41 Shockingly Entitled Patients Who Made Me Go "Kim, There's People Who Are Dying"
*We also used responses from these Reddit threads.
1."I am an ER nurse. ... Most ERs are overcrowded. There's simply no space to care for the staggering amount of people who walk through our doors. As a result, patients are often in hallway spaces. One evening, a patient's husband berated me because, 'I'm a millionaire. Why isn't my wife in a room?' I said 'Look around you. Every space we have is being used.' To be clear, she was in no way, shape, or form in an emergent state. With arms crossed and a look of disgust on his face, he replied, 'Well, can you send some of them out so my wife can have a room?'"
"Sure, Kevin. We'll just stop CPR on someone right now and get that room ready."
—Anonymous, Washington State
2."During my surgery rotation in medical school, I was (peripherally) involved in a trauma code in the emergency room. The trauma victim was intubated, had two chest tubes, and there was blood everywhere. By the time it progressed to pericardiocentesis (a needle onto the sac of the heart to remove any blood outside the heart but in the pericardium that can be the cause of cardiac arrest in trauma) a lady grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the trauma bay, yelling at me that her daughter in the room next door was cold and needed a blanket."
—u/crazyhair72
3."When I was a fresh EMT, one of my first calls was for a lady with 'abdominal pain.' The pain was pretty nondescript and seemed to move around. ... As we are loading her up, she says that she needs to go to a hospital in a major city, about an hour away from us. This route would have included passing three suitable hospitals. This got my partner and I exchanging some glances. So, my paramedic partner says, 'No, we can take you to the nearest appropriate facility.' This upsets the patient, who begins screaming about customer service and the like."
"Well, we happened to work for a shitty private company that shall remain nameless, one that prides itself on meeting each 'customer's' needs. We knew that if we denied this lady, we would get written up, and the manager would say something like, 'We need to serve our customers, and besides, we can charge double the rate after you pass the first hospital.' ... So we negotiated the patient down to a hospital in a suburb of said big city, about 40 minutes away. When we arrived, she refused to stand and transfer, so we got a nurse and pulled her over to the hospital bed from our gurney.
Now here's the punch line. As soon as the nurse lowered the hospital bed down, the patient kicked her feet over the edge, stood up, and began to walk out of the room. The nurse asked her where she was going, and the patient responded, "I'm leaving, I have to get to the big city for my appointment."
My partner, with perhaps his very last breath of goodwill, said, 'Why didn't you tell us you had a medical appointment to go to?' The patient replied loudly, 'HAIR appointment, and now I'm going to have to hitchhike because YOU wouldn't drive an extra 15 minutes!'
Nurses, partner, and I all stood there gob-smacked.
The nurses looked at her record — she'd checked out AMA from different facilities in their medical group, after being brought in by ambulance more than 10 times. She was on a public health plan and clearly had no intent to pay a cent for any of it."
—u/ClutchClutch
4."I work in pediatrics, and we encourage parents to continue parenting (feeding, consoling) while we focus on the medical things. We had this one mom who was a demanding jerk, but the icing on the cake was that she would write us notes in the middle of the night, saying she had taken her contacts out and couldn't see well enough to change her daughter's diapers. What does she do at home — let the baby sit in piss and poop all night?"
—Anonymous
Related:
5."I was kneeling on the floor performing aggressive CPR on a patient who had collapsed and a lady who was with a patient who was waiting for treatment of a minor injury pulled my hair to force my attention to her and then held up an empty coffee cup and said, 'I really need another cup.' Another staff member led her to the coffee station where she filled her cup — AND proceeded to pour the scalding hot coffee down my back. 'Maybe that'll teach you to listen to people,' she said."
"I needed treatment for serious second-degree burns to my back and some 'sensitive' areas of my body (coffee dripped down my back and underwear). She was arrested for assault, but the cruel entitlement of this woman, while I was desperately trying to keep someone else from dying, just blew my mind and broke me inside. Recovering from the burns was less painful."
—Anonymous
6."I'm an EMT. ... I had a patient once who shriekingly demanded a back massage to 'calm her nerves' (she did not get one). Also of note was the fact that there was nothing detectibly physically wrong with her."
—u/megalodon319
7."We just had the biggest snowstorm in 40 years. We had a patient call for an ambulance because she didn't want to be home alone (fair, I'll empathize. She had anxiety). She then complained because we didn't shovel her driveway, and she had to walk through three feet of snow to get to our truck."
—u/BrokeBackMedic
8."I had some teenage brat say she wanted to speak to my manager. I laughed out loud at her and said that this was a hospital, not a McDonald's."
