Latest news with #validation
Times
2 days ago
- General
- Times
Why don't my wife's affairs bother me?
Q. After more than 20 years of marriage, my wife had a brief sexual dalliance with a family friend. Since then I've been shocked to discover that I find the idea of her with another man both excruciatingly painful and extremely arousing, and she has had a few liaisons with other men, each of which I have known about. Is it perfectly healthy to accept that I find other men desiring my wife very erotic and she loves the validation of being desired? Or is this the beginning of the end for our marriage? A. This is a really complex question that on the surface challenges the concept of marriage being synonymous with fidelity. Dig a bit deeper, though, and it is really about why you choose to tolerate a situation that a majority of other people would find completely intolerable. Yes, it is true that a growing number of couples seem to be embracing polyamory and open relationships, but the story you tell does not fit that narrative. Your wife made a unilateral decision to have sex with a family friend and, when you found out about her betrayal, you were hurt — but you were also turned on. What happened next made things even more confusing. Because you didn't at any point hold your wife to account and seemed, in one sense at least, to enjoy the experience, she has felt at liberty to repeat her behaviour several times. What strikes me is how emotionally distant you are from what is happening. In my experience, most men would feel deeply humiliated in your situation. Perhaps you are in all other respects a very alpha person and your response to your wife's behaviour is an inversion of who you really are — it may be a clichéd sexual trope but there have been numerous exposures of very powerful men who enjoy being humiliated during sex. You ask whether it is healthy to accept that you find other men desiring your wife very erotic but that question is in itself a distortion. Yes, lots of men enjoy the envious glances they get when they are out in public with a desirable partner, but only because they know that their partner is not going home with any of them. Anything that is taboo can heighten sexual arousal — it's how and why porn is so successful — but within the confines of a marriage it could make for a pretty exhausting and risky relationship. You wonder whether tolerating this situation might be a way of licensing yourself to explore other sexual relationships in future. In all honesty, unless you and your wife come to some sort of agreement about what this is really all about, I doubt you will have a future together. If you want one, you need to figure out how you got to where you are now. That requires you both to be honest about what your relationship was like before your wife's extramarital sexual activity. Did you love each other? Did you like each other? Did you feel emotionally connected? Did you have regular sex with each other? And what changed after 20 years? Could her behaviour be a bid for recognition, an attempt to get some sort of response from a man who no longer 'saw' her? Are these flings really her way of trying to find a new partner to move on with? Are you both actually considering an exit strategy? These are difficult questions and it will be much easier for you to find the answers if you have the support of a good couples therapist. This may be the beginning of the end for your marriage but, whatever happens, it is a turning point. Send your queries to
Geeky Gadgets
29-05-2025
- Business
- Geeky Gadgets
Quickly Validate Your AI SaaS Idea Using This 2025 Workflow
What if you could take an idea for an AI-powered SaaS product—something that usually takes weeks or months to validate—and determine its potential in just 24 hours? It might sound like a bold claim, but with the right tools and mindset, it's entirely possible. In a world where speed often defines success, the combination of AI-driven insights and a lean development strategy called 'vibe coding' offers a innovative approach. Imagine sketching out your concept in the morning and, by the next day, knowing whether it's worth pursuing or pivoting. This isn't just about saving time; it's about making smarter, faster decisions in a fiercely competitive space. In this deep dive by Dr Alex Young, you'll uncover how to harness AI tools to analyze market demand, simulate user interactions, and even predict potential challenges—all without the guesswork. You'll also learn the principles of vibe coding, a rapid prototyping method that strips away unnecessary complexity to focus on what truly matters: solving problems efficiently. Whether you're a seasoned developer or someone with a spark of an idea, this guide will show you how to turn that spark into a validated concept in record time. The process is fast, but the insights you'll gain could shape the future of your product. Validate AI SaaS Ideas Fast The Role of AI Tools in Rapid Validation Artificial intelligence tools are indispensable for quickly evaluating the feasibility of your SaaS idea. These tools provide advanced capabilities to analyze data, simulate user interactions, and predict market trends, allowing you to make informed decisions with