Latest news with #stepdaughter
The Guardian
5 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
I am very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter. Am I a bad person?
Am I a bad person for being very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter? I had resolved to not have children of my own but when I met my partner, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, he came with two children from a previous marriage. He's very supportive and understanding in giving me my space from the children when I need it, and he's come to respect the fact I am making concessions in my life to take on parenting. I love both the children but the youngest is a challenge. She presents a lot of the characteristics of her mother – she has no shame, no accountability, zero fear of authority and is incredibly spoilt. My partner struggles with this too. I know she's five and you can't expect someone so young to be accountable, but I'm really worried she won't grow out of it. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which she senses me distancing myself and that rejection makes matters worse, but at the same time I am feeling resentful. I'm resistant to tolerating her when I never asked for her to be in my life in the first place. Is it wrong to be wary of such a small child? Eleanor says: Am I a bad person for feeling this way, that's the question? Is there a world where I say, 'yes'? Of course not. Here's your permission: it's fine to feel mixed. It's fine to have not wanted kids. It's fine to feel complicated about their presence in your life now, or complicated about their mother. It's fine to feel frustrated by a particular child's behaviour. It's fine to resent the way stepmothers can get a raw deal, culturally – easily villainised, expected to handle the same challenges as biological parents, without the same decision-privileges. All this is fine to struggle with. What might not be fine is what we choose to do, given those feelings. You said you're resistant to tolerating your stepdaughter when you never asked for her to be in your life in the first place. True, you didn't ask. But you were asked, and you said yes. You don't have to have a relationship with someone who has kids. You don't have to say yes to having a kid in your house, your time, your life. To be totally clear: having said yes does not mean you can't feel resentful sometimes. It doesn't even mean you have to keep saying yes. Heaven knows we all agree to things we're not thrilled with for the sake of our relationship: moving country, changing jobs, caring for their relatives. But it gets sticky if, once the bad bits show up, we reserve the right to be treated as someone who didn't sign up for this. Some decisions don't work like that. Especially with little kids. Your concern about this is totally right; you can really mess up a kid if ambivalence about your decision to be in their life becomes ambivalence in how you treat them. It's fine to not want a certain relationship with a child. What's not fine is agreeing to a relationship you don't really want, and then letting the child see that asterisk. That's true for biological parents, step-parents, foster parents. So perhaps instead of asking whether you're a bad person for having these feelings, you could ask what you'll say 'yes' to from here on. Some step-parents want to be a parent, no modifications. Others want to be more clearly delineated as a parent's partner. Counselling with her father would be a really good investment to make sure you both agree about which version of step-parenting you're trying to build. If you do decide to continue to be part of his life, he is a package deal. So then, the goal becomes how to process and move past these feelings, not to privately stand by their legitimacy. It might help to learn about psychology and development in five-year-olds. That may help you understand difficult behaviour, and how it may come from difficulties she's experiencing. Counselling for you, privately, could also remind everyone involved that your role is a hard one; that you deserve time and help to figure it out. It is OK to find this incredibly frustrating. But you want to be careful about saying yes to a certain version of life while still maintaining the backstop that it is not the life you wanted.
The Guardian
6 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
I am very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter. Am I a bad person?
Am I a bad person for being very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter? I had resolved to not have children of my own but when I met my partner, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, he came with two children from a previous marriage. He's very supportive and understanding in giving me my space from the children when I need it, and he's come to respect the fact I am making concessions in my life to take on parenting. I love both the children but the youngest is a challenge. She presents a lot of the characteristics of her mother – she has no shame, no accountability, zero fear of authority and is incredibly spoilt. My partner struggles with this too. I know she's five and you can't expect someone so young to be accountable, but I'm really worried that she won't grow out of it. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which she senses me distancing myself and that rejection makes matters worse, but at the same time I am feeling resentful. I'm resistant to tolerating her when I never asked for her to be in my life in the first place. Is it wrong to be wary of such a small child? Eleanor says: Am I a bad person for feeling this way, that's the question? Is there a world where I say, 'yes'? Of course not. Here's your permission: it's fine to feel mixed. It's fine to have not wanted kids. It's fine to feel complicated about their presence in your life now, or complicated about their mother. It's fine to feel frustrated by a particular child's behaviour. It's fine to resent the way stepmothers can get a raw deal, culturally – easily villainised, expected to handle the same challenges as biological parents, without the same decision-privileges. All this is fine to struggle with. What might not be fine is what we choose to do, given those feelings. You said that you're resistant to tolerating your stepdaughter when you never asked for her to be in your life in the first place. True, you didn't ask. But you were asked, and you said yes. You don't have to have a relationship with someone who has kids. You don't have to say yes to having a kid in your house, your time, your life. To be totally clear: having said yes does not mean you can't feel resentful sometimes. It doesn't even mean you have to keep saying yes. Heaven knows we all agree to things we're not thrilled with for the sake of our relationship: moving country, changing jobs, caring for their relatives. But it gets sticky if, once the bad bits show up, we reserve the right to be treated as someone who didn't sign up for this. Some decisions don't work like that. Especially with little kids. Your concern about this is totally right; you can really mess up a kid if ambivalence about your decision to be in their life becomes ambivalence in how you treat them. It's fine to not want a certain relationship with a child. What's not fine is agreeing to a relationship you don't really want, and then letting the child see that asterisk. That's true for biological parents, step-parents, foster parents. So perhaps instead of asking whether you're a bad person for having these feelings, you could ask what you'll say 'yes' to from here on. Some step-parents want to be a parent, no modifications. Others want to be more clearly delineated as a parent's partner. Counselling with her father would be a really good investment to make sure you both agree about which version of step-parenting you're trying to build. If you do decide to continue to be part of his life, he is a package deal. So then, the goal becomes how to process and move past these feelings, not to privately stand by their legitimacy. It might help to learn about psychology and development in five-year-olds. That may help you understand difficult behaviour, and how it comes from difficulties she's experiencing. Counselling for you, privately, could also remind everyone involved that your role is a hard one; that you deserve time and help to figure it out. It is OK to find this incredibly frustrating. But you want to be careful about saying yes to a certain version of life while still maintaining the backstop that it is not the life you wanted.