—u/angelust
9."A patient was coughing/throwing up a large amount of blood. I was dealing with EMS to send her to the ER (this was in a rehab). I got to my next patient at 9:10 p.m.; his pain meds were due at 9 p.m. He was livid, I explained why I was slightly (like 10 minutes) late, and he said, 'I don't give a shit about anyone else. Let her fucking die for all I care, just make sure my meds are on time, little girl.' Little girl? I was 50 at the time."
—u/Apple-Core22
10."Going back many years, but my favourite: Me: (inspecting a child's rash) 'It's impetigo.' Mother: 'What's that?' Me: 'School sores, it's a ...' The mother literally said, 'It can't be that, we are rich!'"
Me: '......'
Mother: 'Can we see someone more senior?'
Me: (gets ED consultant to review)
Consultant: 'Hello! Oh, what do we have here? Oh, look, impetigo!'
Mother: (stares in disbelief, asks to see a paediatric dermatologist as they can't possibly have a 'poor' disease)
The ED consultant was a super relaxed guy and said, 'yep' and called our most Pediatric skin specialist. He is a big deal in the pediatric dermatology world and our weird rash expert. He came to review the patient. We watched him enter the cubicle; a couple of minutes later, he exited, asked for a script pad, scribbled his order, and went back. He handed the mother the script, and she profusely thanked him for his time and expertise. She glared at us as she left.
Dr. Weird Rash Expert turned to us and said 'Impetigo.' I just told her it was an unusual variant that children of wealthy people get when in the tropics.'"
—u/cardboard_box_robot
11."I used to do food service in two connected hospitals and idk wtf was wrong with the patients and their families. ... Guests of the patients thought that they could eat for free and that we were their personal chefs and grocery store. 'But I'm the dad/grandma. I have insurance.' Insurance is for the patient, not the people visiting the patient. 'Can I have a box of Rice Krispies treats for the road?' Not from us; there are two grocery stores up the street, though. 'Can you make the pizza in this very specific way and special order me a specific flavor and brand of sparkling water?' Where do you think you are??? 'Can you cut up my son's food and blot the chicken tenders?' We give you utensils and napkins for a reason. What do you do at home?"
—justchillman
12."I was shaving a patient's abdomen to prep them for a C-section (back when we used to do that), and the patient wanted me to touch up her bikini line, too."
—u/goforbroke432
Related:
13."I was working as an ED Tech. We had a rich family come in with their teenage son, who had a migraine. He had a garbage bag covering his eyes due to light sensitivity. The light in the room was turned off for his comfort. I explained it was unsafe for him to have plastic over his face and had several towels I could trade for the garbage bag to help keep the light out. Both he and his father agreed, and I explained I'd make it quick. I already had the towels by his head. As soon as I moved the plastic bag from his eyes, this kid literally snapped his fingers at me and told me to 'hurry it up.'"
"The towel was already halfway on his face, and he called me an incompetent twit.I stood there for a second with my mouth on the floor and then told him. 'I understand you're in pain, but that is NOT how we treat people. If you snap your fingers at me or anyone else again, I'm not coming back to help you.' And I didn't set foot in that room again."
—Anonymous, 46, Hartford, CT
14."I am a physical therapist who specializes in the assessment and treatment of spinal/pelvic girdle disorders and misalignments. ... I had this one patient that I worked with for many, many years. She said that I was 'the only one who knew how to fix her.' She was a terrible patient who never followed up with subsequent scheduled appointments, her home exercise program, or proper self-care. She came to see me only when she was in immediate crisis because she had done something to hurt herself. ... I had just had a total hip replacement and was not working. She actually contacted me, AT MY HOME, and asked if she could come over so that I could treat her!"
"Not only is this not ethical, but I also had physical limitations from my surgery, and there was no way I could do that kind of work. I told her that if I could actually treat her, I would be AT the office, doing my normal job. 'But I will pay you,' was her response.I was finally able to fire her as my patient, but unfortunately, she still comes to the office because she glommed herself onto one of my work colleagues."
—Anonymous, 58, Seattle
15."Got dispatched for ETOH (excessive alcohol consumption) in the bar scene in my area. As my partner and I pull up, we see this guy start limping over. We unload the stretcher, and he goes, 'Hey, I think I twisted my ankle, I need an ambulance.' Well, our patient that we were originally called for has passed out on the ground in their own vomit. We tell him that we can call for a second rescue for him if he needs it, because we have to attend to our ETOH patient. Or he can just take an Uber to the nearest hospital, which is five minutes away. He goes, 'Well, I have really good insurance, so the ambulance ride will cost about the same as an Uber, which one will be faster?' Then this guy proceeds to stand around huffing and puffing about how it's 'ridiculous' that he can't just hop in with us because 'You guys are going to the same hospital anyways.' Dude, this isn't a ride share Uber, and we ain't carpooling."
