logo
Growing up, my father was always quiet – but his love for us was always loud

Growing up, my father was always quiet – but his love for us was always loud

CNA13-06-2025
In March 2024, I became a father. Now, one year and three months on, I'm still figuring things out day by day. Curiously, I now find myself looking back more often than ever before – back to my own childhood with my own father.
In my secondary school years, I had a close friend who was both my classmate and teammate in our co-curricular activity, basketball. My friend's father would come to watch all our basketball games and, afterwards, would talk extensively and openly about how he felt our team and my friend had performed.
Whenever father and son had differing opinions, they would have a healthy debate about it, and were comfortable doing so even in front of others. They shared a rapport that seemed so vibrant and dynamic.
My own father, on the other hand, was never the loud or demonstrative type. My teenage self might have described him as reserved, perhaps even stern.
He never criticised me in front of others, but neither did he praise me. Most of the time, he just quietly listened to me talking about what had happened in school and rarely voiced his thoughts or opinions (unless they were about his personal passion, aircraft).
But today, with a son of my own in my arms, I see the deeper truth: My father's love wasn't lesser for being quieter. It wasn't loud because it didn't need to be. It was reliable, patient, and quietly powerful.
SHOWING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN
Growing up, I had scoliosis, which meant frequent hospital visits and brace fittings. My younger brother suffered from asthma and often needed urgent care or hospitalisation.
My dad worked rotating shifts and took on as much overtime as he could to earn more money for our care. He'd take me to all my doctor's appointments, wait patiently with his foldable chair in cold hospital corridors when my brother was warded, and after each visit for either of us, he would make a call from the public payphone to update my mother on how things went.
No loud fuss. No big drama. Just my father, showing up – again and again.
As a child, I didn't always understand or appreciate the sacrifices Dad made. It took me becoming a dad to really, fully understand how deeply love was embedded in those simple acts of him being present. It couldn't have been easy for him to adjust his schedule and work long hours, but somehow he was always there for us when it mattered most.
Medical needs aside, he would also often scrimp on himself, bringing yesterday's leftovers to work for lunch so that my brothers and I could have fresh food. He worked long hours and rarely spent money on himself, saving it all for us.
Like many fathers of his generation, he didn't always articulate his love in words – but now, as a father myself, I see how he lived it every single day.
PARENTING IS NOT ABOUT PERFECTION
Today, my wife and I are fortunate to have more flexibility in our work schedules than my father ever did.
We take turns during those tough newborn nights of changing diapers, soothing cries, and rising early to prep and play before the workday begins. I take a day off each week just to be present with my son – not doing anything special or extraordinary, but just being there and spending time with him.
Over the last year or so, I've come to realise what my dad always knew: Parenting isn't about perfection, it is about presence. It's about being there for your child, consistently and compassionately.
I used to see my father's selflessness as old-fashioned – perhaps even boring, compared to some other dads I knew. But now I see that it was profoundly brave.
Now, whenever I'm doing something 'boring' for my son Noah – packing his bag for a family day out, or making another adjustment to our home so he can safely explore it on his unsteady feet – I think of my dad and how he worked so hard behind the scenes so I could have a loving childhood.
LET GO OF EGO
Fatherhood is a daily exercise in humility, where we need to let go of ego and embrace patience.
Noah's favourite person in the world is my wife, his mother. As it goes with all young children, there are moments when I feel rejected by him – when he clings only to his mother, refusing to be comforted by me.
As much as I would like my son to like me just a little more even at this young, irrational age, I have to remind myself that love isn't always returned in the way we expect it to be.
My own dad never complained, never demanded thanks or gratitude from us, and never once asked to be repaid for all he gave us. He taught me that, as parents, our love doesn't have to be loud or immediate – what matters most is that it runs deep and strong.
No matter our frustrations, we must show up anyway because that is the true essence of fatherhood.
REAL STRENGTH IN LOVE AND CARE
There's one specific quality my dad modelled that I try to carry forward each day: To make the people we love feel seen.
My practical, pragmatic father always supported my choices – even the big, uncertain ones like leaving a corporate career to start my own business. When we began Anglo Caregivers, he even opened up his own home to temporarily house caregivers engaged by us, before they started officially working with their employers.
In a period where I was wrestling with doubt and uncertainty, his quiet trust and belief in me gave me the courage to keep going.
Today, I try to offer that same grounding presence to my son. He's still too young to speak, but I make sure to look him in the eye. I slow down when I hold him. I offer soft words and steady hands. Even before they understand language, children understand love. They feel it in our tone, our gaze, our touch and our attention.
The love and care my father showed me has become such a core part of who I am today. It's what I want my son to feel from me as his father; it's what I want to show my wife as her partner in this life. It's even what I want the families I work with through Anglo Caregivers to experience for their elderly loved ones.
To my dad – thank you for teaching me that strength isn't about being seen, but about seeing others.
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

