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15 Things You Think Are Normal Until You Go To Therapy

So, you've decided to start therapy. Maybe you're curious, maybe you're desperate, or maybe you're just a fan of self-improvement. Whatever your reason, get ready to unpack a lot of things you thought were just part of life. As you dig deeper, you'll discover some of the behaviors and beliefs you thought were "normal" are actually anything but. Here are 15 things you might reevaluate once you start therapy. 1. Saying Yes To Everything You might believe that saying "yes" to every request is the sign of a good, reliable person. It's easy to think that agreeing to everything is just part of being nice or helpful. However, therapy can reveal that this habit often stems from a fear of disappointing others or conflict avoidance. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Newman, constantly saying yes can lead to burnout and resentment. It's okay to prioritize your needs and occasionally say "no" to preserve your mental health. In therapy, you might learn that the compulsion to please everyone comes from deeper insecurities. Perhaps you fear rejection or being seen as inadequate if you don't live up to others' expectations. It's common to not want to rock the boat, but perpetually putting others first can erode your sense of self. When you start practicing saying "no," you'll find that the world doesn't fall apart. In fact, people might respect you more for setting boundaries. 2. Feeling Guilty For Relaxing Many people believe that relaxation is a luxury rather than a necessity, often feeling guilty for taking time to do nothing. Society tends to praise busyness and productivity, making you think constant activity is the only way to prove your worth. But therapy can help you see that downtime is essential for your mental and physical health. It's not about being lazy; it's about allowing yourself the space to recover and recharge. By reframing relaxation as a positive and essential practice, you can start enjoying it guilt-free. During therapy, you'll explore where this guilt comes from. It often stems from deep-rooted beliefs that equate self-worth with achievements and productivity. When you consistently push yourself to do more, you risk burnout and chronic stress. Therapy can help you redefine success to include balance and self-care. You'll come to appreciate that taking time to rest is a critical component of a fulfilling life. 3. Avoiding Conflict At All Costs Avoiding conflict often feels like the safe and smart choice, but it can be more harmful than you think. Many people grow up believing that conflict is inherently bad or destructive. However, research by psychologist Dr. John Gottman shows that conflict, when managed well, can lead to growth and stronger relationships. Therapy can help you learn that avoiding conflict often means avoiding important conversations and suppressing your own needs. Embracing conflict as an opportunity for dialogue can transform your relationships in meaningful ways. In therapy, you may explore why you associate conflict with negativity. Perhaps you witnessed destructive conflicts growing up or were never taught healthy communication skills. Avoiding conflict might seem easier in the short term but often leads to unresolved issues and mounting resentment. Therapy can provide you with tools to approach disagreements constructively, ensuring your voice is heard. You'll learn that facing conflict can be empowering and result in deeper connections with others. 4. Putting Your Needs Last You might think putting everyone's needs before your own is virtuous, but it's often a sign of deep-seated self-neglect. It can feel rewarding to be seen as selfless and giving, but this behavior can lead to feelings of emptiness and exhaustion. Therapy can help you understand that consistently ignoring your own needs is unsustainable. You can't pour from an empty cup, and prioritizing yourself is not selfish—it's necessary. Acknowledging and meeting your own needs can improve your well-being and enable you to be more present for others. During therapy, you might uncover patterns of self-neglect that began in childhood. Perhaps you were raised to believe that self-sacrifice is the hallmark of a caring person. But over time, this belief can manifest as resentment and burnout. Therapy can help you learn to identify your needs and communicate them effectively. By placing value on your own well-being, you set a healthier example for those around you. 5. Feeling Responsible For Other People's Emotions It may seem natural to feel responsible for how others feel, especially if you're empathetic. You might believe that it's your job to ensure everyone around you is happy and content. However, as psychologist Dr. Brené Brown points out, taking on this emotional burden can lead to overwhelming stress and anxiety. Therapy can help you understand that while empathy is valuable, you are not accountable for other people's emotional states. Learning to separate your feelings from theirs can liberate you from unnecessary guilt and stress. In therapy, you'll explore why you feel the need to manage others' emotions. This tendency often arises from childhood experiences where you felt responsible for family dynamics. Carrying this burden into adulthood can cause you to prioritize others' happiness over your own well-being. Therapy can provide strategies to foster empathy while maintaining emotional boundaries. By recognizing that you can't control others' emotions, you allow yourself the freedom to focus on your own emotional health. 