How One Comment Shifted My Perspective on Living with Psoriasis

WebMD

a day ago

When I was diagnosed with psoriasis, it was visibly noticeable. I used light box therapy, went through a lot of silent battles alone, and felt like my whole world was crashing down. I had to confront it almost immediately because college peers would ask me about my tans or if I was OK because of the visible irritations, flare-ups, or marks.
After nearly a couple of years, I was at a pool in downtown Chicago when a couple of friends asked about my psoriasis. I told them it's been something I've dealt with for a while, and they didn't look at me any differently. My girlfriend told me many times before, this one comment that sticks with me and allows me to progress. She said, 'People care about who you are, not what's on your skin. More people understand than you think.' After processing that comment, I realized that the only one who needed to get a grip on it and not let it faze me was myself.
As someone who's always been confident and social, I didn't expect to be so tested. Visible psoriasis marks shook my confidence. I couldn't get over the fact that someone could potentially glance over, be disturbed, and give me dirty looks. This scenario has hardly ever happened. I know when I'm at the gym and if I'm flaring up on my knees or elbows, some people notice, but I've hardly ever gotten a negative comment or look.
The fear was constant. Fear of disapproval, fear of being excluded, or unlikable. It was one of the first times in my life that I felt like something was wrong with me, but these were all stories I put into my own head. Stress management is one of the biggest driving forces for me having a grip on the symptoms. A few of the most common symptoms I face with guttate psoriasis include red spots, scattered rash-like coverage, itchiness, and flaky dry skin.
Facing my psoriasis reality strengthened my relationships. For the most part, I kept it between my family and myself. But as time progressed, my inner circle became my friends and family friends, and I became more comfortable in my own skin. The way I approach psoriasis in my late 20s compared to my early 20s has changed drastically. Looking back, it feels like it defined my life at the time. I felt sorry for myself and didn't realize these inner battles were making me stronger.
To significantly balance out my stress, I hit the gym every weekday morning at 6:30 a.m. I spend about 30 minutes on weights, 45 minutes in the basketball gym, and 15 minutes to stretch or recover. My advice is to address your stress and cope in ways that benefit you in a positive way. Some things I do include consistent evening walks, connecting with an old friend, trying new things, etc. It all works together.
A Harvard study found that 'the quality of our relationships is the most important factor in determining our happiness. The study found that people with strong, supportive relationships were happier, healthier, and lived longer than those with weak or troubled relationships.' I take a lot of pride in maintaining and nourishing my relationships. Across the board, being accountable, bringing good energy, asking questions, and putting in effort to strengthen the bonds.
Living with psoriasis is something I never expected to deal with. But it's taught me how to take care of myself better inside and out. If there weren't such negative repercussions, I wouldn't feel the need to make better choices, so in a way I'm grateful for it. Aside from having clear skin, the bigger lessons I've learned weigh more on the negative thoughts like doubt, shame, and fear. We can all improve in those areas and see nearly instant benefits.
Finding a community that has your back is a huge advantage. Bottling up our thoughts and keeping our circles closed is how things can get dark very fast. But through connections, we learn new ways to do things, they ask us questions we haven't yet asked ourselves, and we reciprocate a mutual energy to one another. Going 'lone wolf' and overcoming challenges alone is necessary, but having a sense of community is an added layer of armor.
The comment my girlfriend made that day saying, 'People care about who you are, not what's on your skin,' was one of the first times since my diagnosis that I was able to start loving and accepting myself. She empowered me to motivate others. I've talked through fears by friends with psoriasis, eczema, and other hurdles. Most of it is in our head and reliant on the way we carry ourselves. We can keep our heads high with pride, or we can lean over and let the negativity run loose.
There is still a lot that I don't know, and the flare-ups still happen. I have no perfect process by any means. Going through hard times with it taught me a lot about patience and resilience. Creating structure and balance especially with daily workouts, getting better sleep, or creative outlets. The more occupied and purposeful I am with my time, the less energy spent ruminating over worries or doubts. When I feel a flare coming on, I try to stay ahead of it by adding extra layers of moisturizers, cut back on foods that trigger it, and keep moving forward.
To anyone managing psoriasis, I would recommend giving yourself grace. You aren't alone in the way you feel. But just know that on the other side of confronting issues one by one, you'll start to create systems that work in your favor and lead to more upsides. If I were to go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell him to keep experimenting with new ways to improve. It will be interesting to see what my experience with psoriasis will look like in 10 years, but I know that I'll be dedicated to ensuring I have the right support, habits, and mindset.