‘He does not think twice to destroy his health' — Daughter breaks down over father's junk food obsession
‘He does not think twice to destroy his health' — Daughter breaks down over father's junk food obsession

Independent Singapore

time7 hours ago

  • Independent Singapore

‘He does not think twice to destroy his health' — Daughter breaks down over father's junk food obsession

SINGAPORE: Deeply concerned that her father's eating habits may one day cost him his life, a daughter turned to social media to seek advice, asking fellow netizens, 'How do I get my elderly parent from eating junk food?' Posting on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Sunday (Aug 3), the daughter explained that she has done everything she possibly could to keep her father healthy. She reminds him regularly to eat more balanced meals, pays S$1,200 annually for his health check-ups, gives him enough allowance to afford fresh, nutritious food, and offers emotional support whenever he needs it. Yet, despite all this, she feels nothing is changing. In fact, she said it seems to be getting worse. 'Lately, he has been eating instant noodles, lucheon meat, processed fishballs, and the list goes on. He buys lots of junk food, never-ending crackers, chocolate-coated waffles, junk food after junk food,' she wrote. 'I came home from a long trip, and he surprised me with another deep fryer, more junk food, and he seems so proud of it. I'm breaking down in tears now. Why do some people eat themselves to death? At this rate, he's not gonna live a good old age. My best friend's father died from a diet-related sickness. I do not wish this on any parent,' she added. In her desperation, she has even considered paying someone to prepare home-cooked meals for him every day, but she admitted she already knows he would likely turn them down or quietly throw them out. 'I'm angry and desperate. I do my best to give him allowance, comfort, support him, but he does not think twice to destroy his health and break my heart. Does he want to die so he won't stop eating these junk food? How do I stop him? I'm wondering if anyone is dealing with this?' she asked at the end of her post. 'It's hard to stop elderly. They won't listen.' In the discussion thread, one Singaporean Redditor shared that his own parents behave similarly and said it's unlikely the father would completely give up junk food. He also mentioned that older people can be quite set in their ways, so instead of trying to change everything at once, it might be better to start small and slowly help them build better habits. He added, 'You can help to strike a balance, introduce healthier options and food to his diet, not by telling him, but by just cooking/buying and then eating together with him. Slowly, he won't realise that he's been eating more healthy food. When you keep nagging at them, they won't really listen.' Another Redditor suggested taking over the grocery shopping completely, writing, 'Can you make sure no junk food in the house? Maybe take over the shopping and buy fresh veg, and so on. He might be buying junk because it's cheaper, but it's hard to stop elderly. They won't listen.' A third added, 'I had the same problem with my uncle… Consider ordering food delivery. Elderly folks eat junk because it is convenient, not because they love it… it is a good middle ground for taste and their laziness. If they had better choices on their lap, they wouldn't be eating junk food. Do try food delivery or get a maid to cook.' See also China summons US ambassador over Hong Kong rights bill In other news, one woman, who recently met up with a close friend she had feelings for over 15 years, confessed on social media that she deeply regretted never admitting her feelings back then. Sharing her story on Reddit's 'SGexams' forum on Sunday (Aug 3), the woman revealed that she was about 13 years old when she first realised she liked her friend. Read more: Woman reunites with old friend and confesses online that she regrets never revealing her feelings during their 15-year friendship

I'm a 51-year-old man and I'm psychologically allergic to health checks
I'm a 51-year-old man and I'm psychologically allergic to health checks