6. Overanalyzing Every Interaction Thinking through the details of your interactions isn't inherently bad, but it can quickly spiral into overthinking. You might replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said the right thing or if someone took offense. This habit can be exhausting and lead to unnecessary anxiety. Therapy can help you understand why you feel the need to overanalyze and how to break free from this cycle. By learning to trust yourself and your instincts, you can navigate social situations with greater ease and confidence. In therapy, you may uncover the root cause of your overthinking habit. It might stem from a deep-seated fear of rejection or criticism, leading you to second-guess yourself constantly. While reflection can lead to personal growth, excessive rumination can keep you stuck in self-doubt. Therapy offers techniques to help you shift your focus from what-ifs to more constructive thoughts. Over time, you'll build confidence in your ability to handle interactions without endless analysis. 7. Seeking External Validation Relying on others for approval can seem normal, especially in a world driven by social media. You might think that seeking validation from others is the key to feeling good about yourself. However, as explained by psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, self-worth rooted in external validation is unstable and can lead to chronic dissatisfaction. Therapy can help you cultivate self-compassion and learn to appreciate yourself from within. By shifting your focus from external to internal validation, you can foster a more resilient sense of self-worth. In therapy, you might explore the reasons you seek constant approval from others. This behavior often develops from childhood experiences where praise and attention were conditional. When your self-esteem hinges on others' opinions, you may find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster. Therapy can guide you in developing a more grounded sense of self that doesn't depend on external affirmation. Embracing your own worth can lead to more authentic relationships and a more stable emotional life. 8. Downplaying Your Achievements You might think being modest about your achievements is the polite thing to do. Maybe you worry about appearing arrogant or making others feel uncomfortable. However, continually downplaying your successes can erode your confidence over time. Therapy can teach you that it's okay to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments. Recognizing your strengths can boost your self-esteem and motivate you to pursue further goals. In therapy, you'll explore why you feel compelled to minimize your achievements. It might stem from a fear of judgment or an ingrained belief in modesty as a virtue. Continually suppressing your accomplishments can leave you feeling undervalued and unfulfilled. Therapy can help you find a balance between humility and self-acknowledgment. By learning to own your successes, you can create a more positive self-image and inspire others to do the same. 9. Avoiding Vulnerability It's common to think that vulnerability is a weakness or a sign of emotional instability. You might believe that keeping your guard up is necessary to protect yourself from hurt. However, therapy can reveal that vulnerability is actually a source of strength and connection. Opening up allows you to experience deeper, more authentic relationships. Embracing vulnerability can enhance your emotional resilience and lead to a more fulfilling life. Therapy provides a safe space to explore your fears around vulnerability. You may have learned to associate vulnerability with rejection or shame. Holding back your true feelings can create distance between you and others, leading to loneliness and isolation. Therapy can guide you in understanding that vulnerability fosters trust and intimacy. By gradually sharing your authentic self, you can build stronger and more meaningful connections. 10. Taking On Too Much Responsibility You might think that taking on as much responsibility as possible is a sign of competence and reliability. It's easy to equate busyness with success and to assume you should shoulder more than your fair share. However, therapy can help you see that overloading yourself can lead to stress and burnout. It's important to recognize your limits and delegate when necessary. Therapy can guide you in finding a balance between being responsible and taking care of your own well-being. In therapy, you might examine the reasons behind your tendency to take on too much. Perhaps you fear disappointing others or believe your self-worth is tied to how much you can handle. Carrying excessive responsibility can cause chronic stress and diminish the quality of your work and relationships. Therapy can offer strategies for setting boundaries and prioritizing tasks effectively. By learning to manage your responsibilities, you can achieve more without sacrificing your health. 