—u/iweewoo
16."I'm not a doctor, but I work at the front desk of a doctor's office. A woman came in to her appointment on the sixth floor, but when her appointment was over, the elevator was down. She demanded we call the fire department so that they could carry her down the stairs.
—u/just-another-Bekah
17."I saw a 30-year-old guy who came in with complaints of chest pain. After seeing and examining him, his story sounded like GERD, but a cardiac workup was started. I got called away from the module to deal with a teenager who was shot and ended up dying. When I got back, the guy's mom was there and was irate that I hadn't been in to talk to her in the 15 minutes since she arrived. I tried to explain that his workup had already been started, there were other patients in the department who also needed my attention, and many of whom were far more sick. She lost it and said she didn't care about anyone else, and her son was the only one who mattered. She wouldn't calm down and was eventually escorted out by security. "
—u/hobbesghost
18."Not a doctor, but I had a rather memorable experience. When I was about 21, I began experiencing gallbladder issues. One night, the attack got so bad that I crawled to my roommate's room and asked her to take me to the hospital. As soon as we got there, the nurse immediately took me in for assessment. I was in so much pain that I couldn't talk, so my roommate gave the nurse all my information. The nurse went to get me something for the pain, and my roommate went to call my parents for me, so I was sitting alone in intake for a couple of minutes. This lady comes in, literally picks me up by the arm, and leads me back to the waiting area. I didn't even realize this lady wasn't a nurse. All of a sudden, I hear yelling, and I learned later that was transpired was that this lady was actually a patient who was mad that I went to intake before her, led me back to the waiting room, and tried to take my spot in the intake room. She was escorted out by security. "
—u/sillybanana2012
19."ER nurse here. We had a minor local celebrity show up in the middle of the night for back pain. He had another man with him, so I asked how they were related. The visitor stated that he was the patient's chauffeur and personal assistant. The visitor then proceeded to inform me of the patient's identity, as if I should be grateful to be taking care of this celebrity. Woo. Go him, I guess. Having not grown up in the area where I live now, this meant I had literally no idea who he was. Honestly, didn't care and still don't."
"The visitor also told me that money was no object and that the patient required only the best care, and if that meant a helicopter to a specialist or whatever, they could make it happen. The ER I work in is a large academic medical center with more specialists than it knows what to do with. We get people flown in to see them, not usually the other way around.
I spent the rest of the night running back and forth while he screamed bloody murder over his back pain, and his personal assistant followed me around expecting me to cater to his employer's every whim. 1/10, do not recommend."
—u/SparkytheEMT
20."An alert and oriented patient was screaming to everyone in the hallway that he needed his melatonin. We were coding the guy across the hall."
—u/agirl1313
Related:
21."Last time I was in the ER, a local news 'anchor' came in. I actually did recognize him. He walked by where we were sitting, and I saw him go up to the check-in area and immediately demand to go straight to triage. I heard what you'd expect: 'Don't you know who I am?' The nurse replied, 'I do not, and I don't really care.' He said something like: "I don't want to be waiting with all these sick people...you better not make me wait.' To which she told him to have a seat and wait. It was really funny to listen to. It's the second local news personality I've encountered in my life, and both were super loud dicks."
—u/billbapapa
22."I had a 100 percent capable patient demand I move their pillow from one side of their bed/body to the other while they sat in bed with nothing in their hands."
"I had a patient report me for speaking to another nurse in passing while walking down the hall (the patient was being pushed by me in a wheelchair; apparently, I was not concerned enough about her because I spoke to someone else). I had a patient purposely knock a glass flower vase down and shatter it on the ground because she was mad at/arguing with her spouse, and then demand I clean it immediately."
—u/Tellmeanamenottaken
23."Nurse here. My colleague was discharging a patient and, in the process, asked if he needed his parking validated. He sneered at her and responded, 'I'm on the board of this hospital. I don't need your validation to do anything.' Turns out he was a local philanthropist and multimillionaire, and I guess we were supposed to know that."
—u/pizzawithartichokes
24."I work in patient registration at the ER. A guy came in on an ambulance, and we had absolutely no rooms available. The patient was brought in for 'vomiting' and was moaning and groaning, albeit quietly. After the paramedics had waited with him in the hall for 10-15 minutes, the charge nurse had them set the patient out in the waiting room, since he was ambulatory and not critical or anything. The paramedic told me that the guy had literally been at the hospital down the road that morning, and apparently didn't like whatever they told him, so he called the ambulance to take him to a different hospital. He hadn't vomited since that morning, and he was perfectly fine otherwise."
