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News.com.au
20 hours ago
- Health
- News.com.au
‘We never spoke about it, ever': How rock bottom triggered Sydney man's life-changing conversation
James Wright always knew there was something a bit different about his dad. 'His energy would change from time to time,' recalls the 46-year-old Sydney man. 'Our Saturday morning bike rides would stop, and he'd withdraw socially, spending hours upon hours locked in his study.' Now, James recognises his father's episodes for what they were – major depressive episodes – but at the time, he was simply made aware that there were problems with his dad's health. 'When I was about 13, I remember being picked up early from school by mum, and she took my sister and I into the hospital, where Dad had been admitted to undergo electroconvulsive shock therapy (ECT),' James said. 'I remember being warned by the doctors that Dad might not really be able to recognise us or say anything, as he'd only had the procedure the day before.' Growing up in the UK, James says despite his dad's severe struggles with mental health, conversations about it weren't commonplace. In fact, it wasn't until his twenties that James discovered his Nonna – his dad's mother – had also been admitted for ECT. Australia is in the grips of a mental health crisis, and people are struggling to know who to turn to, especially our younger generations. Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, equipping Aussies with the skills needed to have the most important conversation of their life. 'She never spoke about it, ever,' he recalls. 'She lived up in the North of England in Hartlepool, and she must have been one of the first rounds of women to receive that therapy.' It is perhaps unsurprising, then, that James' own mental health began to decline in his mid-teens. According to studies, the heritability of major depressive disorder is between 30 and 50 per cent. Coupled with this, new research by News Corp's Growth Distillery with Medibank found that 28 per cent of parents of 16- to 30-year-olds have never discussed their mental wellbeing with their children. In addition, half of all parents of 16-30 year olds (49 per cent) agree that 'I do/would find it hard to tell my children I'm having challenges or struggling with my mental wellbeing', with only 39 per cent disagreeing with this statement. For James, it meant that for a long time, he struggled alone. 'I was at an all-boy's Catholic school in North London, and I was just beginning to realise that I'm gay,' he said. There were a number of challenges in his life that combined to have a big impact on his mental health, but knowing what his dad had experienced, James didn't hesitate to seek help, first from the school, and then from a GP. 'Even though I didn't discuss it with mum and dad, I think my awareness of dad's condition meant that there wasn't any shame attached to seeking help – it was more just something I knew I needed to do,' he said. 'I knew there wouldn't have been any judgment from them if they had known.' James started taking medication, something he continued throughout his years at university. His mental health was what he describes as 'up and down' for much of his twenties, including a period of intense burnout that preceded a breakdown of sorts. 'I'm an ambitious person,' he said. 'I easily turn myself into a workaholic, particularly if I'm desperately passionate about what I'm doing, and I got myself into a real mess in my mid-twenties, and I think that's probably part of the reason I decided to move to Australia and give myself a fresh start.' Once settled in Sydney, James discovered a fulfilling new career in a workplace where he thrived, and felt his mental health stabilise for years. Then, in 2014, life threw James another curve ball. He contracted HIV. While early detection and antiviral treatment soon rendered the disease undetectable (and therefore non-transmissible) in James' body, the stress and shock of the experience sent him into a spiral of shame and self-destruction. 'I was too ashamed to tell my friends or family,' he recalls. 'I was drinking too much, stopped all forms of exercise and was hiding from the world.' This self-isolation – a tactic reminiscent of his father's – had become something of a hallmark of James' mental health struggles. 'That urge to withdraw socially has been a behaviour I'd been aware of repeating at several points during my life,' says James. 'And once you get better at recognising what's going on, you realise that pulling away is the last thing you should be doing to get better, but at the time, it feels like the only option.' Over the next few years, James' self-imposed exile from Sydney (he bought an ill-fated restaurant in the country in order to justify moving away) and determination to deal with his mental health forced him to face his demons head-on. Eventually, he realised that he needed to open up to his family – and his dad in particular – if he was to properly heal. 'It was in that one conversation – where I told him about my diagnosis and explained what I'd been going through – that we were able to be truly authentic with each other,' he says. That was about six years ago. Today, James describes his dad as his 'best friend'. 'We've had some incredible, raw, beautiful conversations about mental health, our emotions, about what it was like for him when I was growing up,' says James, who speaks about his father's struggles with pure empathy and understanding. 'I completely understand how hard it was for him, and why he needed to withdraw when he did. I feel like I'm able to have a lot of that relationship back now, as an adult, that I missed out on as a kid.' James, who now works as a positive psychology/strengths coach, says embracing authentic communication with his dad has been one of the biggest gifts of his adult life, and something he has adopted as a philosophy. 'Opening up to my family was the final piece of the puzzle,' he says. 'It means I can show up completely authentically, which in turn helps my clients be vulnerable and authentic in return.'
