
Timely Manner
The article insists there are downsides with each time personality. Monochronic people can be rigid, missing out on serendipity. Polychronic people can be easily distracted and can have difficulty finishing what they start. But I found myself thinking, as I often do when I read about socially scientific binaries — Type A vs. Type B, maximizers vs. satisficers — that it's secretly better to be the more laid-back type, that life is richer and more fulfilling if you're less rigid and don't, say, view a deadline the way a beast of burden does a plowman's whip. Despite my efforts to be loose and breezy with time, I'm pretty regimented. Calling myself 'monochronic' allows me to justify what I have always characterized as an undesirable uptightness. While I want to be productive, I want so much more to prioritize relationships over industry, to say 'this can wait' when I'm fast at work and someone calls with last-minute theater tickets.
We're obsessed with our attention these days, how it's been captured by our screens, attenuated by too-busy schedules and the impossible pace of modern life. Monotasking is seen as an advantageous skill, deep work and flow states the antidotes to cognitive fatigue. But as we try to marshal our attention, it seems possible we will be tempted to overcorrect. My monochronic preference for uninterrupted stretches of time in which to work — oh, the exquisite relief of turning on 'Do Not Disturb' on my laptop and knowing that it will also silence my phone, my iPad, the text alerts and weather alerts and news alerts and calendar alerts! — often keeps me from engaging with things that would bring me pleasure. I've missed perfect 75-degree days because I need to finish chores before I relax. I tell myself that nothing will feel as good as getting things done, but then I think of the cliché about people on their deathbeds never saying they wish they'd spent more time working.
There's hope: Time personalities are preferences, not traits, so we can shift them. The aim, as in all things, is balance, being nimble enough to shift from one style to another as the situation prescribes. 'Is your goal here relationship building? Then go polychronic,' one expert in the article advised. 'If your goal is to complete a task, then we need to be monochronic for a window of time and shut out all distractions.' While switching gears may feel uncomfortable for those of us conditioned to do the thing until the thing is done, this framing highlights the stakes. Completing the task feels good, but — here comes the deathbed again — the accomplishment is hollow without some flexibility, without letting in the possibility for surprise, serendipity and delight.
AMERICA AND THE WORLD
President Trump will meet with Vladimir Putin in Alaska next week to talk about ending the war in Ukraine. Putin hasn't been face-to-face with an American president since 2021.
President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine rejected President Trump's proposal of a peace deal that could mean ceding land to Russia.
At the White House yesterday, the leaders of Armenia and Azerbaijan said they would end their long and bloody conflict.
Trump directed the military to target Latin American drug cartels, a role previously carried out by law enforcement.
But Mexico's president said U.S. forces are unwelcome in her country. 'We cooperate, we collaborate, but there is not going to be an invasion,' she said.
TRUMP ADMINISTRATION
Trump is removing the head of the I.R.S., two months after he was confirmed. For now, the Treasury secretary will run the agency, which has seen six different leaders this year.
An appeals court said Judge James Boasberg could not investigate Trump officials for criminal contempt after they sent migrants abroad despite his order not to.
Trump doesn't seem to mind that his health secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., is undoing his vaccine legacy.
Trump wants U.C.L.A. to pay $1 billion to restore its research funding, far more than other universities have agreed to.
REDISTRICTING
The Texas attorney general moved to oust 13 Democrats from the Legislature. They left the state to block a new map of congressional districts that favors Republicans.
Is that allowed? 'It's never been done before,' the attorney general conceded. Our reporters explain the law.
INTERNATIONAL
Colombia and Peru are fighting a war of words over who owns a tiny island in the Amazon River that is home to 3,000 people.
Israel says it is preparing to take control of Gaza City. What does that mean?
How do Times journalists report on the aid crisis in Gaza? Using interviews, data, witness footage, satellite imagery, photography and more. They explain here.
OTHER BIG STORIES
An Army veteran wanted for the killing of four people at a Montana bar was captured after an eight-day manhunt.
James A. Lovell Jr., commander of the near-catastrophic Apollo 13 mission, died at 97. He was etched in cinema history when Tom Hanks, playing him in a 1995 movie, uttered the line, 'Houston, we have a problem.'
A gunman fired at the headquarters of the C.D.C. in Atlanta, killing one police officer before being fatally shot. An official said the man was fixated on the Covid vaccine, which he believed had made him ill.
Film and TV
For some millennials, Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis's return in 'Freakier Friday,' a sequel to the 2003 movie, will provide a surge of nostalgia. Our critic says the movie works best 'if you're there for the memories.'