"After they set him in the waiting room, the dude decided this was the worst pain of his life, and he was dying. He went from moaning and groaning to full-on yelling in about five minutes flat. I work at the check-in window, and I had a full view of his theatrics, where he slumped over some chairs, hollering and whatnot, and then got up and paced and did the same thing again. When the triage nurse (who had been taking vitals on another waiting patient) went down the hall to start an IV, the guy came up to the window and said that he was having trouble breathing. Then he proceeded to give me a laundry list of symptoms, including 'I feel like I'm about to pass out' and 'I'm sorry I'm being so unprofessional and loud, but I am in so much pain it's unbearable,' etc. My thing was, if you can sit there and tell me all of that effortlessly, you're not having trouble breathing. I was also not having it that day since not even an hour earlier, a girl faked a seizure in the lobby, so I just nodded and said, 'Okay, thank you for letting me know.'
When the triage nurse finally called him back, this guy suddenly couldn't walk or stand on his own. When they wheeled him back to the triage area, the nurse started to do an EKG since he said he was having chest pain (another symptom that wasn't present when he originally checked in). After he hollered and rolled around all through the vitals and everything, they took him back to a room that just opened up, and he was still carrying on up until the doctor came in to see him.
After that, I didn't hear a peep. His friends showed up and visited him, and all was well. Then, when the doctor was ready to discharge him, all of a sudden, his yelling started up again.
I don't know what this guy's problem was, but apparently, he desperately wanted to be admitted to the hospital. Oh, and his main complaint was listed, 'ate some bad pizza rolls, vomited twice this morning.'"
—u/katandhercats
25."I had a patient attempt to take the hospital bed blanket [when she left]. When I told her it had to stay, she said, 'That's fine, but I am going to take this pillow.' And when I told her I couldn't let her take that either, she told me I was selfish."
—u/Tellmeanamenottaken
26."We were recently in the middle of a snowstorm. Roads had turned to total crap. We got to this house. The woman who called said all the right things — chest pain, blah blah blah. ... BLS (Basic Life Support) wrapped her up, carried her down the stairs, pulled out the stretcher, and placed her in the ambulance. She was yelling at her husband to take her purse before we left. We got her in the back of the ambulance. BLS asked, 'Lights or no lights?' I said, 'No lights...easy ride to the hospital.' The patient started freaking out. 'I want to go lights and sirens! That is why I called you. My husband could have taken me if you were not going to do that.'"
"I took a breath and said, 'Ma'am, you are pretty stable. Be grateful. We only go lights and sirens for people who are critical." She said nothing....as I handed her the form to sign for the 2500 dollar ride to the ER."
—[deleted]
27."I've worked in the ER for 25 years, and I have seen some wildly entitled stuff. The thing that stands out: Several staff members were in a room divided by a curtain with a patient who was in cardiac arrest. While a nurse was doing chest compressions and a doctor was intubating this person—the people on the other side of the curtain could be heard complaining that their call light has been on for 5 minutes and they were irritated. I yanked open the curtain and SHOWED them what was taking so long."
—fluffylegend788
28."A family member pushed their way into a bay as we were coding a patient to ask the nurse (who was doing compressions) when their family member was going to get the water they asked for."
—u/jack2of4spades
29."I had a lady tell me I would give her a bath because I am a nurse and it is my job (she lived at home alone and could do for herself). I explained to her my role in helping her be independent, but stated we would assist as needed. I sent my big male CNA to assist 'as needed,' which it wasn't."
—[deleted]
30."A patient was demanding a sixth pillow to get comfortable. I went to get it, but was sidetracked when my other patient coded. Eventually, I took the pillow to patient one and got yelled at for 'taking too long.' I explained I had been busy doing CPR across the hall. The patient paused: 'You mean where you have to press on the chest and breathe for the person cause their heart stopped?' Yeah. That. 'Well, whatever. You still made me wait way too long.' 🙄🖕"
—u/-OrdinaryNectarine-
Related:
31."We had a patient who called for hip pain. It was around 5 o'clock, and I work in a pretty big city, so it was rush hour. We got there, and she was in her apartment, sitting on an electric scooter. She said her hip was bad and she needed to get it replaced, and that the pain was unbearable. She said she had an appointment about six months ago for the surgery, but she missed it. I explained to her that an ER is not going to do emergency hip surgery for a chronic problem. She said she didn't care. She wanted to go to the hospital to get the appointment set up."
