‘I Asked Her Name So I Could Thank Her for the Lovely Conversation'
Dear Diary:
I was waiting for an uptown bus to meet my mother at the Met. It was one of the first hot June days, and I was sitting on the bench in the shade when an older woman walked up to the stop.
'Twelve minutes?' she said, looking at the countdown clock and then at me. 'I hope the new mayor fixes the buses.'
'I hope so too,' I said. 'Sometimes that sign isn't always right though. I always check on my phone.'
I showed her how I check the M.T.A. website on my phone to see how far away the bus is. I like to know so I can decide whether it's worth waiting.
We waited together for what probably was 12 minutes. I learned that her daughter was expecting a child and lived in Brooklyn. She said she had gone to the store that day to get some items for the baby.
I congratulated her — her first grandchild! And a girl no less.
We chatted about art in New York City until the bus arrived, and we sat next to each other on the bus so we could continue talking.
Submit Your Metropolitan Diary
Your story must be connected to New York City and no longer than 300 words. An editor will contact you if your submission is being considered for publication.
Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
13 Subtle Signs You Grew Up Without Real Friends And It Still Hurts
Growing up without having real friends can leave lasting impressions on your life. You might not even realize how these experiences have shaped you until you stop and reflect. Maybe you've spent time wondering why it feels hard to trust people fully or why the idea of a group hangout makes you uneasy. But you're not alone. Here are 14 subtle signs that hint at a childhood devoid of genuine friendships, and how these signs manifest even now. 1. You Struggle With Trust When you've grown up without real friends, trusting others doesn't come naturally. You learned early on that people might not always mean what they say. Because of this, you naturally hesitate to open up or rely on others, fearing they'll let you down. Psychologist Dr. Paula Durlofsky notes that a lack of early supportive relationships can lead to lifelong trust issues. This skepticism can act as a guard but also as a barrier to forming close connections. Building trust as an adult feels like a slow and arduous process. You may find yourself questioning motives and fearing betrayal, often expecting the worst. It can be challenging to see others as genuine or selfless, even when they prove themselves over time. This mindset can hinder the development of new friendships or the deepening of existing ones. Still, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward change. 2. You Feel Like An Outsider Growing up, you might have often felt like you were observing friendships from the outside. Everyone around you seemed to have their group, and you were never quite sure where you fit in. This feeling of exclusion can persist into adulthood, leading you to see yourself as different from those around you. It's as if there's an invisible barrier that keeps you from connecting deeply with others. This can leave you feeling lonely, even in a crowd. Social settings might trigger anxiety, as you fear not fitting in or being left out. It's hard to shake off the feeling that you're not truly part of any group, even when you have friends. This can make forming new relationships feel intimidating and anxiety-inducing. You might find yourself staying on the outskirts, observing rather than participating. Over time, this can lead to a cycle of loneliness that feels hard to break. 3. You Avoid Vulnerability Without having genuine friendships during formative years, you may have learned to protect yourself by avoiding vulnerability. Being open and honest can feel like exposing yourself to potential hurt and rejection. Research by Brené Brown highlights that vulnerability is a crucial component of building meaningful relationships, yet without practice, it feels daunting. You might find it easier to keep conversations surface-level rather than delve into deeper, more meaningful topics. This keeps others from knowing you truly, reinforcing the cycle of isolation. Even when you want to share, an internal voice might caution you against it. You worry about being judged or misunderstood, so you keep your true thoughts and feelings to yourself. This can lead to relationships that lack depth and connection, leaving you feeling unfulfilled. It's as if you're wearing a mask, only showing parts of yourself that feel safe to share. Breaking this habit requires conscious effort and a willingness to take emotional risks. 4. You Fear Abandonment The absence of real friends growing up may leave you constantly fearing abandonment. Even in secure relationships, there's a lingering worry that people will leave. This stems from a deep-seated belief that you aren't enough to keep others around. Consequently, you might overcompensate by being overly accommodating or agreeable, hoping to keep people from leaving. This can create unbalanced relationships where your needs often go unmet. Your fear of abandonment can also lead to self-sabotage. You may push people away to avoid the pain of being left behind. This preemptive defense mechanism can lead to a cycle of loneliness and disappointment. By expecting rejection, you inadvertently create circumstances where it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Understanding this fear and addressing it can help break the cycle and lead to healthier relationships. 