News.com.au
2 days ago
- Health
- News.com.au
How art helps this mother and son spend valued time together
The colourful paintings strung around the Bawden family home are more than just decoration — they've been a lifeline. For Adelaide mum Michelle and her son Leo, 20, who lives with an acquired brain injury, art has been therapy for nearly two decades. A recent survey by New Corp Australia's Growth Distillery with Medibank found 22 per cent of Australians spend time on hobbies or passions when their mental health dips, and 13 per cent turn to meditation and breathing exercises. The pair regularly paint or create 'soul pages' together, mixing paint, magazine clippings, and even leaves to boost their mental health and bond. 'It's a form of mindfulness we do,' said Mrs Bawden, a creative arts therapist. 'There's a lot to be said for sitting side-by-side in stillness, painting together – I see a peace come over him. 'Creativity is so important for our mental health, and we just make art – I don't do the arts therapy process with him as he's my son.' The tradition began after Leo was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour at just seven months old, beginning a five-year journey of hospital stays. At age of two, Mrs Bawden started bringing watercolour paints and paper to his hospital bed, and he would 'make a great big mess'. 'It made him really happy,' she recalled. The duo also meditates regularly, and she says he opens up to her when he's not feeling 'quite right'. 'We have a lovely relationship where I am very safe for him,' she said. 'We are working to give him a little bit more emotional language around why is that, what does it mean.' Leo said creating art with his mum was 'very therapeutic and calming'. 'It helps me to understand how my body is feeling and what is going on for me,' he said.
News.com.au
3 days ago
- Health
- News.com.au
Three reasons parents and their millenial or Gen Z kids don't talk
Pride, trust issues and a fear of judgment are preventing Australian families from talking more about mental health, new research has found. Half of parents of 16 to 30-year-olds are uncomfortable talking to their children about their wellbeing, although a third want to. Worryingly, younger people found it even harder to communicate, with 62 per cent of respondents unable to confide in older family members. The next phase of News Corp Australia's Can We Talk? campaign launching today, in partnership with Medibank, will focus on how families can support each other with mental health challenges. The new research, by New Corp's Growth Distillery with Medibank, has exposed the intergenerational barriers holding families back from supporting each other. It found families often lacked the tools, language and 'mental health literacy' to communicate. Young people were most concerned about negative responses. It calls on parents to take the lead and spark conversations around mental health in a casual, empathetic way. Parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson said asking for 'consent' before raising a tough topic or sharing advice could be a 'gamechanger'. 'Asking for consent seems like a small thing, but can change a conversation drastically,' he said. 'What I find helpful with my daughter is to say, 'I've noticed this happening with you', and then, 'I have some ideas that could help if you're interested. If you're not, that's totally fine'. 'Or if you are the one opening up, start by asking if someone can just listen.' The father-of-six, and R U OK? ambassador, said there were many reasons why people felt reluctant to share issues with family members. Younger people often worried that a parent would interfere, judge them or deliver a lecture. On the flip side, parents may fear being seen as a 'failure', or want to avoid using their children as 'therapists'. But he said positive communication across generations in families helped build connection. 'We need to equip families to talk about these topics because many struggle,' he said. 'The more we communicate with each other, the more we can develop trust, be vulnerable and sense when someone's okay or not. It's important to be intentional about these conversations because if you are staring at a screen and not each other, it's hard to pick up when someone needs help.' The Growth Distillery research found all topics were harder to talk about with someone in a different generation. But relationship issues topped the list, with more than half reluctant to share across age groups, followed by social pressures (52 per cent) and stress (49 per cent). Relationships Australia CEO Elisabeth Shaw said research showed 18 to 25-year-olds were one of the loneliest groups, and it was important they had someone 'safe' to talk to, whether it was a family member or not. 'Knowing that in their darkest times, young people have someone to talk to, is a huge protective factor for mental health and suicide,' she said. 'But if they feel shut down, dismissed or ridiculed by family, or if there's disinterest, then that hurts more than if it were a casual acquaintance. 'What's important is to talk to somebody who is trustworthy and open to your experience.' She said in many ways, today's young people had more in common with their parents than ever before, such as social media use, online dating and multiple romantic relationships. 'The clash happens when the younger generation feels shut down and misunderstood. A way to take that into account is to enter their world, rather than taking the approach of: 'Do it my way and follow my recommendations'.'
