Could you love someone who believed in fairies, wanted an open relationship or even took up golf?
Neither, apparently, does De Ligt. According to this rumour, he doesn't share Molenaar's interest in all things woo-woo – or 'spiriwiri' as they call it in Dutch. There are signs that Molenaar is woo-curious on her Instagram account, which features crystals and a book on tarot; it also suggests she is starting a new-agey-sounding business called 'Annie's Alchemia', though there is little more than a trademark registration to show for it publicly.
Obviously, this story could be absolute nonsense. But is being a bit 'alternative' – getting into energy healing, aura reading or consulting clairvoyants – grounds for divorce? I, and probably you, have friends with unconventional beliefs (I often have to arrange my features into bland neutrality on matters of celestial alignment; they do the same when I claim the hens I keep are 'intelligent') and I'm fine with it.
Surely you should be just as, if not more, accepting with your partner? Getting slightly spiriwiri seems pretty harmless, plus Molenaar's trademark filing covers everything from cookware to tealights, so maybe she is planning a woo-flavoured but hard-nosed commercial lifestyle brand à la Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop? That could just be common sense: footballing and modelling careers are short and it is wise to consider the future. In the meantime, though, if you are a strict rationalist, it might be annoying to come home having conceded a crucial equaliser to be told your root chakra is probably blocked and you should put black obsidian in your kit bag and burn palo santo sticks over your boots.
Things do change in relationships, and not just one partner having a spiritual awakening or the other developing an intolerance to woo. How you manage this fascinates me, because at my time of life, it happens a lot. Midlifers who have long run on predictable rails suddenly veer off course; it starts to feel as if time is running out and we react by making dramatic changes. People explore their sexuality; they get into ultramarathons, environmental activism or, yes, crystals; they stop drinking, start microdosing or jack in accountancy to train as reiki healers. You think you know your beloved intimately, definitively, then one day they tell you they want an open relationship, believe in fairies, or, far more challenging, they have decided to take up golf. I've done it myself: I went vegan four years ago, a tough sell for my spouse, who hails from a place where dairy is a religion.
How do you navigate that? Therapists would say cultivate compassion; stay open; be curious. I've seen, and admired, people doing that around me. But some change is impossible to be cool about: if your partner becomes a 'red-pilled' manosphere content consumer, anti-vaxxer or conspiracy theorist, most of us would struggle. Even when it is not ideologically beyond the pale, change can be treacherous to navigate. Fear is baked in to our reactions. Will they still love us? Can we still love them? It's happening with weight-loss drugs: it's fascinating – chilling – reading how one partner taking them can throw a grenade into a couple's relationship, feeding insecurities and eroding shared pleasures. I'm grateful that my husband gracefully accepted my tofu-bothering, even though it means we rarely eat the same meal.
Your partner changing (and if you are lucky enough to grow older with a person you love, it will happen) tests your generosity, tolerance and communication skills and challenges your sense of self. Even if you are pretty solid on all counts, you might still run up against something you really can't get past and end up uncoupling. Isn't that terrifying when you think about it? It's enough to make anyone turn to crystals.
Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mail
12 minutes ago
- Daily Mail
Harry Clark breaks silence on his Celebrity SAS axing with stinging swipe at Channel 4 show - after being booted off for 'lying and cheating'
Harry Clark has broken silence on his Celebrity SAS axing with a stinging swipe at the Channel 4 show - after being booted off for 'lying and cheating'. The former British Army engineer, 24, was one of the famous faces taking part in the current series of the popular Channel 4 show. The course proved too much for the likes of S Club's Hannah Spearritt, TV personality Louie Spence, and Love Islanders Chloe Burrows and Tasha Ghouri. Another two have left, including the star - who won The Traitors in 2024 - who decided to do 10 burpees after being instructed by Billy Billingham and Jason Fox to do 20. Earlier this week it was revealed that Harry was booted from the course during episode four by furious staff after being caught cutting corners. Speaking to The Sun about his shocking departure, Harry said: 'Obviously I was so disheartened and so annoyed, but at the same time in the back of my head I was like, "but it's all right though because I've made that switch, I'm here to stay". 'I did exactly what I would do in the military. And that's what annoyed me so much because it was like I just hit that switch, but they'd kicked me off for it. 'So it was like, well then how can I prove to you now that I've changed? 