CNA

time25-07-2025

  • CNA

I'm a 51-year-old man and I'm psychologically allergic to health checks

It took my wife close to a full year to get me to turn up for my long-delayed health check-up. In that time, she tried encouraging me with soft prods, scathing threats and even abject fear-mongering – every trick in the book. When it all amounted to nothing, she booked the appointment, drove me there and dropped me off like a petulant child. Perhaps I should be slightly ashamed to admit that this was the second time in five years that my wife had had to cajole, nag, browbeat and, ultimately, schedule me into submission. This is as conceptually infuriating as it sounds, considering I'm a grown man who officially has half a century of life wisdom and experience under his belt. The truth is, I don't need to be told how important these checks are at my age. I am well aware, but annoyingly enough, I still resist. Purposely delay the inevitable. Make my wife re-strategise her approach at every turn. And as fate would have it, at the screening my wife wrestled me into doing, the doctor did detect an irregular rhythm in one of my arteries. There were tears – mostly my wife's. After all, one of her deepest fears – that I would leave this world first – was suddenly very real. More checks later revealed that my sputtering artery was the result of a combination of caffeine abuse, work stress and poor sleep habits. I am getting it sorted with follow-up checks, a revised diet plan and a crackdown on my coffee intake. STAYING ALIVE Singaporeans are living longer than ever before. Here, the average man can expect to live up to his 80s, which by any gauge is a ripe old age. Women, obviously, are expected to live longer, but only by about four to five years. I turn 51 years old this year. So, statistically speaking, if all goes well, I should have about 30 more good years before I kick the bucket. However, even with the latest finding after the check-up, I know that I will still resist the next health screening, as I have done in the past. I'm not alone, either. Research has shown that men are much more likely to delay or avoid healthcare seeking and preventive measures than women. So why do I evade these very sensible, necessary checks? In trying to rationalise and justify my own reticence, I realised that I would honestly rather not know how much of my statistically allotted 30 years I have left, because I have too many people to worry about and not enough time to worry about myself. At 41, my wife is likely fast approaching the midpoint of her own lifespan. Our three children are 12, 10 and seven. I am the sole breadwinner of the family. We live modestly – in our view, at least. One of my dearest wishes is to eventually hold in my arms a grandchild from one of my children. However, if I want that wish to become reality, I still have one heck of a salaryman journey ahead of me. As the primary working adult in my household, I have to make sure my crop of kids are provided for and I have come to terms with the fact that I may never retire per se. And all to cuddle the next generation of my family in my arms before The Imran Show finally gets cancelled. So yes, I do think about my demise – not about preparing for it or putting it off, but rather about making my remaining time count before the clock runs out. HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? My wife's motives are simple and sincere: She wants me around longer. Her insistence on health check-ups is grounded in love, because she wants us to do what we can to catch the bad stuff early and buy ourselves more time together. I am no psychology expert, but here's my take on why this well-meaning argument isn't as effective on me as it may be on some others. Now, almost immediately, most women would exclaim, as my wife initially did, "This is ridiculous, just get checked and we'll know early if we need to get it sorted!" By that logic, the health-screening clinic would have endless lines of perfectly rational men. But, unsurprisingly if sometimes unfortunately, we men are perfectly irrational. And this is where that contentious issue of the survival mindset of the male of the species descends into a paradoxical state. I am well aware of my mortality. I also have long-term plans to provide for my dependants. So, should I pause in the middle of running the marathon to check and see how much time I have left? No. I opt to soldier on. If I go, I go, and I will not pause for any impending full stop. If and when I do go for my health check-up, there are only two scenarios that may play out. One: All is fine, we carry on and my wife restarts her five-year cycle for the next check. Two: The doctor spots an issue. Cue the crying, denial, bargaining and so on – the full five stages of grief. Hopefully, the healing starts, or maybe it is already basically game over. My wife insists I pause for the health check because of love. But in my own way, I insist on not pausing because of love as well. (DON'T FEAR) THE REAPER Life in Singapore already feels like a pressure cooker. The rising cost of living. The roughness of work. The creeping uncertainty. These things conspire to convince men like me – the sole breadwinners of our clan – that standing still just long enough for a check-up might cause everything else to fall apart. We are compelled to keep moving no matter what, not only because it defines our purpose, but because without it, what are we then? Who are we as husbands, fathers and sons if we cannot be providers? Who are we as men? In the face of all these pressures and challenges, can an average Singaporean guy in his 50s – grappling with bills, responsibilities and his own stubborn reticence – hope to hold his grandchild in the foreseeable future? Maybe I am being unreasonably optimistic, but the way I see it, this is how I want to run my own marathon. Not by looking at my feet all the time, worrying I might trip and fall, but by looking ahead to the finish line and concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. I am not trying to outrun death. I just don't want to pause long enough to fear it.