minimal effort. Key applications of AI tools include: Customer Sentiment Analysis: Natural language processing (NLP) models can assess user feedback, online reviews, or social media discussions to measure interest in your idea. Natural language processing (NLP) models can assess user feedback, online reviews, or social media discussions to measure interest in your idea. Behavioral Insights: Machine learning algorithms can identify patterns in user behavior, helping you uncover potential use cases and pain points. Machine learning algorithms can identify patterns in user behavior, helping you uncover potential use cases and pain points. Automation: AI can generate user personas, create mock datasets, and simulate real-world scenarios, such as customer interactions or operational workflows. For instance, if your SaaS idea involves an AI-powered customer support platform, AI tools can simulate common customer queries and responses. This allows you to evaluate how your product might perform in real-world conditions without requiring extensive manual testing. By using these tools, you can focus on refining ideas with the highest potential while avoiding unnecessary trial-and-error. Understanding Vibe Coding Vibe coding is a rapid prototyping approach designed to prioritize speed and simplicity. Unlike traditional development methods that often involve extensive planning and complex frameworks, vibe coding emphasizes creating a functional, minimal version of your idea—commonly referred to as a Minimum Viable Product (MVP). This approach allows you to test your concept quickly and efficiently. Key principles of vibe coding include: Quick Prototyping: Develop a basic version of your product that demonstrates its core functionality without unnecessary features. Develop a basic version of your product that demonstrates its core functionality without unnecessary features. Focus on Essentials: Concentrate on solving the primary problem your product addresses, avoiding overengineering or feature bloat. Concentrate on solving the primary problem your product addresses, avoiding overengineering or feature bloat. Use Existing Tools: Use pre-built APIs, libraries, or frameworks to save time and resources during development. For example, if your SaaS idea involves an AI-driven scheduling tool, you could start by building a simple interface that integrates with an existing AI API. This prototype could include basic features like scheduling suggestions or calendar integration, allowing you to test the core functionality without building the entire product from scratch. Use AI & Vibe Coding to Validate Any AI SaaS Idea in 2025 Watch this video on YouTube. Enhance your knowledge on SaaS by exploring a selection of articles and guides on the subject. A Structured Approach to 24-Hour Validation Validating an AI SaaS idea within 24 hours requires a clear and systematic process. By following these steps, you can streamline the validation process and make data-driven decisions: Define Your Core Idea: Clearly articulate the problem your SaaS will solve, the target audience it will serve, and the unique value it offers. Be as specific as possible to ensure focus. Clearly articulate the problem your SaaS will solve, the target audience it will serve, and the unique value it offers. Be as specific as possible to ensure focus. Use AI Tools: Use AI to analyze market trends, simulate user interactions, and identify potential challenges or opportunities. This step helps you gather actionable insights quickly. Use AI to analyze market trends, simulate user interactions, and identify potential challenges or opportunities. This step helps you gather actionable insights quickly. Build a Prototype: Apply vibe coding techniques to create a basic version of your product that highlights its key features and functionality. Apply vibe coding techniques to create a basic version of your product that highlights its key features and functionality. Test Feasibility: Share your prototype with a small group of users, stakeholders, or industry experts to gather feedback and assess market demand. Share your prototype with a small group of users, stakeholders, or industry experts to gather feedback and assess market demand. Iterate Quickly: Use the feedback to refine your prototype, focusing on areas that need improvement or additional functionality. Repeat this process as needed. This structured approach ensures that you can evaluate your idea's potential efficiently, minimizing wasted effort and resources. Evaluating Feasibility: Technical and Market Viability Feasibility testing is a critical component of the validation process. It involves assessing both the technical and market aspects of your SaaS idea to determine its overall viability. Technical Feasibility: Evaluate whether your concept is achievable with the tools, technologies, and resources available. For example, if your idea relies on advanced AI capabilities, verify that the necessary algorithms, APIs, or frameworks exist and are accessible. Evaluate whether your concept is achievable with the tools, technologies, and resources available. For example, if your idea relies on advanced AI capabilities, verify that the necessary algorithms, APIs, or frameworks