Curtis, Lohan and their two new co-stars sat down with The Times to discuss the sequel — and what's changed in the 22 years since the first. Read the interview here.
Speaking of 2000s nostalgia: Photos of 'The Devil Wears Prada 2' being filmed on the streets of New York are everywhere. Esther Zuckerman explores what that means in an era of anti-spoiler culture.
Zach Cregger, director of the 2022 horror movie 'Barbarian,' is back with 'Weapons.' Both films show his skill at melding laughs and screams, our critic writes.
Music
'Fleetwood Mac,' the 1975 album that turned the band into superstars, is getting a 50th anniversary rerelease. After half a century, the music still gleams, Jon Pareles writes.
A new book, 'The Gods of New York,' traces four transformative years in the city, 1986 to 1990. Jonathan Mahler, the book's author and a Times reporter, offers a playlist of early rap that captures the turmoil of that era.
More Culture
For the last two years, the Delacorte Theater — home of Free Shakespeare in the Park — has been closed for an update. Here's a look at the $85 million renovation.
London is a global capital for Indian restaurants. Some of the city's most beloved eateries, including the chain Dishoom, are making their way to the U.S.
The teen jewelry chain Claire's has filed for bankruptcy for a second time.
By Desiree Ibekwe
🎸 Ethel Cain, 'Willoughby Tucker, I'll Always Love You' (Out now): On a summer's day about two years ago, standing in a field in West London, I fell in love with the music of Ethel Cain, the southern gothic persona of the singer Hayden Anhedönia. It happened during her performance of 'A House in Nebraska,' a cinematic, nearly eight-minute track about regret and lost love. There was more where that came from — much of the rest of her 2022 debut album, 'Preacher's Daughter,' was just as rich and just as evocative. This new album is supposed to be second in a trilogy of albums from Ethel's perspective — I'm looking forward to entering her cinematic universe once more.
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13 Emotional Needs Most Marriages Fail To Talk About
Marriages are complicated, and they don't come with a manual. While love, trust, and respect are often discussed, there are several emotional needs that frequently fly under the radar. These needs aren't often talked about, but they can significantly impact your relationship's health and longevity. Addressing them can help build a stronger connection between you and your partner. Let's dive into thirteen emotional needs that many marriages overlook. 1. Validation Everyone wants to feel understood and acknowledged in their relationships. Validation is about recognizing your partner's feelings and experiences as legitimate. It's not just about agreeing with everything they say; it's about showing empathy and understanding their perspective. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes the importance of validation in relationships, suggesting that it reinforces emotional bonds and prevents conflicts. When your partner feels validated, they're more likely to open up, fostering deeper intimacy and trust. Ignoring validation can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnect. It can make your partner feel like their emotions don't matter, which can create a wall between you two. To practice validation, actively listen to your partner without interrupting. Reflect back what they've said to show you're genuinely engaged. This simple act can make a world of difference in how connected you both feel. 2. Appreciation Appreciation is about recognizing and valuing your partner's efforts, both big and small. It's easy to get caught up in routine and overlook the little things your partner does daily. Saying "thank you" or showing gratitude can make them feel cherished and respected. It reinforces positive behaviors and encourages your partner to continue being thoughtful. Remember, everyone likes to feel appreciated, and a little acknowledgment goes a long way in nurturing your relationship. On the flip side, a lack of appreciation can breed resentment. If one partner feels like their efforts go unnoticed, it can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction. It's essential to communicate your appreciation regularly, whether through words, actions, or small gestures. This habit not only boosts your partner's self-esteem but also strengthens your bond. So, take a moment to express genuine gratitude; it can transform your relationship dynamic. 3. Affection Affection is a powerful way to express love and connection. Whether through physical touch, like holding hands or a warm hug, or verbal affirmations, affection reassures your partner of your love. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The Five Love Languages," suggests that understanding your partner's preferred form of affection can enhance your emotional connection. Not everyone expresses or receives love in the same way, so it's crucial to learn and adapt to your partner's needs. Consistent affection can help maintain the warmth and intimacy in your marriage. Neglecting affection can lead to feelings of neglect or emotional distance. When one partner feels starved of affection, it can create insecurity and doubt in the relationship. Make it a habit to express affection daily, even in small ways. A simple "I love you" or a gentle touch can reaffirm your commitment and keep the spark alive. Remember, affection is not just a luxury in marriage; it's a necessity. 