2 days ago
Therapist reveals ten signs that you may have grown up with a narcissistic mother - and need to 'heal your inner child'
A therapist has revealed ten signs that could mean you grew up with a narcissist mother - and how they could still be affecting you as a grown-up.
Taking to TikTok, complex trauma survivor and inner child healing specialist Carly Boyle, who is UK based, shared past behaviours to reflect on and see if any resonate, as they could have long-term impacts on who you are today.
The first, she expressed in the video, is that your parent made 'everything about her'.
'Even her emotions became your drama,' she explained. 'You were never the centre of your own story.'
Next, the pro added, was instances where your feelings may have been invalidated - or you were told to 'stop being so sensitive'.
'Three, she used guilt as a form of manipulation and control,' Carly continued. 'You learned to put her needs above your own.'
Another example of a narcissistic mother is one that 'competed with you instead of cheering you on' - never joining in to make you feel good about your looks, character or accomplishments.
Elsewhere, despite causing emotional turmoil, this type of parent is one that 'never apologised even when clearly in the wrong', the therapist said. Instead, 'she gaslit you'.
The sixth trait, Carly explained, was that despite being the one who had the duty to take care of you, she 'parentified you'.
Instead, you became the one to offer her emotional support.
Other traits also included bringing chaos into your life through unstable relationships, gaslighting you and telling you things didn't happen as they did, as well as withholding love - hence making affection feel 'conditional'.
Finally, Carly recounted, she 'broke your sense of self' - and made you feel scared to explore who you are as a person outside of your mother's child.
The expert remarked that 'if you have experienced even just one of these then your inner child is still carrying the emotional burden that your mother placed on you'.
She added that these are signs of 'emotional neglect', and demand 'inner child healing work'.
In a caption, she also penned: 'If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you might still be carrying the weight of her chaos.
'Maybe she made everything about her. Maybe her emotions always came first. Maybe you had to be the adult while she fell apart.'
Her advice resonated with many commenters, many of whom opened up about their own experiences
'This kind of mother wounds your nervous system,' Carly wrote. 'It keeps the little girl inside of you stuck in survival mode - always trying to earn love, avoid conflict, and find safety in unstable people.
'You learned to silence your needs. To be the good girl. To not upset her.
'But deep down, you never got what every child deserves: stability, validation, and unconditional love.'
She stressed: 'You are not broken. You were never too much. You were never the problem.
'Your healing begins when you stop minimising what you went through and start reparenting the little girl within.'
Carly offers a workbook and course to help make the healing journey on her social media.
Her advice resonated with many commenters, many of whom opened up about their own experiences.
'The silent treatment for days on end for doing something she didn't like or agree with,' one wrote.
'I'm 57 and she still does it,' another admitted.
'I never wanted to admit she was a narcissist, but she displayed all 10 behaviours,' a third penned.
'I finally woke up when I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents… I'm 37 and I finally went no contact last month.'
Another confessed: 'Yes to all of them. I'm no contact now and grieving the mum I wish I had. Hoping one day I'll know who I am.'
'All 10 of these behaviours happened,' one added. 'Now I have my own children and it is a daily battle to raise them better than I was raised, whilst trying to heal myself at the same time.'
'Bless her, she still does. She is 75 now,' another comment read 'So many emotions, but I am lucky that she is still with me.'