exist and are accessible. Market Demand: Use AI-driven tools to analyze search trends, social media discussions, and competitor offerings. For instance, if your SaaS idea involves an AI-powered content creation platform, tools like Google Trends or social listening software can help you gauge interest in automated content solutions. By addressing both technical and market feasibility, you can identify potential challenges early and make informed decisions about whether to proceed with your idea or pivot to a different approach. The Value of Iterative Prototyping Iterative prototyping is a dynamic process that involves building, testing, and refining your product in cycles. This approach ensures that your product evolves based on real-world feedback, ultimately aligning with user needs and expectations. The iterative prototyping process typically includes the following steps: Initial Prototype: Develop a basic version of your product that demonstrates its core functionality and addresses the primary problem. Develop a basic version of your product that demonstrates its core functionality and addresses the primary problem. Gather Feedback: Share the prototype with potential users, stakeholders, or industry experts to identify usability issues, pain points, and areas for improvement. Share the prototype with potential users, stakeholders, or industry experts to identify usability issues, pain points, and areas for improvement. Refine and Repeat: Use the feedback to make targeted improvements, then test the updated version. Repeat this process until your product is polished and ready for market launch. For example, if your SaaS idea involves an AI chatbot for e-commerce, your initial prototype might reveal that users find the chatbot's responses too generic. Based on this feedback, you could refine the AI model by incorporating more specific training data or adjusting its algorithms. Each iteration brings you closer to a product that meets user expectations and delivers tangible value. Maximizing Efficiency in SaaS Development By combining AI tools, vibe coding, and a structured validation process, you can significantly reduce the time and resources required to evaluate your SaaS idea. This approach enables you to focus on high-potential concepts, address potential challenges early, and refine your product based on real-world feedback. In the fast-moving SaaS industry, this efficiency can be the key to staying ahead of the competition and delivering solutions that resonate with users. Media Credit: Dr Alex Young Filed Under: AI, Top News Latest Geeky Gadgets Deals Disclosure: Some of our articles include affiliate links. If you buy something through one of these links, Geeky Gadgets may earn an affiliate commission. Learn about our Disclosure Policy.
Yahoo
28-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Boomers Refuse To Waste Their Energy On These Things Anymore
Boomers have been around long enough to know what's worth the stress—and what's a total waste of time. They've seen the cultural pendulum swing back and forth, and they've come to the quiet, liberating realization: not everything deserves their energy. If you think they're just 'set in their ways,' you're missing the point—this is wisdom, earned through trial, error, and decades of watching fads fade. These aren't just random choices; they're survival strategies. Boomers have stopped bending over backwards for things that once seemed important but now feel like noise. Here are 14 things they're done wasting their energy on—and honestly, the rest of us could probably take a few notes. Boomers have learned the hard way that not everyone will like you, no matter how much you contort yourself to fit their expectations. They spent years navigating workplaces, families, and friendships where approval felt like currency, but now they know it's overrated. The freedom of not giving a damn is something you can only earn with time. Research from Harvard Health even suggests that letting go of the need for approval is key to emotional well-being. They're no longer chasing validation from people who wouldn't show up for them in a real crisis. Their circle may be smaller, but it's solid. And they're not interested in wasting energy on the opinions of people who don't matter. From diet fads to fashion statements to the latest TikTok 'must-try,' Boomers have seen it all—and they're over it. They know trends come and go, but confidence is timeless. Chasing relevance is exhausting, and they'd rather spend their energy on what feels good, not what's trending. Let the younger generations scramble for the next big thing—Boomers are busy enjoying the classics. They've learned that style is personal, not performative. And they're not losing sleep over being 'on trend' anymore. After decades of climbing the ladder, Boomers have figured out that work doesn't have to define you. They're done with the relentless grind, the unpaid overtime, the performative ambition that leads to nowhere but burnout. They know success isn't about titles—it's about how you feel when you wake up every morning. Forbes reports that many Boomers are now redefining retirement and work-life balance, focusing more on fulfillment than on traditional career