Expert reveals conversation habits that make people instantly hate you - including how you take compliments

Daily Mail​

4 hours ago

Many people are guilty of five common habits that will make others instantly dislike them, according to a video by YouTube channel Charisma on Command.
One of these key habits people should avoid, according to the clip, is jumping on every opportunity to call praise or attention to themselves.
The video claims that if people do find themselves the subject of praise, a great way to handle this is to spread that praise to others. To illustrate the point, the video highlighted an interview from several years ago with Brie Larson and Chris Hemsworth.
While the actress is popular with many thanks to her dry humour and sense of irony - something the video narrator pointed out - he suggested that her communication during this interchange may not have read well with the audience.
'I want to make this clear, there are interviews that I can show you where Brie is extremely likeable,' the video was keen to stress.
During the Entertainment Tonight interview, in which the actors were promoting the movie Avengers: Endgame. According to the video: 'Chris Hemsworth is talking up his stunt double, and he's putting himself down to do it. This is a nice common move for somebody who is kind of on top.
'And in this case, Hemsworth is clearly athletic and powerful and famous. So it's kind of him to take that trainer and put him above him, even if it means denigrating himself.'
The narrator added: 'The charismatic move, the confident move, is to spread the praise. Don't worry so much if you're getting yours. When you give it freely, it comes back to you freely.'
According to the video, in this situation, in contrast to her many interviews in which she has come across as very likeable, during this conversation, noted that she did all her own stunts thinking 'this is what everyone does'.
While the narrator noted this may have been an ironic comment that didn't quite land with the audience, the situation deteriorated when Tom Cruise was highlighted as an actor who does their own stunts, and it was suggested that Brie could be the next Tom Cruise. She commented that she would rather be 'the first me, not the next Tom Cruise'.
A number of viewers agreed with the point, and went on to share their own thoughts in the comments section of the video. One wrote: 'Constantly redirecting the conversation on yourself makes people not want to talk to you.'
Meanwhile, others revealed that they found this type of advice useful as they often struggled with how to behave. One YouTube user said: 'Watching these videos always reminds me how hard social life is.
Another said: 'As a person with Aspergers who doesn't know how to converse. I think this channel is really helpful.'
Meanwhile, another offered a suggestion as to why behaviours can somehow come across differently than intended.
They wrote: 'One thing I've noticed about popular, successful people is that they rarely if ever seem to be triggered in public anyway. My guess is they either had stable, loving childhoods or have done trauma work. If you have unresolved trauma certain social things can be massively distressing and will trigger a trauma response, which most people won't understand and will interpret negatively. Brie seems either triggered from past put downs/abuse/bullying or she's trying to be funny and it's falling flat.'
The video listed a number of other habits than can be off putting to other people, and are therefore worth trying to avoid during interactions.
A number of viewers commented on how it can be difficult to know how they are coming across in social situations
Among them were reading negative intent in an ambiguous situation, or in other words, assuming that when a comment is made, it is designed to insult.
However, the next point related to this, with the video pointing out that sometimes when a person responds to a comment in a way that appears they took it as an insult, they can actually be just trying to be sarcastic.
The narrator pointed out that 'sarcasm requires a "tell" - and noted there could be cultural differences when it comes to how sarcasm is communicated.
He explained: 'I know that British people are going to hate this recommendation, but at least in America, a good rule of thumb is that when you are being tongue in cheek, do not be flat in your delivery.
'[This is] especially if a literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk.
'Go over the top and change your tone, your gestures or your facial expressions. This helps people distinguish between normal conversation and a character that you are playing for the purpose of joke.'
Moving on, he suggested that people should 'not try to win every moment of banter' if they don't want to risk coming across as unlikeable.
When banter can start to feel like a fight, he said: 'Sometimes it is better to stop fighting. Don't try to win every laugh from the audience. Instead, go with the joke, even if it feels like you are the butt of that joke, and then amplify it, not taking this kind of insulting joke seriously.
'You diffuse its power, and you turn the crowd from laughing at you to laughing with you.'
The final of the five behaviours that can make people dislike others handling compliments improperly.
'You should avoid responding to compliments with banter that are put downs in nature,' the video said.
'Instead, you can give a sincere thank you, emphasised perhaps with sustained eye contact or a touch [...] Alternatively, you can spin it back around to the other person and playfully find a way to give them back an even bigger compliment..
It concluded: 'Whatever you do, do not punish people when they give you compliments. Otherwise, they will not be so forthcoming. When in doubt, a sincere thank you and a smile or just to return a compliment will take you much farther.'