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Rewatching "Coyote Ugly" As An Adult Was Pretty Wild

Rewatching "Coyote Ugly" As An Adult Was Pretty Wild

Buzz Feeda day ago
Earlier this month, Coyote Ugly was added to Disney+/Hulu and, upon seeing the title card, I realized I haven't watched the film since my childhood*.
*Disregard that this is not a film suitable for children — the early 2000s were a different time!
So, even though no one asked, here's every thought I had while watching Coyote Ugly for the first time in my adult life.
Before we jump in, here's the synopsis Hulu gives for Coyote Ugly in case you've never heard of this film until now:
Our protagonist, Violet (Piper Perabo) is leaving the comfort of *checks records* South Amboy, New Jersey to move to NYC, which is a whopping 42 miles away.
Perhaps it's a sign of the times, but if it were me, I would commute into the city until I got a steady paying gig since NYC can be P-R-I-C-Y. She could live for free at home, but then we wouldn't have much of a movie, now would we?
So not only did Violet leave the comfort of her FREE HOUSE to pay RENT in NYC, it's an actual shit hole!
Gloria (Melanie Lynskey) is a real one for hooking Violet up with some emergency funds.
Y'all, Violet is going across the bridge, not across the world!
Relax!
Cue the wide-eyed-ingenue montage of Violet earnestly trying to get her demo out to all the major labels.
As a kid, I remember thinking, "This girl's got moxie!" As an adult, now all I can think is "This girl should have stayed in Jersey!"
OK, so Violet mistook the Hot Aussie line cook (Adam Garcia) at the club for an important music man™. I know that this is her dream and all, but for someone who wants to work in the music business, she doesn't know a single thing about the music business.
I will say, Kevin is just as much of a smoke show as I remember.
Girl, do not unplug a receptionist's phone! That's NOT how you get your demo out there — however, even though she was rude, William Morris' receptionist was the first person to give her advice to help her advance in her career.
Violet is a lil' entitled, I'm not gonna lie. She's pushing her demo on everyone and we don't even know if she's talented yet*!*Spoiler alert from the future: Confirmed that she is talented.
Ahh, she has stage fright...and to make a bad night worse, she got robbed!
Not a good night for our girl.
TYRA BANKS!
Turns out she's a "coyote" at Coyote Ugly, but is going off to law school! So someone is gonna need to replace her...cue Violet!
So Coyote Ugly is a bar, though, it seems like they waste more alcohol than they sell.
According to Lil (Maria Bello), the owner, the only drinks you can get at Coyote Ugly are vodka, tequila, scotch, bourbon, and whiskey — in a shot glass — beer and...that's it. Not the place to go if you wanna get a Cosmo!
Somehow, I get the sense that Violet is gonna break one of these rules.
I, personally, would break all the rules for Hot Aussie Kevin.
An establishment that doesn't serve water is an establishment I don't wanna be in!
Like, why do people come to this bar? They all know the moves to a random dance, they all chant the same phrase, and they all abide by the arbitrary rules doled out by a not-so-benevolent leader. It's a cult!
OK, so Violet is now a Coyote and has piqued the interest of Hot Aussie Kevin.
Side note, we're like 35 minutes into this movie, and we have yet to hear one of Violet's songs or even her voice. Talk about a side quest!
Hot Aussie Kevin found Violet at work, but she, as payback, is auctioning him off to the highest bidder in order to pay Lil's fine from the fire marshal.
Remember that water rule? Came back to bite everyone in the ass because the fire marshal asked for a glass of water, and Violet responded by throwing some in his face, rather than pouring some into a glass. The consequence? A $250 fine that Lil is making Violet pay for — even though the fine is 100% Lil's fault. But hey, that's showbiz, baby!
Hot Aussie Kevin is such a good sport.
$250 is a steal for that man.
Ahh, the answer to the age-old question:
Not coyotes catching strays...
Oh, Hot Aussie Kevin, you cheeky lil' koala:
This man's idea of payback is to take VIOLET out on four dates. If he wanted to, he would, ladies!
Hot Aussie Kevin may be the hottest comic book collector to ever exist.
Hottie with a hobby.
Hot Aussie Kevin is already invested in Violet's career:
Hot Aussie Kevin is the perfect blend of precious and precocious.
The bar is going up in flames — metaphorically — and Violet's initial thought is...to sing?
I mean...it worked? Patrons were throwing fists and stealing beers, but it's OK, because Violet brought the house down while lip syncing "One Way Or Another."
The sound that came outta my mouth:
Rachel may be Violet's rival waitress, but she is funny.
OK, you smooth for this one Violet:
I see you, girl!
53 minutes in and we're finally hearing Violet's original music:
And...it's not bad! Pretty catchy, actually.
OMG, Violet is singing in front of Hot Aussie Kevin.
Kevin's impact!
Hot Aussie Kevin is such a precious bean.
Like, he's actively helping her with her career.
OH NO, HER DAD CAME TO THE BAR!
But also, it's not that deep. But also, I get the overprotective dad thing! Ahh, I'm conflicted!
Boundaries? Lil has never heard of them.
OK, this is actually insane. Do bartenders not get PTO?
HOT AUSSIE KEVIN SACRIFICED HIS SPIDER-MAN COMIC TO GET VIOLET THIS TIME SLOT AND SHE BLEW HIM OFF!
Kevin is the true hero of this movie, and Lil the Cult Leader is a VILLAIN!
I don't condone violence, but I get why Kevin wigged out:
I don't care that Zach is a regular, he was groping you without your consent and your boyfriend got upset!
Violet...you do not know what this man sacrificed for you, and now you look like an IDIOT because the reason he doesn't open up about this past is 'cause it WASN'T A GOOD ONE!
I take it back, Violet is a villain too. Justice for my boy Kevin.
Violet lost her job AND her man!
I ain't even mad. She deserved it.
DAMN! Her job, her man, AND her dad!
This was brutal of her dad, though. He's a villain, too!
Truly...everyone in this movie aside from Hot Aussie Kevin friggin' SUCKS.
No words.
"Get discovered! Songwriters' showcase every Sunday night." Be so for real.
If only it were that easy.
I don't even care that they made up.
The most toxic relationship in cinema.
Kevin came to Violet's showcase and made everyone "disappear" because that's the only way she could sing her own songs.
VIOLET DOES NOT DESERVE THIS MAN!
And just like that, Leanne Rhimes bought Violet's song.
And, for some reason, is debuting the song at Coyote Ugly. Like, was The House of Blues unavailable?
This was the least she could do:
This doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what Violet owes Kevin.
Main takeaway? Everyone sucks except for Hot Aussie Kevin.
This movie did the unthinkable...it made me root for a man.
When's the last time you watched Coyote Ugly? Go stream it now on Hulu!
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