It is heartening to see singles find love in new little ways, says Simran Mangharam
There is a tribe of people in their 40s who have come to terms with not finding a life partner. They are open to different types of relationships. They either did not ever seek marriage, or have made their peace with not finding their way to long-term commitment.
The one thing many do still seek is an anchor in their lives that can lend purpose to their everyday, be the recipient of the love they hold, and constitute, essentially, their family.
For a growing number of single people, adoption is proving to be the path to such an anchor. While it can feel lonely being a single parent, one is certainly never alone.
It has been heartening, in recent years, to see clients find love in this way.
One such woman, let's call her Lisa, is a journalist in her mid-40s who lives with her parents in Delhi. She emerged from the pandemic determined to take what felt like the next step for her: that of adoption. It took her over a year to win her parents over to the idea.
As she waits her turn, having filed her paperwork, Lisa is preparing for life as a mother. She is reorganising her finances, researching schools, breaking the idea to friends and family.
She came to me with questions about dating. As the single mother of an adopted child, how should she do things differently, she asked. I decided to connect her with another client of mine, a 50-year-old named Anita, who has been a single adoptive parent for 13 years.
Their conversations have been enlightening. Anita has been honest and candid about what life as a parent, particularly a single parent, can be like. With an adopted child, she pointed out, the tangles can be crueller.
Navigating the neighbourhood and community can be particularly tricky. People, even other parents at school, may directly ask your child, 'Beta, what happened to your papa,' Anita warned. Support groups for adoptive parents can help one figure out, early on, how to handle such situations. (There is no perfect answer, of course; and especially to an adopted child, the question can be traumatic.)
To Lisa's original questions about dating, Anita pointed out that any sort of relationship would have to be put on hold for as long as it took to bond with the child and make them feel secure. 'I couldn't even think of bringing another person into this equation for at least a couple of years,' she added.
The joy that her daughter has brought into her life is undeniable, she said. They are a family; it is the family she always wanted. But there is no Hollywood-style turning point after which everything turns rosy.
She and her child, who is now 14, are currently in counselling together, for instance, as they try to work out communication issues that have emerged in her daughter's teen years. 'I sometimes don't know how to react to the ways in which she acts out, and counselling is helping with that,' she said. (Incidentally, I would recommend counselling to all families at the teen stage, in our complicated times.)
Through it all, Anita said, her child has filled her life with love, meaning and a sense of purpose. As much as she had been looking forward to it, building her family turned out to be more fulfilling than she had expected.
To wake up with the person one adores, exchange little acts of kindness through the day, navigate the squabbles and annoyances together: that is, after all, what true love is, in any of its forms.
(Simran Mangharam is a dating and relationship coach and can be reached on simran@floh.in)
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Hindustan Times
2 days ago
- Hindustan Times
It is heartening to see singles find love in new little ways, says Simran Mangharam
There is a tribe of people in their 40s who have come to terms with not finding a life partner. They are open to different types of relationships. They either did not ever seek marriage, or have made their peace with not finding their way to long-term commitment. The one thing many do still seek is an anchor in their lives that can lend purpose to their everyday, be the recipient of the love they hold, and constitute, essentially, their family. For a growing number of single people, adoption is proving to be the path to such an anchor. While it can feel lonely being a single parent, one is certainly never alone. It has been heartening, in recent years, to see clients find love in this way. One such woman, let's call her Lisa, is a journalist in her mid-40s who lives with her parents in Delhi. She emerged from the pandemic determined to take what felt like the next step for her: that of adoption. It took her over a year to win her parents over to the idea. As she waits her turn, having filed her paperwork, Lisa is preparing for life as a mother. She is reorganising her finances, researching schools, breaking the idea to friends and family. She came to me with questions about dating. As the single mother of an adopted child, how should she do things differently, she asked. I decided to connect her with another client of mine, a 50-year-old named Anita, who has been a single adoptive parent for 13 years. Their conversations have been enlightening. Anita has been honest and candid about what life as a parent, particularly a single parent, can be like. With an adopted child, she pointed out, the tangles can be crueller. Navigating the neighbourhood and community can be particularly tricky. People, even other parents at school, may directly ask your child, 'Beta, what happened to your papa,' Anita warned. Support groups for adoptive parents can help one figure out, early on, how to handle such situations. (There is no perfect answer, of course; and especially to an adopted child, the question can be traumatic.) To Lisa's original questions about dating, Anita pointed out that any sort of relationship would have to be put on hold for as long as it took to bond with the child and make them feel secure. 'I couldn't even think of bringing another person into this equation for at least a couple of years,' she added. The joy that her daughter has brought into her life is undeniable, she said. They are a family; it is the family she always wanted. But there is no Hollywood-style turning point after which everything turns rosy. She and her child, who is now 14, are currently in counselling together, for instance, as they try to work out communication issues that have emerged in her daughter's teen years. 'I sometimes don't know how to react to the ways in which she acts out, and counselling is helping with that,' she said. (Incidentally, I would recommend counselling to all families at the teen stage, in our complicated times.) Through it all, Anita said, her child has filled her life with love, meaning and a sense of purpose. As much as she had been looking forward to it, building her family turned out to be more fulfilling than she had expected. To wake up with the person one adores, exchange little acts of kindness through the day, navigate the squabbles and annoyances together: that is, after all, what true love is, in any of its forms. (Simran Mangharam is a dating and relationship coach and can be reached on simran@
