The IVF journey: navigating the emotional rollercoaster and what to say (or avoid!)

IOL News

4 days ago

Simply being there offering kindness, listening without judgment, and avoiding intrusive questions can make a world of difference
Image: Picture: Morgan/ TikTok
For many women and their partners, the inability to fall pregnant can be an emotionally devastating experience.
In South Africa, as in many parts of the world, infertility is a deeply personal challenge that often goes unnoticed by others.
However, advancements in fertility treatments, including in vitro fertilisation (IVF), have made it easier than ever to diagnose and address infertility.
While treatments like IVF offer hope to many families, they come with emotional, physical, and financial challenges. In South Africa, where the cost of IVF ranges from R73 000 per cycle (excluding medication), affordability and success rates are major factors for couples considering this path.
Clinics such as the Wijnland Fertility Clinic and Joburg Fertility Clinic report success rates of 63% –68% for women under the age of 35.
These figures highlight the promise of IVF but also underline its uncertainty, as success rates decrease with age.
For those supporting someone going through fertility treatments, knowing what to say and what not to say can make a world of difference.
In a "Daily Mail" interview with Kerry Downes, insights into the IVF journey were shared, including its processes and guidance on how to effectively support individuals undergoing it.
The emotional impact of IVF
The decision to pursue IVF is not taken lightly. For many couples, it comes after months or even years of trying to conceive naturally. The process itself can be physically and emotionally taxing, involving daily hormone injections, frequent medical appointments, and the anxiety of waiting for results.
For women undergoing IVF, the emotional toll can be compounded by societal pressures.
In South Africa, where strong cultural and family values often emphasise childbearing, infertility can be stigmatised, leaving couples to navigate their struggles in silence.
Undergoing IVF is a deeply personal and often complicated experience. For those on this journey, having a supportive network of friends and family can make the process a little easier to bear.
Image: Alexander Krivitskiy/pexels
This emotional journey makes the words and actions of friends and family incredibly important. Even well-meaning comments can unintentionally hurt, so it's crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity and empathy.
Avoid these well-intentioned but painful remarks when speaking to someone undergoing IVF:
1. 'Oh, you're not drinking?'
This seemingly innocent question, often accompanied by a knowing smile or wink, assumes pregnancy and can be deeply upsetting if untrue. Many people undergoing IVF avoid alcohol as part of the treatment, and this comment only highlights the emotional weight of their journey.
2. 'Children are overrated anyway.'
While this may be said in an attempt to lighten the mood, it can come across as dismissive. For someone longing to have a child, such remarks might feel trivialising and unsupportive.
3. 'Why don't you just adopt?'
Adoption is a beautiful option, but suggesting it as an alternative dismisses the complexity of the IVF decision. Couples often consider all routes to parenthood before choosing IVF, and this comment can feel like a lack of understanding or support.
4. 'Who has the issue, you or him?'
Infertility is a shared experience in a partnership, and this question is not only intrusive but also unhelpful. It shifts the focus from shared support to blame.
5. 'How exciting!'
Excitement is natural, but IVF is fraught with uncertainty. With an average success rate of 33% in South Africa for women under 35, couples often approach the process cautiously. Overly enthusiastic reactions can feel out of sync with their emotional reality.