milestones. Perfection is an illusion, and they've let it go. They're focusing on what matters—like spending time with family, traveling, and finally doing the things they put off for too long. The job will never love you back, and Boomers aren't forgetting that anymore. Boomers are done with the façade of perfection. They've lived long enough to know everyone is winging it, and trying to seem flawless is a waste of precious energy. They'd rather be real than polished. As noted by Psychology Today, embracing vulnerability and authenticity leads to stronger connections and greater personal satisfaction. There's power in admitting you don't know everything, in asking for help, in showing your messy, human side. Boomers aren't afraid to own their flaws anymore. And they've learned that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. They've raised kids, paid mortgages, buried loved ones, and watched their bodies change—and they're not here to take advice from people who haven't walked in their shoes. They've learned to trust their gut, even when it goes against the grain. The noise of judgment fades when you stop giving it air. Boomers aren't explaining themselves anymore. They know their life isn't up for debate. And if you don't get it, that's your problem. The highlight reels, the endless scrolling, the performative posting—it's exhausting, and Boomers have opted out. They're not here for the dopamine hits or the follower counts. They know that real life happens off the screen, and that's where they'd rather be. Sure, they'll check in occasionally—but they're not letting algorithms dictate their worth. They're more interested in meaningful conversations than curated feeds. And they'd rather call a friend than comment on a post. Boomers know the body they have today is the one that carried them through decades of living, loving, and surviving. They're done with the constant critique, the fad diets, the exhausting chase for a number on the scale. They're not here to shrink themselves anymore—they're here to live. This isn't about letting themselves go—it's about letting go of shame. They're focusing on feeling good, not looking 'perfect.' And that shift is radical in a world obsessed with youth. Boomers have learned that you can't save people who don't want to be saved. They've tried—the unsolicited advice, the endless support, the emotional labor—but it only drains them. They know everyone has to walk their own path. Their energy is precious, and they're not wasting it on fixing lives that aren't theirs to fix. They'll be there for the people who meet them halfway, but they're not carrying anyone else's baggage. That's not selfish—it's survival. Life is too short, and Boomers know it. They're not holding onto resentment like it's a prize—it's heavy, and they're putting it down. They've learned that forgiveness isn't about condoning—it's about freeing themselves from the weight of anger. Grudges keep you stuck, and they're not staying stuck for anyone. They've seen what happens when bitterness takes root, and they're choosing peace instead. That's a hard-won lesson only time can teach. Boomers are done shrinking themselves to make others comfortable. They've earned the right to speak up, to show up, and to take up space—without apology. They're not asking permission to exist. They've spent too much of their lives making themselves small. Now, they're living unapologetically, without worrying about who it might upset. That's not rudeness—it's self-respect. They've been polite, agreeable, and accommodating for decades—and it hasn't always served them. Boomers know that sometimes, 'nice' is just another word for being a doormat. They're done with the performative pleasantries that cost them their boundaries. They're not rude—they're clear. And clarity is a form of kindness. They've learned that saying 'no' is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness. Boomers have been in enough debates to know when a conversation is worth having—and when it's just noise. They're not wasting breath on people who refuse to learn, grow, or see beyond their own bias. The energy it takes to argue with the willfully ignorant? Not worth it. They'll speak their truth, but they're not chasing after people who aren't listening. Their peace is worth more than being 'right.' And they've learned that walking away is sometimes the smartest thing you can do. Boomers have watched generations grind themselves into the ground chasing an impossible standard of 'doing more.' They've realized that rest isn't laziness—it's fuel. And they're not measuring their worth by how many tasks they can cram into a day. They know the world won't collapse if they slow down. They're done equating exhaustion with virtue. And they're choosing a slower, more intentional pace over burnout. Boomers have lived long enough to know that control is an illusion. They've watched plans unravel, unexpected events rewrite their lives, and things happen that no amount of preparation could prevent. They're not wasting energy on micromanaging the future. Instead, they're focusing on what they can control: their mindset, their choices, their reactions. The rest? They're letting it go. And that's the ultimate freedom.