The Hindu
21-05-2025
- The Hindu
Navy inducts ‘stitched sail ship' as INSV Kaundinya
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India Today
15-05-2025
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Debendranath Tagore translated Upanishads into Bengali, founded Shantiniketan
In 1838, something shifted within the young Debendranath Tagore. Though surrounded by wealth and privilege at the Jorasanko mansion, he felt a growing emptiness. The recent loss of close family members, especially his grandmother, pushed him into deep spiritual reflection. That same year, he stumbled upon a copy of the Isha Upanishad -- and it changed into the wealthy and influential Tagore family of Jorasanko, Debendranath was expected to follow his father Dwarakanath Tagore's path -- an opulent businessman known as the 'Indian Croesus.'advertisementBut the events at that point in his life stirred something inside him. The glitter of Calcutta's high society no longer appealed. He began to look inward, and from that moment on, his life became a quest for spiritual PRIVILEGE TO PURPOSE Debendranath Tagore was born on May 15, 1817 in Calcutta (now Kolkata), into a family that stood at the crossroads of tradition and his father embraced colonial capitalism and British-style success, his mother Digambari Devi remained deeply spiritual and conservative. Young Debendranath inherited both worlds -- he was well-educated, fluent in English and Sanskrit, but also drawn to India's philosophical inner transformation led him to explore the ancient texts of Hinduism. Inspired by Raja Rammohan Roy, who had translated key Upanishads like the Kena, Isha, Katha, and Mundaka into English to showcase the spiritual richness of Hindu philosophy to both Indians and the British, Debendranath felt the need to make these texts even more accessible. Early photo of Maharshi Debendranath Tagore (Photo: Wikimedia Commons) advertisementWhile Roy had spoken to reformers and colonial audiences, Debendranath chose to speak to his own people. He began translating the Upanishads into Bengali and published them in the Tattwabodhini Patrika, the mouthpiece of the Tattwabodhini Sabha -- a philosophical society he founded in 1839. This work helped spark a quiet revolution of ideas in Bengal's middle 1842, Debendranath joined the Brahmo Samaj, the reformist religious movement founded by Rammohan Roy. Under his leadership, the Samaj entered its second phase -- emphasising scriptural study, monotheism, and moral living without the rituals and idol worship that had dominated mainstream didn't reject tradition outright; rather, he reimagined it with reason and compassion.A VISION OF A FORMLESS GODAt the heart of Debendranath's philosophy was his faith in a single, formless, universal God. This wasn't a god of fear or rigid commandments, but one of truth, unity, and presence -- beyond rituals, temples, or caste believed that human beings could reach this divine essence through self-inquiry, meditation, and ethical formalised these ideas in Brahmo Dharma (1869), a scripture-like text that laid down the tenets of the Brahmo faith -- free from superstition, grounded in the Upanishads, and deeply rational. He also introduced new rituals that reflected these values. Debendranath Tagore (Photo: Wikimedia Commons) Instead of elaborate pujas, he advocated for simple, reflective festivals like Magh Utsav and Diksha Din, encouraging spiritual gatherings, discourses, and prayers rooted in universal was a compilation of his earlier works and translations, including those serialized in the Tattwabodhini Patrika starting from WAS DEBENDRANATH'S BRAINCHILDWhile most people associate Shantiniketan with Rabindranath, it was his father who laid the groundwork for it, quite 1863, Debendranath bought a tract of barren land in Birbhum and named it Santiniketan -- 'abode of peace.' At first, it was just an ashram, a place of quiet contemplation, where people could connect with nature and their inner believed that true spirituality needed space -- space away from city noise, orthodox institutions, and rigid classrooms. This wasn't just a retreat; it was a social experiment in holistic living. Debendranath Tagore's bust in Jorashanko Thakur rabi (Photo: Wikimedia Commons) advertisementThe ideas he sowed there would later blossom into something extraordinary when his youngest son, Rabindranath Tagore, transformed the space into Visva-Bharati University -- a centre of global education and cultural even in Debendranath's time, Santiniketan had started becoming a sacred ground for thought and simplicity, drawing seekers, thinkers, and poets.A FAMILY OF FIREBRANDSDebendranath and his wife Saradasundari Devi had 14 children -- each one a spark in their own right. Dwijendranath, the eldest, was a philosopher and poet. Satyendranath broke colonial barriers by becoming the first Indian to crack the Indian Civil was a science enthusiast and education reformer, known for his bold stance on women's rights. Jyotirindranath was a dramatist and Devi stood out as one of the first female novelists in Bengal, championing women's education and social reform. Jnanadanandini Devi (Satyendranath's wife), Satyendranath Tagore, Kadambari Devi (Jyotirindranath's wife and famed muse of Rabindranath Tagore) and Jyotirindranath Tagore (sitting, another elder brother of Rabindranath) (Photo: Wikimedia Commons) advertisementAnd then, of course, came Rabindranath -- the Nobel laureate who redefined Indian literature and shared a particularly reflective bond with Rabindranath. Though reserved in expression, he had a deep influence on the young poet's philosophical often spoke of his father's silent meditations at dawn, the spiritual atmosphere of their home, and the disciplined calm that shaped his relationship wasn't overly emotional -- but it was profoundly spiritual. Rabindranath once wrote that his father's presence felt like 'a lamp in a quiet room, burning with a steady flame.'LEGACY OF A QUIET GIANTWhile he never courted the limelight, Debendranath's influence was wide-reaching. He opposed child marriage, polygamy, and religious dogma. He supported widow remarriage and the spread of rational, values-based served as secretary of the British Indian Association and even petitioned the British Parliament demanding greater Indian autonomy. Yet, he always returned to introspection, valuing inner reform over political passed away in 1905, leaving behind not just a lineage of luminaries, but a legacy of clear thinking, compassionate belief, and reform from within. In a world increasingly driven by noise, his life reminds us of the power of quiet conviction.