News.com.au
3 days ago
- Health
- News.com.au
‘It's not straightforward': Huge issue 1 in 3 Aussie parents have never discussed with their kids
One in three Australian families have never talked about one of the biggest problems facing our population — exposing a fundamental disconnect between parents and their children when it comes to having what could be one of the most critical conversations of their life. Research by News Corp's Growth Distillery with Medibank found 28 per cent of parents with 16- to 30-year-old children have never discussed their mental wellbeing with their children, while about half of all parents (49 per cent) with kids in that age range agreed that they do — or would — find it hard to tell them they were experiencing challenges or struggling with their mental wellbeing. It's a problem that remains even when the roles are reversed. Almost two-thirds (62 per cent) of 18- to 30-year-olds said they would struggle to confide in their mum, dad or an older family member about their mental health — despite the fact 47 per cent of all young Australians described their parents as the number one relationship in their life who they wish they could talk to more. Australia is in the grips of a mental health crisis, and people are struggling to know who to turn to, especially our younger generations. Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, equipping Aussies with the skills needed to have the most important conversation of their life. Unlike with a partner or a friend, the relationship between parents and their children is 'rarely straightforward', clinical psychologist Amanda Gordon said. 'Parents often feel that they're there to care for their children, to make them feel safe, to bring them up so that they can become effective adults and often, they don't want to worry their children in their childhood about things that might (then) worry them in the future. 'So there is a really complex interplay of, 'How do I talk with my child about mental health in a way that's going to be useful and supportive to them without frightening them or without making them be too introspective and worried about things they needn't be?' … It can be very hard for parents to get onto the (same) wavelength to talk to their children about what's really going on for them.' On the flip side, according to headspace clinical advice and governance national manager, Caroline Thain, 'we know that young people often turn to their peers first when discussing mental health.' About two thirds of Gen Z respondents (68 per cent) speak to their partner about their mental wellbeing at least once a week, if not more often. Informal, peer-driven platforms like Instagram and TikTok also outpace established medical sources and experts as the primary resource of mental health and wellbeing information for our nation's youngest. 'Wellbeing is deeply tied to feeling culturally connected and included,' Ms Thain said. 'If we're not looking at a young person through a cultural lens, we risk missing the full picture. Every young person's environment matters — their community, their culture, their identity. Understanding that helps us support them better.' The attitudinal divide between generations when it comes to mental health cannot be overlooked, she said. Though Australia has 'come in leaps and bounds in even the last 20 years in building emotional literacy in school-aged children, there are still generations finding their voice when it comes to talking about mental health, and some generations may still be navigating outdated beliefs without stigma and worry'. Ms Gordon echoed the sentiment — noting that parents in generations past, particularly baby boomers, 'didn't know that they were allowed to be vulnerable in front of their children'. 'We were brought up to be stoic. We were brought up to not talk about feelings — except perhaps (being in) love with our partner, but otherwise to just get on with it,' she said. 'Women were seen as hysterical if they were sad. Men certainly couldn't show their sadness. They didn't know they could be weak. And now we want parents to acknowledge that there is a vulnerability, and there are ways of dealing with it.' Though 'it is becoming easier, generation by generation, as we destigmatise the whole idea of mental illness', such old-fashioned views can prohibit children from talking to their mum or dad about their difficulties 'if they believe they can't help them — if they believe their parents won't understand them or they won't support them, or they don't have the resources to manage', Ms Gordon said. 'I've met many children who have been wary of upsetting their parents, whom they feel are already burdened by life and find life too difficult themselves,' she added. 'Just because you (as a parent) have a mental health problem, doesn't mean your child will feel that you can be sympathetic to them. They need to see that you can find strategies and solutions to manage your life in order for them to feel safe that you can help them manage theirs.' Often the biggest barrier, Ms Thain said, 'is simply not knowing where to start'. 'That uncertainty can lead to missed opportunities for connection and support,' she continued. 'But sharing the right amount of your own experience can actually help normalise these conversations.' For headspace National Family Reference Group member Michelle Jane, supporting her two eldest children through their own respective mental health challenges 'taught me that listening is often more powerful than speaking'. 'Busy lives can mean fewer chances for deep, honest conversations, and for some parents, mental health wasn't something openly discussed growing up, which can make these talks feel unfamiliar or daunting,' Ms Jane said. '(But) sharing our own mental health experiences with young people helps them feel less alone — it shows that these challenges are part of being human. It's a chance to model healthy coping strategies and to normalise seeking help. Talking openly can also be a way to share what's worked for us — how we've sought support and found ways to manage.' Ms Gordon said it's about changing the language — not the message. 'Parents who are frightened are often frightened — and they've said in (News Corp's Growth Distillery and Medibank's survey) — because they don't know the words to use, or they're worried that they don't know what they would do if their child told them that they were struggling,' she said. 'I think the most important thing about talking about mental illness and mental health crises in families is for everyone to know that everyone is vulnerable, but everyone will also have the resources if we work together to manage that vulnerability.' When it comes to navigating conversations about mental health with your children, the most important thing is to 'be honest, but thoughtful about what you share — your child shouldn't feel responsible for solving your problems', Ms Jane advised. 'Make it a two-way conversation. Let them ask questions and check in with how they're feeling. Respect their autonomy. What worked for you might not work for them, and that's OK,' she said. It's also OK to start small, Ms Gordon said, and 'to not feel like you have to deal with everything in one conversation'. 'Just gently, as a parent, ask your child how they're feeling today,' she suggested. 'Have them take the opportunity to identify different emotions that might occur in response to different events that occurred in their life. How did it make you feel when such and such did this? Or how did it make you feel when I yelled at you before? And talk about those feelings as a starting point. 'Don't expect to get it all done. Stop and listen to the responses, and the responses will guide you as to the next step.'
