
Best of the Babylon Bee: Trump gerrymanders US to include Canada
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Former prime minister (and now governor) of Canada, Mark Carney, said he disagreed with the change, but his inherent Canadian politeness prohibited him from putting up a fight. READ MORE
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While lifejackets may be bought after the plane crashes into the water, the price will rise to $99.99, and purchase will be subject to availability. READ MORE
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Trump said he expected conditions in the capital and throughout the country to be noticeably better once Congress was shipped out of town. READ MORE
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Experts are warning Americans that if changes aren't made soon, their own country could suffer the same fate. READ MORE

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Yahoo
25 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Colombians bid farewell to presidential hopeful Uribe after shooting at political rally
APTOPIX Colombia Politics Shooting BOGOTA, Colombia (AP) — Colombians on Wednesday bid farewell to senator and presidential hopeful Miguel Uribe Turbay, who died more than two months after being shot during a political rally in the South American country's capital. Family, friends, members of Congress and a delegation of government officials from the United States honored Uribe, whose coffin was draped with Colombia's flag. The 39-year-old died Monday in the hospital where he had been since the June 7 shooting. Thousands of mourners paid their respects Tuesday. 'The bullets that took his life not only broke the hearts of his family, they reopened the fractures of a country that has yet to find peace,' Senate President Lidio García said, referring to Colombia's long history of violence against politicians. Uribe had become one of the strongest critics of Colombia's current government. In October, he joined the list of politicians seeking to replace Gustavo Petro, the first leftist to govern Colombia, in the May 2026 elections. Petro and Vice President Francia Márquez on Wednesday said on social media that they would not attend Uribe's funeral out of respect for his family's wishes. 'We are not going not because we do not want to, we simply respect the family and avoid that the funeral of Senator Miguel Uribe is taken over by supporters of hate,' Petro posted on X. Uribe was shot three times, twice in the head, while giving a campaign speech in a park in a working-class Bogota neighborhood. Authorities have arrested six people, including the teenager they say shot him, but they have not determined who ordered the attack or why. The shooting, caught on multiple videos, alarmed Colombians who have not seen this kind of political violence against presidential candidates since Medellin drug lord Pablo Escobar declared war on the state in the 1990s. Uribe's mother, well-known journalist Diana Turbay, was among the victims in that period. She died during a police rescue after being kidnapped by a group of drug traffickers led by Escobar seeking to block their extradition to the U.S. 'If my mother was willing to give her life for a cause, how could I not do the same in life and in politics?' Uribe, who was 5 when his mother was killed, said in an interview with a Colombian news outlet last year. The senator's family said he would be buried Wednesday at Bogota's Central Cemetery. The cemetery is the oldest in the city and the final resting place of figures such as Liberal leader Luis Carlos Galán, who was shot dead in 1989 while giving a presidential campaign speech in Bogota.


San Francisco Chronicle
26 minutes ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
Colombians bid farewell to presidential hopeful Uribe after shooting at political rally
BOGOTA, Colombia (AP) — Colombians on Wednesday bid farewell to senator and presidential hopeful Miguel Uribe Turbay, who died more than two months after being shot during a political rally in the South American country's capital. Family, friends, members of Congress and a delegation of government officials from the United States honored Uribe, whose coffin was draped with Colombia's flag. The 39-year-old died Monday in the hospital where he had been since the June 7 shooting. Thousands of mourners paid their respects Tuesday. 'The bullets that took his life not only broke the hearts of his family, they reopened the fractures of a country that has yet to find peace,' Senate President Lidio García said, referring to Colombia's long history of violence against politicians. Uribe had become one of the strongest critics of Colombia's current government. In October, he joined the list of politicians seeking to replace Gustavo Petro, the first leftist to govern Colombia, in the May 2026 elections. Uribe was shot three times, twice in the head, while giving a campaign speech in a park in a working-class Bogota neighborhood. Authorities have arrested six people, including the teenager they say shot him, but they have not determined who ordered the attack or why. The shooting, caught on multiple videos, alarmed Colombians who have not seen this kind of political violence against presidential candidates since Medellin drug lord Pablo Escobar declared war on the state in the 1990s. Uribe's mother, well-known journalist Diana Turbay, was among the victims in that period. She died during a police rescue after being kidnapped by a group of drug traffickers led by Escobar seeking to block their extradition to the U.S. 'If my mother was willing to give her life for a cause, how could I not do the same in life and in politics?' Uribe, who was 5 when his mother was killed, said in an interview with a Colombian news outlet last year. The senator's family said he would be buried Wednesday at Bogota's Central Cemetery. The cemetery is the oldest in the city and the final resting place of figures such as Liberal leader Luis Carlos Galán, who was shot dead in 1989 while giving a presidential campaign speech in Bogota.


