When we go on family vacations, one of us arrives 3 days early without our kid. It's the secret to our happy marriage.
We came up with an arrangement — whenever we take a family trip, one of us arrives a few days early.
This system also improves our trips because we can report back on the weather, culture, and lodging.
Just six months after we met, my now-wife and I flew to Spain for a 10-day crash course in compatibility. This felt like a natural thing to do — we love travel, and often joke that spontaneous trips are our love language.
On that vacation, we made a pact: As long as we were together, we'd always give each other time and space to explore the world.
The plan was going well … until our daughter was born about 15 months ago. Budgeting time and money for wanderlust suddenly became much trickier.
So, we came up with a solution. Now, when we take a family trip, one of us leaves for our destination a few days early.
Not only does this arrangement satisfy that promise we made to each other years ago, but it makes for a better, easier stay once all parties have landed.
Our travel system doubles as an advanced scouting mission
Arriving first doesn't mean that one of us gets to just kick up our feet poolside for a few days.
On the contrary, it means we get to do extensive recon on neighborhoods, public transport, activities, and other logistics before the rest of the family lands.
Earlier this year, I headed to Lisbon a few days ahead of my wife, baby, and my entire immediate family. My to-do list included familiarizing myself with the city's metro system, identifying the biggest tourist traps (and when to avoid them), testing out a few restaurants, and buying tickets for an upcoming soccer match.
By the time everyone arrived, I had hammered out a rough itinerary complete with dinner reservations, travel routes, and a good idea of when to visit the city's most popular attractions without having to suffer through an hourlong line.
(Pro tip: Catch the famous Tram 28 in the morning, and make sure you board at one of its two termini.)
Arriving separately is also the ultimate packing hack
One other thing I learned during those first 72 hours in Lisbon? Trying to push your kid around the City of Seven Hills in a stroller is a fool's errand.
After just a few hours hiking around cobblestoned Chiado and the Bairro Alto, I called home and saved my wife from having to travel with our bulkiest piece of baby equipment.
Early arrivals also allow us to relay valuable info about the weather, terrain, and local vibe. Sometimes that means packing clothes that are more casual or formal than we'd initially planned; often, it means making more informed decisions on footwear and necessary layers.
Whenever it's my wife touching down first, she'll always find time to linger in a city's best vintage shops, where she can pick out some new outfits for the trip and beyond.
Most importantly, our arrangement is about discovery
The biggest reason my wife and I abide by this whole trip-before-the-trip philosophy isn't better planning — it's our desire to find something new, something uncharted, something unfamiliar. It's what gave us the travel bug to begin with.
When we travel with our daughter, her needs — meals, naps, accessibility — come first.
That makes it hard to do some of the things we loved doing in our pre-child life, like wandering a new neighborhood with no destination in mind or plopping down at some unassuming bar simply because we liked the sign on the door.
That kind of spontaneity has always led us to the people and places that stick with us. When we travel alone, even just for a few days, we're not only getting time off from our parental duties — we're reconnecting with a sense of independence and curiosity that lies at the very foundation of the life we've built together.
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