‘Good Awkward' Can Actually Make You More Credible

Forbes

6 hours ago

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For some people, it's easier to floss with barbed wire than to navigate their way through a moment of awkwardness.
It doesn't have to be that way, and Henna Pryor offers a bounty of smart advice in her wonderfully readable book Good Awkward: How to Embrace the Embarrassing and Celebrate the Cringe to Become the Bravest You.
Pryor flips the script on awkwardness and shows how those uncomfortable, cringe-worthy moments can actually be powerful catalysts for personal and professional success.
She cites a study she led showing that 30% of employees would rather scrub a toilet than ask for help. The purpose of the study was to explore what she calls 'social muscle atrophy.' She says people's social skills have been declining for decades, and the decline accelerated during the pandemic. Surprising to some, the decline is seen in all generations, not just among younger people.
Pryor's research also uncovers what she calls 'false self-sufficiency' where 43% of executives feel they must handle everything alone. Apparently, they regard collaboration as awkward.
So, what's the difference between being awkward and being inept?
Henna Pryor
'Awkwardness is a social emotion of discomfort,' Pryor says, 'while ineptitude implies a deep lack of competence or skill. It's possible to be highly competent and still experience moments of awkwardness.'
Pryor talks about the cost of avoiding awkwardness. 'Sometimes in our quest to be seen as credible and professional and sophisticated we forget the value of our humanity,' she says. 'Today, especially in this age of AI, humans are fatigued by the overly polished, blurred, perfected versions of other people. When we try to avoid awkwardness, we actually lose the very thing that makes us relatable and trustworthy. That's our human edge.'
Despite an assumption some may draw from her book title, Pryor is not talking about introversion. She describes herself as 'a textbook extrovert' and underscores that the struggle with declining social muscles can affect any personality.
Another surprising point made by Pryor: empathy is an awkwardness accelerator.
'I'm certainly not suggesting that empathy is a bad thing,' Pryor says. 'But there's a specific type of empathy that can cause problems for people who are trying to take more risks and be more bold or put themselves out there more. It's called EEE—a phenomenon referred to as easily empathetically embarrassed. Other terms for it are vicarious embarrassment or secondhand embarrassment.'
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What does that look like? Picture someone stepping to a podium to give a speech. They mispronounce someone's name and, even though you're not the one speaking at the podium, you feel embarrassed on the speaker's behalf. Why is that a problem in excess? First, the speaker may not be feeling embarrassment at all. Secondly, if you are so easily empathetically embarrassed for someone else, it's going to be hard for you to take chances yourself.
Rehearsal and repetition, Pryor says, can help people deal with a potentially awkward situation.
'Social muscles are like any muscles,' she says. 'Rehearsal and repetition are the sort of proverbial push-ups for social moments, especially an awkward situation. If you practice for awkward situations like difficult conversations, you're building that social and mental muscle memory. That helps you feel more prepared and less flustered when one of those real moments inevitably hits.'
If you're like many people, you spend a good deal of time in meetings. One tip Pryor offers is starting a meeting with a 'bad idea brainstorm.'
'Sure, that sounds crazy at first,' Pryor says. 'But innovation often emerges when people feel safe to put ideas on the table that may initially seem unrealistic.'
Sort of like suggesting that a wireless device that fits in your pocket could serve as a telephone, a music and video player, a camera, and much more.
A bad idea brainstorm, Pryor says, helps mentally rewire people to value contribution.
It also helps them realize that 'good awkward' is a treasured moment, not an oxymoron.