4. Emotional Safety Emotional safety is about creating an environment where your partner feels safe to express their true thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or backlash. This aspect of a relationship is often overlooked but is crucial for fostering open communication and vulnerability. When your partner feels emotionally safe, they're more likely to share their innermost concerns and desires. This transparency helps build trust and intimacy, which are foundations of a healthy marriage. It's essential to practice active listening and show empathy to create this safe space. Without emotional safety, partners may withhold their true feelings, leading to misunderstandings and resentment. They might fear being criticized or dismissed, which can stifle honest communication. To cultivate emotional safety, make a conscious effort to listen without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Validate your partner's feelings and ensure they know their emotions are important to you. This supportive atmosphere encourages openness and strengthens your emotional connection. 5. Shared Goals Having shared goals gives your relationship direction and purpose. Whether it's planning for a vacation or working towards financial stability, aligning your aspirations helps both partners feel like they're on the same team. According to relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch, couples who engage in shared activities and goals are more likely to experience marital satisfaction. Setting common objectives helps you grow together, reinforcing your bond and keeping you both motivated. It's essential to regularly discuss and revise these goals to ensure you're moving forward together. When couples lack shared goals, they might start to drift apart. Each partner may pursue individual interests without considering the impact on their relationship. This can lead to feelings of disconnect and a loss of shared purpose. To avoid this, make time to discuss your dreams and aspirations with your partner. Find common ground and establish goals that resonate with both of you. Working towards these shared objectives can deepen your connection and create a sense of partnership. 6. Autonomy While togetherness is essential in a marriage, so is the need for autonomy. Each partner should have the freedom to pursue individual interests and passions. Autonomy doesn't mean leading separate lives; it's about respecting each other's need for personal space and growth. Encouraging independence can lead to a healthier, more balanced relationship. It shows trust and respect for your partner's individuality, which can strengthen your bond. Lack of autonomy can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment. When one partner feels overly dependent or restricted, it can create tension and dissatisfaction. To support each other's autonomy, encourage hobbies or activities that your partner enjoys. Respect their need for time alone or with friends, and ensure that you both have the opportunity to grow individually. By nurturing autonomy, you can maintain a healthy balance between togetherness and individuality in your marriage. 7. Support During Challenges Life is full of ups and downs, and having a supportive partner during challenging times is invaluable. Support isn't just about solving problems; it's about being there emotionally and offering a listening ear. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, emotional responsiveness during difficult times can increase relationship satisfaction and resilience. When your partner feels supported, they're more likely to navigate challenges with confidence and strength. Your presence and encouragement can make all the difference during tough times. On the contrary, a lack of support can lead to feelings of isolation and helplessness. If one partner feels like they're facing challenges alone, it can create a disconnect and strain the relationship. To provide meaningful support, practice active listening and offer empathy without immediately jumping to solutions. Let your partner know you're there for them, no matter what. This unwavering support not only strengthens your relationship but also builds trust and intimacy. 8. Honesty Honesty is the foundation of trust in any relationship. Being truthful about your thoughts, feelings, and actions helps create a transparent and open environment. When both partners are honest, it fosters a sense of security and reliability in the marriage. It's important to communicate openly, even when the truth may be uncomfortable or difficult. By prioritizing honesty, you build a solid foundation that supports a lasting and fulfilling relationship. A lack of honesty can erode trust and create a web of misunderstandings. When one partner feels deceived, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and insecurity. To maintain honesty, establish clear communication channels and encourage openness. Remember that honesty isn't just about being truthful; it's also about being consistent. By practicing honesty in all aspects of your relationship, you can ensure a strong and trusting bond. 9. Humor And Fun Laughter is an essential ingredient in any healthy relationship. Sharing humor and fun moments helps relieve stress and keeps the relationship vibrant. Couples who laugh together often find it easier to navigate challenges and maintain a positive connection. It's important to make time for fun activities and playful interactions that bring joy to both partners. By prioritizing humor, you create a joyful atmosphere that can enhance your emotional bond. Without humor, a relationship can become dull and monotonous. The absence of laughter can lead to increased stress and tension, making it difficult to maintain a positive outlook. To keep humor alive, find activities or hobbies that you both enjoy and make time for them regularly. Share jokes, watch comedies, or engage in playful banter to keep the mood light and enjoyable. Remember, laughter is a powerful tool for strengthening your connection and maintaining a happy relationship. 