Are the most stable relationships the ones that start as friendships?

India Today

3 days ago

Pyaar dosti hai?Bollywood had already soft-launched the idea in our heads, low-key. And let's be honest - shipping (read: teasing) good friends as romantic partners is still very much a high-school thing.As a rite of passage, dating styles have evolved. Navigating love in today's time can be confusing without a rulebook: situationships, breadcrumbing, ghosting, dating without commitment - the labels are endless.advertisement
Amid all this, there's an interesting shift: according to a survey of 1,500 people by dating app Happn, 43 per cent of Indians believe the best relationships begin as friendships. In fact, 39 per cent of singles believe that friendships that do take a romantic turn tend to be more stable.The survey highlights that from platonic to poetic, friendship-first romances are trending and maybe even thriving. But are they truly more stable? Are friendships the secret prequel to a happily-ever-after? What better than to weigh in some expert intel here.Kya pyaar dosti hai?What is love? There is no absolute. It's subjective and can get as poetic as you want it to be.According to experts, friends-first relationship initiations are actually often overlooked, and the majority of research is focused on 'romance that sparks between strangers.' According to a study titled The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance, the majority of people not only prefer the friends-first initiation, but it is super prevalent as well.By now, you are probably imagining Rahul-Anjali, Monica-Chandler or perhaps Lily and Marshall too! Looks like the entertainment industry backed on the trope way before science did!
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (Photo: IMDb)
Does that mean relationships that start in the "friend zone" are truly more stable? Experts say yes.'Friendship, along with shared values, lays the foundation for love. Even in arranged marriages, it's crucial to work on being good friends first,' explains Suvarna Varde, a relationship therapist and couples counsellor, to India Today.But what's the real fuss about being friends first? Emotional safety is the keyword.The survey highlights that nearly 48 per cent of singles over the age of 35 believe emotional safety and shared understanding lay the groundwork for romantic potential. Varde agrees, noting that relationships rooted in strong friendships foster emotional safety - something essential for the long term.It can also help couples navigate bumps along the way.Lack of trust, respect, communication issues, unresolved conflicts - these are a few basic problems that create tension between romantic partners. A feeling of disconnect lingers. And while there's no success formula in any relationship, these conflicts are often less messy when love starts in the friend zone.advertisementWhy exactly? Because the foundation of a good friendship lies in communication, emotional stability, trust, and respect.There are numbers for it too:52 per cent of people agree that friendship is a strong base because partners know how to handle each other's moods better.28 per cent say it feels more honest and less pressurising.Another 19 per cent emphasise that they feel more seen.Additionally, at a time when loneliness is dubbed a silent epidemic, such bonds can be good for mental health as well. Studies claim that people who have such close confidants are more satisfied and less likely to suffer from depression.But...there's a flip sideWhat is foolproof in life, really? This too comes with its downsides.Because it feels chill, comfy, and cosy, you might just forget to keep the spark alive. That's the flip side - it risks complacency.Being best friends with your partner can be the biggest flex, but it can also lead to a slow fade, where you start taking each other for granted. Ultimately, it depends on how you choose to move forward. 'Assuming 'we're best friends' as an excuse to stop prioritising romance, flirting, or desire—over time, one partner is bound to feel taken for granted,' says Varde.
Comfort in a relationship should not lead to complacence (Photo: Pexels)
advertisementHowever, when there's effort, playfulness, intimacy and physical connection, the bond deepens.But what if it doesn't work out?Can you ever truly remain friends with your ex? Varde says it starts with asking yourself, 'Why do I want to stay friends?''If it's to keep them close or hold on to hope, it's unfair to both parties, and friendship cannot be restored. It makes healing from the breakup practically impossible.'Even if the relationship began as a friendship, past romantic feelings can complicate boundaries and expectations. Staying in touch too soon will almost certainly blur those boundaries and delay healing.Varde notes a common pattern among Gen Z: they often continue socialising with their exes and expect their current partners to be okay with it. 'They're also at risk of falling back into old patterns, facing commitment issues, and making comparisons. As a therapist, I tell my clients that distance, space, and healing are crucial before attempting a friendship.'advertisementWhile every situation is unique, rebuilding a friendship after a romantic relationship requires emotional maturity on both sides. Often, it's wiser to let go - with love and respect, she adds.Now, all said and lovedeing in a relationship just because it's easy or convenient can lead to disappointment, as core physical and emotional needs often go unmet, Varde cautions. It's not just about sex - it's about feeling wanted, close, and connected with your partner. A relationship thrives when emotional connection aligns with physical expression.Less drama, more trust, and vibes that last. So yes, SRK may have given us a line that stayed - but friend zone or not, that's a plot twist each individual must write for themselves.- EndsTrending Reel