of Generation Z, currently aged 13 to 28, are struggling to make small talk in shops, restaurants and cafes. Instead, they will 'stare' at the person and wait until they speak first, or even outright ignore something that has been said, according to hundreds of infuriated customers. Those in their teens and twenties to be labelled emotionless' by Millennials and Gen X and Baby Boomers who have banded together to call the younger generation out on their 'poor social skills'. Over the past couple of weeks, social media users of all ages have turned to the likes of Instagram, TikTok and X to talk about 'the Gen Z stare'. One fed-up person penned on X: '[The Gen Z stare is] when I try to make friendly conversation with you and you look at me like you were born yesterday and don't have language capacity. Just emotionless and nothing going on in your head as far as social skills.' Another commented: 'I deal with Gen Z all day and they're basically socially stunted automatons. You greet them and they say nothing. You ask them a question and they just stare at you. They're not human.' And even older Gen Zers in their mid-twenties have noticed the lack of communication skills in their own generation, with one writing: 'Why as a Gen Z do younger Gen Z look at me like I killed a puppy if I compliment their jacket. Or when I greet them when they come up to me at my job.' But Gen Z are now fighting back say that they become speechless and glare at others only when someone has asked a 'stupid question'. Efe Ahworegba, 19, made a viral TikTok video explaining the Gen Z stare, which racked up a whopping three million likes. She said: 'Fair, a lot of Gen Z don't know how to talk to people. 'But a lot of older generations talk too much, too rudely and too proudly while being too stupid. You have to work in the food to fully grasp how stupid people can be. 'I've had a person get mad at me because their iced tea was too cold. I really don't know what these people want from me. Of course I'm going to start staring at you like you're dumb.' Sophie Louise Ashmore, from north west England, also struck back at the claims that Gen Z cannot communicate on her TikTok account. The 22-year-old - who seemingly works in a customer service role - appeared to hit out at shoppers who aren't able to answer her questions properly. She said: 'Gen Z stare but I asked you cash or card and you said 'yep'.' She then captioned the video: 'Don't even'. Similarly, TikToker Bella Mia wanted to put her 'two cents in' about the Gen Z stare and said that she understands why the younger generation mutes themselves in awkward situations. 'How can you not expect people to look at you like the way we do when you ask questions like this,' she said. Over the past couple of weeks, social media users of all ages have turned to the likes of Instagram, TikTok and X to talk about 'the Gen Z stare' The content creator then mimicked a conversation of a past customer who asked for an 'extra hot Americano', despite her saying she 'cannot boil water past boiling point'. She ended the video by saying: 'How do you not expect me to look at you like a d***head when you ask me stupid questions?' Olivia Wrighty also involved herself in the debate and said on her social media account: 'Gen Z stare because working in UK retail and hospitality is literal hell and I am just trying to pay my bills without throwing hands at the stupidity of the general public.' She added: 'Sometimes we've just got to say it in our heads.' The Gen Z stare has also made its way into notable television shows, such as HBO Max's And Just Like That...' In season two, Charlotte York-Goldenblatt, who is in her fifties, is seen desperately trying to get a Chanel dress back that her daughter mistakenly sold to a store. She attempted to get the young store clerk to sympathise and help her with her situation but instead became frustrated at her lack of customer service skills. In the show, the employee, named Eden, stared at her blankly and replied with 'I don't know' to numerous questions until Charlotte snapped, telling her 'watch her tone' and even threatened legal action. An X user speculated whether Millennials were actually the reason behind the Gen Z stare. They wrote: 'Is the Gen Z stare thing just Millennials ageing into complaining that young retail and hospitality workers don't treat them like royalty?' Someone then responded: 'I think we're so used to this dynamic we're missing what the new era of tech meditation has actually done to face to face communication.' American psychologist Jean Twenge, also believes Gen Z's changing social behaviours are down to them spending more time online and less time honing their communication skills. She told the New York Times: 'Social skills take thousands and thousands of hours to develop and adolescence is a critical period for developing social skills. And Gen Z has spent much less time with their peers in person during that critical stage.'