News.com.au
3 days ago
- Health
- News.com.au
Tips for parents talking to their teenage children about mental health
Psychologist and Medibank Mental Health Reference Group member Maria Ruberto provides helpful tips for parents speaking to their teenagers about mental health. DO Prioritise connection Talking to teens is not just about a conversation, it is always about connection. Teens are navigating a complex world of physical changes, peer pressures, identity formation and growing awareness of social issues. What they need most is to feel safe, seen and supported. When you truly listen to your teen and validate their feelings, it fosters trust and helps them feel valued. This connection forms the foundation for any productive conversation you want to have. For example, if they are upset about something that feels completely irrational to you, remember you were once a teenager and most likely would have reacted similarly to them. While it may seem small and insignificant to you, it's a big deal to them, so treat it that way. Allow space for options and reflection Rather than offering ready-made answers, try to ask open-ended questions that encourage reflection (a vital skill). This helps teens build problem-solving and decision-making skills. Even if you think you know the best solution, guide them gently to discover it for themselves. Hold your tongue and breathe.  Give them permission to try (and potentially fail) and come back to you when they need.   Praise with purpose Teenagers can be highly sensitive to judgment and criticism. They're trying to figure out where they fit and who they are. One powerful way to build confidence and connection is to notice their positive actions in detail. Instead of vague praise like 'good job,' say: 'I noticed you wiped the toothpaste out of the basin, that keeps it clean, thanks' or 'it was nice to hear you being so patient with your little brother, he really looks up to you.' This reinforces what matters and makes values visible. Keep conversations short and frequent With a developing frontal cortex, mini conversations with teenagers are better than epic marathons.  There is a lot happening in their lives, so keep the discussion short, simple and optimistic.  Long talks filled with lessons and advice can overwhelm a teen's developing brain. Less is more. Think quality over quantity – a few thoughtful minutes here and there can often go much further than long lectures. Stay optimistic and consistent, and over time, those small efforts build trust and understanding. Play the long game Change takes time, especially during the adolescent years. It might not happen as quickly as you'd like, and it may be months and months before you see some shifts.  Don't rush the process – patience is key. DON'T Don't try to control the outcome Teens need to practice autonomy. When you come into a conversation trying to steer it toward your own desired outcome, it can feel dismissive. Instead, focus on guiding rather than directing. Give them room to explore. This means that they might get it wrong, and you'll need to let them fail (within reason).   Don't neglect their emotional state If your teen is upset or withdrawn, avoid pushing too hard for a conversation. Respect their emotional space, and don't push them to open up if they're not ready. Tell them you are there when they are ready. Don't be in a bad mood Run a self-check prior to connecting with your teen – your emotional state sets the tone. Emotions are contagious, so ensure your mood is positive and calm. If you're feeling stressed, angry or reactive, your teen will sense it – and likely mirror it. When you speak from a place of stability and care, your teen is more likely to respond with openness and calm. Don't expect instant agreement or compliance Adolescents are naturally wired to challenge and test boundaries as they grow into independence. This is not because they are intentionally being difficult, they are simply trying to connect the emotional part of their brain to the thinking part of their brain – and this connection requires trial and error. Expecting them to instantly agree or comply will likely lead to conflict or withdrawal. Instead, let them process, push back, and return to the conversation at a different time and context. Sometimes, it's helpful to come back into a conversation by asking a 'curious comment' to help a young person rethink things or change their way of thinking. Curious comments are a great strategy that invites broader thinking, by stretching their mindset to include other possibilities other than a defensive or negative reaction, which may often be a teenagers first response. Don't lead with judgment or criticism Teenagers already feel a great deal of internal pressure and comparison – both to their peers, to their imagined future selves and what they see on social media. Adolescents are also super sensitive to embarrassment and inadequacy. Harsh feedback can shut down conversations before they start. Instead of highlighting what they did wrong, ask what they think, what they noticed, or how they felt. This builds insight and trust.
