These Are All The Things You Thought Elon Musk Was Going To Do To Bump The Stock Price
Oh boy, did this Question of the Day end up feeling a little bit like prophecy! We had no idea that the falling stock price would become a national crisis when we wrote it, but it seems so obvious now. While I am a little worried about putting together this AOTD because we might speak something into existence that we can't take back, I will say, no one had painful sales pitch from the president on the White House lawn. Just goes to show truth is stranger than comments.
Take a scroll through these comments and see just how hilarious you all are. Unless your name is Elon Musk. We don't need you farming our funniest readers for actual ideas.
Read more: Tesla Cybertrucks Are Rusting Despite Being Made Of Stainless Steel
So he has already claimed to invent the atmospheric railroad and the bus, only to make both worse....
He claimed to invent a integrated solar roof for homes, only to make one that was worse than what was currently available...
A robot that was a person in a suit...
His main skill is to convince investors he invented something that already exists, and then make it worse.
I'd say he 'invents' gardening to feed your family, only it will be soylent green, just somehow worse.
From Forgotpassword
He'll announce that the NHTSA has "discovered" all other non-Tesla EVs on the road are too dangerous because reasons, and cannot be sold any longer. When the NHTSA says "no we didn't", he'll fire every employee save one lone soul who suddenly agrees with Musk.
From Polysyllabic
I think Tesla brand has become too toxic now. Musk needs to rebrand Tesla to something less toxic, Say Union Carbide! It maybe less toxic than the current brand name.
From Prasad R
He's gotta fight Zuck in the Octagon. Don't actually know if it'll boost sales but it can't hurt.
From klone121
Y'know, its been awhile since we heard anything FSD related. What are the odds they just say the next update is officially capable of L3 Autonomy? Just claiming all the liability and everything.
It could literally have no updates other than the version #, they are just gonna say this is it, and it would be perfect deflection from... *gestures at everything*.
From Tahoe Guy
Announce that all government vehicles will be EVs within a year because of the fuel savings found by DOGE. Then announce that Telsa will be making 6 new factories to support the sudden spike in Demand.
In parallel, the DOD will announce that based on lessons learned from Ukraine, a new tank, the M2 Swartkop, will be all electric and that they will need 20,0000 of them before 2030. The project will be sole sourced because only Tesla knows how to make large EVs right now and a complete new tank fleet is needed urgently.
From hoser68
I think he has been bored with the Tesla thing and will continue to neglect it. He'll probably move on to some new project, colonizing Europa ...
From DLBedford
Elon's going to hold the world hostage, by threatening to engage Full Self-Driving in all Teslas simultaneously!
From Modusoperandi
Pump and dump (whole country edition) speedrun any%
Launch himself on the next Starship test flight 👍
From pay pall
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