My money rule to avoid arguments with my housemates and girlfriend – it's fair but not everyone will agree

Scottish Sun

3 days ago

We also reveal tips from a financial therapist on how to avoid rows over money
BILL-IANT My money rule to avoid arguments with my housemates and girlfriend – it's fair but not everyone will agree
THERE'S nothing more British than the silence at the end of a meal in a restaurant as you wait for someone to say how you'll split the bill.
With my mates and girlfriend there's an unwritten rule that we always split the bill equally based on how many of us there are.
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Consumer Reporter Sam Walker's easy trick avoids money-based arguments
Of course, this can get tricky if someone hasn't had booze or a much cheaper meal, as it can feel like they've got a raw deal.
On the other hand, there's always one in every friendship group who orders an extra side and pudding.
I can't help but feel a bit resentful that I'm funding their extra indulgence.
So I wasn't surprised to hear that the number one issue that couples row about is money, according to Royal London.
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It gets even more complicated when you go on holiday.
I've often found myself in scenarios with mates where people have taken umbrage at having to split the cost of a night out the day after.
Other times people have kicked up a fuss about splitting the cost of off the cuff activities.
The bill splitting app I swear by
A few years ago on a weekend away with University mates where we play sport, including football, cricket and rounders, one of my friends suggested we use Splitwise.
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We were trying to figure out how to share the cost of all the food and drink we'd bought when one friend recommended using the app.
It's free to download off the Apple App Store or Google Play and couldn't be easier to navigate.
There's also a Pro version which costs £3.99 a month or £39.99 a year, letting you add an unlimited number of expenses and scan and add receipts to a running your running total.
Once downloaded, you create a new group (of friends, family or between you and a partner) and can allocate a "type" to that group.
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For example, you can make it a "trip", "home" or "couple"-based group.
Once you've done this, you add any expenses to the group and can decide how it's split between the members.
The options are:
you paid, split equally
you are owed the full amount
someone else paid, split equally
someone else paid and is owed the full amount
Once you've added any expenses, they are added to a grand total which tells you whether you owe money, or are owed it.
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How it has made my life easier
Splitwise has easily become one of my most-used apps, especially since moving in with my partner a year ago.
We use it to split the cost of the weekly food shop, monthly utility bills and takeaways.
You might ask "why would you need a bill-splitting app" for these basic expenses, but in reality it's a lifesaver.
Her job involves shift work and I work occasional weekends meaning we can sometimes go days without having a proper conversation.
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So being able to quickly add a little Tesco Express basket of food or a holiday car rental cost to the app in a matter of seconds, and know how much each person owes, makes for a much more efficient way of tracking our shared expenses.
Using the app for trips abroad with friends has been incredibly helpful as well, especially with larger groups.
I've used it on stag dos where costs can quickly add up and various members of the group have different budgets and need to track how much they've spent.
Putting everything through the app can avoid awkward conversations where you ask for a few quid back.
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It might seem stingy that I'm quibbling with my girlfriend and mates over a couple of quid - but it can quickly add up and it really helps us all feel like things are fair.
Other apps you could use
Unsurprisingly, Splitwise is not the only bill-splitting app out there.
There is also Settle Up which also comes in a basic free version and works similarly to Splitwise.
You can also pay £3.99 a month for Premium which comes with no ads, charts and lets you scan receipts.
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The app comes with a 4.8* rating on the Apple App Store, compared with 3.8* for Splitwise.
Splid is another option which comes with no ads even in the free version.
You can also choose to add expenses in 150 currencies while on the Apple App Store reviews show it with a 4.9* rating.
Then there's acasa, which unlike Splid, Settle Up and Splitwise, lets you pay bills like council tax directly through the app.
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It's free to download and comes with a 4.5* customer rating on the Apple App Store.
How to avoid finance-based tension in relationships
WE spoke to Vicky Reynal, financial psychotherapist, who shared her tips for avoiding arguments over money:
Don't assume that everyone has the same money values
People have different views when it comes to money: what's frugal or excessive, what's too risky vs. responsible, what's reasonable or petty.
We can't assume that others will see what's right or fair the same way we'll see it come up all the time because we all have different views on what money is for and how it should be used.
When conflict comes up, be curious not attacking
When couples or close friends clash over money, the most powerful thing they can do is create a safe space for honest conversations - free from blame.
Instead of trying to convince the other that they are wrong and you are right, try to be curious about why they might be seeing things their way and share how you feel about it.
It can be helpful – particularly when couples have very different ways of handling money – to ask: 'What are the downsides of my approach to money?' and 'What are the upsides of theirs?'
As an example, your caution might protect your future, but your partner's spontaneity might help you live more fully in the present.
Once you begin appreciating each other's perspectives, it becomes easier to blend approaches and make collaborative financial decisions.
Never rely on assumptions - be crystal clear in your financial agreements
Common sources of conflict I see involve informal financial arrangements among loved ones: 'I thought it was a gift—now they're asking for it back.' 'I thought we were splitting the cost evenly'.
The real issue usually lies in the lack of clarity from the start. People often avoid being specific because they don't want to make things 'weird' with someone they care about—but it's precisely because you care that it's essential to set clear, unambiguous expectations.
Use financial tools and apps thoughtfully
Apps like Splitwise or Monzo's shared tabs can be great tools for transparency but it's best when they are introduced early and used consistently.
If you bring them in after tension has built, they can sometimes feel accusatory. Frame their use as a shared effort to be fair, not to keep score or place blame.
If conflict persists, look at the bigger picture
What I mean by this is that sometimes money conflict is not about money at all. Sometimes a friend making a big deal about £7 you owe them could actually be feeling owed a lot more (has she felt you have been a neglecting friend lately?).
A partner who is uncomfortable because you spent 'too much' on a gift might be feeling they don't have enough to give you emotionally in the relationship.
The point is: ask yourself whether there is a different message that you or the other are trying to convey through this financial conflict.
Do you have a money problem that needs sorting? Get in touch by emailing [e-mail].
Plus, you can join our Sun Money Chats and Tips Facebook group to share your tips and stories