Forbes
26-05-2025
- Health
- Forbes
Validation: Here's How These Skills Can Transform Your Relationships
Psychologist, author and adjunct instructor at Stanford University Caroline Fleck, PhD, has a new ... More book out entitled Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life. (Photo: Courtesy of Caroline Fleck, PhD) In trying to connect with or even influence someone, you may be making a valid point. Or multiple valid points. But maybe you should consider making validation a point as well. This is what Caroline Fleck, PhD, essentially recommends in her new book entitled Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life. And what follows after the word 'validation' in the title is a spoiler alert as to what she feels providing validation to others can do. 'The impetus for writing the book was a kind of light bulb moment in my experiences over the years as a clinician,' Fleck recalled to me during a recent conversation. She is a cognitive behavioral psychologist and an adjunct clinical instructor at Stanford University. Her private practice specializes in using dialectical behavior therapy and other cognitive behavioral approaches to treat different mood, anxiety, and personality disorders. 'Dialectical behavior therapy was the first evidence-based treatment for borderline personality disorder,' Fleck went on to say. 'It did this really wild thing back in the 90s. It combined this emphasis on acceptance with change.' She clarified why this approach was so 'wild' at the time: 'The thing you need to change in BPD most immediately is typically self-harm and suicidal behavior and so the stakes are really high in these cases and they found that standard behaviorism, you know reinforcement, shaping habits, all of the popular concepts that were out there, none of that was working in this population. They were considered untreatable.' But here's how DBT was wildly different in Fleck's words: 'It wasn't until we incorporated validation and had this corresponding emphasis on communicating acceptance that we were able to facilitate change. And all of a sudden we had an evidence-based treatment for a condition that had been considered untreatable.' The light bulb moment for Fleck was when both her professional and personal experiences showed her what validation can do. 'I think we've really limited it, we've only looked at in these extreme cases,' she emphasized. 'When you start incorporating validation in professional contexts, in parenting or in marital relationships, the change you see is remarkable.' Now, to understand how validation might work, you have to understand what validation is and isn't. Fleck defines validation as communicating mindfulness, understanding, and empathy in ways that convey acceptance. She has used the mantra, 'Validation shows that you're there, you get it, and you care,' to clarify what this means. In other words, by providing validation, you are telling the other person that you respect him or her enough to realize that there's reasoning and a rationale explanation involved. The opposite of validation would be dismissal, judgement or trying to fix the person. Classic non-validating responses would be like 'Here's where you are wrong', 'Here's what you should do instead' or simply 'You are freaking nuts.' You would be essentially quickly saying what the person is thinking, saying or doing is wrong, wrong, wrong like a bathroom gong. And how many people would say, 'Please tell me how stupid I am' or 'Please tell me how I screwed up again?' Note that this definition of validation doesn't imply agreement or even praise of what the other person is thinking. So validation wouldn't require saying something like, 'Good on you that you think the world is flat' or 'Yes, I agree with you. Nicholas Cage is indeed a vampire.' It's more about that you have a genuine interest in understanding how the person got to where he or she is. Fleck has emphasized how transformative validation can be for any kind of relationship—including your relationship with yourself. In fact, she likened it to 'MDMA for your relationships' in the Next Big Idea Club, not that you necessarily should be taking MDMA for any of your relationships. She spoke of how validation can provide more trust, intimacy and psychological safety and how research studies has revealed that the presence versus absence validation can help predict whether a relationship will be successful or not. 'There's many people who simply want to be heard or see," Fleck said. 