"We were out of trucks at this point, and she put a little cherry on top — she wanted to go to a hospital in a nearby city that, because it was rush hour, would take about 45 minutes to get to. I suggested a closer hospital because they weren't going to do anything for her anyway, and she went on this tirade about how she had the right to call an ambulance ... and the right to go to whatever hospital she wants. My partner, who was frustrated also, said, 'Ma'am, you're right, but you need to understand you're taking a 911 ambulance out of service for an hour so you can go make an appointment. Well, she called my partner a racist and demanded we take her anyway. So we said yes, ma'am. She complained the whole way to the hospital and asked for our badge numbers and supervisor's phone number. Which I happily gave her."
—u/PancakeDrawer03
32."When I worked inpatient, it was pediatric neurology. One of my coworkers once was taking care of a teenager with a headache. ... The mom complained about everything. At one point, she asked her nurse when the Neurology team would be rounding. The nurse responded, 'They're rounding now.' Mom scoffs, 'Well, I would have thought they would start with the sickest patient on the floor.' They did: my patient, a young adult with Marfan syndrome who'd had a stroke and was on a heparin drip."
—u/LadyGreyIcedTea
33."One time, I was cleaning up a patient after a bowel movement, and I guess she felt the need to fart, so she asked me to hold open her ass cheeks so that she could fart (this would be farting right at me; I feel like this is important to mention). I politely declined and told her the fart could wait for another time."
—[deleted]
34."Not me, but my aunt a few years ago. She works as an infectious disease doctor. Her department is quite a way from the main entrance, but they do have an urgent clinic at night. ... This woman went to the infectology department with her daughter and they had to wait for my aunt for about half an hour, because my aunt was called to another department for consulting. When she finally got to this woman, she was immediately snippy with her, showing her clear disrespect. Turned out, they knew what the daughter had, they just wanted some meds...'to ease the pain.' What did she have? Worms in her ass that itched her."
"Supposedly, the daughter's ass itched so badly, she couldn't sleep. When my aunt asked, why they couldn't come during the regular hours, because this was not case for urgent clinic, or ER, or whatever you want to call those night shifts, and because she would have to take sample for laboratory, which only worked during the day, they got all pissy and said, they couldn't come because the daughter had to work.
Work, you ask? Yes, work. The daughter and the patient of this story was a 30+ year old woman, with children of her own, who had to take her mother with her to the doctor, because of worms that itched in her ass during the night. They got pissed and left.
But the story doesn't end there. The mother is some kind of journalist, or self-proclaimed journalist, who only writes blogs. Aaaaaand she went ahead and wrote looooong rant about how 'poorly' they were treated and how they had to go to the pharmacy and the pharmacist gave them some coal pills (I think, dont remember it anymore) and how our medical staff is bad."
—u/JumpingPoro
35."I was working in a resort town medical facility. It's basically just an urgent care facility; the closest hospital is at least two-hour drive. It was a busy ski season day with lots of broken bones that needed surgery, which means the most critical injuries get sent to the closest hospital for transfer first. This is because they are transported by ambulance, and the town can't send all their ambulances out on transfers and have none in town for emergencies. So this means many people have to wait a long time for a transfer. (Major critical traumas would be air lifted, but stable patients would have to wait.) This lady had a broken bone (probably her ankle, a ski boot fracture) and was waiting to be transferred because she needed surgery, and was getting impatient. She was told she would be next to be transferred until another patient came in with multiple fractured vertebrae in their spine."
"Well, this lady was not happy. She had a fit, saying all the usual things: 'I was here first,' 'I've been waiting all day,' and 'I need to get out of here.' She couldn't walk to the bathroom, so the nurses brought her a bedpan so she could pee. Instead of waiting for someone to come collect it, she just dumped it on the floor. ... [She] acted like a 3-year-old and thought, 'I'm going to dump my pee all over the floor, so they want to get rid of me.'"
—Anonymous
36."I'm not a doctor, but I was waiting to see my grandpa in the hospital. This parent started grilling the doctors about how their 'baby should go first' and how they were 'obviously in pain' (the kid was looking at the fish tank). The doctor said, 'We have people who are in real emergencies. Your kid just got a dried bean stuck up their nose. You can wait.' The parent said, 'WeLL My bAbY ShoUlD gO FiRst! He Has tO Go to BeD!' The doctor said, 'Well, if your kid has to go to bed, then they can go home and you can come back in the morning.' The parent was dumbfounded."
—u/yeetus159
37."Years ago, in the ICU, we had been coding a patient multiple times, and it was very hectic on the unit. We had a needy family on the unit who was very upset and said something along the lines of, 'I don't care if someone is dying…we've been waiting for (insert food/drink selection) for over an hour.' I'm sure my face said it all."