'At my wits' end': A sister's plea sheds light on undiagnosed ADHD in Singaporean kids
'At my wits' end': A sister's plea sheds light on undiagnosed ADHD in Singaporean kids

Independent Singapore

time24-07-2025

  • Independent Singapore

'At my wits' end': A sister's plea sheds light on undiagnosed ADHD in Singaporean kids

Singapore: In a heartfelt Reddit post on r/askSingapore, a concerned sister described her younger brother's growing struggle with schoolwork as he approaches Primary 6 — a make-or-break year for many students in Singapore's education system. 'All of my family is tired,' she wrote. 'He seems to have no motivation to do things better for himself… I'm open to any suggestions.' A silent struggle One of the top-rated comments asked a simple but powerful question: 'Have your parents got him assessed for ADHD?' For many Singaporeans, this would be a difficult suggestion to swallow. And for this family, it was no exception. The original poster explained that her parents were 'VERY VERY resistant' to exploring possible behavioral conditions unless a doctor or teacher explicitly recommended it. 'Because of their mindset,' she added. This experience isn't uncommon. In Singapore, stigma around mental health and neurodevelopmental conditions remains deeply entrenched. While awareness has grown in recent years, the belief that academic underperformance is purely a result of laziness, defiance, or parenting failure still lingers — especially among older generations. But ADHD — attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder — is neither a character flaw nor a result of poor discipline. It's a recognised, diagnosable neurological condition that affects millions of children globally and often continues into adulthood. And critically, it can be managed — and sometimes even turned into a major asset. See also Ajoomma is Singapore's pick for the Oscars 2023! What ADHD really looks like According to the Mayo Clinic, ADHD presents in two key clusters of symptoms: inattention , and/or hyperactivity/impulsivity . Inattentive traits may include frequently making careless mistakes, difficulty staying focused, avoidance of tasks that require sustained mental effort, forgetfulness and losing things. Meanwhile, hyperactive and impulsive children may fidget or squirm constantly, interrupt others, talk excessively, struggle with waiting turns or sitting still. However, not all children with ADHD fit a hyperactive stereotype . Some are dreamier, quieter — struggling internally with attention regulation, but dismissed as merely lazy or disinterested. And while every child zones out or fidgets occasionally, what differentiates ADHD is the persistence and intensity of these symptoms, especially when they disrupt life at home, school, or socially. A lens Many parents worry that a diagnosis might 'label' their child. But experts argue it can instead be a lens through which to understand them — one that opens doors, not closes them. Many experts say it's about knowing how they learn, how they think, and how we can meet them where they are. This user shared how their son — the same age — had benefited tremendously after early diagnosis and support from a proactive school. Why early intervention matters Left unaddressed, ADHD can spiral into low self-esteem, school refusal, strained family relationships, and even depression. But early diagnosis and intervention can make a world of difference. Treatment often includes psychoeducation (understanding ADHD and its impact), behavioral therapy, parent training, and in some cases, medication , such as stimulants, which help regulate focus and impulse control. While ADHD can't be 'cured,' children thrive with the right support — the same brain that jumps from idea to idea may also be the one that sees connections others miss. In fact, many experts now describe ADHD as a 'superpower in the right environment.' But it begins with awareness — and a willingness to listen not just to teachers or doctors, but also to the child. Getting help in Singapore For families in Singapore, there are both public and private pathways to ADHD assessment. Polyclinic referral : Parents can request a referral to a public hospital (such as KK Women's and Children's Hospital, National University Hospital or the Institute of Mental Health) by describing their child's symptoms to a general physician. This is usually subsidised. HealthHub direct booking : Through the HealthHub app, parents can also request appointments. Private clinics : These typically offer shorter waiting times but come at a higher cost. Neuropsychological assessments can range from $450 to over $4000, depending on the depth and provider. Reframing the narrative The sister's post ends on a tired but hopeful note: 'I'm open to any suggestions.' And in that openness lies the beginning of something better — not just for her brother, but for countless children in Singapore who are battling battles few can see. They are not broken. They are wired differently — and in the right light, that wiring can shine.

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store