5. You Have Difficulty Being Yourself Without genuine friendships during your formative years, you might struggle to be your authentic self. You may feel like you have to put on a facade to be accepted by others. Professor William Deresiewicz explains that real friendships allow us to be ourselves without fear of judgment, a luxury you may not have experienced. This lack of genuine interaction can lead to an identity split, where your public persona differs from your private self. This disconnect can cause internal stress and confusion about who you truly are. Trying to fit into what you perceive as acceptable can be exhausting. You might find yourself adopting the interests and opinions of those around you, just to blend in. This can prevent you from exploring your own likes and dislikes, leading to a shallow sense of self. Over time, it becomes harder to recognize your own values and beliefs. Embracing authenticity requires stepping away from the need for external validation and focusing on self-acceptance. 6. You Struggle With Intimacy For those who lacked real friends growing up, intimacy might feel foreign and uncomfortable. Emotional closeness requires vulnerability and trust, which can be challenging if your early experiences taught you to be guarded. You've become accustomed to keeping people at arm's length to avoid potential pain. This can result in relationships that are more functional than emotionally fulfilling. Despite yearning for closeness, you might find yourself keeping a safe distance. This struggle with intimacy can manifest in romantic relationships and friendships alike. You might shy away from deep conversations or physical closeness, fearing emotional exposure. This avoidance can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of connection with loved ones. It's a protective mechanism that ultimately leaves you feeling isolated and disconnected. Learning to embrace intimacy involves gradually letting down your guard and allowing others to see your true self. 7. You Have A Hard Time Forgiving If you grew up without real friends, you might find it difficult to forgive others and yourself. Holding onto resentment becomes a way to protect yourself from being hurt again. A study by psychologist Everett Worthington suggests that forgiveness is crucial for emotional well-being, yet it remains challenging without early supportive relationships. The fear of being wronged again often outweighs the benefits of moving on. This can lead to a cycle of grudges, where past betrayals color your present interactions. When you hold onto past hurts, it becomes difficult to let new people in. The weight of old grievances can overshadow potential for new, positive experiences. It's like carrying an invisible backpack full of stones, each representing a past hurt or betrayal. This burden can prevent you from moving forward and experiencing the relief of letting go. Practicing forgiveness means recognizing the impact of these grievances and choosing to release them for your own peace. 8. You Fear Conflict Your experiences of growing up without real friends may have left you fearing conflict. Disagreements and confrontations feel dangerous, as if they could end relationships entirely. This fear can lead you to avoid necessary conversations, causing issues to fester. You might find yourself agreeing to things you don't want, just to avoid potential fallout. This avoidance can lead to resentment and unspoken tensions that damage relationships over time. Being conflict-averse often means sacrificing your own needs for the sake of peace. You might suppress your opinions or desires, leading to an unbalanced dynamic with others. Over time, this pattern can erode your self-esteem and create feelings of powerlessness. Learning to address conflict healthily involves recognizing your right to be heard and valued. It's about finding the balance between maintaining harmony and honoring your own needs. 9. You Seek Validation Growing up without real friends can make you reliant on external validation. You may constantly seek reassurance from others to feel valued and accepted. This desire for approval can lead you to prioritize others' opinions over your own. It turns into a cycle where your self-worth is tied to the approval of others. This external focus can prevent you from developing a strong internal sense of self. The constant need for validation can drive you to overextend yourself. You might say yes when you mean no, just to keep others pleased. It becomes difficult to separate your self-worth from how others perceive you. This reliance on external validation can be exhausting and ultimately unsatisfying. Building self-esteem involves shifting focus from external approval to internal acceptance and self-love. 10. You Feel Anxious In Social Situations Without the experience of real friendships, social situations can feel overwhelming. The pressure to fit in and be liked can trigger anxiety and self-doubt. You might overthink interactions, replaying conversations to identify mistakes or missteps. This anxiety can make it difficult to relax and enjoy social settings. It can feel like you're always on high alert, waiting for something to go wrong. This social anxiety often stems from a fear of rejection or embarrassment. