Millennial Man Has Eye-Opening Realization About How He Treated His Wife

Newsweek

3 days ago

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A man has gone viral for his candid reflections on his "cluelessness" as a husband in the early years of his marriage.
Josh Fisher's TikTok video, part of a series titled "Chronicles of a Clueless Husband" has resonated deeply across social media for offering an honest reflection on his journey from complicity in unequal domestic labor to a conscious effort toward becoming an equal partner.
Fisher, in his early 40s, told Newsweek about what inspired him to share the video, which has amassed over 1.2 million views. In the clip, Fisher provided a striking example from early in his marriage to his partner, Jaime.
From left: Josh Fisher sits in his car and speaks to camera.
From left: Josh Fisher sits in his car and speaks to camera.
@jfisher62/TikTok
Fisher recounted planning a trip, where his partner "would be doing the laundry, vacuuming the house, making sure the dishes were done." He described his minimal contribution to trip preparations: "She would get everything ready, and eventually I would say, 'Oh, now it's time to get ready.'"
The problematic division of labor, Fisher said in the video, only continued after they had children. "My partner would do all the work to get all of them ready and make sure they were bathed, snacks packed, and I would get myself ready," he said. He recognized the source of this ingrained behavior, noting that he grew up watching his father do the same.
Fisher and Jaime, who have been married for over 20 years and are raising four kids, have been sharing their relationship experiences on social media for several years; they are "attempting to dismantle patriarchy within long-term relationships and culture at large," he told Newsweek.
Fisher's personal awakening as a "clueless husband" began during the COVID-19 pandemic when he was suddenly home, watching the labor his wife performed when he would have been out of the house. This realization, combined with "my partner firmly communicating her boundaries," he said, created crucial "lightbulb moments."
Fisher created the "Chronicles of a Clueless Husband" series to share these lessons in hindsight, along with some of the "milestone moments" of pain and growth in their relationship.
"The hope was twofold," Fisher said. "Validate that women are not crazy for struggling in patriarchal relationships—and hopefully reach men sooner in hope they can figure this stuff out sooner than I did and prevent unnecessary pain."
While the viral content primarily resonates with women in the comments, Fisher said that many men also reach out to him asking questions and seeking advice.
The process of healing and reevaluation has been constant, Fisher added, and not easy.
"Much of this work has meant that I had to reevaluate my own socialization and beliefs as a man, which starts with truly listening to women's experiences from a position of curiosity and care," Fisher said.
He added that learning "how to be in relationship non-transactionally has been a huge learning curve but contributed to so much more health and joy in our household."
Fisher said he hopes that becoming a man attuned to imbalanced gender roles and women's experiences within patriarchy has ripple effects.
"I hope it … provides a healthier model of masculinity than the ones I grew up with," he said. "And, together with Jaime, we hope our thought leadership can contribute to positively changing the relationship landscape in our culture."
Fisher's honesty is a call to action for men to examine their contributions to the mental load and emotional labor within their homes, fostering healthier and more-balanced dynamics for all.