'But that doesn't seem to be acknowledged enough in our society.' Providing validation can be particularly useful during a conflict. Fleck analogized it to putting up an adorable cat filter during a video meeting. It can be less threatening and disarming—that's assuming that you don't believe that your cat is plotting to kill you as I've written about previously. And when a person feels more comfortable with you, more in the 'oh he or she gets me" state of mind and less in the alarm state, that person may be more likley to listen and open to discussion. So, it's simple, right? Everyone should provide each other with more validation and presto, chango, bingo, no more conflict, no more relationship problems, right? Not exactly. Providing validation can be easier said than done. First of all, a big part of validation is withholding judgement. This isn't always easy to do since it's oh so easy to judge others just like it's easier to sit in the America's Got Talent judging chairs than perform on stage. Being all judgy can make you feel superior and better about yourself. Fleck pointed out another problem, 'We are a problem solving culture. We are not really trained in how to sit with emotion when someone comes to us with a problem. Our inclination is to problem solve. And we are good at it.' So, in other words, one problem is too much problem solving. She spoke of 'how we're not great at just accepting and being with difficult emotions that another person might be experiencing,' and gave an example of 'like when my kid doesn't do well on a spelling quiz,. My inclination is to immediately problem solve what can they do better next time, so that this doesn't happen again.' Fleck described how this affects a second issue or obstacle. 'We don't really teach kids to validate their own emotions to recognize, hey, I'm disappointed, I'm sad, I'm frustrated,' she said. 'Instead, what we model, what we show them to do, is immediately work towards change.' Fleck added that through all her work, 'I have yet to meet anyone who was really great and self validation. who could really recognize their emotions, see the validity in them, sit with them, and then regulate effectively. Instead what I see are folks who are very punitive towards themselves, self critical, and quick to try and problem solve and change change change, whatever is what 'wrong with them.'' An additional issue is that validation doesn't work if it is fake. In order words, the actual validation part has to be, you know, valid. 'Anything that is fake is not validation,' Fleck emphasized. 'I need to really underline that because folks think they can salesman their way into this, you know, like just say whatever they want. But guess what, people see through that.' Case in point, I've written for Psychology Today about how I once told a workplace leader, 'I don't feel like you heard me' and received the rather invalidating response of, 'I hear you, man,' followed by his promptly leaving before I had any opportunity to fully elaborate. Therefore, you've got to want to hear the other person out honestly and earnestly. Otherwise, it's going to come off as the opposite. And being real and authentic in our salesy, fake it until you make it society isn't always easy to do. So, how do you authentically validate what someone is saying and doing when you are like 'Holy moly what the heck is this person saying and doing?' Fleck suggested first finding that kernel of truth in what the other person is saying or doing. Because there's almost always some truth behind anything. People are rarely completely wrong and completely irrational. Fleck has pointed out that someone's behavior and emotions may be valid even though what led to them were not, and vice versa. She's also emphasized how emotions are always valid. If you feel sad about something, for example, someone else can't say, 'No you don't. You don't feel sad.' It's not like you will turn around and respond, 'That's right. I actually feel happy. Thank you for clarifying that for me.' Say someone voted for a political candidate whom you find highly distasteful or didn't vote in a crucial election. It will probably wont' get anywhere by calling that person a complete idiot or completely fooled. However, you could make inroads trying to see what made sense in that person's choice. Maybe that person has a major distrust of politicians in general—which wouldn't be unreasonable. That distrust could have led to the person eschewing voting or voting for the 'non-traditional' candidate. The kernel of truth could then be the distrust or dislike of politicians. Fleck has described a ladder of validation with progressively higher skill levels that people can ... More climb to like rungs on a ladder. (Photo: Getty) Validation is like any skill, though. It may come more naturally to some who may naturally be more empathic and better communicators compared to others may struggle more. But no one should assume that they are just born to do it and can provide validation relatively easily without working to hone the skill. For example, some folks may describe themselves as highly sensitive empaths but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are good at validation. 'What the highly sensitive empaths don't always realize is that although they can sense certain emotions, that doesn't mean that they can communicate that understanding effectively,' said Fleck. 