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or being judged by others. This makes it difficult to be present and engage with others authentically. It's as if there's a wall between you and those around you, preventing genuine connection. Overcoming social anxiety involves challenging negative thoughts and gradually exposing yourself to social situations. 11. You Have A Tendency To Overthink Growing up without real friends may leave you with a tendency to overthink. Every interaction and conversation becomes a puzzle to be dissected and analyzed. This habit of overthinking can make it difficult to enjoy the present moment. You might find yourself stuck in a loop of "what-ifs" and hypothetical scenarios. This can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety, overshadowing potential joy and connection. Overthinking often stems from a fear of making mistakes or being misunderstood. You might scrutinize your words and actions, worrying about how others perceive you. This can lead to exhausting mental spirals that prevent you from moving forward. Over time, this pattern can create a barrier to forming deep, meaningful relationships. Learning to quiet your mind and embrace imperfection can allow you to experience life more fully. 12. You Feel Like You're Always On Guard The lack of real friends growing up might result in you feeling perpetually on guard. You've learned to be cautious, always assessing situations and people for potential threats. This hyper-vigilance can make it difficult to relax and let your guard down. It can feel like you're wearing armor, protecting yourself from being hurt or taken advantage of. While this cautiousness can serve as a protective mechanism, it can also lead to isolation and loneliness. Feeling on guard can prevent you from forming genuine connections. You might find it hard to trust others, fearing they'll let you down or hurt you. This can lead to surface-level relationships that lack depth and authenticity. By always anticipating the worst, you might miss out on positive experiences and connections. Learning to lower your defenses and take emotional risks can lead to more fulfilling relationships. 13. You Have A Hard Time Saying No Without the presence of real friends, you might struggle to assert your boundaries. Saying no becomes difficult when you're used to accommodating others to gain acceptance. You might find yourself saying yes to things you don't want, just to avoid disappointing others. This can lead to resentment, as you feel your needs are constantly being overlooked. Over time, this pattern can erode your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The inability to say no often stems from a fear of rejection or conflict. You might worry that standing up for yourself will lead to being left out or abandoned. This can result in a cycle of overcommitment and burnout. Learning to assert your boundaries involves recognizing your right to have needs and preferences. It's about finding the balance between being accommodating and honoring your own well-being. 14. You Feel Overly Responsible For Others' Feelings Growing up without real friends can make you feel overly responsible for others' emotions. You might feel compelled to manage others' feelings, fearing you're to blame for their discomfort. This can lead to taking on emotional burdens that aren't yours to carry. It's as if you're constantly walking on eggshells, trying to keep everyone around you happy. This pattern can lead to emotional exhaustion and prevent you from focusing on your own needs. This sense of responsibility often stems from a desire to be liked and accepted. You might believe that keeping others happy will lead to acceptance and belonging. However, this often results in neglecting your own emotions and needs. It's important to recognize that you're not responsible for managing others' feelings. Learning to prioritize your own well-being can lead to healthier relationships and a more balanced emotional life. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
13 Ways Boomers Subtly Judge The Younger Generation (Without Saying It Directly)