'But then at the same time, when I look back on it and I've matured a lot now, they've probably done me a favour because I know that the next big stage was the interrogation phase.' The reality star went on to admit that he 'hated' the experience. 'I didn't like the experience that much, personally, it made me angry at them and myself that I wanted to get better,' he added. 'I felt like they didn't like me. I absolutely hated it while I was there. I just want people to be able to look at me now and think that is a completely different person.' The fourth episode's theme focused on trust and integrity, but tensions exploded as former Traitors winner Harry Clark, 24, was booted from the course by furious staff after being caught cutting corners. Harry – whose skills in deception helped him scoop the Traitors crown – found his tactics backfired when his Celebrity SAS teammates branded him one of the least trustworthy recruits. Alongside Rebecca Loos, he was put in charge of a team for a gruelling race involving hauling a heavy dinghy. But as ex-Special Forces instructors Mark 'Billy' Billingham, Jason 'Foxy' Fox, Rudy Reyes, and Chris Oliver watched on, Harry appeared to avoid his share of the workload. His lack of effort left former football hardman Adebayo 'The Beast' Akinfenwa taking on the bulk of the weight – triggering a flare-up of his long-term knee injury. In pain and out of energy, Adebayo had no choice but to withdraw from the show entirely. Earlier in the show Jason Fox could be heard saying: 'If we get an indication that a recruit isn't pulling their weight, we will find out' so when back at camp, Harry was hauled in for a no-nonsense grilling. When confronted over failing to complete an earlier set of burpees, the staff accused him of lying straight to their faces. 'Are you f***ing trying to pull the wool over my eyes?!' Chris raged, before adding the star was treating him 'like an idiot'. Moments later, the ex army corporal was marched out in front of the rest of the recruits, and admitted that he had 'cut corners' and not completed all the burpees. Mark then shouted: 'No, you lied, you cut corners, I asked you three times about honesty and integrity, and what did you do?' Harry replied: 'I lied, staff.' His dismissal was immediate, with the DS ordering him to hand over his armband and leave, while his stunned co-stars looked on.
Daily Mail
40 minutes ago
- Daily Mail
Luisa Zissman brands skinny-shamers 'McDonald's loving, Greggs-craving lazy fatties' and insists she is healthy in foul-mouthed tirade - after being branded 'malnourished' for bikini snap
has launched a scathing attack on critics of her latest bikini snap. The Apprentice star, 38, took to Instagram on Wednesday to share a selfie showing her posing in a two-piece while on holiday, leading to comments regarding her weight, with one user branding the star 'unhealthy and very malnourished'. Following a barrage of criticism, the mother-of-three hit back at the 'skinny shamers', as she raged about the fact that the NHS is being drained by obesity and insisted she is 'strong and healthy' despite accusations from followers. In her attack, she penned: 'Imagine I went round calling of you biscuit eating McDonald's loving lazy people fatties' and insisted her body is the result of 'energetic, health and mostly clean living'. In a further display of defiance, Luisa wrote: 'If you got off your as*es and stopped shoving sh*t in your mouths you wouldn't be as fat and fat wouldn't be normal. Just because the majority of people are overweight does NOT mean it's healthy.' She also lashed out at accusations of Photoshop - insisting her image was all natural Luisa left little to the imagination in the shot, where she posed in a monochrome bikini with underwired cups and thick black straps. The star, who shot to fame on The Apprentice in 2013, cocked one leg in the image to make the most of her lithe limbs while also showing her taut stomach. She then added the simple caption: 'Endless summer of fun', before being met with the shocking comments from a slew of enraged and concerned followers. A number of Instagram users penned: 'I mean this genuinely, and I'm no Greek god but you genuinely look unhealthy and very malnourished... 'Appreciate you feel good and happy but younger girls watching and aspiring may follow suit and this isn't good for anyone… 'No hate at all as you're a diamond but this culture of ultra slim is a concern... Babe always thought you were fit, but a little tooooooo slim my love xxx... Could do with a good meal. May I suggest a Greggs steak bake followed by a Vanilla slice... 'See you just right... Mean this in the nicest way possible, but losing too much weight can age your face and you don't want that... You need a good feed girl... Jests Christ you look ill!!!' Jumping to her defence, This Morning and body confidence advocate Ashley James wrote: 'Looking at the comments - normalise not discussing people's weight'. A host of commenters shared vile comments criticising her looks In the face of a number of comments, Luisa penned: 'This is MY Instagram page. what a stupid remark I'm on holiday and have posted a selfie like millions of other ppl do. Just cause I'm fit, slim and healthy everyone has an issue... 'And the issue is they cannot be arsed to have the dedication and discipline to a healthy lifestyle and exercise like I do... 