'They haven't actually developed skills to help them get better at it because they haven't seen the need to. They feel like they have this natural talent so they don't have to work it.' The analogy would be the basketball player who can outjump everyone but doesn't feel like he or she has to practice the jump shot, dribbling, rebounding and other stuff. Fleck has described a ladder of validation with progressively higher skill levels that people can climb to like rungs on a ladder. The higher you can get on this ladder, the greater connection with others you can achieve. But don't despair if you can only climb so high. Not everyone can be a Michael Jordan of validation. The key is to be on the ladder in the first place and work to get as high as you can. Before you do anything, you've got to pay attention and listen to what the other person is saying. Like really listen. So the first two rungs on the validation are about mindfulness: attending and copying. Attending is offering all the cues, verbal and non-verbal, that you are offering your full attention. This should maintaining eye contact, nodding when appropriate (as opposed to nodding like a bobblehead or nodding off), asking appropriate questions and showing the proper facial expressions. For example, don't look like The Joker about to blow up Gotham City when the person is expressing hardships being faced. While attending, you want to really figure out what the person is saying and what's behind it all. The second rung is copying, another name for mirroring. When you repeat what the other person says or does like body positioning, they other person can feel like you are both on the same page and you understand. Naturally, this has to be appropriate. When the other person says, 'I feel really stupid,' appropriate mirroring would not be, 'yeah, you are really stupid.' Instead, it would be more, 'Yeah, I feel stupid in such situations too.' Once you're able to listen and mirror, your ready to really understand what the person is saying and doing. The first of these understanding rungs is called equalizing. This where you acknowledge that what the person is feeling and thinking make sense given that person's circumstances. Again, it's not necessarily agreement or praise. But it's making it clear that you don't feel that they are way off base. The second rung in this group and fourth overall is contextualizing. This is where you understand how that person's thoughts and behavior fit in the broader context of things. For example, maybe the person said or did something not so nice because he or she was stressed or afraid. The third rung in this group and fifth overall is where things get particularly tricky. Its dubbed proposing and doesn't mean you propose marriage to the other person, which would be weird. It's where you guess what the other person is thinking or feeling. Now be careful with this one. It can work well and further your connection with each other if you are spot on but do the opposite if you get it wrong. If you elicit a 'yeah, you don't really know me' or 'who the bleep do you think you are' or 'I'm not that simple,' apologize and accept the fact that you've fallen down a few rungs on the ladder, at least with this person. Once you've mastered the levels of understanding, you may be ready for the empathy rungs of the ladder. This starts with the sixth overall rung: emoting. This is where you express your own emotions that are genuine and appropriate reactions to what you've seen and heard. An example is the significant other who got teary eyed when I told her of my brother's death years prior. Another example is when someone gets visibly excited when something good happens in your life. The seventh overall rung and second in the empathy group is taking action. This is where you do something concrete to help the other person. So, if the other person's is feeling lonely, maybe you help that person find a partner. Of course, it's better to get that person's permission first. You don't want to say after the fact, 'Hey I signed you up for Tinder and included all your personal details om your profile. By the way, you've got a date with someone who was carrying a really big fish in a profile pic.' The final tippy top rung is disclosure. This is where you share something that's happened to you that's similar and shows that you can relate. For example, if that person is struggling with a medical condition, maybe you share your own health struggles, which can not only show empathy but maybe even provide valuable insights, as I have described in Forbes previously. Beware of making this all about you or a competition. You never want to be like 'The discrimination I faced was worse than the discrimination you faced,' because you don't bleeping know and this ain't the freaking Olympics of suckiness. Also, never assume that your experience was identical. Things can be quite different for different people even though the circumstances may appear to be the same. No matter where your skills may fall on this validation ladder, it's better to rung with it, so to speak, when interacting with anyone else. 'Validation is acceptance,' Fleck emphasized. 'It's being seen and heard. We all need external validation. Our relationships should be based on validation.' And these are all quite valid points.