10. Respect Respect is a fundamental component of any successful marriage. It's about honoring your partner's thoughts, feelings, and individuality. When both partners feel respected, it creates a sense of equality and mutual appreciation in the relationship. Respectful communication involves active listening, avoiding interruptions, and considering your partner's perspective. By prioritizing respect, you create a nurturing and supportive environment that strengthens your bond. A lack of respect can lead to resentment and conflict. When one partner feels belittled or dismissed, it can damage the relationship's foundation. To maintain respect, practice patience and understanding with each other. Acknowledge your partner's contributions and value their opinions. By fostering a respectful atmosphere, you can enhance intimacy and trust in your marriage. 11. Forgiveness Forgiveness is essential for healing and moving forward in any relationship. Holding onto grudges or past mistakes can create tension and prevent growth. When both partners practice forgiveness, it allows for a fresh start and reinforces a sense of compassion. It's important to address issues openly, express your feelings, and work towards resolution. By prioritizing forgiveness, you can foster a healthier, more resilient relationship. Without forgiveness, unresolved issues can fester and lead to bitterness. When partners are unwilling to let go of past grievances, it can create an emotional barrier. To practice forgiveness, focus on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past. Communicate openly about your feelings and work together to find common ground. By letting go of resentment, you can create space for healing and growth in your marriage. 12. Growth And Change Marriage is a journey that involves growth and change for both partners. Embracing personal and collective growth can lead to a more fulfilling and dynamic relationship. It's important to support each other's development and adapt to changes as they arise. When both partners are open to growth, it fosters a sense of curiosity and excitement in the marriage. By prioritizing growth, you can create a relationship that evolves and thrives over time. Resisting change can lead to stagnation and dissatisfaction. When one partner is unwilling to evolve, it can create tension and hinder the relationship's progress. To encourage growth, explore new experiences together and support each other's personal goals. Embrace change as an opportunity for learning and transformation. By nurturing growth, you can ensure a vibrant and evolving marriage. 13. Quality Time Spending quality time together is crucial for maintaining a strong and connected relationship. It's not just about being physically present; it's about engaging with each other meaningfully. Quality time involves active engagement, whether through conversations, shared activities, or simply enjoying each other's company. By prioritizing quality time, you create a space for connection and intimacy to flourish. It helps both partners feel valued and appreciated in the relationship. 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My husband takes our sons on a trip without me every summer. They swim, fish, and stay up late, and I enjoy taking time for myself.
Five years ago, my husband took our two sons on a summer trip without me. It became an annual tradition, and it's good for all of us. They get time away together, and I get time at home to myself to recharge. Right now, my two teenage sons are off with my husband on their fifth annual boys' lake trip — a tradition that started a few years ago when I casually suggested they take a getaway without me. It was right after the height of the pandemic, and we were all in need of some breathing room after a year of virtual school and working from home. At first, my staying behind was a practical choice: our pet sitter was unavailable and boarding wasn't an option with two dogs, a cat, and a parrot. That first year, I felt a mix of guilt and anxiety as they drove away. I'd pitched the idea as a chance for them to bond — father and sons, no "default parent" hovering — and I meant it. But once they actually left, I had a pit in my stomach. Had I made a terrible mistake? It was my idea, but I wasn't ready I was a little panicked that first year and didn't know how to fill my alone time. I started a to-do list that morphed into a massive, over-ambitious three-page document. I can't help but laugh at myself now — I'm a former Navy spouse who used to spend months alone at a time. But after a decade of parenting, I had forgotten what it was like to truly be alone in my own house. When my family was getting ready for their first trip without me, I double-checked their packing lists, tucked snacks and notes into backpacks, and offered advice on what to bring. My husband — the Navy guy I trust completely and who's more than capable of organizing a weeklong trip — definitely didn't need my help. He still patiently indulged my anxiety attack as I tucked children's Motrin, Band-Aids, and antibiotic cream into his toiletries bag. It's gotten better every year After that first year, I gradually stopped feeling the need to double-check their packing or toss out last-minute reminders about sunscreen and underwear. My kids are teenagers now, and with the help of their father (not me!), they have the planning and packing down. This year, I was content to watch from the sidelines as they loaded the car with all of the gear they'd need for a week away. The morning they left, I waved from the porch and headed back inside to a quiet house. I've learned to let go. For them, this week is about swimming, fishing, eating junk food, and staying up late watching movies. It's exactly the kind of memory-making experience that doesn't require my involvement — and honestly, they probably benefit from my absence. They come home sunburned and tired, full of stories that don't include me. They've found a place that belongs to the three of them, and rather than being jealous, I love the memories — and confidence — they're building. I've learned to take the time for myself Meanwhile, I get a stretch of time that's entirely my own. In previous years, I've hosted girls' night on my deck or invited a long-distance friend to visit for a few days. This year, I was craving the alone time to focus on some big creative projects. I also binged some shows, read two novels, and reveled in the quiet (and a clean house). As a night owl, I find it liberating not to have to sync up with anyone else's schedule. I eat when I'm hungry rather than at designated family meal times, go to bed as late as I want, and start my day whenever I'm ready. I feel like a teenager with the house to myself while my parents are out of town — only better, because I don't have to sneak anything. After five years of trips, my to-do lists have gotten a little shorter (and focus more on fun), and I've started looking forward to this week almost as much as my family does. I can't wait to see what next year brings. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