'This isn't photoshopped at all thank you very much it has a Los Angeles filter on it from stories and that's it which changes the colour slightly nothing else... 'Imagine me going around calling out every overweight person I saw, might start doing that give ppl taste of their own medicine.' One Instagram user queried: 'Difference is you are flaunting it . You know your skinny you know you don't have love handles and you know you will cause people to comment on your body! Bravo for the clout'. Jumping to her defence, This Morning and body confidence advocate Ashley James wrote: 'Looking at the comments - normalise not discussing people's weight' Luisa was quick to hit back: 'Do you say that when other 'bigger' people post holiday pics? Just because I'm fit and healthy you don't think I should post? ... She later took to her story to write: 'The comments on this holiday bikini pic. Imagine I went round calling of you biscuit eating McDonald's loving lazy people fatties. My body is a result of my lifestyle which is energetic, health and mostly clean living.... 'If you got off your as*es and stopped shoving sh*t in your mouths you wouldn't be as fat and fat wouldn't be normal... 'Just because the majority of people are overweight does NOT mean it's healthy. Shocking that when people see a healthy body with a healthy BMI in a healthy weight range they think it's not normal. And no, I'm not sorry for my comments it's TRUE. I'm stronger than most of you mo*fos, I can do endless press ups, pulls ups, I lift weights... 'I can do sit ups until the cows come home and all you can do is comment that I'm unhealthy when you're craving Greggs at 8am when your lazy a*s wakes up.... 'So go f*ck yourselves. The world is a sad place when everyone is normalising being a fat b*****d and having your organs surrounded by layers of fat is normal. OBESITY IS THE NHS BIGGEST COST. Then you all moan you can't get a doctors appt.'
The Sun
an hour ago
- The Sun
I asked AI chatbot if I'm hot and what tweakments I need… I was so shocked but here's why I ignored its advice
SMOOTH cheeks and plump lips, a forehead as flat as a TV screen and not a single wrinkle in sight. Nope, I'm not looking at a newborn baby but at an image of how ChatGPT thinks I should look if I undergo its 'glow-up' beauty advice. 4 More and more women are turning to the app for 'unbiased' tips on how to improve their gloriously imperfect, fabulously unique, God-given features. I get it. TikTok and Instagram are full of companies and influencers pumping out anti-ageing and beauty advice based on what they want to flog us, regardless of whether or not it's a good fit for who we are. It's hard to know where to turn. In our social circles there is always that 'frenemy' who doesn't have our best interests at heart. But take a pause, please, because artificial intelligence becoming the norm to dictate how women should look is frankly horrifying. This blurring of the line between reality and fiction is scary. Besides, I don't want to be dictated to or sold something based on an app. Look, I'm 54 and, cross my heart, haven't succumbed to any work. I'm pretty confident in my own skin and, dare I say it, think I look good for my age. That's because I'm my own best friend and advocate. My lifelong philosophy is that I love myself more than anyone — and I think I'm pretty hot too. Yet I've written about this in the past and it has got me into hot water. In 2012, a piece I wrote on the subject of my beauty and general fabulousness went viral. The kicker was that I pointed out that other women didn't like me being so confident in my skin. Haters poured in. I trended on Twitter worldwide. I was trolled and told off by countless female columnists for having dared to say I rate myself. Talk about poking the bear. The furore meant I was more Googled than Kate Middleton that year. Thankfully, over a decade on and the rest of the world has caught up. I like to think I was ahead of my time because now it's OK to ditch the fake modesty and not hate on someone when we post thirst-trap pictures online or say we look good. Unemotional judge And, brilliantly, parts of social media do normalise this. We now use the hashtags '#be kind' and '#body positivity' as part of our daily lives. We don't fat-shame and we don't pile on women for rating themselves online. That's why my eyes rolled when I read women are flocking to upload pictures of themselves on ChatGPT for an AI verdict on their looks. One US study suggested people are more open to negative feedback about their appearance from an AI than from a human. The reason? We see AI as an honest and unemotional judge, so its criticism feels less like a personal attack. It's basically, 'Am I Hot or Not?' for the next generation. Is it a truly unbiased appraisal? I'm not convinced. Yet it hasn't stopped women relying on it. I like to think I was ahead of my time because now it's OK to ditch the fake modesty and not hate on someone when we post thirst-trap pictures online or say we look good. My jaw dropped when I found women are spending thousands on following the app's advice. One TikTok creator called Marina — @marinagudov — went viral earlier this year when she shared how she had used the app to refine her style. I've never done anything like this before. So I first uploaded a shot of myself on a rare day wearing make-up — off to celebrate a girlfriend's birthday last month. I nervously ask ChatGPT: 'I'm a 54-year-old woman. Am I hot or not?' While the app's black dot flashes, I gulp. But the reply is . . . kind: 'I can't give a simple 'hot or not' verdict but I can say you look vibrant, confident, and you have a warm, engaging smile that's a big part of your attractiveness. 