Class clubs — the must-have golfing accessories

Times

a day ago

'Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf,' Bruce Lansky said. 'I think it was my ex-wife.' As aphorisms go, this one feels perennial, especially after a cursory glance at the obsessions of golfers. Golf has always been a game of codes — some written (USGA rules), some whispered (don't wear white belts after 40, or perhaps before 40 too). Nowhere are these codes more quietly ostentatious than in the world of accessories. Handicap be damned — this is a look at the things in golf that no one really needs, but everyone quietly wants.
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No matter who I spoke to about golf gizmos, there was a consensus that range finders were the dernier cri for golfers. What I didn't expect was the level of nuanced politics that surrounds them. You have to think of it a bit like shooting, where the scruffier the outfit, the smarter the family — regular guns don't have time to replace their tweeds. So too is it with these range finders.
Members at Swinley Forest Golf Club — the Pratt's of golf clubs, an establishment for the Corinthian man, proud of his amateur status, which is marked only by a postcard-sized sign at the entrance of its driveway and obscured by a membership omerta — are happy to stick to entry-level Garmin watches that simply say roughly how far it is to the hole. At a push they might use a Bushnell handheld one.
Turn to Sunningdale or Wentworth, home to the sharpest of elbows (getting membership there requires no little hustling), with all arms of the financial world converging — along with all the competitiveness that comes with it. Garmin also provides for this demographic, with the Marq Golfer watch, coming in at £1,700. This seems to be able to do everything except control the ball once hit. It includes 42,000 preloaded courses, club recommendation, wind speed, contour data, jet-lag adviser and, the best bit, a stock tracker so you don't miss a tariff when on course. What a world! One pro said to me, 'To be honest, it really depends on what kind of golfer you are wanting to be.' Presumably the word 'golfer' is, in this case, a polite euphemism.
This is a fairly easy one to pick from the crowd, like finding a needle in a haystack but the needle is 4ft long, 1ft wide and made by Loro Piana. Very few bags pass the £2,000 mark, and this is from brands such as Tumi with mark-ups at Harrods, where most still come under £1000. Then there is Loro Piana's bag. There is a perfectly reasonable debate to be had as to why you needn't spend £14,500 on a golf bag, but as is the brand's wont, it is aesthetically very pleasing and I guarantee every golfer has pondered whether it is the final piece in their perambulatory puzzle.
In this instance it is fair to say that most people move within the Titleist, TaylorMade or Callaway orbit. You will usually be able to get a set of irons for between £1,200 and £2,000, with the Callaway Apex at the top end of this. However, things can start to get really expensive when you look to Japan for clubs. Miura (such as the MB-101) is for the gold purists (£2,000-£4,000 for a set, similar to the American brand PXG), while Honma clubs can be so aesthetically outrageous, with gold and platinum detailing, that it's hard to know exactly who it is for; its five-star limited-edition sets can come in at over £30,000. Wishing to stand out does not need to be so expensive — Kyoei copper clubs are £1,900, while the Finnish brand Takomo's highly rated 101 clubs look superb and cost less than £500.
When it comes to putters, the truth is that people can fuss and debate, but if you have a Scotty Cameron putter then you have the trophy putter and all else is white noise (roughly £500, depending on the model, but Tour versions can be up to £25,000).
All things considered, golf attire is far from lavish. It's perfectly reasonable for the clothes to be practical; golf after all is a sport that requires maximum range of movement whether in scorching heat or driving rain. The fanciest golf clubs require a collar but any old polo shirt counts. To be frank I feel there is a gap in the market for people to put real thought into golf kit design. For a sport that is all about hip movement, golf apparel seems to be allergic to pleats on trousers and wants to be as restrictive as possible. I am struggling to find an exception, from Holderness and Bourne to Peter Millar and Greyson Clothiers. Technical tops with some form of gilet are ready-made for the finance bros who spend so much of their time on the golf course (see range finders). If you are of a vintage disposition, then try Oldfield Outfitters. This is a range seemingly plucked straight out of the 1920s, all of it created as an antidote to the homogeneity of golfing attire.
Alas, the days of the kiltie have gone. The large leather fringe sitting on top of the facings (see Sean Connery playing golf in Goldfinger) were designed to stop grass from getting into the shoe, and while you still see them in the women's game every so often, men eschewed them long ago. One brand has stepped up and cornered a bit of the shoe market. G-Fore has done something revolutionary and, wait for it, catered to its customers, rather than try to create a rigid design identity. Shoes range from models that look like tennis shoes to old-fashioned Derby brogues. Naturally the brand has been accosted for collaborations by the likes of Mr Porter (as part of the Mr P range). It is now under the Peter Millar umbrella (which is to golf what Umbro is to football), owned by the good folk at Richemont.
If accessories are add-ons and therefore by nature surplus to requirements, then there can be nothing more unnecessary and therefore critical then a loft conversion for the sole purpose of installing a golf simulator in your house. Golf simulators had their initial bubble 40 years ago in Japan, where they had relatively few golf courses at the time, so simulators were stacked like vending machines for people to be able to play instead.
These are catching on in the UK, both in private homes and clubs — such as the new Nexus club in South Kensington. However, where they are really taking off is in Dubai. The land of milk, honey and expats is, as you can imagine, unplayable for eight months of the year due to the inconsiderate temperature. You can't keep golf devotees down, though, and they are taking their habits indoors. Golf course alleys, like bowling alleys, where you pay per hour around a simulated version of any golf course in the world, are all the rage. My twin brother, Joe, lives in Dubai working for an ultra-prime residential developer, and suggests that they have become home essentials. 'As the hot weather sets in, Dubai golf fanatics, who for eight months of the year are spoilt by local access to some of the best courses in the world, are now hibernating in their home golf simulators,' he says. 'The top-of-the-range units allow players to finesse their golf swing, play most championship courses globally, and double as indoor cinemas. A fully installed set-up like this can easily break £100k.'
The competition in this area seems to be increasing, but to make things easy for you, might I suggest taking Tiger Woods's lead and installing a Full Swing Golf Simulator?
It is important to remember the small things too — in for a penny, etc. Actually, that is a good place to start, because while a penny has been used for many years as a perfectly sufficient ball marker, why not turn to Seamus Golf, where you can get forged copper and steel versions (average £30), green menders and divot shanks (both £69). Woods come with a cover, a kind of leather sock, but you can also be frivolous here and Lucrin is a great option. It is a superb leather accessory brand with plenty for work and home, but also has driver covers in suspiciously-similar-orange-to-Hermès-orange for £189. Completely unnecessary and therefore worth considering is the Renzo Romagnoli travel set (£850), which includes a putter that can be disassembled into four pieces. It's as close to The Day of the Jackal as most of us are going to get. Even your tee peg game can be elevated with Green Swing bamboo golf tees (£5.99 for 30).