Yahoo
14-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Woman Wants to Leave Stepdaughter Out of Vacation Plans After Being Shut Out for Years
A stepmother turns to Reddit for advice about whether her stepdaughter should join an upcoming family vacation She opens up about years of tension and feeling rejected by her husband's teenage daughter As the summer trip approaches, the family's underlying issues threaten to overshadow their plansA woman seeks advice from the Reddit community after finding herself at a crossroads with her stepdaughter and husband over an upcoming family vacation. She shares in her post, 'I'd really appreciate an outside opinion on this one,' as she lays out the emotional complexities at play in her blended family. Married for four years to her husband, who has a 16-year-old daughter named Kayla from a previous marriage, the woman says, 'I don't have kids of my own, but I've always tried to be kind and supportive in my role as a stepmom.' Despite her efforts, she admits, 'Kayla has never warmed up to me,' noting that while she didn't expect instant love, the relationship has only grown more strained over time. The stepmom describes the teen's behavior as 'cold, sarcastic," and adds that Kayla "constantly undermines me.' She provides examples, explaining, 'She never says my name, just refers to me as 'her' or 'your wife.' ' The tension was further highlighted by comments Kayla makes to her father, such as, 'You were happier before you met her,' and, 'She's just pretending to care.' Even small gestures, she says, are met with resistance. 'Any time I plan something — dinner, a movie, even helping decorate for the holidays — she rolls her eyes, refuses to participate, or finds a reason to criticize it,' the woman reveals. The difficulties extend to Kayla's social circle, with the stepmom sharing, 'She tells her friends that I'm fake or that I 'insert myself where I don't belong.'' The woman notes a pattern where Kayla is 'perfectly polite when my husband is around, but the moment he leaves the room, she turns cold again.' Despite these challenges, she insists she's tried everything to bridge the gap. 'I've tried everything: being warm, giving her space, inviting her to things without pressure, even directly (and kindly) asking if we could talk about what's bothering her,' she says, but adds, 'She always shrugs me off or shuts it down.' The situation reached a breaking point when the family began planning a long-awaited summer vacation. 'We were planning a 10-day trip to the coast — our first real vacation in years,' she explains. Yet, she confesses, 'As much as it hurts to say, I don't want Kayla to come.' She struggled with guilt over her feelings, writing, 'I know that sounds horrible. But I feel like she'll spend the whole trip sulking, making snide comments, and icing me out.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. The emotional toll is evident as she admits, 'It's exhausting trying to be around someone who clearly doesn't want me there — and honestly, I'd rather this trip be something relaxing for once.' Her husband reacted with anger, accusing her of excluding his daughter and 'drawing a line in the sand.' She tried to offer alternatives, saying, 'He's welcome to take a separate trip with her, or we can all do something together later, but this one time, I want to go without the cold war energy.' However, the fallout was immediate, with her husband barely speaking to her and Kayla choosing to stay at her mother's house. Kayla expressed that she feels 'unwanted and unloved,' a sentiment that deeply hurt the stepmom, who insists, 'All I ever tried to is make her feel the opposite.' Now, the woman turns to Reddit, asking, 'AITA for not wanting my stepdaughter on this trip because she clearly hates me and I'm tired of pretending otherwise?' Read the original article on People
Washington Post
11-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Washington Post
Need advice? Join columnist Carolyn Hax's weekly chat (July 18
More from Carolyn Hax From the archive: When your husband's ex just won't give herself a break She planned to marry rich. The whole sugar-daddy thing didn't pan out. Friend's mocking boyfriend has her all bottled up Grown stepdaughter's fridge-raiding has really gotten old Fiancé is friendly to everyone. How can I make him stop? More: Sign up for Carolyn's email newsletter to get her column delivered to your inbox each morning. Carolyn has a Q&A with readers on Fridays. Read the most recent live chat here. The next chat is July 11 at 12 p.m. Resources for getting help. Frequently asked questions about the column. Chat glossary
Malay Mail
08-07-2025
- Malay Mail
Terengganu labourer pleads not guilty to raping teen stepdaughter
KUALA LUMPUR, July 8 — A labourer was brought before the Sessions Court in Kuala Terengganu today on two charges of raping his 15-year-old stepdaughter last month. The 39-year-old accused pleaded not guilty after the charges were read before Judge Wan Nor Aklima Wan Salleh, according to a report published in Kosmo! Online today. According to the first charge, the accused allegedly raped his 15-year-and-8-month-old stepdaughter at 3.30pm on June 16. For the second charge, the man was accused of committing the same act against the victim at 5.30pm on June 18. Both offences were allegedly committed by the accused at a house in the Marang district. He was charged under Section 376(3) of the Penal Code, which carries a prison sentence of between eight and 30 years and a minimum of 10 strokes of the cane if convicted. The court allowed the accused to be released on bail of RM36,000 with one surety. He was also subjected to additional conditions, including reporting monthly to the nearest police station and not approaching or disturbing the victim and witnesses until the court proceedings are concluded.