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4 quotes that could permanently change how you see the world
You need only look within to see the power of change afoot. Word economy has always been my foremost goal as a writer. I want to say as much as I can with the fewest words possible. This is why I've been collecting cool quotes for years now. They contain the ultimate power of writing — and the ability to change how you see the world. The worst quality I see in partners Somewhere between age 25 and 30, I grew deeply resentful of people who can't apologize. My ex — and her entire family — were all incapable of saying sorry, no matter how obvious and needed the apology was. I'm convinced that if she even tried to apologize, her lips would tremble and she'd clench her fists and go into a seizure. In her family, feuds never ended. People stopped talking to each other over trivial disputes. I didn't get a single apology across the entirety of our long relationship. She and her brother were in a fight (which I never understood the cause of — a sign it was something insignificant). During Christmas, they stood on opposite sides of the house, avoiding speaking with each other, making the holiday mega-awkward. I'd still prefer someone skipped the apology if the behavior isn't going to change. My friend's deadbeat dad just rattled off apology after apology after never coming through for her. He'd forget to call her on her birthday, always be broke, unemployed, and partying like a frat boy (he was in his 50s). She couldn't count on him for a single damn thing. It was around this time that a friend said to me, 'An apology without change is just manipulation.' Apologies shouldn't be a flare gun to fire off in emergencies to create a distraction. Those words should be seen as agents of change and given the respect they deserve. The importance of progress Does this describe someone you know? They always have something negative to say about other people. They take any opportunity to criticize someone else. Yet when you offer even a minor criticism of them, they blow up. They can dish it out but not take it. These people are a pain in the neck and unless you are related to them, I'd consider cutting them off. There's an old adage, 'Those who can't take criticism need it the most.' These people are frequently in the non-apologizer club too. They fly through life blind and never evolving. One thing experience has taught me with certainty — when people react strongly to criticism, it usually represents insecurity. A deeper and more honest part of them senses guilt. They lash out to protect themselves. A common example: when a girlfriend mentions a woman's hyper-flirty Facebook comment to her overly-jealous boyfriend and he starts shouting about how he's not cheating. Some people seem quite afraid of seeing themselves. It harkens to an old Central American adage, 'If ten people tell you you're drunk, lie down.' Spinning through the air I struggle with indecision. I'm so risk-averse and it's often over laughably low-stakes stuff too. It's not like I'm not on the Bachelor, trying to pick my bride from of a dozen classy beautiful women who are all pining for attention. I spin in circles trying to figure out what's for dinner. I found 'the nuclear option' for when I can't decide between two good options. I discovered it while watching, of all things, No Country for Old Men: 'When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.' We secretly know what we want most of the time. It's like when my spouse asks me for my opinion on two pairs of clothes to wear. I give my opinion and she just goes with her own version either way. When all else fails, toss a coin. The act of taking the decision out of your own hands has a way of surfacing what you really want. The strange life of a genius I coached swimming in the mid-2000s and it probably won't surprise you that my most challenging group was the middle school boys. They constantly looked for ways to troll me and push the boundaries. It was lewd humor and madness. Yet while a few of them were difficult — others needed help. They were 'different'. Consequently, they were bullied relentlessly at school. They often came to practice upset about how their day had gone. I identified with them on so many levels. I've spent my entire life having people tell me, 'You are one weird dude.' I would reassure them that they were simply misunderstood and that they were in good company: some of the greatest people to ever live were treated as weirdos. The mega-genius, Friedrich Nietzsche, was in this camp at one point too. He was, by very definition, different than his peers. People tend to attack things they don't understand. Throughout his life, he proposed many wild and brilliant ideas, faced his share of critics, and endured his own moments of social isolation. One line he wrote, that I encourage any who feel misunderstood to remember: And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. Humanity is filled with wild and shimmering variety. Those who see 'different' and attack are afraid of their own authenticity. Don't shy away from living your own truth. If you haven't been told 'You're weird.' a few times along the way, you aren't doing it right. Solve the daily Crossword