Navigating the differences between generations can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. You might notice that Boomers, in particular, have their own unique way of expressing their thoughts about today's younger generation. They often won't come out and say it directly, but their gestures, comments, and habits can speak volumes. Here are thirteen subtle ways Boomers might judge younger folks, even if they don't put it into words. 1. Phone Obsession You might catch a Boomer giving you that look when you're glued to your phone. Their eyebrows raise a bit, and there's a subtle shake of the head. They come from a time when phones were stuck to walls and privacy was a given, so seeing you snap and scroll might feel odd to them. According to Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, excessive phone use among younger generations is often linked to increased loneliness and depression. Boomers might not outright say it, but they probably believe that smartphones are the big, bad wolf of social connections. Instead of stating it plainly, they'll tell stories of playing outside until the streetlights came on or how they called friends from the rotary phone. It doesn't mean they're completely against technology, but they likely have concerns about its impact on real-world interactions. Their judgment might come from a place of confusion about how your digital habits can blend with real-life responsibilities. Sometimes, they may just wish you'd have a little more unplugged time like they did. 2. Job Hopping If you've switched jobs a few times in the last couple of years, you might notice a Boomer raising their eyebrows in surprise. They're from the era where sticking it out with one company for decades was the norm. You might hear them reminisce about company loyalty and how it pays off in the long run. To them, your career moves might seem impulsive or lacking in commitment. However, they likely don't realize that the job market has dramatically changed, valuing skills and adaptability over long tenure. Boomers often equate job stability with success, so seeing you jump around might confuse them. They're used to pensions and gold watches for long service, things that are almost extinct now. While they might admire your courage to explore, there's a part of them that wonders if you're missing out on the stability they cherished. Yet, deep down, they might envy your freedom to explore new opportunities. 3. Avocado Toast Spending You might be out for brunch, and when you order avocado toast, you sense a Boomer quietly judging your choice. They might think back to their own days of thrifty habits and question your spending priorities. It's not about the toast, really, but more about the perceived lack of financial planning. A study by the Federal Reserve in 2019 highlighted that younger generations face different financial challenges, including student debt and housing costs, which Boomers might not fully grasp. To them, your brunch habit might seem extravagant when it's really just a moment of joy. Boomers grew up with different financial advice that emphasized saving every penny. They might not understand how smaller indulgences fit into your overall budget, especially when they are used to saving for bigger goals. This isn't to say they never splurge, but they might see it as less frequent. The judgment might stem from a genuine concern for your financial future, even if it comes off as critique. 4. Non-Traditional Work Hours Your flexible work schedule might be another source of silent judgment from Boomers. They're from an era where the nine-to-five was standard, and anything else seemed unusual. So, when you're working late at night or starting your day after noon, it might seem odd to them. They often equate early rising with productivity and success. It's important to remember that the work world has evolved, and remote work and flexible hours are now common. Boomers might worry that non-traditional hours mean you're not working as hard. They sometimes believe that productivity is tied to being in an office all day. Your freedom to work when you're most productive might come across as a lack of discipline. Behind the judgment might be a mix of curiosity and nostalgia for the days when work schedules were more predictable. Despite their concerns, they might secretly admire your ability to adapt to a new work environment. 5. Renting Over Owning Boomers might raise an eyebrow when they hear that you rent instead of owning a home. They grew up in an era where owning property was a major life goal and a sign of success. You hear them talk about their first house purchase and how they managed mortgages. According to a 2020 report by the Urban Institute, younger generations face higher housing costs and stagnant wages, making homeownership more challenging than it was for Boomers. They might not get that the economy has shifted, and renting is sometimes the more viable option. While Boomers might view renting as throwing money away, they don't always understand the current financial landscape. Owning property used to be more attainable, with cheaper prices and favorable interest rates. They might see their home as an investment, unaware that it's not that simple today. The judgment could be a reflection of their pride in homeownership and a lack of understanding of modern financial constraints. Sometimes, they might just be nostalgic for a milestone that was important to them. 6. Overconfidence In