Echo Chamber: These people are just speaking for the sake of it
Echo Chamber is The Spinoff's dispatch from the press gallery, recapping sessions in the House. Columns are written by politics reporter Lyric Waiwiri-Smith and Wellington editor Joel MacManus.
Sometimes, parliament's question time is an electric battlefield of raw politics. The cut and thrust. The arguments that frame elections, playing out in the moment, and the very centre of power in Aotearoa. Opposition MPs cross-examine ministers with probing questions, poking rhetorical holes in the government's agenda. Ministers parry back, holding the higher ground while they fend off their rivals with dismissive jokes and baying laughter.
Other times it, well, isn't. It's a circus of dumb seals clapping for themselves without even the decency to balance a ball on their nose.
Wednesday's question time was one of those. A pointless display of largely meaningless words by a group of elected officials who seem to be barely trying. Government MPs debased themselves with patsy questions, the opposition didn't do much better, and crotchety old Winston Peters did crotchety old Winston Peters things.
Act MP Todd Stephenson, who famously cannot name a book, also seemed unable to understand his own party's policies, because he had to ask his leader, David Seymour, 'Will New Zealand benefit from the Ministry of Regulations, and if so, why?' Seymour, shockingly, answered that New Zealand would benefit from his new ministry.
Stephenson continued along this track, asking gleefully naive questions to Seymour, who happily explained why he was the smartest boy in all the land. Seymour prattled on about the new regulations tip line, which was 'dramatically reducing the amount of annoyance New Zealanders experience'. (But specifically not helping me or anyone else listening to his speech).
Labour MPs complained to speaker Gerry Brownlee, 'Make him stop, make him stop'. Peeni Henare tried to prompt Seymour to wrap it up by bellowing 'Haumi e, hui e, tāiki e.'
Some nerd in the back (edit: Cameron Brewer, member for the proud electorate of Upper Harbour) wanted to know if finance minister Nicola Willis had seen any recent reports on the economy (incredibly, the answer was yes). He asked which exports were doing well. Willis gave 'a special shoutout to kiwifruit'. Speaking to The Spinoff after question time, a kiwifruit said they were happy and humbled to have their hard work recognised.
Brewer followed up with, 'What is behind the increase in export value?' Willis informed the House that 'the value of New Zealand's exports is a function of two things', the first of which was 'export values'. The rest of the sentence would seem to be redundant, but apparently the other thing is 'the prices that exporters receive'.
'What does the future hold for New Zealand's exports?' Brewer asked. (Finally, an interesting question. Laser kiwifruit? Blockchain butter? Androids dreaming of electric sheep?) Willis boringly said that 'international factors are likely to affect global demand'. Wow.
The future of exports?
Catherine Wedd asked Chris Bishop for updates on the Fast-track Approvals Act, and Bishop reassured the house that 'things are going great'. Vanessa Weenink asked Erica Stanford what feedback she had received on her changes to school property funding. Stanford confirmed that the response to her policies was 'positive', and everyone thought she was cool and funny, and would have totally invited her to their birthday party but the invitation must have got lost in the mail.
Usually, asking patsy questions is reserved for the lowliest government MPs, but on this occasion, even the finance minister decided to get in on the action. Willis asked Stanford to point to an example of how she saved money. Stanford happily confirmed that the government was providing classrooms for half the price compared to 2023.
Chris Hipkins and Chris Luxon got into a silly argument about whether the cost of living is up or down. 'Why did he claim, one year ago tomorrow, that food prices have been falling under his government?' Hipkins asked. 'Because they are,' Luxon insisted. 'Under the previous government, food prices were up 12.5%; today, they're up 4.6%.' (Fact check: 'up' is the opposite of 'down'.)
While the Chrises talked circles around each other, intentionally misunderstanding the difference between deflation and disinflation, the peanut gallery grew louder and louder, until Brownlee got fed up. 'There's an unacceptable level of barrage,' he said. 'People are just speaking for the sake of it.' It was unclear whether the latter part was a complaint or simply an accurate description of question time.
Winston Peters did his performative dance where he pretends to be outraged that someone (in this case, Teanau Tuiono) asked a question referring to 'Aotearoa New Zealand'. He refused to answer because 'no such country exists'. Chris Hipkins produced a copy of the government's Budget at a Glance document, which had the phrase 'Te Kāwanatanga o Aotearoa' on the front cover. Brownlee noted that the New Zealand Geographic Board also recognises and uses the term 'Aotearoa New Zealand' and it would be 'utterly ridiculous' for the house not to allow it. But that won't stop Peters from continuing to try. One for the record
While attempting to call a point of order for Kieran McAnulty, Brownlee butchered the Wairarapa-based list MP's name with a garble that sounded something like 'Kieran Mogloo' before correcting himself.
McAnulty: It's all right, we all know who you mean, it's all good. Thank you, sir.
Brownlee: Yeah, well, some people may not. You're not that well known.
McAnulty: I am in Eketāhuna, sir, so that's all that matters.
Brownlee: Well, I tell you what, it is the centre of the earth.
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