—u/Nursejlm
38."Not a parent, a grandparent — a 10-12-year-old child desperately needed a ton of dental work done (cavities filled mostly, if I remember correctly), and grandma was insistent that it be BEFORE their cruise. The dental office I worked for had a number of dentists, and we had a rule that if a particular patient was seeing a particular doctor, they had to have the procedure scheduled with that doctor. The next available appointment wasn't until well after their cruise. Grandma huffed and said, 'Well, can't you just call someone and move their appointment?'"
"I blue-screened at the audacity for at least a minute. When I was able to react again, I responded with, 'I want you to take a moment and think about how you would feel if someone asked you to do that.' She spluttered for a minute and ended up taking the later available appointment, but I still use that as proof that people seriously just need to be verbally reminded that other people do exist in the world occasionally and that you and yours are not the center of the universe."
—Anonymous
39."Not a doctor, but a nurse and a mom. This took place in an affluent community in The OC, California. When my son was about five months old, he was in the hospital for a kidney infection. A sick baby girl was admitted into the next crib; she was maybe three months old. The father was present when the baby was admitted, but then he immediately took off. He said something to the effect that he was paying tons of money for his baby to be taken care of in the hospital, so he was going to go home and get a good night's sleep with his wife (who hadn't even bothered to show up)."
"Meanwhile, my husband and I were camped out at our baby's bedside through the night. Keep in mind, this was not a NICU or PICU; it was just a regular pediatric unit. This was not a locked unit, and anyone could come in and out through the night (meaning anyone could go in and pick up their baby and leave). Well, as you can imagine, that poor baby cried all night. The nurse did her best, but with multiple patients to care for, she eventually had to call the parents and demand that one of them come back in to hold their baby. They were not happy. I was blown away that they would just leave their baby like that. "
—u/please_stopthat
40."I had a family member decline the offer of an autopsy unless I agreed to remove the multiple surgical implants ( artificial hip, stents, etc.). I declined the opportunity and informed them their embalmer could do that."
—creativewalrus2361
41.And finally..."A patient's daughter felt it was appropriate to scream on the telephone to staff members. She would then show up at the hospital to see her mother and sneak into the patient's room, avoiding all staff. We had to have a manager go into the room with the staff when the daughter was asking about discharge needs because she screamed at the home care nurse about oxygen delivery to the home. She felt she knew more than the nurse, despite the nurse having 20 years of experience. The daughter wrote a fishing column for our local newspaper with no medical experience."
—radcoach344
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We connected with child behavior experts to help us understand why kids can be so hard on themselves, how to tell if your child is struggling with this—and most importantly, how to help boost up your child's self-esteem and self-image. Why Kids Are So Hard On Themselves Kids are overly self-critical due to a combination of factors. "Most often, it's a mix of temperament, anxiety, and social factors that leads kids to be so hard on themselves,' Kipnes says. Here are some possible reasons: Temperament One reason behind a child's tendency to be hard on themselves is their natural temperament. 'For instance, a child with a naturally perfectionistic temperament might become extremely upset over a single wrong answer on a test, feeling like they've failed entirely,' says Kipnes. Environment Your child's home environment can also have an impact on their self-critical habits, says Jocelyn Bibi, LCSW, a therapist who specializes in child behavior. Kids are little sponges and pick up on the language they hear at home. In other words, if they hear you criticizing yourself constantly, or being unwilling to give anyone grace when they make mistakes, they may pick up on that, says Bibi. Anxiety Some kids are more prone to feelings of anxiety than others, and some kids live with chronic anxiety disorders. Anxiety often plays a role in children being hard on themselves, says Kipnes. 'Children who worry a lot may interpret small setbacks as major disasters, like believing a poor grade on one homework assignment means they're 'bad students,'' she describes. Social pressures Social pressures at school and among classmates can have strong impacts on kids, too. 'For example, seeing classmates thrive in making friends at school while your child is shy and hesitant to connect with others can make them feel inferior,' Kipnes says. Social media and other media Last—but definitely not least—the influence of social media, videos, and movies can be a major reason kids are overly self-critical, Bibi notes. 'Many influencers on social media make life look perfect,' she describes. 'Helping kids realize that these internet personas likely aren't real life can be helpful.' 7 Signs That Children Are Overly Self-Critical It can be developmentally appropriate for kids to question why they do certain things or to self-reflect, says Bibi. But when self-critique becomes extreme—it's a problem. 'Parents really need to pay attention once they notice this self-criticism dripping into their child's vocabulary regularly,' Bibi shares. 