Technology You might notice a Boomer roll their eyes when you suggest using an app for something they do manually. They come from a time when technology was not as pervasive, and they might not trust its reliability. When you effortlessly navigate through settings or troubleshoot a tech problem, they might see it as showing off. Boomers might feel overwhelmed by the pace of tech advancements and prefer the tried-and-true methods they know. It's not that they reject technology completely, but they might not fully embrace it as you do. Their judgment might come from a place of insecurity or fear of the unknown. While tech can seem like a silver bullet for everything, Boomers might rely on their own experiences and instincts. They might think you're too dependent on technology, whereas they value hands-on skills. The difference in approach can lead to misunderstandings about efficiency and effectiveness. Deep down, they might be impressed by your tech savviness but uncertain about its long-term impact. 7. Casual Dress Codes If you show up to a family gathering in jeans and a tee, a Boomer might give you a once-over. They come from an era where dressing up was the norm, and casual attire was reserved for weekends. They might remember when suits and formal wear were expected in most settings. Dr. Karen Pine, a fashion psychologist, notes how clothing choice can significantly impact perceptions and attitudes across generations. To Boomers, what you wear might reflect your respect for the occasion or the people you're with. The judgment might not be about fashion per se, but rather about the standards they grew up with. They might feel that dressing up shows respect and effort. For you, casual wear is about comfort and practicality, not a lack of respect. It's a shift in cultural norms that can be hard for them to comprehend. While they might silently wish you'd dress up more, they might also grudgingly accept the change in fashion trends. 8. Work-Life Balance Boomers might quietly question your emphasis on work-life balance. They grew up in a culture where work often took precedence over personal life. You might hear them talk about late nights at the office or how they climbed the corporate ladder. Your desire for a balanced life might seem to them like a lack of ambition. They might not realize that today's work culture values mental health and personal time more than it did in their day. Their judgment might stem from a belief that hard work pays off, no matter the personal cost. Boomers often associate long hours with dedication and success. Seeing you prioritize downtime might seem like a lack of drive. However, they likely don't understand that the modern workplace often encourages balance to prevent burnout. Deep down, they might even envy the freedom to prioritize personal life without guilt. 9. Social Media Sharing When you post about your life online, Boomers might quietly judge the openness. They were raised in a time when privacy was a given and personal life stayed personal. To them, your constant sharing might seem like overexposure or even risky. They probably remember a time when letters carried personal updates, not public posts. The judgment might be rooted in concern for your privacy and safety. Boomers might struggle to understand the value you find in online sharing and connections. They might see it as seeking attention or lacking boundaries. While they might not say it, they might wish you'd be more guarded. To them, sharing personal moments publicly could seem unnecessary or even frivolous. Despite this, they might be curious about the digital bonds you form and how they differ from theirs. 10. Instant Gratification Boomers might silently judge when you express impatience over slow Wi-Fi or delayed deliveries. They grew up in a time when waiting was the norm and patience was a virtue. The world didn't operate at lightning speed, and they had to write letters and wait for replies. Your desire for immediacy might seem excessive or even entitled to them. They might not realize that technology has conditioned you to expect faster results. Their judgment might come from pride in their patience and ability to delay gratification. They might see your expectations as unrealistic or disconnected from how processes naturally unfold. Boomers could view instant gratification as a symbol of a generation that's lost the art of waiting. However, they might not understand that the world has changed and speed sometimes equals efficiency. They might envy your access to quick solutions but wish you'd appreciate the beauty of anticipation. 11. Changing Social Norms Boomers might watch in silence as you navigate new social norms, feeling a bit bewildered. They've seen a lot of change in their lifetime, but today's pace might seem overwhelming. The world is more diverse and inclusive than ever, and you're likely more attuned to issues like gender identity and social justice. For Boomers, these conversations might feel complicated, making them nostalgic for simpler times. They may feel left behind, not quite understanding the importance of these changes. Their judgment might stem from unfamiliarity and a fear of saying the wrong thing. They might struggle with the new rules of engagement and fear being judged themselves. While they might admire your openness and adaptability, they might also long for the social norms they grew up with. It's crucial to remember they've seen a lot of change and might need time to adjust. Despite their silent judgment, they might actually appreciate your passion for progress and equality. 