My husband won't stop playing with Lego and it's driving me nuts

Telegraph

2 days ago

Anna Raby* was looking forward to a peaceful break in a small Cornish cottage, escaping the hustle and bustle of Sheffield. What the 35-year-old history teacher hadn't bargained for was her husband Harry* bringing with him 'a massive box of Lego', taking over not only the space, but also the time. 'I got very annoyed,' she admits. 'He was making some kind of car and there were bits all over the coffee table. For me, it was not relaxing.'
Anna is one of many ' Lego widows ' who have been pushed close to the edge by their partner's passion for playing with the Danish toy bricks. At home, she is generally tolerant. 'He loves [the table-top game] Warhammer and builds the models. He also has a whole collection of anime figures in his office, and he likes building enormous Lego structures.'
He may be on the autistic spectrum, she adds, 'but undiagnosed so far. He's also the kindest, funniest person I know, so I put up with the shelves full of what I call toys and he calls 'accurate scale models.''
At home, she explains, Harry pursues his hobby in his office, out of the way. 'He can spend a whole Saturday morning fiddling about up there and I don't see him,' she says. 'But it makes him happy. His work in IT is quite stressful, and this helps him chill out, in the same way I go to the gym.'
But, with 'the spare room filling up with c--p', she has perhaps reached her limit, at least for the time being. 'We're planning to have a baby soon, so things might have to change, at least until it's old enough to help him,' Anna says.
Harry is far from the only grown-up Lego fan. Celebrities including David Beckham, who reportedly once stayed up until 3am to finish the Hogwarts castle kit; Daniel Radciffe – Harry Potter himself – who completed a Jurassic Park kit in lockdown, and even Britney Spears have outed themselves as Adult Fans of Lego (AFOLs). On Facebook, the AFOL group has 230,000 members.
But as a hobby, it's not cheap. At £430 for The Hogwarts Express kit, £554 for the Eiffel Tower, and over £1,000 for some collectable Star Wars builds, these are not toys for tweens.
Recently, Hamleys toy store listed the top 100 toys of all time, and Lego was up there along with other childhood obsessions that continue to clutter the cupboards of adults, such as Hornby train sets and Scalextric. But the Lego group remains remarkably dominant: it has just exceeded £500m in annual UK sales and saw its global profits top £2bn.
Thanks to classic builds such as the beloved pirate ship, and new ideas, including partnerships with Nintendo and Disney+, its post-pandemic sales to adults are booming.
It drives many wives and partners to distraction. For some couples, however, it's a case of, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
'We both really enjoy Lego, and love building together,' says coffee-shop owner Ishbel Hawson from the West Highlands, who is married to estate worker Edward Turner. 'We enjoy the routine of following a set of instructions, and watching something being built from scratch out of tiny bricks.'
The pair have just built Shackleton's ship, Endurance, and once a build is completed, 'it lives in the conservatory. We only enjoy building things that hold interest for us both – we're currently working to make Polly's, my horsebox café, out of Lego.'
When building, she explains, 'we both work through the instruction booklet. I do the left page, and Ed does the right. We agree the most annoying thing is the other one doing the bits we wanted to do. But we really enjoy spending time together and it fills long winter evenings.'
The cost, however, is significant. 'Our last build cost about £300,' says Hawson, 'which is quite a lot of money for a pile of plastic bricks, which then need dusting for all eternity.'
But for AFOLs and model-makers (Rod Stewart famously has an entire floor of his home devoted to his railway set), the cost is irrelevant. It's pure escapism, says cognitive behavioural psychotherapist, Chris Finn.
'Many men find building and model making gives them a break from their busy and stressful lives,' he says. 'And while some women do greatly enjoy the challenge of Lego building, women often find refuge and enjoyment with other women in social settings.'
'But many men like to feel that they are working on something, and Lego, or other model building, fulfils their creative need to make something with their hands while relaxing.'
If the world-building begins to replace the real world, however, that's when it becomes a problem, says Finn. 'If someone is spending many hours building, neglecting other things in their life, it can be a sign that the activity has become a coping mechanism. I'd advise joining model clubs so they can enjoy the social side of world-building, too.'
Emily Bigham, from Dulwich, is perfectly happy with husband Alex's Lego habit – apart from one thing. 'Alex loved Lego as a child and still does. I can see why people use it therapeutically. He's always built models with the kids, who are seven and 10, as well,' she says. 'During the pandemic, he took on his most ambitious build. He absolutely loves cricket and he decided he was going to make a model of the pavilion at the Oval cricket ground. There's no Lego design for it, so he printed off pictures and ordered all the bricks.'
The enormous finished piece was then set down on the coffee table in their living room. 'He let Surrey Cricket Club know, and sent photos, and they agreed it would go on display at the Oval at some point, but it's still sitting here five years later,' says Bigham. 'It's been built and rebuilt because people have knocked into it and bits have fallen off…'
That's not the only towering structure in their three-bed home. 'We've a lighthouse on the piano, Concorde, a pirate ship…' she lists.
For less understanding spouses, though, the impact of model-making mania can be disruptive. 'The hobby can feel overwhelming,' agrees psychologist Ritika Suk Birah. 'It takes up physical space, time, and often a fair bit of money. What can feel like joyful escapism for one person might feel like disconnection or clutter to the other.'
What matters, she says, is how it's negotiated. 'Open conversations about space, shared time, and financial boundaries can help couples stay connected while still honouring each other's interests.'
Claire Stay, a gardener from Kent, married to writer Mark for 30 years, aims to do that very thing.
'Lego is just Mark's hobby,' says Stay. 'He loves to build from the kits – I'll come in from work and he'll be there with his headphones on, just very quietly putting Lego together.'
The family lives in a converted barn, so 'there's plenty of space. Two sides of Mark's office are floor-to-ceiling bookcases and there's lots of Lego on there. Then we've got lots of shelving units in the lounge that will eventually be full up with Lego, too.'
Despite the takeover, she remains supportive. 'The world is so busy, there's so much going on. It's just something that will calm and reset him – it does no harm.'
Just so long as nobody's attempting to craft the Millennium Falcon in a shared studio flat.