Dear Coleen: 'I'm trying to find my voice again after childhood trauma and dad's death'
'His death was traumatic in itself, but what's been harder to process over the years is the emotional scars left behind.'
I'm writing because I'm struggling deeply with depression and a sense of lost direction. Ever since I was a child, I dreamed of becoming an actor. I used to imagine myself on stage or screen, telling stories and becoming someone else for a while – it brought me hope and purpose.
But when I was 10, my dad died of bowel cancer. His death was traumatic in itself, but what's been harder to process over the years is the emotional scars left behind. He was severely abusive to my mum, and our household was often a place of fear and chaos. I think his death brought some strange mix of grief, guilt, and unresolved pain and, in many ways, it silenced me.
I lost my confidence, and with it, the belief I could pursue acting. Now, as a 19-year-old, I feel like I'm finally ready to take steps toward reclaiming that dream, but the depression often creeps in.
Do you have any advice on how I can find my voice again? How do I move forward when the past still feels like it's holding me back? I really want to heal for myself, and for the future I still hope I can build.
Coleen says
First of all, don't panic because you have a lot of time on your side to be whatever you want to be. What's positive is you're starting to feel ready to focus on yourself and your career again. I understand you losing confidence and I think it's a normal reaction to trauma.
When I lost my sister recently, I experienced that and felt completely lost, but what brought me back to peace was therapy, and what came out of it were a lot of issues from my childhood and how they affected my adult relationships.
I know I harp on about the benefits of therapy a lot, but I know how it's helped me. So, think about telling your GP what you've told me and ask about the possibility of a referral because I really think it would help you a lot to process the past and move forward in your life. It's strong and smart to ask for help. Also, take a look at the Young Minds website which has so much great information about supporting your mental health.
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What's great is that at 19, you know what you want to do because lots of people your age don't have a clue. Start taking those steps forward by looking at courses, summer schools, local theatre groups and open castings. See what's out there for you.
When you start auditioning, expect lots of knockbacks because it's part of it and happens to all of us, but you've got to keep going and grow that thick skin. Good luck.
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