Yahoo
6 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
15 Reasons You Might Have No Friends (And What You Can Do About It)
Having no friends can feel isolating, but it's not an unchangeable sentence. It's a situation that many people find themselves in at different points in life, whether they've moved to a new city, drifted away from old friends, or simply find it hard to connect. This listicle looks at some common reasons why you might not have friends right now and what you can do about it. It's important to remember that forming friendships is a skill, not an inherent talent, and it's something you can improve. Here are 15 reasons you might be lacking in the friend department and some practical steps you can take to change that. 1. You Come Across As Too Busy When your schedule is packed, it leaves little room for nurturing friendships. You might spend so much time on work, family, or personal projects that social events fall to the bottom of your priority list. According to a study by John P. Robinson, a sociologist at the University of Maryland, people often overestimate how busy they really are, which can prevent them from making room for social activities. The perception of busyness can be a barrier to forming deeper relationships. It's important to critically assess how you spend your time and see where you can carve out moments for friendship. You can start by scheduling regular meetups with acquaintances or joining clubs that interest you. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or time-consuming; even a quick coffee or a walk can help strengthen bonds. Make it a habit to prioritize these social interactions just like you would an important meeting. Over time, these small, consistent efforts can lead to meaningful friendships. Remember, fostering friendships is as much about consistency as it is about the quality of time spent together. 2. You Struggle With Social Anxiety Social anxiety can make the prospect of making friends seem daunting, if not impossible. It's that feeling of dread or fear that strikes when you think about social situations, leaving you to avoid them altogether. This avoidance can lead to missed opportunities for connection and leave you feeling even more isolated. While it's natural to feel nervous in new situations, chronic social anxiety might require more attention. Understanding that this is a common issue can be the first step toward finding the right support, whether through therapy or support groups. To combat social anxiety, try starting with small, manageable social interactions. Begin by attending events where you feel most comfortable, or where you know at least one person. Practice deep breathing or other relaxation techniques to manage anxiety when it arises. Over time, as you gain confidence, you can gradually increase your social engagements. Remember, each small victory is a step toward building meaningful relationships. 3. Your Shyness Holds You Back Shyness is another hurdle that can stand in the way of making friends. If you're naturally shy, you might find it difficult to initiate conversations or join in group activities. According to Dr. Bernardo Carducci, a psychologist and expert on shyness, understanding your temperament and learning to work with it, rather than against it, can help you break out of your shell. It's important to recognize that many people are shy and still manage to form friendships; it's all about taking those small, courageous steps forward. Embracing your shyness can actually make you more relatable to others who feel the same way. To overcome shyness, practice starting small conversations with people you encounter in daily life. Compliment someone or ask for their opinion on a topic you both might be interested in. This helps you get comfortable with interaction and can sometimes lead to longer conversations and potential friendships. Consider joining small, less intimidating groups or clubs where you can meet people with similar interests. Remember, gaining confidence in social settings takes time and practice, and that's okay. 4. You Might Be Too Picky Sometimes, being too selective about potential friends can limit your social circle. It's human nature to gravitate towards people who share similar interests or personalities, but being too selective can prevent you from forming connections with people who might enrich your life in unexpected ways. By setting high standards or having a rigid checklist for friendship, you might overlook the range of experiences and perspectives that different people can bring. It's important to remember that friendships come in different forms, and diversity can be a strength. Consider widening your criteria for who you might want to befriend. Give people a chance, even if they don't immediately seem like your typical friend material. You might find that someone who initially seems different from you can offer a fresh perspective or introduce you to new interests. Accepting people for who they are, rather than who you want them to be, can lead to more fulfilling relationships. Being open-minded can often lead to the most surprising and rewarding friendships. 5. You Wait For Others To Reach Out Sometimes, the simple act of reaching out is what stands between you and a potential friendship. It's easy to assume people are too busy or uninterested, but often, they might be waiting for someone to take the first step. Research by Dr. Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas suggests that it takes about 50 hours to form a casual friendship, which emphasizes the importance of making the effort to reach out. The reality is that many people are open to making new connections; they just need a nudge. Don't underestimate how much just saying 'hello' can do. If you're hesitant to reach out, start small. Send a message to someone you haven't spoken to in a while, or invite a coworker out for lunch. Extend an invitation to a group activity where people can comfortably decline if they're not interested. The goal is to make contact without putting pressure on either party. Remember, reaching out is a skill that improves with practice, and it's a vital step in forming lasting friendships. 