San Francisco Chronicle
26 minutes ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
Federal agents will be out 24/7 on patrol in Washington, the White House says
WASHINGTON (AP) — As a wary Washington waited, the White House promised a ramp-up of National Guard troops and federal officers on the streets of the nation's capital around the clock starting Wednesday, days after President Donald Trump's unprecedented announcement that his administration would take over the city's police department for at least a month. The city's Democratic mayor and police chief framed the influx as a plus for public safety, though they said there are few hard measures for what a successful end to the operation might look like. The Republican president has said crime in the city was at emergency levels that only such federal intervention could fix even as District of Columbia leaders pointed to statistics showing violent crime at a 30-year low after a sharp rise two years ago. For two days, small groups of federal officers have been visible in scattered areas of the city. That is about to change, the administration says. A 'significantly higher' presence of guard members was expected Wednesday night, and federal agents will be out 24/7 rather than largely at night, according to the White House. Hundreds of federal law enforcement and city police officers who patrolled the streets Tuesday night made 43 arrests, compared with about two dozen the night before. In one neighborhood, officers from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives and the FBI could be seen along with the U.S. Park Police searching the car of a motorist parked just outside a legal parking area to eat takeout and drop off a friend. Two blocks away, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers gathered in a parking lot before driving off on patrol. In other parts of the city, including those with popular nightlife hot spots, federal patrols were harder to find. At the National Mall, there was little law enforcement activity aside from Park Police cruisers pulling over a taxi driver near the Washington Monument. Unlike in other U.S. states and cities, the law gives Trump the power to take over Washington's police for up to 30 days. Extending his power over the city for longer would require approval from Congress, and that could be tough in the face of Democratic resistance. A variety of infractions are targeted The arrests made by 1,450 federal and local officers across the city included those for suspicion of driving under the influence, unlawful entry, as well as a warrant for assault with a deadly weapon, according to the White House. Seven illegal firearms were seized. Unlike in other U.S. states and cities, the law gives Trump the power to take over Washington's police for up to a month. Extending Trump's power over the city for longer would require approval from Congress, and that could be tough in the face of Democratic resistance. The president has full command of the National Guard, but as of Tuesday evening, guard members had yet to be assigned a specific mission, according to an official who was not authorized to discuss the matter publicly and spoke on condition of anonymity. As many as 800 troops were expected to be mobilized in a support role to law enforcement, though exactly what form remains to be determined. The push also includes clearing out encampments for people who are homeless, Trump has said. U.S. Park Police have removed dozens of tents since March, and plan to take out two more this week, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt has said. People are offered the chance to go to shelters and get addiction treatment, if needed, but those who refuse could be fined or jailed, she said. City officials said they are making more shelter space available and increasing their outreach. Violent crime has dropped in the district The federal effort comes even after a drop in violent crime in the nation's capital, a trend that experts have seen in cities across the U.S. since an increase during the coronavirus pandemic. On average, the level of violence Washington remains mostly higher than averages in three dozen cities analyzed by the nonprofit Council on Criminal Justice, said the group's president and CEO, Adam Gelb. Police Chief Pamela Smith said during an interview with the local Fox affiliate that the city's Metro Police Department has been down nearly 800 officers. She said the increased number of federal agents on the streets would help fill that gap, at least for now. Mayor Muriel Bowser said city officials did not get any specific goals for the surge during a meeting with Trump's attorney general, Pam Bondi, and other top federal law enforcement officials Tuesday. But, she said, "I think they regard it as a success to have more presence and take more guns off the street, and we do too.' She had previously called Trump's moves 'unsettling and unprecedented' while pointing out he was within a president's legal rights regarding the district, which is the seat of American government but is not a state. 'I've seen them right here at the subway ... they had my street where I live at blocked off yesterday, actually,' Washington native Sheina Taylor said. 'It's more fearful now because even though you're a law-abiding citizen, here in D.C., you don't know, especially because I'm African American."