12. Minimalist Lifestyles If your living space is minimalistic, a Boomer might quietly judge the lack of stuff. They come from an era that valued accumulation and display as signs of success. You might hear them talk about collections or family heirlooms, things they take pride in owning. Your minimalist lifestyle might seem bare or even lonely to them. They might not understand that for you, less is more, and simplicity is a choice, not a necessity. Boomers might see it as a rejection of the values they hold dear. They might feel that your space lacks personality or history. While they might not voice it, they might wish you valued material possessions more. They might not realize that experiences and personal growth are your priorities. Despite their judgment, they might secretly admire your freedom from material constraints. 13. Environmental Concerns Boomers might roll their eyes when you emphasize eco-friendly choices. They come from a time when environmental issues weren't as prominent in daily life. To them, your efforts might seem like over-exaggeration or a fad. They likely grew up when convenience took precedence over conservation. Your commitment to sustainability might seem perplexing or excessive to them. Their judgment might stem from a lack of understanding of environmental changes over the years. They might not realize how deeply younger generations feel the impact of climate change. While they might not say it, they might wish you'd focus on more immediate concerns. They likely don't grasp the urgency you feel towards protecting the planet. Despite their silent judgment, they might be inspired by your dedication and eventually adopt some of your greener habits. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Officials issue warning after unexpected creature shows up in dog park: 'Been known to go out of their way to kick a dog'
Officials issue warning after unexpected creature shows up in dog park: 'Been known to go out of their way to kick a dog' A Washington dog park was shut down after an enormous animal jumped the fence — here's who showed up. What happened? Residents of Soap Lake, Washington, were urged to avoid the city's dog park after a moose wandered inside, according to the Columbia Basin Herald. The dog park was subsequently closed, and parkgoers were advised to walk their dogs elsewhere until the moose left. While moose are majestic creatures, it's best to stay at least 25 yards (75 feet) away. Moose can weigh anywhere from 500 to 1,500 pounds and stand over 6 feet tall. They aren't generally aggressive, but they are defensive and will charge if threatened, especially by dogs. "Moose consider dogs, which are close relatives of wolves, to be a direct threat," Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife contact Nicole Jordan said, per the Columbia Basin Herald. "Moose have been known to go out of their way to kick a dog, even one on a leash or in a fenced yard." Why is this moose spotting concerning? Human-wildlife interactions are increasing, and this isn't a good thing. Habitat loss — deforestation, degradation, and destruction — is displacing and pushing desperate animals into human settlements. Loss of resources and food due to the climate crisis is worsening the problem. While some animals are simply wandering, like the Soap Lake moose, other animals become habituated to humans and go out of their way to find food. For example, a hungry bear broke into a South Carolina homeowner's screened-in patio for some cat food. These interactions put both the human and the animal at risk of injury or death. Although uncommon, moose, bears, wolves, and other wildlife can harm or kill humans. If they do become aggressive, whether out of hunger or fear, the animal is deemed dangerous to society and often euthanized. What's being done to prevent human-wildlife interactions? One of the best ways to prevent these interactions is to address the root of the problem itself: habitat loss. Protecting existing habitats and restoring lost land helps wildlife stay wild. City rewilding projects have seen plenty of success. Urbanization isn't easy to slow or stop, but designing cities with wildlife in mind can help lessen our impact. Building wildlife-friendly infrastructure, such as crossings and underpasses, significantly reduces interactions and collisions. Do you worry about air pollution in your town? All the time Often Only sometimes Never Click your choice to see results and speak your mind. Join our free newsletter for good news and useful tips, and don't miss this cool list of easy ways to help yourself while helping the the daily Crossword