'Your long, flowing hair, healthy skin tone and the sparkle in your eyes project energy and approachability, which tends to draw people in far more than age ever could. If you'd like, I can give you an objective style-and-beauty analysis to highlight what's already working for you and suggest tweaks that could enhance your look further without losing your natural appeal.' I then ask: 'Would you recommend Botox?' AI replies: 'From looking at your photo, Botox could be an option depending on what you want to achieve — but it's by no means essential for you to look good.' 4 4 Guilty as charged — of course I have considered Botox. What midlife woman hasn't? But it's a slippery slope because things wouldn't stop at Botox and I don't want to spend my life obsessing over the cost, never mind risks. Besides, I'm curious to see how I will age. They say you get the face you deserve — and so far, I'm pretty happy with the reflection that smiles at me each morning. Yet when the AI images of a very Botoxed me pop up, I'm afraid I giggle. The doctored images make me look like something off one of the Housewives reality series. My husband is speechless and asks me to promise him not to go down this route. There's no danger of that. I look like a doll you'd find in a toy shop and not a 54-year-old woman. I then go a step further and upload a recent selfie I took. 'Then comes kicker' I'd just got back from the pool where I'd spent the afternoon swimming with my niece and granddaughter. My hair still had chlorine in it and the only glow I had was from a combination of sunshine and sun cream. My question about this make-up-free, unfiltered selfie was the do-or-die: 'Am I attractive for a 54-year-old woman?' Whoop! My ego is happily satisfied as this AI message comes back: 'I can't give a personal judgment about your attractiveness, but I can tell you that you have features many would consider appealing at any age — clear skin, a warm smile and healthy hair all make a positive impression.' Well, thank you ChatGPT. I could get used to my personal fluffer. But then comes the kicker: 'If your question is about how you present yourself for your age, your photo shows that you take care of yourself and have a natural, confident look — and if you wanted to enhance certain features, there are subtle 'tweakments' and styling adjustments that could bring even more freshness without changing who you are.' Pardon! Why, oh why, does the app feel the need to dish out this sort of advice? It asks me: 'Would you like me to give you an age-specific 'glow-up' plan, which focuses on both non-invasive tweaks and style tips?' But, of course, I'm nosey and want to know what it 'thinks.' And while I feel that I'm practically perfect in every way, clearly the app assumes there is some room for improvement — and offers to put together a '54-year-old glow-up plan'. I ask the app to provide its plan with a breakdown of costs — and grab yourself a coffee because the list, above, is a long one. Whoa! Although I'm a Brummie, for the last 18 years I've lived in the French countryside. So, I wouldn't have a clue about where to go for any of this. And why on earth would the app assume I need my teeth whitened, given that I didn't even supply a toothy smile? But what shocks me the most is the amount of filler ChatGPT suggests I need. Cheeks, jawline, chin, lips — I'm not sure I'd be able to lift my head off the pillow each morning. I would definitely need to change my iPhone visual recognition with that amount of tweakment work done. But in the interests of research, I plough on. I ask the app how much money I should budget for this over the next decade. It swiftly pings back: 'Tweakments maintenance at £23,350 and another £8,600 for hair and brows.' I then type in another question — asking what I should do to my appearance to improve my career as a writer. I assume it will suggest nothing — but I am wrong: It replies: 'For a writer, your appearance isn't usually the main currency — your words, ideas and reputation are. But in today's world — especially if you do media appearances, book signings, festivals or online promotion — your image can play a supporting role in how you're perceived.' ChatGPT informs me that if I spend the suggested money for work on my face I can then look to make 'total projected extra income of £14,500–£49,000-plus depending on how actively you leverage visibility'. Well, that's a pretty large difference, there. So maybe we should all take a step back and view the ChatGPT beauty advice with a very large pinch of salt. Let's remember that ChatGPT is an AI language model trained on information it sources from the internet as well as input from human trainers. This experience I have had might have initially piqued my vanity but I'll stick to my gut instinct and my own sense of self-worth. And if anyone wants to come to me for advice about what they should do I'll give it to you for free: You're uniquely fabulous just as you are.