6. You May Have Trust Issues Trust issues can be an invisible wall that prevents you from forming deeper connections. If you've been hurt in the past, you might be wary of opening up to new people. While this caution is understandable, it can sometimes lead to an isolating cycle where you keep potential friends at arm's length. Trusting others is a risk, but it's also a necessity for building meaningful relationships. It's important to work through these issues, possibly with the help of a therapist, to avoid self-sabotaging your social life. To build trust, start by acknowledging your fears and past experiences. Share your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist, and explore where those feelings come from. Practice being vulnerable in small ways with people who have shown themselves to be reliable. As you start to see positive outcomes, your confidence in others will grow. Remember, trust is a gradual process that requires patience and time. 7. You Might Be Perceived As Negative If you often find yourself venting or focusing on the negatives, people might find it hard to connect with you. Nobody's perfect, but a consistently negative outlook can be draining for those around you. According to Dr. Martin Seligman, a leading psychologist in positive psychology, fostering a positive mindset can significantly improve your relationships. It's crucial to strike a balance between being authentic and not overwhelming those around you with negativity. People are more likely to engage with you if you focus on the positive aspects of life. To change this perception, start by practicing gratitude. Focus on the good things in your life and share those with others. Instead of venting, try discussing solutions or asking for advice, which invites others into a collaborative conversation. Make an effort to listen and engage positively in conversations, showing genuine interest in what others have to say. Over time, this shift in perspective can lead to more reciprocal and fulfilling friendships. 8. You Could Appear Judgmental Being overly critical can drive people away without you realizing it. If others feel judged around you, they might avoid opening up, making it harder for friendships to blossom. Everyone has their quirks and flaws, but focusing too much on those can overshadow the qualities that make them worth knowing. Just as you wish to be accepted for who you are, it's essential to extend that same courtesy to others. A little understanding and empathy can go a long way in building lasting bonds. Try approaching each new person with an open mind, focusing on their positive attributes. Practice withholding judgment by considering that everyone has their own story and reasons for their behavior. Engage with people by asking questions and showing genuine curiosity about their lives, which can help you appreciate their differences. Remember, friendships thrive on a foundation of mutual respect and acceptance. Being less judgmental can invite more warmth and connection into your life. 9. You May Act Inconsistently Consistency is key in nurturing friendships. If you're someone who drops in and out of people's lives, they might feel like they can't rely on you. This inconsistency can lead to weakened bonds or even the dissolution of friendships over time. Building and maintaining friendships requires regular effort and involvement. It's important to show up for your friends, both in good times and bad, to strengthen the connection between you. To become more consistent, create a routine of checking in with friends. Whether it's a text, a call, or a coffee date, consistency in your interactions shows that you value the relationship. Make a conscious effort to remember important events in their lives and follow up on them. Being there during both the highs and lows builds trust and reliability. Over time, this steady presence can turn acquaintances into true friends. 10. You Could Be Unintentionally Intimidating Sometimes people might find you intimidating, even if that's not your intention. You might come across as too confident, successful, or assertive, which can make others hesitant to approach you. These traits are not inherently bad, but they can create barriers if perceived in the wrong way. It's essential to be aware of how you present yourself and how others might perceive you. Understanding this can help you adjust your approach and make it easier for people to engage with you. To appear more approachable, practice active listening and show genuine interest in others. Smile and use open body language to signal that you're welcoming and friendly. Share a bit about yourself that shows vulnerability, as this can make you seem more relatable. Be mindful of your tone and language, ensuring that it's inclusive rather than competitive. These small changes can help bridge the gap and encourage people to form connections with you. 11. You Might Seem Overly Independent While independence is a valuable trait, being too self-reliant can hinder your ability to make friends. If you're used to doing everything on your own, you might not seek out or accept help from others, which can limit opportunities for connection. Friendships often grow from shared experiences, including helping each other out. By always going solo, you might be missing out on the camaraderie that comes from teamwork and support. It's important to find a balance between independence and interdependence. To open yourself up to others, try allowing yourself to rely on someone for a change. Invite a friend to join you for activities you usually do alone, or ask for help on a small project. Being vulnerable enough to ask for or accept help can create a deeper bond. Remember, friendships are a two-way street, and allowing others to be there for you can enrich your relationships. Over time, you'll find that sharing parts of your life with others makes it more fulfilling. 12. You May Have Unrealistic Expectations Expecting too much from friendships can lead to disappointment and loneliness. Friendships are not always perfect and require patience and compromise. If you expect your friends to meet all your emotional needs, you might be setting yourself up for failure. It's vital to understand that different friends serve different roles in your life, and no one person can be everything to you. Managing your expectations can help you appreciate what each friendship offers. Try to appreciate the unique qualities of each friend without comparing them to others. Focus on the positive aspects of your friendships rather than dwelling on what they lack. Be open to different types of interactions, understanding that some friendships might be more casual while others are deeper. By accepting and valuing the diversity in your social circle, you'll likely find more satisfaction in your relationships. Remember, it's about quality, not perfection. 