'If a child's self-criticism drifts from questioning the world to negatively affecting self-esteem, that's when we see parents start to worry.' Kipnes and Bibi shared some signs that point to a child who is struggling with unhealthy self-criticism: Frequent negative self-talk, such as saying 'I'm stupid' or 'I can't do anything right' Isolating themselves from their peers and family members Making detailed lists of things they want to change about themselves Avoiding new challenges or giving up easily Becoming overly upset by small mistakes (e.g., tearing up homework after making a minor mistake) Refusing to participate in activities where they fear they might perform worse than others Exhibit signs of moodiness, depression, and is overall less engaged with the world around them What Not to Say When Your Child Is Being Too Hard on Themselves If you notice your child engages in excessive self-criticism, it's natural to want to swoop in and fix things. You might feel tempted to affirm what you already believe—that they're perfect, smart, and there's nothing is wrong with them. But responding this way doesn't actually serve your child, explains Bibi. Instead, meet them where they're at and dive into their feelings. This might sound like: 'It looks like you're feeling down about how you did on your math test. Tell me more,' instead. According to Bibi, helping your child be less hard on themselves requires taking a back seat at the beginning, and not jumping in with solutions. 'Be curious and inquisitive," she says. "Help them find their strengths.' Kipnes agrees that dismissive phrases like 'Don't be silly, you're fine' or 'Stop overreacting' are best avoided, 'These responses can make children feel misunderstood or shut down,' she says. Instead, she recommends validating your child's feelings, while also encouraging self-compassion. That might sound like: 'I can see you're feeling really upset about this. Can we talk about what's making it so hard?' or 'It's OK to make mistakes, we all do.' How To Help Build a Kinder Inner Voice Guiding your child through times that they are overly self-critical is all about changing the little voice inside their head that gives harsh critiques. Here are some tips on how to do this, from Kipnes: Start with modeling self-compassion for yourself. Next time you make a mistake in front of your child, speak kindly to yourself aloud so they can hear. You can say, "I tried my best and had fun and that's what matters" or "It's OK to make mistakes, I'm not perfect." Encourage your child to start reframing negative thoughts. Have them ask themselves: 'If a friend was talking unkindly about themselves, what would you say to them in this situation to help them feel better about who they are?' Practice positive affirmations together. Find a list of affirmations that resonates with both of you and read them out loud before bed or after waking up. Celebrate effort and learning in life, rather than just outcomes. If you know your child studied really hard for a test, you can commemorate their hard work with a treat. Work to create a family culture that values resilience, self-acceptance, and a growth mindset. This may take time, but by making encouraging comments and rewarding effort, you can slowly start shifting your family's shared values. What to Do When It's More Than Just a Bad Day While parents can take many steps to nurture a more positive self-image for children, they don't have to do it alone, and sometimes outside help is necessary. 'If your child's self-critical thoughts are persistent, interfere with daily life, or lead to signs of anxiety, depression, or withdrawal, it's time to seek professional help,' Kipnes says. 'A licensed therapist or school social worker can provide strategies tailored to your child's needs and help address underlying issues.' Read the original article on Parents Solve the daily Crossword
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7 lessons I learned about end-of-life planning when my mother died, as a financial advisor
Melissa Shaw became her mother's primary caregiver after a sudden terminal cancer diagnosis. Shaw, a financial advisor, learned crucial lessons about end-of-life planning and caregiving. Her biggest lessons include the importance of Medigap, healthcare proxies, and life insurance. This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Melissa Shaw, a 46-year-old financial advisor in Palo Alto, California. It has been edited for length and clarity. I've been a financial advisor since 2011 and have worked at Teachers Insurance and Annuity Association of America, or TIAA, as a wealth management advisor for over seven years. I help clients with estate and incapacity planning, but I encountered completely different issues when my own mother became terminally ill and I became her primary caregiver in October 2024. Her diagnosis was sudden. Doctors found stage four cancer that had metastasized to her back, causing a fracture. Within weeks, my family moved her from Las Vegas to Northern California to be closer to me. She died by the end of December — it was a two-month ordeal. Becoming her caregiver was emotionally intense Initially, she seemed fine, but she declined rapidly. It was shocking and unexpected. I visited the hospital daily and took on the bulk of decision-making responsibilities. Thankfully, TIAA offers generous caregiver benefits and flexibility, and I had savings to help cover unexpected costs. I've learned many valuable lessons through this experience about end-of-life planning. 1. Medicare supplemental plans are essential Since enrolling in Medicare at the age of 65, my mom opted for a Medigap (Medicare Supplement Insurance) plan instead of a Medicare Advantage plan, and that decision proved vital. Her Medigap plan covered 20% of medical costs that original Medicare didn't, including any doctor or procedure approved by Medicare, without referrals or prior authorizations. Every doctor she saw was relieved she had it. If you or a loved one is approaching 65 — especially with ongoing health issues — I strongly recommend researching Medigap options during the Medigap Open Enrollment Period, when insurers can't deny coverage or charge more due to pre-existing conditions. 