11. Suppressing Emotions You might think that suppressing your emotions is a sign of strength and control. Many people believe that expressing emotions is a weakness or something to be avoided. However, therapy can teach you that acknowledging and processing emotions is vital for mental health. Suppression can lead to emotional numbness and even physical health problems over time. Learning to express emotions constructively can enhance your emotional intelligence and overall well-being. In therapy, you'll explore why you feel the need to suppress your emotions. It could be due to beliefs instilled in childhood where emotions were discouraged or punished. Suppressing emotions can create a disconnect between your mind and body, leading to stress and anxiety. Therapy provides tools to help you recognize, understand, and express emotions healthily. By embracing your emotional landscape, you can lead a more balanced and fulfilling life. 12. Comparing Yourself To Others Comparing yourself to others might feel like a natural way to measure success and progress. It's easy to get caught up in the race of life, constantly evaluating where you stand in comparison to your peers. However, therapy can help you understand that this habit is often detrimental to your self-esteem and happiness. Constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction. Focusing on your unique journey can foster a greater sense of fulfillment and self-acceptance. In therapy, you might uncover the root causes of your comparison habit. It often stems from societal pressure or learned behaviors from family and peers. Holding yourself to someone else's standards can distract you from recognizing your own strengths and achievements. Therapy can guide you in shifting your focus inward, celebrating your personal milestones and growth. By stepping out of the comparison trap, you can cultivate a more authentic and joyful life. 13. Overextending Yourself For Others You might think that going above and beyond for others is the ultimate expression of love and care. It's easy to believe that being constantly available and self-sacrificing is the hallmark of a good friend or partner. However, therapy can reveal that overextending yourself often leads to depletion and resentment. It's important to find a balance between helping others and taking care of yourself. Therapy can help you establish healthy boundaries and recognize when it's time to pull back. During therapy, you may explore why you feel compelled to overextend yourself. This behavior might stem from a desire for approval or fear of rejection. Constantly putting others first can leave you feeling drained and unappreciated. Therapy can offer tools to help you practice self-care while maintaining supportive relationships. By valuing your own needs alongside others', you can foster more balanced and sustainable connections. 14. Believing That Stress Is Just Part Of Life It's common to think that stress is an unavoidable part of modern life. You might accept it as a given, something to be endured rather than managed. However, therapy can help you recognize that while stress is a reality, it's not something you have to resign yourself to. Chronic stress can have serious implications for your mental and physical health. Therapy can teach you strategies to manage stress effectively and improve your overall quality of life. In therapy, you'll explore the sources of your stress and how you respond to it. You might discover that you've internalized the belief that stress is a sign of productivity or success. This mindset can prevent you from seeking healthier ways to cope. Therapy can provide you with tools to reduce stress and develop resilience. By learning to manage stress, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life. 15. Thinking Self-Care Is Selfish You might believe that taking time for yourself is indulgent or selfish. It's easy to feel guilty for prioritizing your needs over others', especially if you're used to putting others first. However, therapy can help you see that self-care is essential for your well-being and ability to care for others. It's not about being selfish but about ensuring you have the energy and clarity to engage meaningfully with the world. Embracing self-care can lead to a healthier, more balanced life. In therapy, you'll explore why you feel guilty about taking time for yourself. This guilt often arises from societal expectations or ingrained beliefs about self-worth. Consistently neglecting self-care can lead to burnout and decreased effectiveness in all areas of life. Therapy can offer strategies to incorporate self-care into your routine without the accompanying guilt. By prioritizing your needs, you can enhance your ability to support others and live a more fulfilling life. Solve the daily Crossword