13. You Aren't Putting Yourself Out There It's hard to make friends if you're not in environments where new connections can form. If you mostly stick to your comfort zone, you might miss out on opportunities to meet new people. While staying within familiar settings is cozy, it can be limiting when it comes to expanding your social circle. It's important to embrace the vulnerability of trying new things and stepping outside your bubble. This is where growth and new friendships can happen. To start putting yourself out there, seek out events, classes, or meetups that align with your interests. Don't be afraid to attend alone, as this can encourage you to connect with others. Be open to spontaneous plans or invitations, even if they're outside your usual routine. The key is to be present and engage with others in these new settings. With time, you'll likely find that you're forming connections that you never anticipated. 14. You Could Be Focused On The Wrong People Sometimes, you might find yourself investing time and energy into friendships that aren't reciprocated. It's easy to get caught up in trying to win over people who aren't genuinely interested or available. This can lead to frustration and feeling like you have no friends, even when there are others who value your company. It's important to recognize when it's time to shift your focus to those who are more receptive. Focusing on the right people can lead to more rewarding and fulfilling friendships. Reflect on your current relationships and assess which ones are worth pursuing. Notice who reaches out to you and who appreciates your efforts. Redirect your energy towards those who reciprocate your interest and make you feel valued. By letting go of one-sided relationships, you open up space for more balanced and mutual friendships. Remember, it's about quality, not quantity, and investing in the right people can make all the difference. 15. You May Be Holding Onto The Past Holding onto past friendships that have faded can prevent you from forming new ones. It's natural to miss old friends, but clinging to what once was can blind you to new opportunities. The end of a friendship doesn't have to mean the end of your social life. It's essential to recognize that people change, and so do relationships, and that's okay. Letting go of the past can free up emotional energy for new beginnings. Start by acknowledging your feelings about past friendships and allowing yourself to grieve if needed. Once you've processed these emotions, focus on the present and future. Engage in new activities that interest you and provide opportunities to meet new people. Be open to the possibility that new friendships can be just as meaningful as old ones. Remember, moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the past; it means being open to what lies ahead. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
06-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Richard Madeley: ‘How can I tell my lovely grown-up son he smells?'
My very lovely, handsome 33-year-old son seems to be doing very well in life socially and in his work, but he doesn't feel he has to wash his hair with shampoo, although he showers daily. He has also decided to grow it, so now it looks awful as well as having a certain farmyard smell. I'm quite sure that people recoil when they greet him. I can't understand why he doesn't realise this or doesn't care about it – and I know if I say something he will be furious with me. He likes clothes and dresses well, but doesn't wash his clothes very often so they smell too! This is not just me being oversensitive – family and friends have all commented, but we can't bring ourselves to say anything for fear of upsetting him as he can be quite reactive. I am sure this must put off girls and even work prospects as he has to deal with people all the time. He is very personable, articulate and intelligent, but he has had some anxiety issues in the past for which he has had counselling. He now seems fine, so I don't want to risk upsetting him. I always brought my children up to be clean and tidy, but I was never fanatical. I just don't know how to deal with this. — M, via email You're paralysed by the fear of upsetting your boy. It's stopping you intervening and doing what is obviously right and justifiable. But ask yourself this, and be ruthlessly honest with the reply: what are you secretly more concerned about – making him angry, or making him angry with you? Are you a little afraid of him, M? Is that what's staying your hand? I accept that of course it's easy for me to say – I'm not involved, I can stand back and be dispassionate. Then again, that's why you've written to me, isn't it? The fact is, M, your son has smelly hair. Everyone notices it. And you're right – it will be having an impact on his personal and professional life. How could it not? I once worked in the same office as a reporter with seriously bad body odour. His flatmate testified to the fact that this man – then about the same age as your son – never showered. (He also wore the same clothes to work day after day.) No one wanted to sit near him and the editor began to receive complaints from people he was sent to interview. Eventually he called the reporter in to his office and tried to discuss the problem – with the result that the man exploded in anger, stormed out and never came back. A bad result all round. But what if someone he loved and trusted – his mother, say – had 'had a word' with him earlier? Surely, of all the people in the world, a parent is best placed to raise something like this. After all, M, it was you who changed your baby boy's nappies, potty-trained him, taught him how to brush his teeth and yes – wash his hair. Well, now you have another personal and intimate duty to perform. In fact, I would gently suggest that you actually have a responsibility to do it. You owe it to him as his loving mother, looking out for her child. So. Gird yourself, M. Sit your boy down and be firm, frank and fearless. Tell him he has a problem and it's your job as his mum to talk to him about it. Be absolutely assured in your own heart that you are doing the right thing – not for yourself, but for him. Yes, he may flounce off in a temper, but he'll get over it. So will you. And one day, he may actually thank you for your frankness. The endless responsibilities of parenting, eh, M? They never let up, do they? Good luck. You can find more of Richard Madeley's advice here or submit your own dilemma below. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