2. Assign a designated healthcare decision-maker ASAP My mom didn't assign a designated decision-maker, and I couldn't make health decisions for her. When her health rapidly declined in the last three weeks of her life, she became barely cognizant and luckily was able to manage a scribbled signature for a necessary procedure. I started to prepare a POA and healthcare proxy, but by the time it was ready, she was no longer mentally competent enough to sign it. She signed an advanced directive form with the hospital when she started the cancer treatment, which allowed me to make some decisions on her behalf. I learned how imperative it is to name a health proxy at any age. 3. Banking may not be easily accessible After she died, we were unable to access her bank account funds for 45 days due to a waiting period intended to protect creditors. Luckily, she had a term life insurance policy that paid out quickly to help cover immediate expenses. Additionally, she didn't name a beneficiary for the bank accounts, which is a common mistake. Many assume that checking accounts don't need beneficiaries, but even modest balances may end up in probate, which can be a significant hassle. Also, the bank was unable to share her transaction history, so I had no way of knowing which bills had already been paid. 4. Sign up for life insurance We received her life insurance proceeds quickly; all that was required was a death certificate. Clients may want to consider insurance as a liquidity measure at death to cover immediate expenses, such as funeral costs and bills. 5. Prepare for end-of-life costs I was surprised by how expensive it is to bury someone. We were quoted up to $25,000 for burial plots in California. Even cremation, which we chose, came to around $23,000 after including the niche (a final resting spot to house cremated remains) and the funeral. Prepaying or researching in advance can prevent financial issues. 6. Prepare for the difficulties of caretaking I spent many nights in the hospital with my mom. Her condition changed from day to day; it was an emotional roller coaster. Balancing work, caregiving, and my own emotional health was difficult. I'm married, and my kids were 5 and 7 years old. I wasn't seeing them regularly during the two months she was sick. Luckily, TIAA offered eight weeks of caregiver leave. Many caregivers only have access to unpaid leave through the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), so it's important to plan for potential income loss. If you can take paid leave, do it, because it's tough to balance the emotional toll it takes. 7. Wills aren't everything Wills are essential for securing guardianship and expressing personal wishes, but they don't guarantee that all your assets will be transferred correctly. Retirement accounts, such as IRAs or 403(b)s, are typically passed by beneficiary designations, rather than through wills or trusts. Many other assets are passed via trusts. You should work with both a financial advisor and an estate attorney to discuss your needs. I did the best I could, but if I could do things differently, I would've taken an official leave from work to focus solely on caring for my mother. Read the original article on Business Insider
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Over 260,000 pools sold across Canada under recall after reports of nine deaths in U.S.
Health Canada has issued a recall notice for more than 260,000 above-ground swimming pools sold in Canada since the early 2000s after nine kids drowned in the United States. Another five million pools are under a recall advisory in the U.S. The notices cover a range of Bestway, Intex Recreation and Polygroup pools sold by major retailers as far back as 2002. Health Canada and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission say the pools have compression straps running along the outside of the product that 'may create a foothold' for small children and allow them to access the water unattended. That can pose a serious drowning risk, the regulators warn, and they're asking consumers to contact the companies for a repair. To date, the CPSC believes nine children across the U.S. have drowned after gaining access to these now-recalled pools in this way. Those deaths occurred between 2007 and 2022, involving children between the ages of 22 months and three years old. Health Canada said in its recall that the pool companies have not received any reports of incidents or injuries in Canada. Consumers in possession of these pools are urged to immediately contact Bestway, Intex and/or Polygroup to receive the free repair kit — which will consist of a rope to replace the compression strap. Owners of these pools should otherwise ensure that small children cannot access the pool without supervision, regulators note — and could alternatively drain the pool until the repair is made. All of the pools being recalled are 48 inches or taller — and can be identified by brand and model names listed on both the CPSC and Health Canada's recall notices. Sales of the pools ranged by model and location, but date as far back to 2002 and as recently as 2025. About 5 million of these now-recalled pools were sold across the U.S. — including both online and in-stores at major retailers like Walmart, Target, Lowe's, Costco and Amazon. Another 266,000 were sold in Canada. -With files from The Canadian Press The Associated Press Error in retrieving data Sign in to access your portfolio Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data