When You're the Only One Left Standing
Let's just say it out loud: getting older isn't for the faint of heart. Add in chronic illness or a sudden medical scare, no partner holding your hand, no family to lean on (or worse, toxic ones you've had to cut off), and it can feel like life has you in a chokehold. I have a couple of very good friends who don't live nearby who are dealing with this. I wish I could be there, but 1700 miles is a long way to go, and while I can go for a visit, I can't be there ALL of the time (aside from via phone).
Maybe you're there right now.
Maybe you just got back from a doctor's appointment that left you spinning.
Maybe your phone hasn't rung in days, and you're sick of eating alone, scrolling through everyone else's highlight reel while you sit in your sweatpants, wondering how the hell you got here.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it: it's hard. Isolation, especially when paired with fear and health issues, is a special kind of hell. But here's the truth most people won't say out loud: You still deserve a beautiful, joyful, soul-filling life—no matter how 'late' it feels. And no, it's not too late to start.
Step 1: Feel All the Feels (Then Get Back Up Anyway)
If you need to scream into a pillow, go for it. If you're crying at the pharmacy because the copay on your meds just went up again, I've done it too. You are allowed to grieve the life you thought you'd have. You are allowed to be angry, tired, resentful, and scared. Don't let the 'positive vibes only' people shame you into pretending everything's fine when it isn't.
But, and this is the part that matters, you have to decide not to stay in that place. Because sitting in misery for too long is like planting yourself in wet cement. Eventually, it hardens. You don't want to get stuck there.
So cry. Scream. Be pissed off. And then take a deep breath and say: Now what?
Step 2: Rewrite the Story You've Been Telling Yourself
Maybe you've been carrying around some poisonous little lies:
'I blew it.'
'Nobody cares about me.'
'It's too late for me.'
'I'm just waiting to die.'
Let's interrupt that nonsense right now. You are not a lost cause. You are not a mistake. And you don't have to wait for someone else to 'rescue' you or make life worth living. You can become the hero of your own story, even if the first few chapters were a mess.
Yes, your body might be falling apart. Yes, your circle might be nonexistent. But you are still here. Still breathing. Still able to choose what happens next.
So let's talk about how.
HOW TO STAY SANE WHEN THE WORLD FEELS UPSIDE DOWN
Create StructureWake up at the same time every day. Make your bed. Eat something with protein. Take your meds. Go outside, even if it's just to the porch or balcony. Give yourself an anchor in the day so you don't drift.
Do One Tiny Thing That Brings You JoyA fancy cup of coffee. A trashy reality show. Dancing in your living room in a robe. Painting your nails neon pink because why the hell not? Happiness doesn't always come in fireworks - it often shows up in whispers. You just have to start listening.
Stop Consuming Content That Makes You Feel Like CrapYou do not need to see another post of a perfect family brunch or an influencer in her twenties talking about 'self-care.' Unfollow. Mute. Curate your feed like your sanity depends on it. Because it does.
Talk Back to the FearWrite it out. Literally. When your brain is telling you you're alone, doomed, worthless, unloved sit down and put it on paper, then write your rebuttal like a lawyer defending your own damn life. You are strong. You have survived 100% of your hardest days. You are not done yet.
Find (or Create) Your Tribe—Even NowYes, it's harder when you're older. People have their own lives, their own routines. But that doesn't mean there aren't people just like you who are lonely, brilliant, funny, and craving connection. They're just waiting for someone to say the first hello. Be that someone.
Join a Facebook group for boomers, travelers, solo agers, dog lovers, or people with your condition.
Start commenting on posts, or better yet .
Send a DM. Invite someone for a coffee. Just because you're over 60 doesn't mean you've forgotten how to make friends. You just need to try again, on your terms.
HOW TO START TODAY TO RIGHT YOUR OWN WRONGS
Maybe you pushed people away. Maybe you never really learned how to form deep friendships. Maybe you burned bridges, or maybe they did and now there's rubble between you. Here's the good news: you don't need a perfect past to build a better future.
Reach Out (Yes, Even If It's Awkward)Send that text. Call the cousin you haven't talked to in ten years. Write a message to the woman you used to work with who always made you laugh. Not everyone will respond. That's okay. The point is that you are showing up differently.
Tell the TruthBe vulnerable. Say, 'I've been feeling isolated lately and I'd love to reconnect.' There's nothing shameful about craving community. It's human. And people respect honesty far more than forced small talk.
Forgive YourselfThis one's big. Maybe you stayed in a bad relationship too long. Maybe you were a crappy friend during the hardest parts of your life. Maybe you ignored your health, or gave up too soon. Okay. That was then. This is now. You get to do better. Not because you're guilty, but because you deserve peace.
Be the Friend You Wish You HadVolunteer. Say kind things online. Compliment strangers. Send silly postcards. It might sound cheesy, but putting good into the world always brings something back. Always.
WHY YOU DESERVE THE BEST LIFE EVER—NO MATTER WHAT
Here's the deal: your worth is not measured by your family status, your health, or your number of Facebook friends. You are not some expired version of your younger self. You are not invisible. You are not broken beyond repair.
You are still a whole person.You still have value.You still get to have dreams, joy, pleasure, and peace.You are allowed to laugh so hard it hurts. To fall in love. To make new friends. To redecorate your space. To take a solo cruise. To become your own favorite person.
Getting older doesn't mean your life is closing down. In fact, for a lot of us, it's the first time we've ever really had the freedom to ask: What do I want? What lights me up? What kind of life do I want to wake up to?
So here's my challenge to you:Start today. Even if it's just one tiny thing. Make that phone call. Throw out the junk that doesn't serve you anymore. Buy the damn lipstick. Take yourself out to lunch. Sign up for the art class or the walking club, or the Zoom meet-up with strangers. Live like you mean it.
Because no matter what your medical chart says, you are not done.And no matter who let you down, you are still lovable.And no matter how many lonely nights you've had, you are not alone.
You've survived everything so far. Don't let this chapter be the one where you give up. Make it the one where you rise.
Your best life isn't behind you.
It's waiting for you to claim it.
Right now.
And I'll be here, cheering you on every step of the way.
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