Forbes
23-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Ways To Snap Out Of Your ‘Ego Scrolling' Rut — By A Psychologist
'Ego scrolling' is a new dating term that describes the habit of swiping on a dating app only to ... More feel desirable, not to engage. And, sadly, it can be a hard pattern to break. Once a promise of romance, dating apps are arguably losing their charm and now feel more like slot machines. Only about one in 10 committed couples in the U.S. say they met through an app, according to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey — a sobering statistic given how much time we spend swiping. That's a lot of digital noise for very little real-world signal. This mismatch between effort and outcome helps explain why so many users fall into 'ego scrolling.' With ego scrolling, the goal shifts from seeking connection to validation. Some of you may be all too familiar with the cycle: a quick boost of attention, a surge of dopamine, then back to the scroll. It's the thrill of going: 'Ah, so I'm attractive to all these other attractive people.' But if the matches don't go anywhere, this becomes just like any other short-term fix. It can leave you feeling emptier and emptier over time. And in the midst of an ongoing loneliness epidemic across the U.S., that's not a good sign. Here are three ways to snap out of that loop — and start using dating apps with intention instead of impulse. Say you woke up with a bad hair day. Or maybe your skin's breaking out, or you just feel weirdly off — not unattractive, just not you. In moments like these, it's easy to reach for reassurance. You want proof that you're still desirable, that you could land a date or a casual connection if you wanted to. Dating apps offer exactly that — a low-risk, high-reward feedback loop. One swipe, one match, and for a moment, you get the ego boost you were craving. But, it probably does little to address the underlying insecurity in any meaningful way. More often than not, ego scrolling just puts a Band-Aid over it, one that usually falls off the second you minimize the app. The long-term solution here is to build real-world confidence. But that doesn't always mean faking it — like overpolishing your dating profile or chasing matches from other people who've clearly done the same. In fact, a 2023 study shows that it's not the dating apps themselves that harm your self-esteem. Instead, it's mostly down to getting stuck in the cycle of excessive swiping. When that happens, it doesn't matter how thoughtful or instinctive your approach is. If you're mentally caught up in swiping just to see who's out there or how you measure up, it quietly chips away at your well-being. So instead of curating yourself harder, try addressing the root of the insecurity. Maybe go get your hair done professionally, or spend time on a skin-care routine. If the insecurity is more abstract, you could start with small steps, like reaching out to a friend who hypes you up, putting on an outfit that feels like you or stepping outside to interrupt the mental loop. What ego scrolling gives in dopamine, it lacks in durability. Addressing the root of the insecurity, on the other hand, compounds. In an April 2023 study published in New Media & Society, researchers manipulated how likely women thought they were to receive matches on a dating app. Some were told they had a high chance (27 out of 31), others a low one (3 out of 31). Women who thought they had a better chance of matching felt less lonely. However, they were also more overwhelmed by the choices they had, something the researchers termed 'partner choice overload.' And those who swiped heavily despite low odds of success felt far more lonely than those with high odds of success. This seems to touch on something crucial: Ego scrolling may not always be about inducing a quick boost to your confidence. Sometimes it's a test we've learned to take. You open the app not because you want to feel attractive, but because you're worried you're not — and you want the app to prove you wrong. Instead of chasing matches in those moments, check in with the 'why.' Are you hoping for connection, or looking for relief from doubt or loneliness? If it's the latter, resist the urge to let a screen measure your worth in that particular moment. Instead, engage with something (an activity, a person or your inner world) that reminds you you're more than 'swipeable.' If you must, use the app when your doubt and loneliness levels are lower. Ego scrolling thrives in a space where curation looks like confidence but often reads as desperation. And nothing kills real attraction faster than trying too hard to seem attractive. If you're prone to ego scrolling, try sprinkling subtle 'filters' into your profile — signals of who you are and who you're actually looking for. It might be a line that shows your sense of humor, a reference only a certain kind of person would get or a photo that reflects you at your happiest, not your most attractive. Connection isn't the same as mass appeal. Take steps toward creating a profile that repels the wrong people and resonates with the right ones — so when you do 'match,' it feels less like ego fuel and more like a real connection. Have you been giving in to ego scrolling on dating apps too often? Take the science-backed Problematic Tinder Use Scale today to better understand your usage patterns.
